JUNE

Summer was here and it meant lots of time for Blaine and Kurt to hang out together. Weather-wise it was a terrible summer, it had rained most days since school finished. But it meant time to lay in bed together, talking, watching movies, reading, making out... Blaine and Kurt weren't complaining about the weather.

Carole had gone back to work now that Kurt was home during the days. There had been a lot of discussions about it. Normally he worked at the shop with Burt and Finn during the summer, but this summer is was decided that he was home with Blaine, he was on Blaine-duty as Finn had stated. It meant driving Blaine to therapy Monday, Wednesday and Friday. During the time Blaine was at the hospital Kurt went to the garage and worked.

Blaine had made progress in therapy the last weeks. He had gained more energy and didn't need to sleep during the days anymore. That was the days he hadn't therapy at least, when Kurt picked him up from the hospital after therapy he was usually exhausted and had a headache. But that was normal, even though Blaine hated it.

Blaine had stopped having so many nightmares. Hannah thought it was because most of his previous repressed childhood memories had surfaced by now, but she had warned him that it also could be that his mind needed to heal before unveiling more repressed memories. Only time would tell. In therapy they were still discussing and working with his memories though.

Kurt had taken over the responsibly for the household during the summer; he cleaned, did the laundry and went grocery shopping. They all took turns on cooking, but it was normally Kurt or Carole. Finn teased Kurt about the work Kurt was doing around the house, but the truth was that Kurt actually liked doing it.

Kurt rang on the bell at the ward on the second Wednesday in June. Hannah opened it and smiled to him.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" she asked him and nodded towards her room.

Kurt nodded and followed her in there and sat down.

"Today was really hard for Blaine. For the first time we spoke about his thoughts when he wanted to kill himself and the time when he gave himself a concussion. He was forced to think all those thoughts again, and it didn't go as well as I thought and hoped. He had to be given a couple of sedatives shots, and we weren't able to end the session as I usually does when I go through this with patients. I want them to look at their thoughts and come up with proofs that they aren't true. But Blaine got stuck in his thoughts and panicked about it. His mind got stuck and I couldn't guide him out of it before he passed out.

"Okay." Kurt said.

"I've spoken to Carole about it and she wanted me to fill you in as well. We want him to stay here during the night, but when we spoke about that he panicked even more. But he has promised me to tell Carole or you if he feels like he can't handle his thoughts. And I've booked an extra session for tomorrow with him."

"Okay, so what do I do during the afternoon?"

"Just be there for him as you always are. Don't let him be alone too much. You don't have to go with him to the bathroom, but don't let him take any walks by himself or something like that. Carole said that if you don't feel safe being alone with him he should stay here until she stops working and she'll take him home."

"No, it's okay. I'll take him home." Kurt said.

"That's what we thought, so let's go and get him. He's affected by the sedatives, so we put him on watch."

"Okay." Kurt said.

They went out of Hannah's rooms and in to the room Blaine was in. He was sleeping when they come in. Hannah told Sarah, the nurse on watch, that she could leave. Kurt took in the sight of his boyfriend. He had left a smart looking man with a short sleeved shirt and a bow tie, his hair gelled and combed down. He was looking at a broken boy with a face swollen from crying, his hair was a mess and his shirt was untucked and wrinkled. Kurt sat down on the bed and stroked his hair.

"Blainey?

"Kurt?" Blaine opened his eyes, filled with unshed tears and cloudy from the medicine.

"Yeah, it's me."

"I love you." Blaine slurred.

"I love you too Blaine. Shall we get home?"

"Home. I live at your home."

"No, but we have the same home. Come on honey, sit up for me."

Hannah pulled a wheelchair to the bed and Blaine sat down in it with help from Hannah.

"Blaine? Do you remember to talk to Kurt or Carole if you are having bad thoughts?"

"Yes. You set them free Hannah. I had them in a little black box and you made me open the box. This is your fault." Blaine slurred to her.

"Blaine..." Kurt said but Hannah stopped him.

