A/N: good morning guys! It almost 6 am and freezing here. Wish I could stay inside and write all day, but I'm off to work now!
Here's part two of the conversation. Hope you like it!
once again, thanks to my beta, Lauren, she's the best!
Kurt and Blaine both woke about an hour later with swollen eyes. They smiled at each other and laid still and quiet for a while.
"So, I talked." Blaine broke the silence.
"You did."
"I'm so scared."
"I know. I am too." Kurt confessed.
"What are you scared of?" Blaine looked at him.
"Of losing you. I'm scared that you'll see me as the one I was before I went to Dalton and be repulsed by it. I was weak then, I let myself be pushed around. Hell, once I even poured a slushie over myself."
"What?"
"Yeah, it was the early days of New Directions and I did it for Finn you could say."
"Kurt, I knew you before you started Dalton."
"But you didn't know me like now."
"It doesn't matter. I knew you back then. I fell in love with you before Dalton. It would take some time to come to my senses, but I did know who you were. And you were perfect. You were not weak, Kurt. Not at all. You were pushed around, yes, but you refused to still be pushed around. You did everything in your power to stop that. And that meant changing schools. That wasn't weak, that was strong. It's scary as hell transferring schools, that's not just something you do easy! Kurt, you're perfect and I love you so much."
"That's how you see me?"
"Yes, that's part of how I see you. And it doesn't matter if you'll change, I'll still always love you and I'll always be on your side. You need to remember that. If we're in this for the long run, we both will change. You were the one who said in at Kristen's; change is part of growing. And I get that you'll not be the same Kurt as you were at Dalton. Everyone is different in different places. That's how it should be."
"I love you Blaine. You're perfect."
"You're perfect!"
Kurt smiled to Blaine and kissed him.
"We have to talk about your fears." He said after they had shared a sweet kiss.
"I know." Blaine sighed and looked away from Kurt.
"You're afraid of making friends and you're afraid of not making friends. Can you explain this to me?"
"Yeah..." Blaine shifted so he was lying on his back facing the ceiling.
"I'm afraid of making friends, because I've never really have friends. It's always scary to let people in. It doesn't get easier because I have let you in, and Carole, and Lane and Hannah. It is still scary, the thought of meeting someone new and not knowing if they are going to hurt you or not.
"And I'm scared of not making friends. I have gone through life without friends, thinking it was easier. But then I watch you with your friends and I see how much they mean to you, and then I think what if I had that?"
"But, honey, you do have that." Kurt said making Blaine turn back to face him.
"What?"
"You do have friends. You have Puck who will do anything to protect you. You have Finn you truly sees you as a brother. You have Sam who calls you all the time and wants to talk and hang out with you. And you have Lane who I know you talk to about a lot of things.
"And at McKinley, you'll have all that. And you'll get to know the glee club. The New Directions are a weird family but they will welcome you with open arms. Not just because you're my boyfriend and Finn's brother or because you have a voice even Rachel is envious about, but because of who you are."
"But, Kurt... I can't join the glee club."
"What? Why do you say that? Of course you can!"
"Honey, I do want to join, but I can't. I'll have therapy with Hannah twice a week and group once a week."
"Group once a week?"
"Yes, they have made changes because everyone is starting school now."
"Oh, okay."
"That's three afternoons. And you have to remember that I still haven't been able to be awake an entire day since March. I can't join the glee club, I don't have the energy or the time."
Kurt laid there, blinking a couple of times.
"Kurt?" Blaine's worried voice brought him back to reality.
"Yes, sorry! I just... I hear what you are saying and I know you're right... It's just... I had really looked forward singing with you. Going to glee together, holding hands..."
"I'm sorry I haven't told you before, I thought it was obvious when we talked about the therapy and school."
"I think I might have not to puzzle the pieces together..."
"Aw, honey, I really want to sing with you in the glee club as well, but really, I can't."
"I understand, Blainey." Kurt said and leaned in towards Blaine.
"Well, whether you're in New Directions or not, the glee club members are your friends. They will have your back. Where is Lane starting school?"
