Chapter 13: The Universe Must Have Gotten It Wrong
He shakes his head. "I came to see you. I miss you Leah." He whispers and his hand pulls me closer to him so that there are only a few centimeters between us. "I keep replaying that night before I left, over and over in my head, and you know what I figured out?"
"What?" I ask him.
"I've always been the one to pour my heart out to you. I've always been the one to tell you how I feel first. I think you should do it this time." Jake says still swaying me with him, his eyes not leaving mine.
"I said everything I felt that night." I tell him coldly.
"Stop lying Leah. I can see you are lying. You lied that night and you're lying now. I didn't catch it before, or maybe I was too focused on trying to make you understand that night that in the moment I didn't notice how you avoided my eyes, and when I looked in your eyes you were so nervous because I would be able to see the lie. I didn't see it that night, but I've seen it every night since and I see it now. Don't I deserve more than lies, Leah?" He says to me.
Life has a way of working out, my mother said, have faith. Don't second guess yourself she had told me. I take a deep breath.
"What do you want me to say Jake?" I ask him my voice trembling. He did deserve the truth he was right about that. Telling the truth is so much scarier and harder than telling the truth sometimes. "Do you want me to tell you that you're right, I lied because I needed you to leave because I knew you needed to be with Nessie? I knew that if you didn't go with her, you'd grow to hate me because I kept you away from your soul mate. I couldn't have you hate me Jake; I'd rather you be away from me than hate me Jake. Do you want me to tell you that I was so scared of watching us slowly fall apart that I took the easy, less painless way and chose to destroy us quickly, like a Band-Aid, it's less painful the quicker you pull it off? Do you want me to tell you that I have to physically stop myself from thinking about you? Or that seeing you escort Nessie into the wedding with her on your arm was so painful and dancing with you and not saying a word was torture? Or do you want me to tell you that I miss you so badly and not being with you or talking to you has been so excruciating? I've felt so cold without you close, without your skin against mine. I don't know what to say or what to do. I love you Jacob, I know that, but we can't be together, we've been doomed from the beginning why should we keep trying and suffering? You deserve the truth, but I couldn't give it to you that night because I knew you wouldn't have gone with the truth. You and Nessie are soul mates, you're supposed to be together, and I can't just sit here and wait around for you to pick her anymore. It hurts too much." I tell him and notice I've stopped swaying. His hand goes to my cheek to wipe away the tears I didn't know I had cried. His hand lingers on my cheek.
"Now it's my turn. I'm glad you pushed me away, as much as it hurt, your words and everything. You were right; I needed to go with them to figure things out. It took me two days to get out of the angry fog your words put me in, but then I realized after those two days that I kept thinking about you. I'd think of something and quickly want to tell you. I spent a lot of time with Nessie, she kissed me, and I let her…" Jake says. My fists clench up at my sides. Why was he telling me this? His hands roam down my arms to my clenched fists. He smiles slightly at the feel of my fists clenched angrily, his hands ease my hands to open up and intertwine with his. I don't even think about stopping it because it feels so instinctive. "I pushed her away after seconds. It didn't feel right, none of it did. I was so mad at you those first few days I just wanted to love Nessie so I could forget about the hurt of you. I tried to force myself to love her. But after the kiss there was no denying that I couldn't do it. All I've wanted to do is kiss your lips and be with you since then. I told Nessie we'd just always be friends. I needed to get you back, so I kept going over and over everything that was said, and that's when I realized you didn't want me to really go." He says leaning in closer, inches from me. "So here I am; I'm not letting you go. I'm not going anywhere. The time away from you made me realize that you are the one I can't be without. The universe must have gotten it all wrong. You're who I need, Leah. Please believe that."
"I want to believe that so badly…" I whisper to him as I lean closer so my forehead rests on his. "I'm just so scared."
"Me too, I'm scared that I'll lose you. I can't lose you." He says softly to me. "Let's not forget that you can also imprint and leave me heartbroken."
I have never thought about it. Maybe I never have seen imprinting as a possibility, I've always despised it, but even I wouldn't be able to fight the natural pull to someone else. I've been so focused on how he could hurt me I never thought about how I could possibly hurt him. Jake and I are both fragile. This relationship could be doomed; it could have been since the beginning. Maybe Jake and I are only supposed to be temporary. The logical thing to do would be to run from this before it gets out of hand, before Jake and I are ruined beyond repair. Then again when has love ever been logical? My mother told me to trust my instincts, and my instincts tell me to be with him even if it's temporary because I know that we both would be a lot better off with each other than to try to fight this. My instincts tell me to hold onto Jake for as long as I possibly can because guys like him don't exist everywhere, and I love him and I can't imagine myself without him for another day. The odds are not in our favor, but we've beat the odds so far who's to say we won't for all eternity?
"Leah, come back to me." Jake whispers.
"Sorry," I tell him, "Just a lot of thoughts going through my head."
"Care to share them?" He asks with a small smile.
I smile to him and shrug. "Well I'm sorry I never thought about how I could hurt you; I guess I've just been so selfish. The odds aren't with us, I mean who has ever heard of two shifters, diverting from their soul mates and choosing each other? It just hasn't been done. You know that. But you aren't afraid. You still want to be with me, even with such bad chances that in the end of this we'll be together. I guess I just have one more question, why, why are you so willing to get heartbroken for a few moments with me?"
Jake smiles, "Because you are worth it. I'd rather have a few moments with you than not have any. Maybe I could have if I never got close to you, if I never took that risk, maybe I could pretend you didn't mean so much to me but now I can't. Wouldn't you rather have a few moments with me than to be without me for the rest of your life?" Jake asks, looking slightly concerned as if he is worried I will deny him.
I nod my head. "Yes." I tell him and he gets a huge smile on his face. "I'm tired of trying to be all logical about this. This isn't logical, this is very illogical, but maybe that's why this is so great. IT doesn't have to make sense, even though somehow it does. And I'm not sorry that I got you to go to Alaska, but I am sorry I hurt you in the process. I'm not perfect, you know that, I'm going to make mistakes probably a lot of them; I just really need you to stick with me through them and to love me no matter what as long as you possibly can. I love you Jacob Black, I've loved you for a very long time. I should've told you sooner, I should have told you more often. I was just so scared but I'm not scared anymore. I just want to be with you as much as possible."
"I love you Leah. I'm going to kiss you now." He warns with a smirk, and I nod. I let his lips crash onto mine, and it seems to seal everything we've ever said and everything we've never said in those moments. And right now, it doesn't matter how long we have, right now it all made sense.
Jake and I were meant to be. Like Jake said, the universe got it wrong.
A/N: Hey everyone! I know late, late update and it isn't very long! Sorry! Don't hate me! Hope everyone is doing well, and hope you enjoyed the update. This isn't the last chapter. But I'm thinking there will be either one or two more chapters left, so this story is coming to a close. Thanks for reading, have a lovely day/evening!