A/N: as I said, it's a long way to recovery. :( But, he'll get there!

this is another chapter that hasn't been read by my beta.

Burt and Carole sat on the couches, watching Blaine sleep when Burt's phone signaled he had received a message.

"It's Kurt, it's started raining again so they are coming here for a movie." He said to Carole,

"Couldn't they have gone somewhere else?" Carole asked a bit annoyed.

"I'm guessing both Finn and Kurt are worried about Blaine, and want to be close if something happens."

"Yeah, you're right."

"I'll go and put on some tea." Burt said and headed to the kitchen.

When the tea was done and he had brought the cups to the living room, the front door opened and voices from four teens chatting broke the silence. Blaine reacted immediately at the sound and moved on the couch while whining in his sleep. Burt went to the hallway to tell them to keep it down. They all come in to the living room and Kurt knelt in front of Blaine. He watched Blaine's swollen face and his features filled with pain from his dreams.

Kurt stroked his hair and his cheek and pressed a light kiss on the mouth. Blaine sighed in his sleep and his hand started searching for Kurt's. Kurt captured Blaine's hand in his and he stopped moving. Kurt sat there a while, just watching Blaine.

"He's been crying."

"Yeah. We don't know why though." Carole told him.

"Okay."

The others sat down on the floor and in the other couch.

"Mom, can we watch a move here?" Finn asked.

"Yes, but not too loud and Burt and I will also stay here." Carole said.

"That's alright." Mercedes said and smiled to her.

"If Blaine would sleep in his room we all would fit on the couches." Rachel said.

"You're absolutely right." Carole said. "But if you with that statement want to tell us to move him, you can forget it. He's sleeping here, and that's that."

"I just meant that he isn't watching the tv, so he could as well sleep in his room." Rachel said.

"Yes, we'll that's not gonna happen." Burt said.

"But..." Rachel started saying.

"Rachel, just drop it." Finn said, clearly annoyed with her.

They put on The notebook and found seats around the room. Finn, Rachel and Mercedes took the other couch and Burt sat in the recliner. Kurt sat on the floor leaning on Carole's legs, still holding Blaine's hand. Carole looked more at Blaine than on the movie, it was clear he didn't sleep well. He didn't lay still and he kept mumbling. He pulled his hand out of Kurt's and started waving it. Carole grabbed it and he stopped waving.

"What is he doing?" Rachel said, now with a soft, caring voice.

Carole looked at her, thinking she was talking about the movie, but understood she was actually talking about Blaine.

"He's dreaming." Carole told her.

"About what?"

"We don't know."

Rachel smiled to her but didn't say anything else. The rest of the movie was watched on silence. Carole felt Kurt becoming heavier against her legs and after a while she saw his head lolled forward before jerking up again. She put her hand on top of his head and made his head loll backwards against her legs again.

When the movie ended Burt, Rachel and Mercedes were crying while Finn was trying to hide he was crying. He stood up, stretched and wiped his eyes while clearing his throat.

"Mom, you're like a pillow." he said and nodded towards the sleeping Blaine and Kurt.

"Yes, that's one of the perks of being a mother." she said with a smile.

"Should I take them to their room?"

"No, I'll wake Kurt up, and we'll see about Blaine. You can say goodbye to your friends."

Rachel and Mercedes got up and headed to the front door. Burt got up from the recliner and knelt next to Kurt.

"Hey buddy?" he said and shook him lightly.

"Mmmhmmm?" Kurt said but didn't open his eyes.

"Come on, buddy, let's get you to bed."

"I'm not tired..." he mumbled, still with closed eyes.

"Yeah, I can totally see that." Burt said with irony. "But if you're not tired, then you can go to your room by yourself."

"Mmmhmmm... In a minute."

"I'm gonna pick you up now buddy." Burt said and lifted easily Kurt from the floor. Kurt didn't wake up properly, he leaned his head against his father's shoulder and let him be carried to Blaine's room. Carole slowly got up from the couch trying not to wake Blaine. She replaced her lap with a pillow under his head. She hurried in to Blaine's room and helped Burt undress Kurt and eased him down under the covers.

"What is it with our kids? Why can't they get undressed and into their beds by themselves?" Burt asked Carole.

"To be honest, I think it's because they are feeling so safe here that they could let go off all their masks and defences that teenagers in general are struggling with. When they are at home they can be themselves and allow themselvds be small and in need of care taking. It's a good thing Burt."

