Alright. I haven't addressed youse in a while because I have been waiting for this chapter. This chapter that I have been building towards this whole time. A chapter I know a lot of you have been waiting for since chapter nine was first uploaded. This isn't the end of the story but it is an important part of the story. So I would like to thank each and everyone of you. Those who have only recently found the story, those who have been here from the beginning and those who come by every day to check for new chapters. This chapter is for you.
Special thanks go to the following for following, favouriting and reviewing this story and just letting me know what you think.
A-Bookworm-Named-Steph, AZNrawk, Amira Wayne, Apocalypse owner, Aquamaureen13, Artemis Delos, Chimpchar, Elizabeth2001, EmoPrincess21, ForTheLoveOfMyShadow, GreyWitch13, GuardianWolf216, Hybrid301, IrisOfTheNight, KeikoKari, KitKat2014, Krazykandyman, Maddylovessmiles, Niels van Eekelen, Nom de Plume - PoI, , Sheerwillpower, ShoutSecretsAtTheStars, Summer Frost 13, SuperGLEEK97, TheEpicAlienGirl, The Nemean Lion, Thiendrah, Viper2858, Wheatieluv, XxSlayerChickxX, abazaba, alone shadow dream, anubislover, arbrick, art-is-a-bang-yeah, caitymae1992, candi711, cassandra karin, darkdeamon41, digisammiegirl, furyuu, max artemis potter, , mid-morning rain, noaverageangel, olympic girl 21, oncloudnineandthreequaters, .wolves, sabbs123, sexylatingirl, stevie4eva, superbubbles, thesilentboom, unsanctuaire, xBeautifulxRealityx, Bookworm2700, Chi okami 31, PhantomStorm and DrummerGirl, SmileRen, The Father Of Assassins, colourstain, coolgal13, finediviner, istotallygraphic, myth48, HeHe, Artemisbamf, A-S-T-E-R, Keepmovingfowar, TooLazyToLogin, say-wha, Nessa671, BlueMoon, FallForAnything, I.C.2014, ArtemisBAMF1218 and the six guest reviewers.
Also, I apologise for the length of this chapter. I could have split it in two but I didn't think I could force another cliff hanger on you. That would just be too cruel to those of you who have already been so patient with me.
For a few minutes the pair sat in silence. Listening to the sounds of New York. The city had quieted down since they first arrived but the only sound Artemis could hear was the sound of breathing. Conner's and her own. It was nice to listen to, relaxing. It reassured her. Artemis knew that she had to tell someone. She had never imagined that her own head would become the scariest place she could be. Having decided to tell someone she had to figure out who to tell. Every single Justice League member was on her no tell list. Mainly because they would feel compelled to share it all at one of their little meetings. Not that she didn't trust them but she didn't think she wanted all of them to know everything, at least not just yet. So that left the team. She would have told Catwoman but considering she was incarcerated at the moment. Well she had accepted that it wasn't going to happen. Leaving her with the team.
She had been able to cross M'gann, Zatanna, Wally and Robin off the list straight up. Mainly because she wouldn't be able to handle their reactions at the moment. Plus the four of them still held innocence about themselves, which was something she didn't want to destroy. Though she would have to talk to M'gann about what she had seen. Leaving her with Kaldur, Rocket and Conner. She would have told Rocket but that inability of hers to trust kept getting in the way. Telling Kaldur seemed like a plausible option until she found him trying to help the others through their feelings and fears about her situation. She couldn't burden him further then he had already done to himself. That left Conner.
Artemis wasn't sure why but she had avoided that option until it was the only one she had left. Okay that was a lie. It was mainly because she was terrified. Afraid of what he would think, what he would say. She knew it had to be done but getting him alone long enough to talk to was nearly impossible. What she had to say would take a while and she didn't want to be interrupted. Saying it once all the way through would be hard enough without having to stop and start. She had decided that she couldn't tell him at the cave. It would be on camera and someone would listen to it and then she wouldn't be able to live with herself. So she had found a secluded spot far away from the League's prying eyes. Now all she had to do was tell him. It was harder than she thought to find a place to start.
