Chapter 11: Guidance and Hope

The whole town is preparing for my mother's wedding which is tomorrow. I almost forgot how involved the town gets when there is something to celebrate. The elders used to say when my mother was younger that our people have suffered and struggled through so much that it is always extra special when there is something to celebrate. She had told me that once, and before I was in school and learned history I didn't really understand, as a child everything is beautiful and everyone is happy. You never imagine that your dream life won't exist. Now, I realize the elders were right and it isn't just our people that have struggled but humanity as a whole. Now I know that the elders were right, when there is something to celebrate it is very important that we celebrate no matter what we are all going through. That is why I'm determined to be happy for my mother on her wedding day, I never would have imagined she'd find someone after Dad had died and I never imagined it would be someone as kind and good as Charlie Swan.

I realize that I'm upset about losing Jake, and part of me had wished that he had fought me harder or he had stayed to prove me wrong. But I pushed him away, he was right about that.

Embry walks in my house without Lily, which is surprising because they've been pretty inseparable since Embry has been back in La Push. I'm putting away some of the cupcakes I've baked for Mom's wedding.

"Hey Lee." He says as he walks into my kitchen.

I place the next batch of cupcakes into the oven. Then I turn to face him. "Hey Em. No Lily?"

"I thought I'd come see you by myself for a bit. I figured you'd be busy baking for your mom's wedding tomorrow. How's it going?" He asks with a strange look on his face.

"It's going…" I tell him. "What's that look about?"

"Seth says you haven't mentioned Jake since last week and even then you were short about it. You know I'm here if you want to talk Leah." Embry says.

I shake my head. "I don't want to talk about that. "I should have known you had an agenda."

He shakes his head. "I don't. I just wanted to spend some time with you. You haven't really been available this week. When you aren't busy helping your mom with plans you are sleeping or just not answering your phone. I miss you Leah, and I'm worried about you."

"Well don't be worried about me. I'm fine. Look at me. If I was a mess there would be no way I could bake these amazing cupcakes. We both had to make choices, and so we did. Tomorrow is supposed is going to be perfect and everything is going to go well because my mother deserves to have an amazing day. Please, don't bring him up again Embry." I tell him calmly.

Embry nods, "I won't mention him again. Sorry, Leah."

"It's okay." I say and I work on some more cupcakes.

…

The wedding is being held in the backyard of my house. The village put up two white tents, one for the ceremony and another for the reception. Women hung fairy lights on the ceiling of the tents and had somehow found beautiful fresh flowers in the middle of winter. If there was one thing my town knew how to do it was weddings. There were chairs from different houses that lent them for the ceremony and reception. Where my mother and Charlie would say their vows, a beautiful archway stood made from driftwood and beautiful flowers. Charlie had known a few people that could get a dance floor for the reception. Every family in the village had brought a dish of food, and each of Charlie's friends brought a dish of food. There were three tables of just food under the reception tent. Each sitting table was decorated so that it was simple and elegant. Each had a few flowers in a glass jar and a lovely candle.

I realized something else, weddings were something that brought everyone together, at least the way Charlie and my mother did a wedding.

"Leah!" Joy calls as she rushes towards me in the reception tent. "What are you doing? You need to go get ready; you know your mother wouldn't be pleased if you chose to wear those ratty jeans. Come on, I'll help you."

She takes my arm and leads me toward my house. "Sorry Joy, I just got so distracted. It's beautiful isn't it?" I smile to her.

Joy nods, "Yes it is, everyone did such a nice job." She leads me to my room. "Open the door when you've got your dress on, I'll help you with your hair and everything else. I'll be right here." I nod and close the door. I walk over and grab the dress hanging from my closet door.

I slide the dress on and let Joy in, I ask her to zip my dress for me and I stand in front of the mirror. As she is zipping the dress I admire it. The dress was made of chiffon so it was very comfortable. It had two thin straps that attached to the dress which has a sweetheart neckline. The dress is a beautiful midnight blue, the material gathers underneath my chest and flows out slightly from my body. I have to admit the dress looks beautiful on me; it hugs my form in all of the right places. It falls just above my knees.

Jake would've liked this dress on me, it's a shame he will never see it. But then again for all I know he's fallen for Nessie and he will never look at me again the way he used to because she is the only thing important in his life.

"Come on, you look beautiful darling, put a smile on our face." Joy whispers to me. I plaster a smile on my face to please Joy. She guides me to sit on my bed. "Now let's make that pretty face of yours a little bit prettier." She smiles as she grabs a bag from inside her purse. She puts a natural color eye shadow on my eyes and mascara. Then she grabs some lip gloss from my desk and puts it on my lips. "There!" She hands me a small mirror. "What do you think?"