"You're so wise."

"I know! Shall we take the next one?"

Burt nodded and they went to the living room where Finn had laid down on the couch and was zapping through channels. Carole looked at Blaine who still was sleeping, not peacefully though, his forehead was wrinkled and he was moving his head from side to side. She stroked his hair which made him stopped the movements.

"Blaine, what's going on with you?" she said with a soft, hushed voice. Then she turned to Burt and he slowly lifted Blaine from the couch. Blaine jerked by the movement but didn't wake up. They undressed him and laid him next to Kurt. They both shifted so they were closer together, Blaine with an arm across Kurt's torso and a leg across his legs. It was a sight of love and both Burt and Carole smiled at them.

He was furious. He was screaming on the top of his lungs. Blaine couldn't make out any words though. He had seen Blaine crying in the car and had gone out to him. He had asked why he was crying and Blaine had honestly told him it was because he missed his mother. That had set off this insane fury. Blaine had been ripped out of the car and dragged in the house. He had been beaten so many times he had lost count. His father had kicked him when he lost his balance. He had been kicked in the balls twice and he had blacked out both times.

He had now disappeared and Blaine got up on shaky legs. He leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. It hurt like hell and he knew his ribs were damaged again. He heard a loud bang from upstairs and looked up. His father had fallen down the stairs to the attic and was now pulling himself up on his feet. He descended the stairs and stood in front of Blaine with an evil smile on his lips. Blaine didn't understand why he was smiling until he looked down and saw it. His father was holding a gun and was slowly pointing it to him. When he had raised it to point to Blaine's head he smiled even bigger.

"Bye, bye Blaine!" he said with a grin before the he gun went off.

Blaine jumped at the sound of the gun going off. He sat up in his bed. His heart was beating a million beats a minute. He tried to take a couple of deep breaths to calm him down, but it didn't help. How could he had forgotten his father had tried to shot him? If Blaine hadn't ducked and pushed him, he would have been dead now. How screwed up was he when even his father tried to kill him? Not just beaten, not just kicked or not just wanted him dead, but he actually had fire a gun at him. He closed his eyes and tried to remember good things, like Hannah had told him to do when he was feeling bad. He felt the bed shifted and looked down. Kurt! Kurt was laying next to him. He laid down again and tried to get as close as possible to Kurt. He looked at him, his boyfriend sleeping next to him.

He was so lucky he had Kurt. Kurt had saved his life. Kurt was the love of his life. He would never find anyone as good as him. He was everything he wanted in life - he was funny, intelligent, witty, beautiful and sexy. And Blaine was... What? What was he? He was a basket case. He was a screw up and a failure. He was intruding on a family. He was such a loser. He couldn't get his own parents to love him. Shouldn't that be in the law book for parents, they were suppose to love their kids no matter what? But he had been such a stupid, disgusting child not even his parents could love him.

Now he had forced two grown ups to tell him they loved him and that he had a home here. That was somehow the ultimate proof that he was stupid and selfish. But without them he would be all alone. He didn't have anyone else in this world who cared for him. He felt the panic take over his body. He sat up on the bed again. He needed to do something, he couldn't take it anymore, he need release. The anxiety was taking over. He looked around the room and was surprised to see Burt sleeping in one of the recliners that normally stood in the living room.

He got up on his feet and headed out from his room. He went to the kitchen and took out the extra sedatives from the cupboard. He pour himself a glass of water and opened the box of pills. He shook out one and swallowed it down, he looked down in to the box. It was nearly filled with pills. It would be so easy to take them all and go to sleep. And sleep forever and never have to be a bother to everyone anymore. He shook out the content of the box into his hand. They were just medicine. Small, white tablets. How easy it would be swallow them. Could he swallow them all at once or did he had to divided them into smaller portions? How would it feel when they started to have effect? Would he just fall asleep or would he be sick?

He suddenly got an urge to try. He raised his hand with all the pills to his mouth before he remember what he had promised Hannah earlier that day. He lowered his fist and poured the medicine back to the yellow box. He sighed and looked longingly at the box before he put it down on the counter and went upstairs. He knocked lightly on Burt's and Carole's bedroom door before opening it. Carole was sleeping, facing the door. Blaine hesitated before going in and sitting down on the bed. He put his hand on her shoulder and shook her lightly. She stirred immediately and opened her eyes. When she saw it was Blaine she sat up and turned on the lamp on the bedside table. She pulled him in her embrace.

