Spock was lost in thought. The sadness of the wasted time was overwhelming.
He continued to scan the ship around them, continued to monitor communications. But he could not stop the emotions that welled up inside him.
Jim was talking to him, but he couldn't bring himself to turn at that moment.
"Spock?" Jim repeated and he turned in his command chair expecting his friend to respond. It was remarkable how easily those old patterns of habit returned. One minute Spock was gone, the next he was there.
Spock didn't respond. He didn't seem to hear. His thoughts were elsewhere. Sorting out the moments that had brought him to this day to this instant in time.
His friend, Jim, was here with him. For the first time in 2 and a half years he felt comfortable and at peace. He had done everything he could to find it except return to his place in the universe. Here, at Jim's side, on the bridge.
Where was V'ger's place?
His heart, newly awakened to the possibility of emotions, ached for V'ger.
Finally he turned to face his friend.
He had laughed today in this man's presence. He had reached out and held his hand in friendship. Now he turned to face his friend as no man ever faces anyone but his friend, in tears.
His gaze caught the worry and embarrassment Jim felt for Spock, and Spock almost smiled.
He finally understood that it is in the moment that one lives that there is peace.
In this moment, here on the brink of death there is peace.
Even in sorrow for the wasted years and lost opportunities, there is peace.
His eyes willed Jim to understand.
His human friend seemed to, "Not for us?"
"No Captain, not for us. I weep for V'ger as I would for a brother. As I was when I came aboard, so is V'ger now. Empty, incomplete, searching. Logic and Knowledge are not enough."
"Spock, are you saying that you found what you needed but V'ger hasn't?"
"What would V'ger need to fulfill itself?"
"Each of us some point in their lives turns to some person a father a brother a god and asks. Why am I here? What was I meant to be? V'ger hopes to touch its creator to find its answers."
"Is this all that I am? Is there nothing more?"
"Captain." Chief DeFalco called his attention to the screen.
"I believe that is our destination." Spock said.
Checkov looked up from his scanners bemused, "I read an oxygen gravity envelope forming outside the ship, sir."
The Ilia probe raised its hand and pointed at the view screen, "V'ger."
"The carbon units will not provide V'ger with the information."
"Mr. Spock, Bones. Mr. Decker, I will contact you every 5 minutes."
"Captain, I'd like to go along."
"Mr. Sulu, you have the con."
And the command crew moved to the turbolift.
With the input of a simple security code and a verbal command, the lift moved silently up to allow them access to the top of the saucer section of Enterprise.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Dr. Chapel sat in her office in sickbay watching the command crew walk across the saucer of Enterprise on her computer screen, executive privilege. Leonard had been on the bridge and so had been selected to go.
She didn't mind really. It was more than enough to have all of sickbay. She didn't need the bridge too.
She watched as the men stepped down into V'ger. She almost absently tapped a scan button on her terminal that brought up the vitals of the men. She watched the captain's heart rate go up slightly at the exertion of the first jump on to the octagonal steps. Leonard seemed unaffected. He'd been kept in good shape by his grandchildren.
Spock's vitals were low. Lower than when he'd boarded Enterprise only a few hours earlier. He needed some rest.
She began thinking of what sort of prescription she could write for a temporary duty officer, wondered if she should contact Vulcan medical.
Somehow she didn't think it would be necessary.
Something had changed in him. She wasn't sure what it was but it was certainly a result of his mind meld with V'ger.
When they brought him into sickbay Leonard had immediately called her. Her experience with the new medical equipment and her recent internship on Vulcan made her the expert. Now it was she who was barking orders to McCoy. Spock resuscitated quickly enough, but the trauma of the meld was too much. He just wouldn't respond to any form of stimulus.
Which is why the sound of his laughter still hung in her mind. It was such an unexpected and sad sound. She knew it was not uncommon for Vulcans to respond to mental trauma with a loss of emotional control. She had seen it herself in the hospital at the university but she had not expected it of Spock.
When he turned his gaze to her there was something else there. Something she couldn't explain. It was the look of understanding, not a fleeting glance of kindness but a naked compassion of one who has your shared pain.
She watched him now, on her tiny monitor, and knew he would be alright.
Time takes time.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Ilia was and was not. In ways that she could not comprehend she was no longer alive and yet she thought and remembered. For flickers of moments she even felt. But somehow the vastness of her being was so great that she could no longer feel as she had.
She needed something. If only she knew what it was.
She ached for it, longed for it, would have cried out for it if only she knew how.
He was talking. The one. He was talking to her. He seemed to understand, "Learn all that is learnable. Return that information to the creator."
Yes. That was her purpose. But she needed more.
She grew impatient, "Kirk unit. V'ger awaits the information." She needed it now. She must know why the creator had not responded. She must know where it was.
She needed the creator. She needed him as she had never needed anything before.
The Kirk unit spoke, "We are the creators."
No! "That is not possible, carbon units are not true life forms." You cannot be the creator.
Ilia was confused. No, it was not possible. She needed something more. Is this all that I am? Is there nothing more?
"The creator must join with V'ger."
Yes, that was it.
Her vision cleared for a moment. She could see him. He was there. There was more, so much more.
She wanted him, needed him. He was all that she could see. "The creator must join with V'ger."
He met her eyes and she could see that he understood.
There was no one there but Decker and Ilia.
The creator and creation.
He was speaking to the others, sending them away.
Yes, the creator is kind.
Decker moved to the dais and repaired the comm line.
He knew the answer. Yes, Decker could key the final code and then V'ger could transmit.
The Kirk unit moved to interfere but Ilia would not allow it. She brushed him away like leaf on the breeze.
"Decker," one of the carbon-based life forms spoke now, "You don't know what that will do to you."
"Yes I do, Doctor." He looked into her eyes and she could feel his understanding as the energy began to rise and her memories began to clear.
But the Kirk unit would not give in so easily, "Decker don't!"
And the creator responded, "Jim, I want this. As much as you wanted Enterprise-" and he looked directly at Ilia, her heart warmed and melted at once.
V'ger/Ilia's mouth opened in a soft gasp of anticipation.
"I want this."
And she moved to him.
It was time.
Time to touch the creator, to complete a life's longing for completeness.
The energy that rose up around him was as deep and soft and gentle as a Deltan's kiss. In a moment all was light and sound. The images of the two merged in a flash of pure white.
It was done.