"But you know the black box had to be open though. You're allowed to mad at me."

"I am."

"That's okay. We'll talk about more tomorrow. Now you go home with Kurt."

"I'm not mad at him."

"That's good. See you tomorrow Blaine."

Blaine nodded but didn't say anything more. Hannah let them out of the ward and told Kurt to call her if he felt insecure about anything.

They went in silence to the car. Kurt helped Blaine to the passenger seat and buckled him in. When he got in at the driver seat, Blaine was already asleep. Kurt drove them home and woke Blaine up. They went in to the house and Kurt sat Blaine down on one of the couches. He put on the tv and sat down on the couch next to Blaine, who was more asleep than awake and he moved instantly towards Kurt. He sat down practically in his lap and leaned to him.

"You want to lay down my love?" Kurt asked.

"Can you lay with me?"

"If you want to."

"Yes, don't leave me."

"I won't."

Kurt laid down on the couch and Blaine snuggled close to him. It didn't take many seconds before Kurt felt Blaine relax and his breathing even out. Kurt kept stroking his hair even though Blaine was sleeping. Kurt shifted to get more comfortable and Blaine whined immediately and pulled himself closer.

"Please don't leave me." He mumbled.

"I won't." Kurt said and kept stroking his hair.

After ten minutes Kurt's phone rang and he once again had to shift to pulled it up from his pocket.

"No, please don't leave me. I'm so alone." Blaine mumbled in his sleep.

"I'm here." Kurt said and hugged Blaine tight before answering.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's Carole."

"Hi."

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"We're fine. Blaine's sleeping."

"How is he?"

"He's sad and extremely clingy, he won't let me go."

"Okay, do you need to go or can you lay with him while he sleeps?"

"No, I can stay here. It's my turn to make dinner though."

"Well, then someone else will have to make dinner or we'll order pizza. Just focus on Blaine today. I'll be home in an hour, my boss told me to go home earlier when I told her about Blaine."

"You don't need to do that, Carole, he's just sleeping, I can handle it."

"It's not that I don't think you can handle it, Kurt, but when one's kid are ill you want to be there as a mom. And today is a good day to go home earlier."

"You really see him as your son, don't you?"

"Yes, of course. I've been blessed with three sons, that's more than most people get! I've got to go, but I'll see you at home soon. Call me if you need anything."

"Will do. Bye." Kurt hang up and looked down on Blaine who was laying more on Kurt than on the couch.

When Carole and Burt said things that showed him that they really considered Blaine as a son it hit Kurt how lucky he was. It wasn't every family who would take in a boyfriend without hesitation. A broken boyfriend even. He had noticed during the last week that Blaine was starting to heal. He was showing more of his old self again. There had been a time when Kurt thought he had lost that Blaine for good. But now he could see glimpses of the Blaine he had met that first day at Dalton. Blaine had picked up playing the guitar, he was once again teasing Kurt for his huge wardrobe and he was back to driving Kurt crazy by ruffle his hair after it was done. Kurt looked down at the beautiful man laying with his head on Kurt's shoulder. He leaned his head down and placed a kiss on his hair before closing his eyes and letting himself drift off.

Carole came home an hour later, waking Kurt when she opened the front door. She came in to the living room and knelt next to the couch.

"Hi sweetie." She said and stroked Kurt's cheek.

"Hi." He said back.

They both looked down at Blaine, still sleeping tight. Carole stroked his cheek as well.

"Are you okay?" she looked at Kurt again.

"Yes, totally. We haven't moved since we came home. I have to get to the bathroom soon though." Kurt said.

"Well, I can help you. He seems to be sleeping pretty hard right now, so it shouldn't be a problem."

Together they started shifting Blaine on the couch so Kurt could untangle himself from the other teen. As soon as Kurt started moving though, Blaine whined and grabbed him.

"Don't leave me, please."