"She doesn't know yet. Her mom doesn't want to let her go to school. I think they are looking in to homeschooling."
"Why doesn't her mom want her to go to school?"
"I think its guilt, the last time she let her daughter go, it ended in chaos. Lane is working with Hannah to get her mom to realize it's not the same thing... I don't know really."
"Okay. Well, it's okay to be unsure about people, and it's not strange that you have trust issues. And unfortunately the only way to know of you can trust people or not is to try. It sucks, but that's life."
"I know... but... It's scary."
"I know. It's scary for everyone, Blaine."
"Really?"
"Yes! Honey! Everyone is scared!"
Blaine sighed and shifted to look up at the ceiling again.
"Kurt, I'm such a fuck-up!"
"What? No, no, no! You're definitely not a fuck-up, why do you say that?"
"I'm so fucked-up, Kurt! I have so many issues. I cry and cry and cry. I have anxiety all the time. I'm in fucking therapy and still, I'm all messed up. I'm fucking 17 years old and I can't go an entire day without taking a nap! I'm like a fucking 2 year old. It's so embarrassing!"
Once again Blaine's voice went from yelling to sobs. Kurt was there, like he always would be, to hold him tight and make him remember that he was loved no matter what. When Blaine had calmed down again Kurt leaned away from him to be able to look at him properly.
"Blaine, look at me." He said and waited until he had Blaine's full attention.
"Listen to me carefully now."
Blaine nodded and Kurt continued;
"I love you and I always will. Please don't talk about like that. Please. You break my heart when you talk like that. I physically hurt. You're the best thing in my life and hearing someone talking bad about the one thing I care the most about makes me so angry and so sad, Blaine."
"What?"
"You're not the only one hurting. I'm not telling you this for you to feel guilty. I'm telling you this because you need to know that I'm on your side. I'll always be on your side. I love you, every side of you. To me, you're perfect. Everything about you is perfect, Blaine. There isn't one thing I would change about you if I got the chance. I would take away your pain and your anxiety. But you need to know that I love you, even the parts you hate, Blaine. I love you, honey. I always will. Okay?"
Blaine looked at Kurt with tears running down his cheeks. He leaned back into Kurt's embrace.
"You know what, Blaine? I am scared of going back to McKinley, but the fear ebbs away when I remember that you're going to be there with me. I know that it doesn't matter what life throws at me, because you will be next with to me all the way."
"Oh, Kurt..."
"It's the truth, honey."
"I love you so much!" Blaine said and looked up at Kurt.
"I love you too." Kurt said. "Can you promise me something?"
Blaine nodded.
"I need you to talk with Hannah about this. About the fear of having flashbacks and the fear of falling of sleep. Like I said, I'm no Hannah, you need to speak to her about that. Can you do that?"
Blaine nodded again.
"I will. Tomorrow."
"Thank you. I love you so much."
"Love you too." Blaine said and snuggled closer.
"Wanna watch a movie?" Kurt asked knowing how much this conversation had taken its toll on Blaine.
"Yes." Blaine whispered. "Can we stay here though?"
"Of course. What movie?"
"Juno?"
"Sure."
Kurt went up and looked through his DVD collection. He turned back to the bed where Blaine was crawling further down under the cover. He looked spent.
"It's downstairs, I'll go and get it." Kurt said.
"Okay." Blaine said.
Kurt went downstairs and into the living room where Carole was watching tv. She looked up when he entered the room.
"Hi. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, it's okay."
"Burt told me you and Blaine had a rough time?"
"Rough time, I don't know about that, we talked about starting public school. Something Blaine apparently had chosen not to talk about even with Hannah. It took some coaxing for him to open up. And you know after he's open up about something this big, he..."
"He gets exhausted, yes, I know." Carole finished for him.
"Where's dad?"
"He went to the grocery store. We were talking about ordering pizza for dinner, does that sounds good?"
"That sounds awesome!"
"We'll come up with it to you when it comes; I'm guessing the two of you aren't leaving the bed today?"
"It sure seems like that... I have to go up to see if he's still awake up there."
"What are the odds?"
"Not big, but, still, I promised him we should watch a movie."