"What's wrong honey? Why are you crying?"

"I am? I wasn't aware." Blaine said when Carole wiped away some of the tears.

He had to take a couple of deep breaths to be able to speak to her.

"I'm sorry to wake you, but I kinda promised Hannah I'd speak to you if my thoughts were... bad..."

Carole pulled out of the embrace to look at Blaine properly.

"And they are bad now?" she asked softly.

Blaine nodded and looked down.

"Do you want to go to the hospital?"

Blaine looked at her with wide eyes and shook his head.

"Then I need you to talk to me, Blaine."

He nodded and looked down again.

"I... We..." he took a deep breath to collect his thoughts before looking up at her again.

"Today, Hannah made me go through my thoughts and feelings from when I wanted to kill myself and when I hurt myself. And after that, my head is filled with these memories. I constantly hear my father screaming at me what a worthless piece of shit I am, my mother's shouting what a failure and waste of space I am, and how much she wished she had had money to do the abortion. And then I hear the voices from the bullies throughout the years, informing me what a loser I am - ugly, loser, faggot, filthy, dirty, disgusting...

"It's like it's on repeat in my head. And the more I hear it, the more it makes sense and the more I start to believe it again. And then I had this dream. A memory. It was a memory that came to me. I can't believe I forgot it. Who forgets stuff like that? What's wrong with me? My father... He..." Blaine looked down and swallowed down the sobs threatening to escape.

"It was an afternoon after school. It was around the time Kurt started Dalton. I remember it, because he had been talking about you guys and what you were doing that weekend. I sat in my car in the driveway looking at the house. My father had been... worse then ever. He was after me. He kicked and beat me every day. So, I sat there in my car and let me feel sad. I missed my mother. I longed for her, for another life, for love, for belonging... I was crying and suddenly my father was outside the car. He asked me why I was crying, and I told him I missed my mother.

"Then he pulled me, dragged me in to the house. When we came inside he started beating me and kicking me. And then suddenly he was gone. I thought he was done for the day and stood up. But then, there he was in front of me. Smiling. Big. I didn't know why he was smiling but then I noticed he was holding something. He was holding a gun. He raised his gun and pointed it to me. To my head. He pointed a gun to my head. He smiled even bigger and then fired it. He fired a gun at my head. He tried to kill me. My father. Shoot at me." He couldn't speak anymore, he was sobbing too much.

Carole pulled him close to him and hugged him tight. She felt his small body shake with sobs. She stroked his hair, rubbed his back and told him she loved him and that he was safe. Now and then she had to wipe away her own tears as well. After twenty minutes she felt the sobs dying down and his body becoming heavier.

"Come on, sweetie, let's lay you down."

She pulled him so he could lay down on the pillow and pulled the covers over him. He opened his swollen, tear filled eyes when she moved him. She laid down next to him and stroked his hair. It didn't take many seconds before his eyelids started drooping and he fell asleep. She laid there looking at him. She had to digest what he had told her before she could go back to sleep. This poor, little kid. How much hate could he take? Her thoughts were disturbed by the sound of someone climbing the stairs. Burt popped his head in.

"Blaine is gone!" He said in a stressed voice.

Carole shook her head and lifted the cover and showed him their sleeping son. Burt let out a breath and sighed.

"I fell asleep." Burt whispered. "Sorry."

"It's okay. He came in here maybe 45 minutes ago. You can go and sleep in Kurt's bed. I'll wake you if we need you."

"Okay. Did he say anything?"

"Yes, but I'll tell you sometime when you're not about to try and fall asleep soon."

"It's that bad?"

Carole nodded and looked down at Blaine who was starting dreaming again. She stroked his hair again and it calmed him down. Burt nodded and said good night and went in to Kurt's room to get some more sleep. Carole closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep.

It was Christmas evening. Blaine woke up with a headache. He groaned and looked around in his bedroom. It was filthy and dirty. Clothes were everywhere. He stumbled up out of his bed and into the bathroom. He sat down on the toilet and relieved himself. Afterwards he got up and looked in the mirror. The 30 year old him met his eyes in mirror. He looked like hell. He needed to find something to drink. He stumbled out to the kitchen and opened the fridge. He took out a bottle of beer. When he closed the door his eyes landed on the only Christmas card he had received this year.