Conner sat their listening to Artemis's heart beat. He had found it reassuring ever since that exercise. It was nice to listen to the steady beating of her heart. It was a slow steady rhythm that he enjoyed hearing. He wasn't sure why they were still sitting here if they were no longer watching the sunset. It had almost dipped below the horizon. Artemis showed no sign of moving though. Conner wanted to get her back to the cave. She had to be exhausted. Even with her spontaneous exercise routines she hadn't done as much to exert herself as she had done today. He noticed that her heart beat had quickened. When she sucked in a shaky breath and then let it out as a half sigh he got the distinct impression that she wanted to say something. So he didn't move. He sat there and waited for her to be ready.
"Hey Conner. Do you ever... Have you ever wondered...? What do you think it would be...?"
Conner wasn't entirely sure what she was trying to say but the more she struggled the harder it seemed to get. He heard her breathe out before trying to start again.
Artemis wasn't happy. She knew how she wanted to start but she couldn't get the words out.
"Conner, have you... ever wondered... what life would... be like if... you were Superman's son and not his clone?"
Conner was taken aback by her question and wasn't quite sure where she was going but answered her any way.
"I try not to. I mean for a while there I did. I always wondered if he would have accepted me more if I wasn't his clone. I had to keep reminding myself that I wouldn't have the life I have now if it weren't for how I came to be. And if I start going into that kind of thinking then I have to consider the same thing but about Luthor instead."
"Oh okay... Do you ever wish that you didn't exist? That no one created you?"
"No. Never even considered it. Why?" Conner didn't follow the line of questioning. He wasn't sure what she was trying to get at.
He felt more than heard Artemis draw her knees up to her chest. Felt her lean forward to wrap her arms around them. He pretended he didn't miss the pressure on his back. Like he pretended that he didn't miss the warmth of her hand in his.
Artemis wasn't upset by Conner's answer. She had suspected as much and knew that he hadn't followed her thinking. So she leant forward and drew her knees up to her chest. She pretended that she didn't miss the pressure on her back. Like she pretended that she didn't miss the warmth of his hand in hers.
"I do. For as long as I can remember I've wished that I had never existed. I know that sounds strange but it's the truth. Do you hate them? Superman and Luthor that is."
Conner wanted to comment on the first part but thought that answering the second part was what she wanted. He was coming back to that though.
"No, not really. I mean I resent Luthor. And at one point I resented Superman but hate no. I've tried but everything I've felt has never been strong enough to describe as hate."
"I hate them. My parents that is and Jade. But at the same time I don't hate them. That really doesn't make any sense does it? I guess what I mean is that there are times at which I feel the world would be a better place if none of us had ever existed. That my life would have been better. Then of course I have to remind myself that I wouldn't exist if not for my parents and that I wouldn't be where I am now if not for them but... Sometimes I just wish that I wasn't me. That my life wasn't what it is. That I could have become this without having to go through everything."
Conner didn't know what to say to that. What do you say to someone who feels that way? Who is sitting there crying and knowing that there was more coming.
Artemis knew she was crying but didn't bother trying to stop. Now that she had started she wanted to make him understand. She just hoped that somehow he could understand.
"When I was little it wasn't so bad. We were a family of sorts. As much of a family a pair of villains could make. From before even I can remember my Dad... trained me. It wasn't so bad to begin with. He was encouraging, supportive even. He used to pit me and Jade against each other. We had to fight, over and over. Back then the loser just got told what they had done wrong. It all started changing as we got older. They were a few times when Mum was away on solo missions and it all got a bit out of hand. I don't remember how or why but I ended up in hospital a few times. Which led to Mum and Dad arguing a lot. Jade couldn't take it. She used to disappear at all hours of the day and night. I can still remember there was this one night, it was storming and Jade had gone who knew where and Mum and Dad were fighting. It was loud and they got physical. I don't remember what happened really. I remember that I was hiding under my bed and I remember at some point the door opened and they were standing there screaming so loud that the thunder was struggling to drown them out and then they started attacking each other. The next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital. I found out that it was two weeks after the fight and nobody would tell me what happened. All I know is that neither of my parents could look at me without looking guilty or sad for months afterwards."
