At the end of another day that the galaxy was supposed to end, Jim Kirk looked out the window of the empty officer's lounge at the stars as they passed by. He felt more at home than he had ever felt.
He knew he should be sleeping. Alpha shift would begin in 8 hours. He just wanted to watch the stars for a little while longer.
The doors hissed quietly open. He turned to see who had come to join him.
"Dr. Chapel." He made a point of greeting her by title despite the fact that she was dressed in comfortable off duty clothing.
She smiled a little noticing his effort, "Jim." She acknowledged him with a small nod of her head. She moved deliberately to the cabinet in the wall. One he had not explored.
With a tap of her finger the door slid open and revealed a plethora of intergalactic liquors. She didn't need to see his eyes widen in surprise. "Scotty's own personal touch." She said taking a bottle of golden liquid from the shelf. "All the officers pitched in. Scotch, bourbon," She lifted her own bottle "Brandy". She lifted two snifters from the assortment of drinking vessels, "Have some." She poured for the two of them and handed him a glass.
"Thank you, Doctor." He reached for it somberly.
They needed to talk.
"My name is Christine. At least in here." She winked playfully at him trying to put him at ease and sank gratefully into a soft chair near the window.
"Jim-"
"Christine-"
They both began at once.
Ever a gentleman he nodded his head to her, giving her the floor.
"Look, Jim. I don't want to leave my ship."
His eyes widened slightly at the possessiveness of her pronoun. She looked quizzically at him.
"You don't seriously think you're the only one who could feel that way do you? This is my ship, my sickbay. I helped design, test and even install everything in there. I won't throw it away on a whim. I just need to know you trust me. I was assigned as CMO of this ship a year ago. I want you to tell me that you have confidence in me. I want you to tell me you believe I am the right choice for CMO."
"I see. It's not exactly that simple-" He swirled his snifter expertly, then stared at the rivulets of alcohol trailing down the sides of the glass.
"Like hell it isn't. You're the captain you decide."
He looked at her another moment nodding his head slightly. "Alright Doctor. You are the right choice for CMO."
She laughed. "Thank you."
He leaned forward his eyes narrowed "I have the utmost confidence in you."
"Do you?"
"I've said it. What more can I do?"
"Nothing I guess. Time will tell."
The doors hissed again permitting the rest of the bridge crew.
Jim looked questioningly to Christine. "Did I call a staff meeting?"
Sulu moved to the cabinet and reached deeply for a pair of dark brown bottles. He tossed one to Checkov who was keying up music. Uhura moved to a chair with Scotty.
"Ladies and Gentlemen." The captain rose, "Aren't we on duty in 8 hours?"
"Eight hours, 42 minutes, sir." Spock the last to arrive stood near the door hands clasped behind his back. Unlike the others, he still wore his duty uniform.
Jim smiled. Some things never changed.
McCoy moved toward the window where the Captain and Doctor sat looking playful.
Jim turned to face him.
"So Jim. Has Christine told you about our new arrangement?"
"Arrangement? No. I don't believe she's mentioned it."
"We're hanging up dual shingles."
"Dual? How can that be?"
"Actually Jim, it's your own fault." Christine interjected now smiling as well.
"My fault?" Jim answered, taking the bait.
She smiled at him and scolded playfully, "You filled out Leonard's activation request incorrectly. You requested he get the highest ranking medical position available on Enterprise."
"Yeah?" Jim answered not understanding.
McCoy tried to look gruff, but only succeeded in looking amused. "Jim, Starfleet Medical appointed Christine to CMO. The position was filled. You only had one 'high ranking' position left."
Christine beamed at this, "Head nurse."
The room broke out in laughter
"No!" Jim looked truly scandalized.
"Yes!" McCoy pointed with his drink, "You're damn lucky you were so busy with V'ger or I'd have given you a piece of my mind."
Chapel laughed, "Why do you think he kept showing up on the bridge?"
"Ah Bones, I'm sorry."
"Save it Jim. Like I said, Christine and I are sharing the job. She's got the expertise in micro cellular biology, Vulcan, Rigellian and Deltan anatomy. I'll work with the other crewmembers. It's a big ship we'll be plenty busy."
"I've got the research labs as well." She reminded him.
"Sounds like you've got it pretty easy, doctor." Jim spoke to McCoy.
"Like hell, I get you!" The group laughed again. After a moment they all fell into pairs and trios of typical after work conversation.
Christine looked up and found that Spock was standing very near looking directly at her.
She tried to smile in greeting but suddenly felt uncomfortable and looked away. Old habits sure do die hard. She was afraid what the others might think if they saw her beaming at him. She didn't want to remind them of the word 'lovesick'. She couldn't very well ignore him that would be rude.
