The water was rough in the wake of the boat. I did not move my arms or legs, in fear that if I allowed myself movement, I would end up on the deck of the ship. I curled up in a ball and allowed myself to be jostled by the waters.

My body was at war.

Every instinct of this body was screaming at me to go back. To suck every body I could get my hands on dry. My thirst was at the worst it had ever been, and when I opened my eyes, the edges of the world were tinted red like that which I craved. I tried to tell my body that it would be fine without the blood, but it threatened seductively that without blood, I would cease to exist. I would burn with the fire aflame in my throat.

There was another voice screaming at me, but it was not speaking for my burn.

It was the warm, husky voice of Jacob which could calm any storm and coax me to any end of the earth. What I had done and what was going on above me would horrify him. He would be disgusted.

Which in turn disgusted me; even our bodies were connected, even now. I never forgot him. I thirsted for him in an entirely different way than I did for the red stuff. I hadn't seen him in weeks and had lived an entirely different life since then, but he was always on my mind. It was frightening how much I ached for him. It not pain; it was the feeling of being hollow. Of having a cry for help echo around the shell of me.

I did not like it. I loved him, now I was sure, but I did not like the feeling being empty without him. It was uncomfortable and frightening. Mrs. Cullen told me it was a side effect of the vampire emotions, but I'm not so sure. It made me jump off that boat. It made me refuse the snake and its forbidden fruit.

Even if I never saw him again, I would never stop thinking of him. I knew it in the core of me, down to my bones.

I started to swim downwards. My lungs felt fine. I wondered how long I could last without air.

It was hard to move against the current even with my strength. I was strong, but not heavy so getting to the bottom was going to be challenging.

After a long time -I'm not so sure how long- I was able to reach it and brushed my fingers along the bottom of the ocean. As I marveled over this, I felt a tug on my ankle. I opened my mouth in surprise and water rushed in. The saltiness was foul in my mouth. Reactively, I quickly redirected my body and pushed my feet off of the floor. I shot like a torpedo above the surface of the water and landed with a splash back in the dark waters. When I looked around, I saw large pieces of metal all around me.

A moment later, a dark figure also shot out of the water, and I swam out of the way so they would not land on top of me.

It was Kyle.

"Kyle!" I yelled, "What did you do?"

"Adrian?" He turned around in the water to face me. The waves were loud, but neither of us needed to scream. "Adrian! I saw you jump, and then you disappeared. I thought you would drown. It's been two hours."

"Really? I was just…going for a swim." I omitted the part about my panic attack.

"What?"

"I just needed to get off that boat," I corrected.

"Why? It was amazing," he said. His eyes were bright ruby, sparkling from the fulfilled thirst.

"It has to do with what I told you before. I just remember being human too well, I guess," I said. I wasn't going to go into what I shared with Jacob or how I knew the Cullens.

"But it's instinct. Riley always says we're above them," he said.

"You don't agree though," I stated. I could see the falsity of his words in his eyes.

"I thought you said you were going to stop that," he replied.

"Stop what?"

"Pointing things out about me. Like you know my thoughts, know me."

"But I do."

"You said you were going to stop."

"Alright. Sorry. Sometimes I can't help it."

"Alright."

"Why is there metal everywhere? Where's the boat?"

"We disassembled it. To make it look like it sank or something, I guess. The group's already moved on. We're going to get left behind."

"They aren't going anywhere extremely pleasant. If you really want to follow, I know the way."

"I just…Nowhere else to go, right?"

"Well, I'm going somewhere. After this is over. You can come with me if you'd like."

"You seem nice, kid, but…I think I need to find my own way, y'know?"

"Would you like to come with me out of the water anyway? We have a few hours until dawn. We could walk around the city for a bit. Just walk."

Kyle looked at me funny. A leisurely stroll down the street is a foreign concept now. He doesn't realize that I'm trying to make a memory I can hold on to when he's gone.

"Sure, why not? I think we're both due for some new clothes."

I grinned. It was so normal. To walk around the city, running an errand, not hunting for anything but an outfit.

We swam towards the Seattle skyline and climbed on to a dock. Swimming was effortless, but it had been a long, wet night and I was glad to be on dry land. My clothes were sopping wet so I removed my sweatshirt as well as my shoes and socks. My tee and jeans still clung to my body.

Kyle removed everything but his athletic pants. He flexed his muscles. All of the male newborns enjoyed their improved physique. I wouldn't expect my brother to be immune to the shows of vanity, but I rolled my eyes and giggled.

It was still dark out, but it seemed lighter than the other times I had strode these streets. I walked down with an easiness I hadn't experienced in weeks. Kyle and I moved down the line of shops built for tourists when I came upon one of my old favorite places

All of my memories were fuzzy (except a few of the Jacob ones), but the dark lighting of the vintage clothing shop made the ones that were set there even harder to make out. Yet, I did remember it, and the many hours I spent scouring for finds or sorting clothes. The eccentric owner was like a mother to me, and she would pay me to organize the merchandise when she knew Kyle and I were having trouble making ends meet. Yet, I couldn't remember her name or face.