Artemis stopped to catch her breath and to encourage herself mentally. He hadn't run away yet so that was a good sign. It was then that she felt him move. For a few seconds she was racked by fear at the thought of Conner leaving but he didn't he had just moved to sit so that it was his side that was leaning against her back. Artemis let out the breath she had been holding. If he left she was positive that she would never even try to tell anybody again.
Conner was a little shocked. She talked about all this like it was fine, normal even and for her maybe it had been but her parents had put her in hospital because of their actions. How could... he couldn't even... It was just so wrong and it sounded like there was more. Conner was a little stiff so he swung himself around so he was facing away from where the sun had set. When he moved he noticed that Artemis held her breath. For a few heart beats after he had moved she didn't breath and then she let her held breath out. She was relieved. He didn't know what she was afraid of but whatever it was he would protect her from it. Part of the reason he had moved was so that he could see her. He wasn't sure why but he didn't feel right with his back to her. She didn't move though she just let out another shaky breath and prepared to start again. Conner just hoped that he could handle what she had to say.
"After that incident my parents didn't talk much. They still took missions together but they also took a lot more solo missions. Jade disappeared a lot more too... and Dad got worse. I don't know why but he became... stricter. The training got longer and harder. Failure was met by shouting and as it got worse physical discipline as he liked to call it. It mainly happened when my Mum was away because she wouldn't let him do that kind of thing if she was there. It didn't stop it from happening though. Then when my Mum had her accident everything went to hell."
Artemis paused. That was how her story started. Forgotten memories and training. Conner still hadn't interrupted her and she was grateful. It made it easier in a way. The only sound was their breathing, her own was ragged and came in short bursts. It was from the crying. Tears were still tracking down her face for a childhood lost. A childhood that made her wish for sleep. She was tired, so tired. All Artemis wanted was to go to sleep but she had to finish this. If she didn't finish it she never would. She was so lost in thought she didn't feel herself begin to pitch over the side of the building until it was too late.
Conner still wasn't sure what to say, so he said nothing at all. Artemis still spoke like this was all totally normal. Maybe it helped her deal with. If she pretended that it was normal than maybe it would be easier to say. Conner was looking at her profile. There wasn't much light up here but he could still see her clearly. Bent forward hugging her knees, her head resting on them. He hadn't realised that one could sit so sadly. He noticed that she was angled so that she didn't have to look at him. Was it him she was afraid of? Or was she afraid of his reaction? Conner didn't have long to ponder this as he realised that her breathing was evening out, she was going to sleep and as a result falling off the edge of the building.
"ARTEMIS!"
At the last second Conner had managed to grab her before she went completely over the side. His shout had come at the same time as Artemis had realised what was happening. She had flung her arms out to grab on to anything and had now fixed themselves securely to Conner's arms. Conner pulled a very distressed Artemis back onto the roof of the building. Her legs now dangling securely on the roof side of the building he let out the breath he was holding. He didn't however let go of Artemis. He had pulled her so that she ended up resting against his side. For her part Artemis had fastened the strangle hold that she had on his arms to his torso. Her head was leaning against his chest while she tried to regain some sort of composure. She was shaking and digging her nails into his body. Conner didn't mind so much. It was a good reminder that she was still here. He would have been happy for them to stay in this kind of awkward embrace for a much longer time but Artemis soon pulled away. She wiped away the tears that were still present on her face; it was a futile attempt as new ones immediately replaced those she had removed. She wouldn't look at him but Conner heard her anyway.
"Thanks, for that and the time before."
"You're welcome and from now on you and heights are just... no, no more heights and no more buildings."
"Yeah I think heights and I are just going to take a break. Contrary to current beliefs and my own thoughts I don't want... that."
It was the closest they had come to discussing that night. Artemis knew that she would have to talk about it soon but right now she couldn't bring herself too.
"Artemis, you're really tired I mean you almost fell off a roof your that tired, so maybe we should go back to the cave and we can take this up again sometime?"
