HURRRRR. My chapter spam. FEAR IT.

For some reason I don't have inspiration for a lot of other stories, so I'm all "Meh. I'll write more hints." Because they are FUN.

Here's our first chapter of all the things not to do with Doc Knock. I apologize as parts of a couple hints are a bit... dark/emotional. XD But you will like that as well, yes? YES~

Alright! We'll have one more chap of this, then a couple more general rules, then... I have another theme chapter planned which I will need you guys to contribute to! But I'm not telling yet~

Feel free to send in more general suggestions or such, though it won't be till after next chappie till I get to any of them. Okies? 8D

Hope you enjoy this one!

16. The first thing you need to know: NEVER customize Knock Out's finish without permission.

(I... learned this the hard way, as I seem to learn everything else.)

(Knock Out's steps for obtaining permission are as follows:)

"1) Obtain written permission from moi.

2) Type it word for word onto a datapad.

3) Check it with moi.

4) Double check it with Breaky.

5) Print it.

6) Shred it.

7) Decompose it.

8) Put it in Breaky's rock garden. It needs fertilized."

(Like hell I was going through all that trouble just so Breakdown didn't have to take care of his own rock garden!)

(What does a rock garden need fertilization for, anyway? They're rocks. They don't have babies.)

(I want to destroy that rock garden. It's like the equivalent of a gay couple getting a dog to fill the child void, but with Knock Out and Breakdown it's just annoying.)

(One day, I walked into the Med Bay during Breakdown's break. Knock Out was sleeping. In Med Bay. In car form. With no witnesses.)

(He really should know better.)

(I happily went to town, painting Knock Out this obnoxiously neon shade of blue. I also attached cardboard wings to him with tape.)

(Breakdown came back from his break just as I was taping them on. He almost spit out his energon when he saw what I was doing.)

(Luckily, I was able to snap a few pictures before he woke Doc Knock up.)

(Needless to say he was... not happy.)

(He threatened several times over to do surgery on me and remove all my unnecessary organs. You know... gallbladder, appendix, spleen, one kidney.)

(Thank goodness I have a guardian who wouldn't let Knock Out lay a claw on me unless it was a medical emergency.)

(He pretty much hid me until Doc Knock was over the whole fiasco.)

(Also, they made me delete the picture.)

(... But not before I posted it on my blog.)

(So far it's the post with the most hits! I call the picture... Shattered Glass: Seeker Knock Out.)

(Someone even wants me to make an action figure!)

(I can't blame them - blue Doc Knock sleeping is actually kind of adorable.)

(If he ever found out, I don't know if he'd be mad at me for posting it... or flattered that people love him.)

(Probably a little of both.)

17. "Yo' mama" jokes are only funny if they're not about Knock Out's mama.

(How was I supposed to know his femme creator was the 'Con version of Florence Nightingale?)

(If I knew that, I never would have made jokes about her.)

(In my defense - I seem to say that a lot - it seemed like Doc Knock was having a bad day. I was just trying to cheer him up a little.)

(When Knock Out's sad or upset, believe me, nobody wins.)

(Clinic duty is no fun if Knock Out's depressed; Breakdown had no idea what was wrong, and Doc wouldn't tell us.)

(So I told Breakdown my idea, and he decided to go along with it.)

"Hey Knock Out! Yo' mama sooooo fat, when she steps on the scale, it says 'To Be Continued'!"

(That was my contribution. And no, before you ask, it's not a way to deal with my own weight. I just think that joke is hilarious.)

(Breakdown's 2 cents?)

"Doc, your femme creator's so old, during her final exam, she cheated off Alpha Trion! Hahahaha!"

(Why exactly that was funny, I'll never know. Breakdown is one of those guys who isn't very good at pattern jokes.)

(Or maybe it's just because I have no idea who Alpha Trion is.)

(Knock Out didn't seem to be laughing at all, so I tried again.)

"Hey! Yo' mama soooooo stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch! Yo' mama so stupid, she sold her car for gas money!"

"Yo' mama soooooooooo UGLY-"

(And apparently that was there he drew the line.)

(He turned around, starting throwing wrenches at us, and threatened to take a blowtorch to Breakdown's good optic.)

(He even chased us around the ship. Breakdown had to pick me up and hold me while he ran so I wouldn't get trampled over.)

(And Knock Out was furiously yelling how his mother had revolutionized the Decepticon medical field, and how dare we dishonor her memory, especially on her creation day.)

(How were we supposed to know she was dead?! We wouldn't have said anything if we knew that was why he was upset!)

(... Come on, Knock Out.)

(How many times do we have to say we're sorry?!)

18. Street racing with Knock Out... should probably not happen ever again.

(For one thing, it's insanely dangerous. The fast speeds, it's usually at night, and people are cheaters, cheaters, pumpkin eaters.)

