A/N: recovering from severe depression is hell...

next chapter will be up soon, it's a continuation of this one.

thanks to Lauren who made this readable for you!

"Kurt? Can I ask you a silly question?" Blaine asked Kurt in the car on the way to school one Monday morning. As always they were a bit early, they always sat in the car and talked before school. It was one of the many things they did to keep their relationship working.

"Sure." Kurt said.

It was raining heavily outside and he had to drive extra carefully cause of it. They had the music from Rent on in the background.

"So, thanksgiving is coming up." Blaine started.

"Yes?" Kurt asked after Blaine had been silent for a while.

"Ummh... This is so dumb... But can you tell what we will be doing?"

"We're going to Cincinnati? Don't you remember?" Kurt frowned. They had been talking about the coming trip so many times, it was odd of Blaine didn't remember it. The two of them would go two days earlier, on the evening on Monday. They both had big tests on Monday, but then they had days off from school and both of them had essays to write. They would stay in their house and study until the other came and joined them. Finn had also been asked, but he declined. Kurt suspected it had something to do with the party the football team was having.

"Yes, I remember that. But... I never had a thanksgiving, Kurt. Can you just tell me what you normally do?" Blaine said annoyed.

"Oh! Yes, of course!" Kurt said and gave himself a mental slap. Of course Blaine wanted to know what to expect. He should have thought about it.

"So, there's the turkey of course."

"Of course." Blaine nodded.

"The stuffing is a recipe from my mom. It's the best. We have never been in Kristen's house, but usually we take it really slow. We watch the parade on tv, Carole and I make dinner while dad and Finn watch football. When we have eaten we watch a movie or two. During Christmas and on the Fourth of July, we bake a lot of stuff, but on thanksgiving we just chill. Sleep really late, take a walk, read, watch tv or whatever. I think it's one of the most relaxed holidays."

"That sounds nice." Blaine said.

Kurt pulled in to the parking lot at their school. He turned off the engine and turned to Blaine.

"You okay?" Kurt asked.

Blaine turned to faced him. Kurt asked the same question every morning when he had parked the car.

"I'm fine, how about you?"

"Tired, but fine."

"How long did you study last night?"

"I might have studied to 1 am..." Kurt confessed. "But, then Finn was still up struggling with trig. So stupid, it was Sunday, I should have studied earlier, but the rehearsals for sectionals are crazy."

"I didn't notice when you came to bed."

"No, you were pretty out of it." Kurt said.

"Sorry." Blaine said.

"No need to be sorry. You're supposed to be asleep at 1 am anyway."

Blaine sighed and turned to look out of the window again. Kurt frowned. Blaine looked tired, he was paler than usual.

"I'll be home late tonight." Kurt said.

"Again?" Blaine asked.

"Yeah, we have rehearsal for sectionals."

"Tonight again?"

"Yes, emergency rehearsal. Rachel decided it yesterday and talked Mr. Shue in to it. It's a dance rehearsal."

"Well, I'll be waiting for you. I'm gonna go for a run after therapy."

"This isn't your normal running day?" Kurt asked.

"I know. I gonna try to run after therapy to see if it give me more energy, so maybe I can be awake longer than to 7 pm even on therapy days. I'm so tired of being tired all the time."

"Don't overdo it, Blainey."

"I'm not." Blaine snapped.

"Sometimes it feels like you put too much pressure on yourself. You do have severe depression, honey."

"But still, I only go to school halftime. It's fucked up that I'm this tired."

"Talk to Hannah about it."

"Yeah, maybe..." Blaine said with a shrug.

Kurt opened his mouth to say something more but they were interrupted by Finn and Puck who arrived at school. They had now parked next to them and were knocking on Kurt's window. Kurt looked at Blaine who still was looking out at the rain before he opened the door.

"What?" He snapped at Finn.

"Sorry, dude, you forgot you phone." Finn said and gave it to him.