Conner didn't mean to sound so pleading but she needed to rest. The whole almost falling off the roof convinced him off that. He got his answer before she had even opened her mouth. Her body had stiffened and somehow slumped at the same time. He had tried but he knew that he wouldn't be able to bring himself to force her to go back. He didn't have the strength for that.
"I... You have no idea how much I would love that right now but if I don't finish this now I never will."
That was all she needed to say. Neither moved or spoke and for a short while silence enveloped them whilst Artemis tried to figure out how to say what she had to say next.
"Not long before my Mum's accident she took a solo job. While she was gone Dad decided to pit me and Jade against each other. Only this time instead of the normal sparring match he wanted us to have a knife fight. The fight would be over when one of us landed a blow against the other. At first we both refused and well I suppose most people would call what he gave us a beating. A few hours later even though neither of us wanted to do it when he asked we said yes. It didn't end well. My Dad had this philosophy that if Jade could do it regardless of her age then I should be able to do it as well. It took two minutes before Jade had me pinned face first against the floor and she couldn't do it. I can still hear Dad shouting at her to just do it so that the fight could end. I was crying because I was scared. I didn't want Jade to cut me but at the same time I didn't want Jade to get hurt because of me. I remember at some point begging her to do it but she couldn't. You can guess how well that went over with my Dad and how badly it ended."
At that point Artemis broke off. Her body was shaking and Conner wasn't sure whether it was from the memory or whether she was cold. The tears that had been prevalent since the beginning were falling thick and fast down her face. Artemis didn't make any attempt to stop them and although Conner would have liked to he didn't. He was so lost in watching her watch the floor that he almost missed her broken voice start-up again.
"When Jade couldn't do it my Dad threw her off of me and I don't remember what he said but it was something about punishment and not being able to a finish a job and then he did it. The back of my costume only just covers the scar because he wouldn't take me for proper treatment until it was infected... Maybe that was why, I mean Dad put us through a lot over the years but something changed in Jade after that. So maybe that's why when Mum ended up in prison Jade left. I still don't know what happened that night. All I know is that my parents went out for a job and my Mum never came back. I mean the fact of the matter is my Dad probably caused the whole thing. He probably paid for the accident to happen. As soon as it was obvious that Mum wasn't coming home Jade took the first opportunity she had and ran. I can't really blame her. If I wasn't still so naïve I probably would have left too. I wouldn't have been the first nine-year old to wander the streets of Gotham. Well that's not quite true. I wanted to be there for my Mum when she got out. I knew that she wouldn't be able to walk again so I knew that she would need help. Either way, for the worse I stayed with Dad from the age of nine until last year when Mum finally got out of prison. That's what almost six years of being alone with Sportsmaster with no one to run interference. Six years."
Artemis was sitting hunched forward slightly. Making sure that if she fell down again it would be towards the roof and not open space. The tears had slowed for the moment but she seemed to be steeling herself for more memories. To relieve more of her childhood.
Conner watched Artemis. For some time now all he had wanted to do was to take Artemis in his arms and comfort her. To tell her to stop because she didn't have to say anymore but he hadn't been able to. Conner knew that she needed to finish and he had a feeling that it was important she do it now. So he didn't pull her into his arms and tell her to stop. Instead he angled himself so that he was facing her and sat there waiting for the next part of Artemis's own personal horror story.
"After Jade left Dad searched for her for a while but it was useless. Jade could always disappear when she wanted to and no one ever seemed to be able to find her. When he couldn't find her he turned his attention to me. I think Jade had meant for him to search for her longer. She must have been hoping to give me some breathing room but it didn't work that way. If anything he was worse from then on then he had ever been. It was like he no longer cared. I started training with him from then on. It was the worse than I think anyone could ever imagine. The training went for hours at a time and I was expected to keep up with him no matter what we were doing. Needless to say a lot of the training ended with beatings of some description. On top of that he was still taking jobs. Some for weeks at a time. More than once I was hospitalised because of the injuries he had given me and the fact that I hadn't eaten for days because he wasn't around and I had no way to afford food. Again my fault, again made the vicious circle even worse. Over those years I learnt to do things that I won't repeat. Things that I'm not proud of and I hold back a fair bit. If Robin's has the most experience on the team then I can easily say I'm the one with the most training."
