A/N JJ must have felt so bad holding a crying Spence when she lied about Emily dying to protect Em and the team. Here's her thought process in those moments. Set Season 6 episode 18 if you didn't already realize that. Please Review!
"Spence," JJ grabbed his arm as he tried to walk away. The look on his face was heartbreaking and she felt horrible.
"I never got to say goodbye," Reid said, in probably the most broken voice she had ever heard from him. His eyes welled up with tears and JJ pulled him into a hug as he started to cry. She felt the unsteady rise and fall of his breathing against her, and one of his tears running down her back as she hugged him. And she in that moment she hated herself more than she ever had. She wished she could tell him, tell the whole team. Tears were running down everyone's faces, all believing they had lost Emily. But it was Spence's tears that hurt her the most. JJ hated that she knew Emily was going to be okay, going into protection, but she couldn't tell the team. It was moments like these that she hated her job. The moments when she had to lie to the people she loved, even if it was for their own protection.
After a few minutes, JJ pulled away from Reid, unable to handle his grief any longer. Especially when she was a part of it. Reid looked up at her in confusion as she pulled away.
"I'll be right back," she whispered to him, tears in her own eyes. He nodded, and Hotch followed JJ into the empty conference room.
"Hotch I hate this, look at all of them," JJ said, nodding through the window toward the team, who all looked crushed and defeated with tears running down their faces. "I hate knowing and not being able to tell Garcia and Reid. He was crying in my arms, Hotch!" unable to control it, her voice rose slightly.
Hotch looked down, back at the team and then at JJ again. "I know. I hate it too. But Emily agreed. She'd rather them think she's dead and keep them safe while Doyle is still alive," Hotch said.
"I know," said JJ. "I know, but look at them! Look at Reid and Garcia! This will destroy them. Not just them, the whole team!"
Hotch looked her in the eye. "Believe me, I know. It can happen. But hopefully Doyle will show up and get caught before that can happen."
JJ looked at him. "But do you really believe that will happen? He forced Emily, OUR Emily into hiding. Do you really think he'll slip up and get caught?" JJ asked. Hotch looked away as tears poured down JJ's face.
"Le's go back out there. They need us," Hotch said, confirming JJ's fears. JJ nodded as they went back out to the waiting room. Garcia and Morgan were hugging and crying, Rossi was sitting, staring at his feet, silent tears rolling down his face, and Reid had his head in his hands, tears streaming down his face.
"Hey," JJ said as she approached him. His eyes were bloodshot and she felt like she was going to vomit.
"Hey," he whispered as JJ sat down right next to him. She put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him towards her, hugging him.
"I'm sorry Spence," JJ whispered to him, the tears rolling down her face. And she wasn't just sorry that Emily was gone, but of course, Reid didn't know that. No one but Hotch knew what those three word really meant. That she was sorry he had to go through this when Emily was alive and safe, if scarred.
No one was sure how long they all stayed like that, just that it wasn't long enough. Just that they were all together, but incomplete without Emily.
"I miss her already," Reid whispered, just loud enough for JJ to hear.
"I know," she whispered back. "I know."