GRIEF AND REMEMBRANCE
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit tribute to the works of JK Rowling who created and, together with her publishers and licensees, owns the characters and settings elaborated herein.
A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers and especially to my previewers, Bellegeste and Lady Memory.
The story so far: After Professor Snape reveals his true feelings to a newly graduated Hermione, an unexpected friendship slowly develops. Last chapter, they arranged to attend a commemorative service on Hogmanay eve for the war dead of Hogsmeade and Hogwarts.
The crowd began to break up and drift away, voices gradually rising. Grief and remembrance served, it was time to drink the new year in with a few good rounds.
"I wasn't sure you'd come," Severus said. "You rather avoided the battle scenes afterwards, as I recall. Your friends wandered over here every day at first, while you holed yourself up in the library and studied."
"I hated remembering. But I still dreamt." Hermione moved closer and slipped one hand into his. "I never told you how much you helped. 'Heal Draco in your sleep,' you said. I did, after that. Draco and Hannah and everyone." She shrugged. "Me." You. Especially you, my dearest;so broken for so long. It hurts my heart to watch you. "The truth is I felt ashamed," she added. "You said, 'As if we could ever forget,' but I do now, for days."
"As you should," he said roughly, and swallowed. "You don't have this to remind you. And no actions of your own – "
"– to regret, I know." Her fingers stroked the back of his hand. "But I do anyway. Did I do enough? Could I have done more? We lost so many." She nodded to Padma, who stared dully back and turned away.
"That's self-indulgence, not regret."
She nudged a little closer, pressing the whole length of her arm against him. The trees were dark and bare. Winter had not brought snow.
"Perhaps there's a little self-indulgence in all regret," she said. "Whenever we focus on what we did or didn't do, instead of what we can do next time."
"Hermione! Welcome!" Professor McGonagall paused beside them. "Do you two join us at Rosmerta's for Hogmanay or do you prefer to enjoy the moonlight with – What did you say she called you, Severus? Her favourite professor?"
"Not 'favourite'," he said with a sideways smile. "Most important in her life."
Hermione tried not to giggle. "You really are a git sometimes," she told him, and turned to his older colleague. "I hope you weren't offended, Professor. It's just, well, he was always there, protecting us, guiding us. I wasn't ready to let that go. It's not, I mean, I know you were too busy."
"Don't apologise. We were all too busy. Just busy differently. I've always believed in letting students find their own way. Perhaps one needs to have lost it for a while to appreciate the difficulties of the less sure-footed. But you chose your path early."
Hermione smiled politely and squeezed Severus's hand. There had been times... But she was all the stronger for having lived through them without the crutch of a teacher's pity. Professor McGonagall was who she was and Severus was who he was; pity had never been part of him.
"We might be along later," she said.
"No hurry. It would be a shame to waste the moonlight." The older woman squelched away through the mud.
Hermione stared after her. "Did she just wink at me?"