The hollow laugh that followed her pronouncement scared Conner a little. It didn't sound like Artemis and though he was never going to say it out loud he loved her proper laugh. They way it seemed to mock the joke maker even though she wasn't laughing at them. The laugh she had just given was empty and slightly crazy sounding. He didn't say anything though. Her whole body screamed fear and sadness and he didn't want to push her over the edge.
"Dad's idea of training wasn't... well... honestly it was brutal. When he thought that I was old enough he dumped me in the woods one summer holidays. Every week he would come check to see whether I was alive. If I was I would get some sort of reward, usually food. I mean he had given me all the skills I needed to survive but who does that? I cannot think of a single sane person who would dump a ten-year old alone in the woods. Of course that would require my Dad to be sane. Though I suppose that was better than his opinion that if a NAVY Seal can hold their breath for four minutes than I should be able to hold mine for five. He made that my punishment for failure. Of course holding your breath is a lot easier when there isn't a person screaming so loud you can hear him under the water while he's holding your head down. Ironically enough the only thing he didn't teach me and the only skill I don't particularly have is the ability to swim. I mean I can swim enough to save myself thanks to watching Kaldur. I think he thought I was crazy for a while because I only watched him swim and didn't join him. I didn't mention that I can't swim but after watching him I was able to imitate his movements enough to keep up with Robin when the Reds attacked. I'm still not comfortable with swimming and... after all of Dads little training sessions I am absolutely terrified of drowning. I mean Dad's little training was so successful that I have actually drowned once already and not counting near drowning's post team have come close about twenty times. His other idea of punishment was hair cutting. That's why I don't like having my hair down. If it ever got in my way during training or if he was just really mad at me he would cut an inch off. Mum liked my hair long and it was all I really had left of my childhood. He liked pulling on it to. A reminder that hair can be exploited. Of course that wasn't the worst he ever did to me. When I turned thirteen he decided for the first time in my life to give me a present. Of course part of me hoped that it might be something normal. The rest of me went on high alert because I knew it couldn't be good. He dragged me across town, found a homeless man, handed me a bow and arrow and told me to kill him. I refused, he got mad, we left, and I got punished. Though no punishment was ever as bad as the one he gave me for not stopping Jade from leaving. Conner do you know what dry fire is?"
Conner was caught off guard by her question. He had been watching her. The way she got all tense when she spoke about her Dad's birthday gift for her, as if there was more to the story. It didn't help that she had skimmed over it. When she asked him the question she was looking down at her forearms. He had noticed her running her fingers up and down the scars there. Now she was looking at them waiting for an answer. He was coming back to this as well.
"No."
"Dry fire is when a weapon that requires ammunition is fired without any ammunition. So a gun has no bullet in the chamber and a bow has no arrow strung. This is a very dangerous practise. Especially with bows. Particularly compound bows like the one I use. Without an arrow to take the force from the bow-string all that energy is sent like a shockwave throughout the bow. Compound bows have so many moving bits that even one single dry fire can damage the bow. My Dad made me dry fire a bow and then fire it with an arrow until the thing shattered in my hands. That's where I got these scars from. The broken metal and the snapped string. I'm lucky I didn't lose an eye. The worst part was that I knew what was going to happen. My Mum had taught me about the dangers of dry firing when I showed an interest in her bow. Dad knew that to. Of course everything changed when Mum came home from prison. She kicked him out and then I joined the team. We went through all that chaos of mole possibilities and then Wally and I got together and I should have known it was all going to well."
Artemis seemed to be on the back-end of her story. Conner watched her take several deep breaths before she started again. It seemed she wanted to say they rest of this in one hit.