(For another... Starscream is an unbelievably jealous person. If he even thinks you're trying to steal me from him, he'll be on you like soy sauce on a wonton.)

(And yes, all my similes involve food, so get used to it. I got a million of these.)

(Anyway. Slow days in Med Bay are the worst, because I'm not allowed to throw paper footballs anymore. Just because one hit Breakdown on his optic patch. It was an accident,

Breakdown, sheesh, ya ever heard of 'em?)

(After a little while of me happily sitting beside Breakdown, organizing the papers he'd given me to keep me busy and make me feel helpful, Knock Out shut down his computer and announced that he was heading out to do some street racing.)

(... You know what's coming, don't you?)

(Come on, I had to ask to go with him! My nature wouldn't just let me sit by while he had all these awesome street racing adventures.)

(I mean, I love Starscream and all. But if Knock Out took me racing... it would be like that movie Herbie, but the car would be able to talk.)

(Not to mention, if the movie had been Knock Out instead of Herbie, we'd have a whole lot more girls with car fetishes out there. Just sayin'.)

(He reluctantly let me come, only if I promised not to take any human food inside. Or touch his gearshift. Or his steering wheel. Or the gas and brake pedals. Or...)

(Well, let's just say the only thing I was allowed to touch was the seat. I'm not kidding, he buckled me in himself because he didn't even want me touching the seatbelt.)

(Long story short, some obnoxious asshole ran us off the road.)

(And while I wasn't hurt, Knock Out was whining over the radio about how his finish was ruined now - which normally I wouldn't care about. But he was also on the verge of tears.)

(The small strips he can paint over, but getting run off the road gave him quite a few deep scratches. He was upset about his paint, but he was also upset because... I mean, imagine. It hurt him pretty bad.)

(Luckily, there was an buzzsaw on the backseat. I grabbed it, got out, and proceeded to chase the dickhead driver of the other car around until he beat it.)

(I even managed to put a few nice dents in the hood of his ugly little powder-blue Prius before he wet himself and drove off.)

(My guardian may be Starscream. I may be as loyal to him as the sky is blue. And I'd never want any other bot as a guardian. But he's not the only one I'm loyal to.)

(When I heard Knock Out practically breaking down crying in pain, I downshifted into my Decepticon mentality, and my first instinct was to fight.)

(Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, hurts my friends and gets away with it.)

(As bad as Knock Out can be sometimes, I know he's got my back, just like everyone else.)

(You hurt him, or any of my other friends, and I will tear you a fucking new one.)

(He was actually grateful, and took me back before anything else happened.)

(Unfortunately, Starscream found out. And got jealous. And tried to take me racing.)

(Remember Hint #7?)

(...)

(Let's just say, Dreadwing finally got to see Starscream do a faceplant.)

19. If you want to get rid of Knock Out for a little while... here's how you do it.

(Keep in mind, though, you can pretty much only do this once.)

(Because once you do, he'll be on to your little game. And if you ever try it again, you'll get a giant metal foot aimed at your face. Which is breakable.)

(Clinic duty is amusing enough, but Steve coming into the clinic to get patched up is... a little awkward.)

(But ever since Hint #13, I've been starting to see Steve as... well, kind of cute, I guess, if a bit odd. A potential boyfriend.)

(I mean, come on. No one else has shown any fragging interest in me since I came aboard the ship - other than the ship itself in my own mind.)

(If I chase him away, who'll date me? Nobody else who's met me, that's for sure.)

(So I wanted to maybe talk to him a while, but since he's always busy, the only time I saw him besides weekends was when he came to Med Bay. This time it was for a bunch of scratches - poor guy must have mouthed off to Starscream again.)

(I had to think up a plan to distract Knock Out so that Steve and I could be alone.)

(Breakdown was sick with a cyber-cold and was practically quarantined in his room, so if I could get rid of Doc Knock for a little while, there wouldn't be any interruptions.)

(So I stared at Knock Out's backside as he was patching Steve up, and suddenly thought of something.)

"Hey, Doc? Doc. You got a chip in your paint."

(He immediately stopped, and turned around to look.)

"Where? Where?"

(I pointed to a random spot.)

"Right there! You can't see it, but I can. Come on, it's right there. You better go fix that before it gets any worse."

(So of course he rushed out of the room, leaving Steve and I alone.)

(I happily picked up where Doc Knock had left off, fixing the Vehicon's scratches. And started talking to him.)

(I expected Knock Out to come back after a while, once he realized his finish was fine.)

(But an hour later, I was finished fixing Steve and we were sitting there awkwardly, having run out of questions for each other.)

(Another two hours of sitting there in awkward silence, and I suggested maybe we should go make Breakdown some soup.)

(So we did. And took it to him. And fed him. And he kind of threw up. And we cleaned it up. And took care of him for a while. TLC and all that.)