"Thanks." Kurt said.

Lane came up to the car and waved to Blaine.

"I'm gonna talk to Lane." Blaine said and opened the car door.

"Blaine..." Kurt wanted to say something to him. He could see that something was off, Blaine was troubled by something.

But when Blaine turned to him, Kurt couldn't find words.

"I love you. Have a good day." Kurt said.

"You too." Blaine said and closed the door.

Kurt watched him pull up the hood on his coat and walk towards Lane.

"What's wrong with him?" Puck asked.

"Don't know." Kurt shrugged.

"Come on, let's go inside." Puck said.

Kurt nodded and jumped out of the car. He took his satchel before closing the door and locking the car.

"Kurt, its fine. I'm guessing he's having an off day. It's going to happen."

"It's just... He was happy when we arrived, we talked about thanksgiving. Then he just switched off somehow."

"Maybe talking about thanksgiving brought up all the feelings from his childhood, all the thanksgivings he had to endure with his parents?" Puck suggested.

"Of course. Why didn't I think of that?"

"It's okay, he knows you love him. Come on; let's get to our lockers before English starts."

"Yeah."

Kurt looked for Blaine in the hallway but didn't see him. They had lockers quite close to each other, so they would bump into each other between classes, but not this day. Kurt looked for him every time he could but he didn't see him. He was late from class when it was time for lunch, and when he found Lane in the cafeteria; she told him that Burt had already picked Blaine up. Kurt tried to call him but went straight to voicemail. He left a message and hung up.

The rest of the day dragged. Kurt couldn't wait for the bell to signal end of the school day, but groaned when he remembered they had dance rehearsal after school. He just wanted to speak to Blaine. He had called and texted him between every class, but Blaine seemed to have turned his phone off.

Before dance practice started he called his dad.

"Dad, is Blaine at the hospital?"

"Yes, why?"

"I can't reach him on his phone."

"Oh, but maybe it's turned off when he is with Hannah?"

"But he shouldn't be with Hannah now; he should be with Carole on the way home."

"Kurt, what's wrong?"

"I... I don't know really... It's just... Blaine was off this morning and he looked really tired. I just wanna talk to him. We really didn't have any time to talk yesterday."

"You can talk with him when you come home. It's just an hour."

"No, we have this emergency rehearsal tonight. It's about to start now."

"Okay. Well, he seemed fine to me. He was tired as usual but he ate his sandwich."

Kurt sighed.

"Okay, dad. I got to go, Rachel yelling at me."

"See you later kiddo."

Kurt hung up and turned to Rachel who was annoyed with him. He sighed and turned off his phone.

They took a break an hour later and Kurt turned on his phone and called his house. Carole answered.

"Hi, Carole, can I talk to Blaine, please?"

"He's out running."

"Oh..."

"When do you think you're going to get home?"

"I don't know... We have a short break now. We'll call you when we are on our way home. Tell Blaine I called."

"Okay, see you later."

The rehearsal never ended. Kurt couldn't concentrate and was looking at the clock on the wall constantly. It was half past 7 when Mr. Shue finally let them go. Kurt practically ran to the car. He sped all the way home. Luckily enough, he wasn't stopped by the police. It wouldn't have been cheap. He parked his car and flew out of it. He pulled off his jacket on the way up to the front door. He shouted hi to his parents but didn't stop. He had to stop outside their door to catch his breath before he opened the door. Kurt felt his heart sink at the sight. Blaine was sleeping on bed. He was in his pyjamas and his hair was still wet from the shower. What disturbed Kurt the most was the wet cheeks and the eyes, swollen from crying. Blaine was laying in the dark with Kurt's pillow pressed close to his body. Kurt slowly sat down on the bed and ran his fingers through Blaine's curls.

"Hi sweets, I'm home now. I'm so sorry I'm so late." Kurt whispered to his sleeping fiancé.