"When my Mum passed away I was surprised. I mean my Mum wasn't exactly the kind of person who would do that for someone. At least not the Mum I had when I was a kid. Apparently the Gotham police thought the same thing. So I went looking for help at the cave. When none of you would listen it was like I was back with Dad, he never listened. So I decided to keep it to myself. I mean Catwoman knew and she tried to be there for me but it was hard. She had decided to get out of that life and trying to adjust to not being a criminal and help an emotionally distraught teenager is nearly impossible. I was doing a great job at hiding it. Until that idiot fell off the roof. I suppose Robin is someone I need to thank for all off this. We attend the same school in Gotham and some teacher had this crazy idea to teach joint classes on the roof. He fell off, I caught him, I got a new best friend, and his old best friend hacks police computers and plasters the school with my family relations. Now I go to this school thanks to a scholarship courtesy of Batman. So you can imagine how all the rich members of the school reacted. That was how the beatings started and then you got involved. I avoided you and Canary over it and sunk lower into my own distress and despair. Then we fought my Dad and when I was left hanging over the edge of the building my Dad spoke to me. It was the usual you're worthless and useless. Then he suggested that I let go. I don't know why I listened but the idea of seeing my Mum again seemed like a good one. So I did it. Then you saved me and we fought. You all found out and then I disappeared. I tried again but I couldn't do it. Not again. So I went to school. Maybe I was hoping Robin would find me but he didn't, they did. I went to hospital again and you found out more about me. I was released and then Batman and Green Arrow went at it in the cave. I admit I wasn't in a good head space to begin with. I was already having nightmares and seeing ghosts from my past but that fight dragged it all to the surface. I was so scared and confused and lost. Then you found me. You, M'gann all of you. But I couldn't get it out of my head. Everything that came to the surface refused to go away. So I knew I had to tell someone, I chose you and here we are. So?"
"Why did you skim over the homeless man?"
Conner watched as Artemis sank to the roof, she was looking at her hands. He followed her. The tears that had been slowing returned with a vengeance.
"I... there is so much I don't know. I have so many memories that have only just resurfaced and how many of them are real. Did I dream them up to cover up what I really did or did my Dad do something that I don't want to remember? And even with these new memories there is so much of my childhood I don't remember. Is that because I can't handle the memories, so I repressed them or have I had one too many hits to the head? I skimmed over it because I don't know whether it's real or whether I am the monster my Dad wanted me to be and I just don't know it yet."
Artemis hadn't looked at him, she just stared at her hands as if they would give her the answer she was seeking. As if they were covered in blood. The only thing they were covered with was tears. Conner couldn't take it anymore. He reached his own hands out to take hers, so she would be able to feel a connection with him whilst he spoke about the fact that what she was thinking wasn't true. He didn't get to though. As soon as Artemis spotted his hands she lurched away from him. In her haste to get away from him she fell backwards. Conner didn't move. He wanted to but the strange mix of fear and sadness in her eyes told her he shouldn't. Then for the first time Artemis seemed to really lose it.
"Aren't you listening? I am some sort of monster! You should hate me. You should have run back to the cave and told them to never see me again. I'll never be able to get him out of my head. Those little impromptu training exercises are because I can hear him in my head telling me how weak you get if you don't train vigoroursly everyday. Whenever we're on missions I can hear him telling me how he would take out each person. Nobody should have to hear that. And the only reason I can hear him is because I must be like him. I should have broken down in the middle of the cave crying my heart out until someone finally noticed but I didn't. I love my Mum but I didn't love her enough to cry and scream and do everything else that you're supposed too. So I must hate her. Like I hate Jade for leaving even though I know why she did it. I hate her for leaving me alone with him. She knew what he was like but she wouldn't take me with her. I spent six years thinking she was dead and then I find out she's alive and the first thing she does is threaten to ruin the new life I'm trying to build. Of course all that is Dad's fault and I hate him. I hate him because this is all his fault. Everything he did was to turn me into a monster and it probably worked. All he ever wanted was for his baby girl to learn how to kill and maim and destroy. He didn't care how I felt or what I wanted and most of all I hate how I wish I was never born. Knowing the world would be better off without me and he's either there in my head or in reality to remind me that it's true. But I hate him most because I love him too. I mean he's my Dad so I love him just like I love Jade and loved my Mum. So does that mean I even know how to love? If Wally and I had still been together would it matter? Would I have ended up ruining it because I don't know how to love? And even if I didn't would it matter. I mean I am a monster would he even want to be with me if he knew all of this. I mean it's not him I really like anymore but it doesn't matter because you and everyone else won't want anything to do with me anymore because I'm a monster. I am a Monster.-"
Artemis was still going but Conner had stopped listening. When she had first started the crying had increased in volume again. The tears were in an almost continuous stream down her face and her eyes were wild. He was sure that if she had the strength that she would have been screaming and pacing but she couldn't. She was lying there propped up on her elbows. Speaking with a weak, quiet voice. At one point Conner had moved towards her but she had just pulled herself further away. Then she had basically admitted that she really liked Conner and he had been dumbstruck. Now she was sitting there, at some point having found the strength to sit up, rocking and repeating over and over that she was a monster. Conner wanted to argue with her but he knew that right now she wouldn't listen. So he stood and walked over to her. He repeated what he had done at the infirmary. Only Artemis fought a lot harder this time. Struggling and lashing out. She got a few good hits in but eventually Conner was able to settle her on his lap. Her legs hanging off one side of his body whilst he held her head in the crook of his neck. And then he started saying the same thing over and over to her.