(By bedtime, neither of us had seen hide nor hair of Doc Knock.)

(In fact, we didn't see him for another two days. We were nervous and had decided to take care of Breakdown the entire time, waiting for Knock Out to come busting through the door any minute and yell at me.)

(At the end of the second day, we fell asleep in Breakdown's room.)

(We woke up taped to the ceiling, next to each other, while Knock Out was happily shooting a confetti cannon at us. Also, we'd been covered in glue. So you can guess how it turned out.)

(Believe it or not, that wasn't even the worst of it.)

(Apparently, by this time, we'd been taking such good care of Breakdown that Steve had managed to catch his cold.)

(So for an entire day, I was stuck on the ceiling, being tormented by an insane medic, next to a Vehicon who was sneezing glitter.)

(...)

(Somehow, that wasn't the weirdest day of my life.)

20. The stuff in Knock Out's storage room? Just ignore it. JUST IGNORE IT AND HOPE IT'LL GO AWAY.

(You think you know how weird Knock Out is?)

(Pssh.)

(Let me tell you right now, no matter how weird you think he is, no matter what kind of stories you've got...)

(I can top it.)

(Just getting that right out of the way.)

(Since Knock Out flat-out refuses to take me racing anymore after the little Hint #18 debacle - something about thinking I'm bad luck - he now goes by himself again, leaving Breakdown to watch over Med Bay.)

(And, during Tuesdays, Breakdown to watch over me as well. Babysitter Breakers for the win!)

(Usually I don't give him too much trouble. He's an okay guy - probably about as close to morally sound as a Decepticon can get.)

(Unlike Knock Out, he actually lets me help him with things, but he was on top of things for the day. So he told me that I could "take a nap or... go to the bathroom or... eat. Or whatever... you know... you do.")

(Sigh. Breakdown. You're a great babysitter and all, but really, you can be boring sometimes.)

(So, without anything better to do, I started doing a bit of exploring.)

(I hadn't been around Med Bay except for the main area that much, so I wanted to see what the rest of the place was like.)

(One door, as I discovered, led to Knock Out's quarters. How did I know? Well, for one thing, it was all painted red. Plus, it smelled like a Valentine card farted in there.)

(I... legged it out of there pretty fast. All I did was poke my head in for maybe thirty seconds.)

(I think the fumes got to me.)

(The back part of the room looked like it was straight out of Dr. G.: Medical Examiner. Sinks and stuff, probably where they washed body parts in? Shudder.)

(I didn't stay too long there either. I felt if I lingered too long, vengeful spirits would rise out of the drain and possess what little brain I had left.)

(And they would not be happy about being stuck in a little human girl.)

(Then came the storage room - which Breakdown says should be renamed the storage closet.)

(I... will never forget what I saw in there. Mostly because it was the most horrifying thing I've ever laid squishy eyes on.)

(There were boxes of medical supplies at first - face shields, servo protectors, tissues, patches, aprons, extra welders and buffers and soldering irons and wrenches and... such. All seems pretty normal for a robot medic's storage room, right? Nothing hush-hush in here, I thought.)

(Boy-y-y-y-y-y, did I think wrong.)

(The further back I got, I started to see some... disturbing things in the boxes.)

(For one thing, I saw different tips for his energon prod. They were different sizes, marked by voltage.)

(One of them was 2000 volts. What the hell.)

(Also, there was a box with my name on it. Out of blatant curiosity, I took a peek inside.)

(Inside was a cute little teddy bear, which said it was for the next time he had to give me surgery. That was a little weird, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt because maybe he was just trying to be nice.)

(But also inside that box, there was a thing that looked like a collar. With settings and a remote. Apparently a shock collar for if I ever acted up beyond what I'd been doing.)

(That... terrified me.)

(The thing that clinched my decision to leave was the back shelf, where there was some poor bot's detached optic floating in a jar of energon.)

(I stared at it for a minute.)

(Then it blinked at me.)

(I ran out, screaming and crying to Breakdown.)

(Damn, if he'd known I was venturing into the storage room, he said he would have stopped me. Once he got me to stop crying, he told me neither of us could mention this to Knock Out.)

(I crossed my heart and promised not to say a word to him. However, I did tell Starscream and swore him to secrecy as well.)

(Unfortunately, the nightmares still haven't stopped... and Starscream's getting annoyed.)

(I think he's even contemplating taking me to Doc Knock and having him cut into my brain, just to make it all stop.)

(After what I saw in the storage room... Starscream, you should know that's the last thing that would help!)

XD MY HINTS ARE SO OBNOXIOUSLY LONG. I'M SORRY.

Don't forget to send suggestions for general rules for now, if you have any, and GOOD NIGHT DENVER~

Thankies for reading! ^^