He stayed on the bed, wiping away the tears and stroking his hair, until he heard the door slam shut and the voices from Puck and Finn. Kurt got up from the bed and closed the door behind him before he went down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Was he still awake?" Carole asked him.

Kurt just shook his head. He was hungry, tired and disappointed. He sat down and thanked Carole when she placed a plate with spaghetti in front of him. She squeezed his shoulder. Kurt knew she could see he was troubled by this.

Finn and Puck talked about homework and about the dance but Kurt couldn't concentrate. He ate his dinner and then headed up to their room. Blaine hadn't moved. Kurt stripped and got in the shower. He enjoyed the hot water and felt a little better when he got out. He put on his pyjamas and sat down at his desk. He took out his phone and put on his study playlist and put in his headphones. He took out the homework for the evening; trig, chemistry and the book he was suppose to read in English. He looked at Blaine, still clutching his pillow before he turned his focus to the work in front of him.

Kurt jumped high when he felt a hand squeeze his shoulder. He removed his headphones and turned to face Carole.

"You scared me!" He said with his heart beating fast in his chest.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to. I called your name and knocked on the door."

"Yeah, music." He pointed to the headphones.

"I guessed. Are you okay?"

Kurt shrugged.

"I don't know. I really wanted to talk with Blaine."

"He was really tired after he had met with Hannah. She told me he is going to increase his antidepressants. He did some sort of test today, where he assessed his level of anxiety and bad thoughts. Apparently Hannah wasn't too pleased with the result, so the increased meds is one thing to make him feel better."

"Okay."

"They talked a lot about his days, that he might have too much to do."

"I said that to him this morning."

"He didn't want to hear about it. After a lot of talking he confessed that he didn't want to slow down, he was afraid everything would catch up to him then."

"Oh, Blaine..." Kurt turned to look at the sleeping teen in the bed.

"I know. Hannah told me all of this in front of Blaine. He didn't say anything to me on our way home; he went for a run and had dinner with me. I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't talk to me. He answered yes and no to my questions but no more than that. Then he went upstairs."

"Should I wake him?"

"You can wake him and make sure he takes his meds, but I think he needs the sleep."

"Okay."

"I'm off to bed now, but I wanted to fill you in."

"Thanks Carole."

"Don't sit up too long."

"I won't."

"Sleep tight. Love you."

"Love you too."

Carole got up and went to the bed; she pressed a kiss on Blaine's forehead before she left the room. Kurt stayed where he sat; watching Blaine while his thoughts went over what Carole had told him. Blaine was feeling worse again. Kurt knew it would go on like this for a long time; two steps forward and one step back. But it made him sad knowing Blaine was hurting. Kurt turned back to his homework and put his headphones back in.

Kurt closed his book and looked at his watch. It was 12 pm. He couldn't keep this up; he needed to get more sleep than this. He counted the days until thanksgiving. It wasn't many left and he longed to go to Cincinnati. He removed his headphones and went to the bathroom.

He went out and turned off the lights and climbed in the bed. It was nice and warm. He turned on the bedside lamp and faced Blaine. Kurt stroked his finger along Blaine's jaw. It made Blaine's mouth opened and Kurt smiled at him, he was sleeping so tight. Kurt combed his curly hair with his fingers and massaged his scalp.

"Blainey?" He shook him but didn't get any response. Kurt wasn't surprised by that.

After a couple of minutes with shaking and calling his name, Blaine forced up his eyelids and revealed sleepy, drowsy eyes.

"Your medicine." Kurt held out the tablets for him.

Blaine opened his mouth and Kurt put his medicine in. He held up the glass of water and Blaine took a gulp. Then he fell back on the pillows and cuddled close to Kurt. Kurt couldn't tell if he was awake or not when he swallowed the water and medicine, but when Kurt had put away the glass and turn off the lights, Blaine was snoring pressed closed to Kurt's body. Kurt kissed his forehead before he closed his eyes.