"I'll be right back honey, I have to go to the bathroom." Kurt said to him. He kept trying to get up with Carole's help. He finally got loose from Blaine and stood up. Blaine whined and started grabbing. Carole sat down on the couch and held out her hand. Blaine grabbed it and pulled it close to him.

"Don't leave me." he mumbled.

"We're here, sweetie. You're not alone."

"Mmmmm..." he said and shifted so he was facing Carole. He opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Hi honey." She said and stroked his hair from his eyes.

He didn't say anything but tears started running from his eyes. Carole pushed him in to a sitting position and sat down next to him and pulled him close. He leaned to her and placed his head on her shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked him with a soft voice.

Blaine shook his head and she didn't push it. She held him close and let him be. He didn't cry, but tears kept running. Kurt came back from the bathroom and sat down on the other side of Blaine. They sat like for a long time before Carole shifted Blaine's weight so he was leaning on Kurt instead. He still had tears running down his cheek. Carole wiped some away.

"I'm gonna fix some dinner." she said and got up.

Kurt shifted so he and Blaine was more laying down than sitting up. Blaine shifted with him so he was laying on him.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked him.

He felt Blaine shake his head and Kurt pulled him closer. They sat like that until Burt and Finn came home from work. Kurt could feel Blaine drifting off from time to time, he felt Blaine's body getting heavier before it twitched and he jolted awake.

Burt and Finn came into the living room and looked at Kurt but he just shook his head. Finn went upstairs to take a shower before dinner while Burt sat down on the couch. He pulled both Blaine and Kurt into his embrace.

"What's wrong kiddo?"

Blaine shook his head yet again but looked up at him. Burt met his eyes and was shocked by the pain he saw.

"Talk to us Blaine."

Blaine closed his eyes and buried his head in Burt's clothes.

"Blaine, say something." Burt asked again.

"I don't know what to say." Blaine whispered.

"Tell us what you are thinking." Burt said.

Blaine shook his head.

"It's okay Blaine, you're safe here. Nothing's gonna happen to you. We love you kiddo."

Blaine shook his head again. Burt looked at Kurt who shrugged, he had no idea what went on in Blaine's mind right now. They heard Finn coming bouncing down the stairs and in to the kitchen.

"I have to take a shower before dinner." Burt said and let go of Kurt and Blaine.

Kurt stood up and held out a hand to Blaine.

"Come on sweetie, let's eat some dinner."

Blaine took his hand and stood up. Kurt led him in to the kitchen and let go off his hand to help Finn setting the table. When he looked at Blaine again he hadn't sat down, he was looking into space and jumped when Kurt put a hand on his shoulder and pulled out a chair. Kurt pushed him down and he sat down. Kurt went over to Carole who stood by the stove.

"Carole, this is kinda scaring me." He said with a low voice.

"I know sweetie, but there isn't really anything we can do. We just have to make sure he knows he's loved and safe here."

"We have plans tonight though, we're going to play mini golf with Mercedes, Rachel and Finn."

"Okay. I think you and Finn should go, but leave Blaine here. I'll talk to him. He won't be alone."

"But..."

"No, no buts, you go out and have fun, we'll take care of him."

Kurt nodded and looked at Blaine again, sitting at the table staring unseeing with tears running down his cheeks again. Burt came down and they sat down and started eating. Blaine stared at his food but didn't eat.

Carole told Finn and Kurt to go and meet with their friends. Blaine didn't notice them leaving or the table been cleaned. When Carole had up away the food and Burt was doing the dishes, Carole kneeled next to Blaine and put a hand on his knee. He jumped at the touch and looked at Carole.

"Come on Blaine, let's go and talk in the living room. It's much more comfortable there." She held out her hand and he looked at it. He took it and followed her in to the living room.

Carole sat down on one of the couches and pulled Blaine down to sit next to her. She turned to face him and then pulled Blaine to face her. He turned and looked at her with unseeing eyes. She understood why this scared Kurt, this was something new. It was like Blaine had checked out and she had no idea what was happening inside Blaine. She took his head between her hands. It made him flinch but it also made him blink a couple of times and when he looked at her again, he was more present than he had been all night.