I look at my reflection, and even though she didn't do much she made me look prettier than I naturally do. I smile to her, "Thank you."

"Not a problem at all. I've always wanted a daughter. Quil would never take it well if I tried to dress him up." She winks at me and I laugh at the image of Quil dressed up with makeup. "Your mother wanted me to give this to you." She smiles as she dangles a silver necklace with a silver, star pendant.

"Thanks Joy." I tell her, "You have been so amazing to me. I can't think you enough. How's Mom doing? Is she almost ready?"

"You should go see her yourself." Joy says. "I know she'd be happy to see you."

I stand up and grab my black ballet flats. I slide them on my feet. "Thanks again Joy. I'll see you in a bit." I walk down the hall to Seth's old room and knock. My mom chirps for me to come in. I walk in and her smile grows. She hugs me and tells me how beautiful I look.

I smile, "You are the one who looks beautiful."

"Here let me bring your hair out of your face." She smiles to me and I let her do as she wishes. She pulls a front section and begins braiding it, she pins it into place when it is the appropriate length. Then she does the other side. "One more thing…" She says as she paces the room looking. She grabs her bouquet and pulls two small daisies from the flowers in her bouquet, breaking off the long stems. There are so many flowers you can't notice the difference. She places the flowers in my hair towards the front of my head. Then she grabs some baby's breath and weaves the flowers through the braid beautifully. She does this to each braid. "There, even more beautiful."

I smile to her and look at my reflection, she's right it looks even more beautiful. "Thanks Mom."

"You're welcome." She smiles and sits beside me.

"Are you nervous?" I can't imagine not being nervous the day I vow to love someone for the rest of my life.

She smiles sweetly and shakes her head. "Not a bit. I trust Charlie, I love him."

I nod, "I know. But these vows mean forever, isn't that a little nerve-racking?"

She shakes her head, "When I married your father, I was so nervous I was shaking. But I've already done this, I know what to expect this time. I'm a lot more mature than I was. I loved your father Leah, I still do, but I also love Charlie." I smile and nod. "I see you are wearing the necklace I bought you."

My hand goes to rest on the star. "Thanks Mom, I love it."

"It's for guidance and hope. I haven't been ignorant about the tough time you are going through. I might not be around as much but I still know my daughter. You have done so amazing this week, I'm so proud of you. I just want to let you know it is okay to fall apart sometimes. You don't have to be strong all of the time. And the star is to remind you that you have good instincts, instincts you got from your father. Trust them Leah, don't second guess yourself. You are a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for. I believe you could do anything you set your mind to." My mother tells me. "I'm so very proud of you, I don't know the whole story with Jacob but if he let you go he is an idiot. But if I know you like I think I do, I would bet that it was you who let him go. You don't have to tell me why. If that's what your gut told you to do, I'm glad you followed it and you made the right decision. But I don't think you'd feel so crappy if you thought you did."

I lean my head on my mother's shoulder, a movement that is second nature to me. "How are you so smart?" I ask her.

"I've had lots of years of practice." My mother kisses the top of my head. "You can always try to fix your mistakes Leah. Don't be too proud to apologize or lay your heart on the line. I laid my heart on the line this time and look at me today, I'm getting ready to get married with everyone I love supporting me. Life has a way of working out." She kisses the top of my head again. "Have a little faith Leah." She whispers to me.

"I love you Mom." I tell her.

"I love you too." She smiles to me.

"Are you two ready? I think Charlie is ready to get married." Joy chimes from outside the door. My mother looks at me with a smile.

"How do I look?" She asks.

"Beautiful." I smile to her and hand her the bouquet.

I grab the small bouquet meant for me and I walk in front of her and out to the backyard. Music starts to play and I make my way down the aisle when I get to the front, my eyes don't leave my mother until she is beside Charlie taking his hand. My eyes catch golden ones and my heart freezes. Jasper has his trademark half smile on with his arm around Alice. Alice gives me a small wave and I smile to her politely. I look beside Charlie and Bella stands beside him like Seth and I stand beside my mother.

The Cullens are here. Why didn't I think about that being a possibility? Of course the Cullens would be here, they are as much Charlie's family as I am. I look away from them and focus my attention on my mother. My mind is racing, if the Cullens are here, Jacob could be here with Nessie. I don't dare look in that direction again. I focus up front and when the ceremony is over, I focus my eyes in front of me, not daring to look at anyone in the crowd and plaster a smile on my face.

Now, I just have to avoid him during the reception and I never have to worry about being around him again. I can make it through this.