"It's okay Artemis. It's okay."
As he started talking Artemis stopped and then she just cried. Conner was surprised that she still had tears to cry but he let her go. When she had given up on herself abuse she had wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her head into his chest. So Conner sat there with Artemis crying her eyes out in to his chest while he held her and whispered to her. Rubbing her back trying to calm her enough so that she would hear him. Hear that he had heard everything and that he didn't hate her or think her a monster. That as long as she wanted him he would be there for her. He couldn't imagine that all this time that was how she felt. She had been keeping more than they ever thought to herself because she was terrified that they would think she was like Sportsmaster. This might be the first step of the healing process but this wasn't over by a long shot. He got the distinct impression that when the League found out Sportsmaster was going to wish that he could disappear. When Conner got his hands on Cheshire though that girl was going to cop it. They couldn't have protected her before but her sister could have but didn't. All in all Conner was sad because Artemis was distressed and apart from what he was doing there was nothing he could think of to make it right.
He didn't know how long they sat there but eventually Artemis stopped crying and slowly pulled away from his chest. She sat on his lap wiping away her tears and apologising.
"I'm sorry for making you listen and for getting your shirt all wet."
Conner stopped her by grabbing hold of her hands. Slowly she looked at his face. She wore the look of a wounded animal waiting for the next attack. An attack that this time wasn't coming.
"Artemis I want you to listen to me and not interrupt until I'm finished alright?"
Artemis had gone to say something but didn't she settled for nodding her head and then stared at her hands that he still held in between his own. Neither would admit it but it felt right.
"You are not a monster and I don't hate you. I actually like you quite a lot. You don't have to apologise for dumping all this on my shoulders either. They're strong enough to bear the load until you're ready to start telling others. Artemis no matter what I want you to know that none of this is your fault you were only a kid. Hating your family for that isn't wrong. Loving them isn't either. All it means is that you care. You love. You can shake your head all you like but I know better. You were willing to die to save us. If that's not love then I don't know what is. Artemis regardless of what you think it's for that same reason I know that those missing memories and the ones you have just remembered aren't anything bad. You're not covering anything bad up. You care so much that you would make yourself remember if you did something to punish yourself. Besides you barely function now with just the possibility of having done something horrible imagine if you had. You wouldn't be able to live with yourself. Artemis no matter what your Dad wants you to think and no matter what anyone else might think you are not a monster. No one is going to think that of you. No one is going to leave you. I am not going to leave you and you are not a monster. Okay?"
From the moment Conner started he knew just how surprising she found what he was saying. When he told her he liked her, Artemis's head had slowly come up to meet his eyes. All he found her in her stormy grey eyes was shock. When he had told her that she knew what love was she had begun to shake her head. His protestations had made her stop though. By the time he had gotten to her memories she was crying again. When he finished rather than give him a verbal answer she lent in and gave him a hug, nodding into his chest. Her tears were soaking into his shirt again. They stayed there until Artemis stopped crying and pulled away to look at Conner. All he wanted to do was brush the last vestiges of tears from her face and hopefully have it develop into something more but it felt too much like he would be taking advantage of her and her problems. Instead he studied her eyes. They were puffy and red from all the crying, which made her look even more tired but they were still a pair of the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. He heard Artemis chuckle and returned his attention back to her whole face.