"Blaine, I need you to talk to me or I'm taking you to the hospital. I won't leave you alone there, I'll stay with you. But you need to speak about this. You promised Hannah so."

Blaine kept looking at her and the tears started running again.

"Blaine, please."

Blaine blinked a couple of times, trying to clear his head. It was so loud in there. He heard his father screaming at him how worthless he was over and over again. His mother was shouting what a failure he was, how she wished they had done an abortion when they had the chance. He listened to his bullies laughing at him, pointing at him, telling him what a loser he was. He heard all this at once over and over again. He knew Carole was talking to him but it was so hard for him to seperate what she was saying from all the shouting in his head.

"What?" he asked her.

"Talk to me." she begged him.

"About what?"

"What are you thinking?"

What was he thinking. He couldn't really think. It wasn't place in his brain for his thoughts, the sound of his parents and his bullies were taking up all the space. He blinked and looked at Carole who was watching him expectantly. Right, he had to answer.

"I don't know really." he said honestly.

"Blaine, please talk to me, tell me what's going on."

What was going on, Blaine thought. He didn't have an answer for her. Since Hannah had pushed him to opened the box of emotions, his head was filled with these voices, telling him now worthless he was. He had really thought he was doing progress but it was becoming clear to him that so wasn't the case. He felt the old, familiar thoughts creeping up on him. The weeks in therapy and in the Hummel family had made him stronger, more confident and less anxious. Or so he had thought. But now the box was open and the pain was pouring out. The pain was eating him alive and all he wanted was to crawl up in his room and let it consume him, it was so hard hear the hateful words over and over again.

"I... I think I'll go to my room." he mumbled and got up.

Carole stopped him by grabbing his hand and pulling him down on the couch again.

"Blaine, I can't let you be alone right now. Sure you can go to your room but I'll be there with you."

"I just want to be alone." Blaine said.

"I can understand that, but I won't let you."

"Please!" Blaine begged and tears started falling again.

Carole pulled him close and hugged him. He started sobbing and she held his shaking body.

"Please, let me be, Carole. Please." he begged her.

"No, honey, I love you too much for that."

"Please!"

"Sorry, sweetie."

Blaine let go of the last of the defense he had left and let the pain take over him. He cried and screamed in to Carole's body. Burt sat down next to them on the couch. For the next hour, Blaine cried and screamed out his pain. Carole held him, stroked his hair and told him he was safe and loved. Finally Blaine's energy was drained and he couldn't cry or scream anymore. He slumped against Carole.

Burt got up and took his shoes off him and put his legs on the couch. He helped him so he laid on the couch with his head in Carole's lap. He wasn't sleeping, but he was exhausted. Carole kept stroking his hair. Burt went in to the kitchen and came back with Tylenol and water.

"Here kiddo, you'll have a headache after this, take this." He helped Blaine to a half-sitting position so he could tak the medicine before he laid back on the couch.

Blaine stared unseeingly in front of him. His eyelids started drooping after a while and he fell asleep but jolted awake seconds later. Carole watched him drifting in and out of sleep.

"Can you get some sedatives for him? Take a double dosage." She asked Burt, who stood up and headed to the kitchen.

When he returned they pulled him up and gave him the medicine which he swallowed down without hesitation. It took 20 minutes before they kicked in and let him stay asleep. Even though he slept, he wasn't free from his hell of pain, the voices kept telling him how worthless and unlovable he was. He didn't sleep peacefully, he moved a lot and mumbled now and then. Carole kept stroking his hair and rubbing his back and arms to calm him down.

"What do you think of this?" Burt asked Carole.

"I have no idea what's going through his mind today, but he isn't doing good right now."

"You think he needs to go back to the hospital again?"

"I don't know, but I'm guessing Hannah will make that decision tomorrow. I'm going with him."

"What about work?"

"That's not nearly as important as him." Carole said.