"Okay, see you later!"
Kurt nodded and went upstairs with Juno in his hands. To his big surprise he found Blaine awake, still in bed under the covers. He was staring unseeingly in front of him, a clear sign of him being worn out. Kurt put on the DVD and crawled in bed next to his fiancé.
"Hi hon." He said to Blaine.
"Hi my love." Blaine answered back.
They cuddled close and started watching the movie. Kurt felt Blaine fall asleep before Juno had told her parents she was pregnant. Kurt looked over to make sure he was lying comfortable. The sight of Blaine sleeping always made his heart swell. He looked so small and so vulnerable. It made Kurt's protective side kick in.
He combed some of Blaine's curls and pressed a light kiss on his head. Blaine hummed in his sleep and snuggled closer. He pressed his face into Kurt's upper arm and sighed content. Kurt smiled at him and looked back to the tv.
An hour later Carole knocked on their door and Kurt smiled to her when she entered.
"The pizzas are going to be here soon." She said. "Do you wanna eat here?"
"Is that okay?" Kurt asked,
"Of course, this isn't a normal day in this house." She said and sat down on the desk chair.
Kurt was about to answer her when Finn entered the room.
"Food?" He said and plopped down on the armchair in the room.
"God Finn! Only you can come in to a room and say food!" Carole said fondly to him.
"Well, are we having any?" He asked her.
"We're waiting for pizza." Carole confirmed.
"Cool. Where's Blaine?"
Kurt pulled the cover off the still sleeping who had crawled down even further.
"Have the two of you left the bed at all today?" Finn asked. "Nothing sexual intended."
"No, we haven't. Well, we went to the bathroom. And we both had gone downstairs. Does that count?"
"No, it doesn't!" Burt answered from the doorway, his arms filled with pizza boxes. "I can't remember one day where you had stayed in bed all day, Kurt. Even when you're sick you force yourself up."
"Blaine has a bad influence on me, it's obvious!" Kurt chuckled.
"Yeah, but we still love him!" Finn said and looked at Burt. "Food now?"
"Yes, food now!" Burt said and put down the boxes.
He started to hand out the boxes, water bottles and napkins.
"What movie are we watching?" He said when he was done.
"We are eating here?" Finn asked.
"We are, we all are here now."
"I actually bought On the road the other day, how about that one?" Carole said.
"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Kurt said. "I have to wake Blaine though; it's one of his favorite books."
"Book? Aren't we watching a movie?" Finn asked with his mouth filled with pizza.
"Yes, it's a movie from a book written by Jack Keroac?!" Kurt said.
"Jack who?"
"Well, Blaine's fear of failing feels really unnecessary now..." Kurt muttered under his breath.
"What?" Burt asked.
"Nothing." Kurt shrugged and turned to Blaine.
He woke him up, it took some time, it was clear Blaine was tired. At last he woke and was quite surprised to see his entire family in his room.
"Carole has bought On the road, we were thinking of watching it while eating." Kurt said.
"Wow." Blaine said.
He pulled himself up so he was sitting on the bed leaning on the headboard. Kurt handed him a slice of the pizza while Carole put the movie in the DVD. They pushed play and the family started eating and watching.
Blaine managed two slices before sleep claimed him yet again. Kurt frowned at the sight but didn't comment it. Finn, however, pressed pause when he saw Blaine sleeping.
"Kurt, this is like going back severals months in time, like when he came home from the hospital the very first time. Is he okay?"
"He is okay, it has just been an emotional draining day for him, and for me, but mostly for him, but he's okay, Finn. Thanks for asking."
"No problem." Finn said and pressed play.
Kurt looked back at Blaine. He could understand why Finn thought of that evening when he looked at Blaine now. But so much has happened since then, Blaine had grown so much. They had grown so much since then. They were so much stronger together now compared to before all of this. The love Kurt felt for him then couldn't be compared to the feelings he had now. When all of this had happened, he had loved Blaine with all of his heart. But, now, he loved him so much more. He loved him with his whole being, his whole life. He would do anything for him. Blaine was the true love of his life.