"Do you realise that you said exactly what Canary would have said to me? You and her spend way too much time together."
Conner couldn't help but give a slight chuckle to. He needed to spend time with someone other than Canary. Artemis than slowly stood up allowing Conner to get up and stretch. Artemis was looking up at the moon which was high in the sky. They hadn't realised they had been out this long.
"I think we had better get back." Artemis stated.
"We should but you are not walking back to the cave, you're too tired so I'm going to carry you."
Conner crossed his arms as he spoke to make it clear that it was going to happen one way or another. Artemis merely turned round to face him, with a slight smirk playing on her lips and a flash of fire in her eyes.
Five minutes later Conner was strolling back towards the zeta-beams with Artemis on his back. His hands were hooked in just under her knees and her arms hung loosely around his shoulders. Her head rested against his neck. This was there compromise; he could carry her like this but only like this. He didn't mind and it had taken Artemis all of about two minutes to fall asleep. As he entered the zeta-beams he hoped that whoever was waiting to lecture them would be quiet, Artemis had been through enough without being woken up. The sound of her slow even breaths matching with her heartbeat was rhythmic and the way every now and again she would nuzzle the side of his neck as she tried to bury her head deeper in his neck felt nice.
When he arrived at the Cave, Conner was a little shocked. Everyone was waiting for them and all of them were looking at him as he walked in to the cave. It seemed that Batman and Green Arrow had been arguing again. No one spoke as Conner walked down the steps. The next thing he knew Wally was standing in front of him and was about to start shouting.
"WHER-"
The Flash fortunately was faster and had his hands firmly secured over Wally's mouth before he could do any damage. Wally gave him a questioning look but before the Flash could answer Artemis made her state known. With a quiet content sigh that sounded so loud in the quiet cave. At the same time she had rubbed her head into Conner's neck and her arms had tightened their hold on him for a moment. Her hands had pressed themselves flat against his chest and Conner couldn't help but let a small smile slide on to his face. He then left to take Artemis back to the infirmary. Green Arrow followed him. Between them they put Artemis to bed. Green Arrow brushed some of the hair out of Artemis's face after pulling it out so she could sleep. He then turned to leave. Conner gave her hand one last squeeze before leaving. When he had first lowered her to the bed she had reached out for him. He was both pleased and disappointed to see that she didn't react like that this time. He took once last look at her deep sleeping form before following Green Arrow back to where everyone was waiting.
When he entered the area he took a look at everyone before going into the kitchen it gave him something to do and an excuse not to look at them. It had only just hit him about how important and how burdening what he had just learned was. He understood why Artemis had kept this to herself for so long. No longer feeling hungry Conner stood up and turned around. Which turned out to be a bad idea. Wally was standing there and this time there was nothing to stop him from yelling.
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?"
"New York."
Conner didn't give much away with that answer. Indeed Wally seemed to be angrier with that answer then he would have been with no answer. He was almost vibrating on the spot. Conner, whose ears were still ringing from Wally's shouting thought it served him right and then he left the kitchen. He sank to the floor just outside the kitchen door.
"Did you learn anything?" Batman asked, his voice was serious but he was gazing at Conner with slightly worried look.
"Yes."
When he gave his answer Black Canary and Superman slid down to seat themselves on either side of him.
"Would you like to talk about it?" Black Canary asked. Conner couldn't help but smile at that leaving the whole room confused but the moment passed as quickly as it came.
"I would if I could but it's not my place to say. I..."
Conner couldn't say anymore. He breathed out to try to steady himself. He hadn't noticed but the whole room had emptied in a matter of a minute or so. Leaving him alone with Black Canary and Superman when the first tears started. He cried for some time with both Canary and Clark trying to comfort him but without knowing why he was crying they couldn't do a lot. Conner wanted the tears to stop but he couldn't. Everything he had learned tonight had finally caught up with him and he didn't know how to handle it. How were you supposed to make that kind of pain right? How were you supposed to make it go away? How did you make it better?