Merry Christmas from Burt and Carole

He took it and looked at it and the familiar feeling of loneliness filled him, he slid down to the floor looking at the card. If he had been better he would still have them in his lives. But he messed up that chance, just by being himself. Kurt had left him as soon as he had gone off to college. Burt and Carole had let him stay in their house until he graduated high school but after that he was out. Then he was all alone. And it had been that way since then. No one cared if he lived or died. He was a worthless piece of shit, just like his father had told him. He hugged the Christmas card to his body when he started crying. He was lonely and worthless. He was such a loser.

Carole hadn't fallen asleep when Blaine started crying. He was hugging himself and moved from side to side while he cried. Carole shook him to wake him up and he immediately opened his eyes and woke up. He started crying and pulled away from Carole who wouldn't let him.

"Don't pull away, talk to me instead." she said

"I just… I feel so lonely. I know I have you, Kurt, Burt and Finn but I just feel so lonely. You're a family, you know. I just… I have nobody. No one needs me Carole. I feel so alone. I just wanna disappear."

"We need you Blaine. I need you, Kurt needs you, we all need you. You are a part of this family. We aren't a family without you Blaine."

"Well, you were. And you can go back to that family real easy. Don't you see that Carole?! What am I supposed to say when people ask about my parents? What should I say to them? Imagine I go away to college and people are going home for thanksgiving? Where am I supposed to go? I'll be staying all alone in my dorm. Don't you see that it's my destiny to be alone? And without a family? You don't get it Carole. My father and mother have destroyed my life forever. I will never have a family that got my back. I'll always be alone."

"But Blaine, what about us?" Carole was interrupted by Blaine.

"Yes, I know. But soon high school is over and you don't have to take me in anymore. I know that you probably won't kick me out day after graduation. But when I go to college, what will I do then? And what about college? I know my mother had saved money for my college tuition, now they are gone since my father decided to drink them up. So, I guess no college for me. Great. Another reason for me to die.

"Carole I can't do this. I don't wanna do this anymore. There are no reason for me to fight it anymore. The only thing it will lead to is me being lonely. And guess what? That's what I am now. You don't get it Carole. You live here in your nice house with your nice husband and your nice two sons. You have a good education and a good work. What the fuck am I gonna do, Carole? What? What's in my future? Loneliness and failure? Well, that's where I am right now."

"Blaine, listen to me, please."

"Don't Blaine-listen-to-me-please! You have no idea, Carole. You're living a dream life but you have no idea!" Blaine screamed at her.

"No one have an idea of what I'm going through. No one gets it. NO ONE. I WISH I LIVED MY FATHER AGAIN CAROLE, THAT WAY I WOULD BE TREATED THE WAY I DESERVE. I CAN'T STAND IT BEING HERE. IT'S JUST PROLONGING UNTIL MY REAL LIFE BEGINS. I CAN'T TAKE THIS CAROLE."

Carole stopped trying to talk to him, he wouldn't, couldn't, listen to her now. She looked at him as he got up from the bed while screaming at her. She wasn't sure who he was screaming at – her, himself, his father, his mother or the world. He stumbled on the carpet and fell on his knees. He started pounding on the floor over and over again. He had stopped screaming words, and was now screaming out his pain, his agony, his hell. Carole glanced up and saw Burt standing in the doorway. She pointed to the stairs and showed him a syringe with her hands. He nodded and headed downstairs.

Carole got up and knelt next to Blaine. He didn't notice her presence and she didn't touch him. She sat there and watched him punch the floor while screaming his lungs out. It didn't take long before Burt came back with the syringe and handed it to Carole. She put a hand on Blaine's arm.

"Blaine, I'm gonna give you an injection now."

She didn't think Blaine heard her. She gave him the injection and she and Burt waited for it to kick in. It took about a minute before Blaine slumped against the floor. Burt picked him up and laid him back on the bed. Carole sat down next to him. He opened his eyes and looked at her.

"I have to go back to the hospital, right?" he slurred.

"Yes, you do, Blaine." she said to him.

"I'm so sorry Carole."

"You have nothing to apologize for honey, it's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. We love you Blaine."

"I love you, mommy Carole." Blaine mumbled while his eyes drooped close.

Carole felt her heart swell in her chest by the "mommy Carole". She looked at Burt who wiped away his tears and smiled sadly at her.

"Can you get a phone? I have to call the ward and talk to them. I want to know if they want us to take him in now or tomorrow."