"Dr. Chapel, good evening." He moved up to where she sat. Leonard and Jim tried not to appear to be eavesdropping but Christine could feel their eyes on her.
"Mr. Spock." She tried to sound pleasant but non-committal. Then realized that she sounded rude. She felt panic rise now as she over analyzed her actions.
She rose not realizing how very close Spock stood to her. The sensation was unsettling. She swiftly drained the fiery liquid from her glass and made a movement to leave.
"Well I think I'd better get to bed. Good night everyone." She moved to the door without looking back. Her face was flushed with embarrassment. She had behaved like a child. What was she afraid of?
She marched into the turbolift turned and was face to face with Spock once again.
He had followed her out and she hadn't even noticed. She gulped hard. Everyone else would surely have noticed.
"Mr. Spock." She tried to sound casual.
"Dr. Chapel, I realize my presence is uncomfortable for you. I only wish to speak with you if you will permit it."
"Certainly." She paused.
"Perhaps in a less public setting." He suggested. She noticed that they were still standing in the turbolift.
"Uh, yes. Of course. Deck 5"
A few awkward moments later they arrived at her quarters. She found herself frantically wondering what sort of state of chaos it was in. She couldn't remember if it was suitable for company.
The door slid open with a hiss and she walked quickly inside. She snatched up her robe from the chair and gestured for Spock to sit.
As she moved to the small sleeping alcove in the back of her quarters she mused on how much things had changed since this morning when she had tossed her robe on the chair. She had been late, again. Decker had been Captain. V'ger had barely been a blip on Starfleet's radar.
She tossed the robe on her bed and looked into her living area. Spock sat comfortably in the chair. He seemed different somehow. Of course it could be a side effect of mind meld with V'ger, but he seemed positively relaxed. She shook her head in disbelief. Spock was sitting in her room, amazing.
She supposed that 3 or more years ago her heart would have been all a flutter about it. A small part of her still felt a twinge of excitement about it. But for the most part all she could do was wonder what he wanted.
Well there was only one way to find out.
She walked into the living area and sat down on the couch opposite the Vulcan.
"Can I get you something?" She asked.
"No, Thank you. I do not wish to stay long. As the Admiral said, we have to be on duty in a few hours."
"Alright. What can I do for you Commander?"
He looked squarely into her eyes and paused. She felt the blood rush to her cheeks. She had certainly dreamt of a time when he would look at her, really look at her, but now it seemed so awkward.
He pressed his lips together, appearing to have difficulty finding the words. She was about to speak when he finally said, "I have come to apologize to you."
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise, "Apologize? What could you possibly have to apologize to me for?"
Again he paused. After a long moment he tilted his head to one side and simply said, "For leaving."
"Oh Spock, don't apologize. I understood why you left. In my own way I left too."
"Did you?" he seemed skeptical and almost amused.
"Oh sure. I've spent the better part of the last two years learning to forgive myself for that day."
"Forgive yourself?"
She looked down at her hands, "For doing the one thing I could never do. For taking life." She looked up at him, her eyes intense. "I took the Hippocratic oath, I swore I would never do harm. And yet I did. Like a - like an animal." Her voice was the barest of whispers. She swallowed hard steeling herself against the tears. Then felt pride when they finally did not come. She could talk about it, with Spock and the tears did not come. Perhaps Don was right; perhaps the worst was gone. She looked away from his astonished gaze, suddenly embarrassed.
"Yes." His baritone voice brought her eyes back. "You do understand." His eyebrows were lost in his dark bangs, his eyes wide with wonder. "You do understand." He too was brought to a whisper of surprise. "No one knew what it meant to lose control." He said.
"No one knows what it is to have the civilized facade ripped away." She said, meeting his intense gaze. She stared for a long moment then she said the one thing she had never said, "In a terrible way, it felt good." Her face was crimson now and she couldn't believe she had allowed the words to pass her lips.
But Spock did not break the stare he just nodded slightly. "Yes. Yes it did." Then he stopped. It was true. It was unspeakable, but true.
They stared in shock at one another for a long time.
And then the moment seemed to wane and each felt the embarrassment of not knowing what else could be said.
Christine spoke first, "It's good to be among friends."
"Yes, it is good to be home."
Christine smiled nervously and cleared her throat and looked away.
Spock blinked and made a halfhearted effort to raise his mask of Vulcan control. He knew that she could see through it, and yet it was the only thing he could do. It was part of who he was.
After a small nod of acceptance they both rose from their seats.
Spock turned to the door, "Good night, Christine." He said and he exited her quarters.
She smiled sadly and looked at the closed door for a long time. "Good night, Spock."