Although I couldn't grasp a clear memory of my time there, entering the shop gave me a feeling of comfort. I smiled but looked down at my muddy, wet feet. I didn't want to make things difficult for the kind owner, especially after she's lost her helper.

I left with a heavy heart and followed Kyle to a souvenir shop. When we exited, both of us had either Seattle, Washington, or both written on every article of clothing we were wearing.

After that, we just walked and it was so simple and wonderful, for me more than him obviously. Walks used to be so normal and routine for us. We used to go nearly every day with Truman (I wondered with momentary worry what happened to my dog) and talk about our day. I longed for the normalcy of the tradition, and that day, I got a little of it back.

We walked past a lot of familiar places- his school, the grocery store, friend's houses- but he didn't recognize one. Sometimes he pointed out places where he hunted though.

He recognized one place though. Just one. I should have known he'd remember her.

We wandered into the neighborhoods. I forgot what sort of landmark for him was in there. What the brick house with the flowers that look like peppermint would mean to him.

I didn't even notice it. The memory was one I had tried to repress in my human days; it was buried far deeper in this mind. We were walking in a comfortable quiet; the city was still sleeping. Our time was running out before sunrise, and this was to be the last of our leisure time. It went unspoken, but we both knew.

He stopped in his steps after he passed the house and looked back. He then turned his entire body towards it. I was confused before I realized what was happening.

His calm face turned to sadness, the same sadness I remembered when he came home from this house for the last time.

"Why?" he asked, "I feel sad when I look at this house. Why? You know, don't you?"

"Try to think," I encouraged. I knew there wasn't a pleasant memory associated with this house, but if he remembered something at all, maybe I wouldn't have to give him up, "You've been here before. What happened?"

He shook his head, "There's a memory, but I can't see it. Too dark. I just remember…disappointment. Really crushing disappointment."

"Do you remember her? Her name was Alex."

His face twisted with concentration before he nodded, "Oh, yeah. I can almost see her face. Blonde. I don't remember though…wait. Girlfriend. She was my girlfriend."

I nodded, trying to hide my contempt for the girl we were talking about.

"I can't believe I remembered something…I sort of wish it wasn't that, but still. I sort of forgot I was human. It kind of puts thing…in perspective." His voice was dazed as if he had just awoken from a very deep sleep.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that I…that I do not want to go back. To the house. To the others."

"You can come with me. My offer still stands. It always will. I know vampires like us. You could live with us."

"Thanks. Maybe one day. But first I feel like I need to just run. I need to get away, think, live, figure some stuff out," he said. As an afterthought, he added, "You can come with me too."

It wasn't so unappealing. We could go anywhere in the world. Maybe he would even remember me someday. If not, we could make new memories. I'd never lived without my older brother. It was a scary prospect. But I kept thinking about my conversation with Mrs. Cullen. I couldn't abandon Jacob. I knew enough about our whole bond thing that he would not recover. I probably wouldn't either. As much as living without Kyle scared me, I realized that living without Jacob was no longer an option. I didn't want it to be. The tether between us felt more strained than ever, and one of us was going to break before it did.

I wondered if Jacob would come with…

No, I amended. He would definitely come if I pleased, begged, refused to do otherwise. But I wouldn't ask. I couldn't break up the Cullens or his pack. I would have to learn to live without Kyle. I'd done it for Mom. I'd done it for my dad without even thinking about it. I should give Kyle his freedom, too. He had had to grow up fast, drop out of school, give up his whole life for me. I had to let him do whatever he needed to do to figure himself out without me.

"No, they'll be waiting for me. I couldn't. But here." I reached into my pocket and took out Mrs. Cullen's cellphone. I hoped she wouldn't miss this too much, but I'm sure she had probably replaced it already. I gave it to him.

"You stole a cellphone? That's so clever."

"No, it was given to me by my friends to stay in touch. It isn't mine. But you can have it. There are numbers in there for strangers, but they should all give you a way to find me."

"Okay. Thanks. I'll keep it safe."

The sun would be up in minutes. We started moving quickly towards the docks. Towards good bye.

"Just so you know," I said when we were at the water and the darkness was turning to light, "The sun? Doesn't kill you."

"Why did Riley tell us it did?"

"Scare us, probably. But when you want to find out what it really does, don't let any humans see you."

"Noted."

"Also…be smart. Stay safe. Don't hunt like an idiot. Don't pick fights. You'll lose."

He chuckled, "I promise. Same for you. Don't make me have to show up and reassemble you."

I laughed. I had been through a lot with the old Kyle, but there were completely different things I shared with this one, and they weren't all bad.

"Come here," he said, and he hugged me, lifting me off my feet. I laughed- a real, young girl's laugh- because it was so unexpected but just what I needed. To part with him knowing that he did care about me. I breathed in his scent and felt the memory forming as it was happening.

When he let go, he gave me a sad smile and we parted ways for the first time. For him, there was nothing but possibilities. For me, there was still a battle to be fought.