Wham! A relatively not-so-late update. See, I told you I could do it!

*knocks on wood to prevent jinxing*

Anyway, here's the latest chapter. Hope you enjoy it!

(-)

Chapter 11

Nerves

Korra couldn't keep up a consistent round of sleep. She wished she could act like it was a surprise, but it wasn't. She surfaced from her dark slumber like a bottle washing to shore, the gentlest of all the other times she woke that night. In those trips, she had burst into reality from the horrible nightmares she kept having. Those images were fresh in her mind and refused to leave no matter how many times she tried to evict them. If she had any dreams from her last bout, though, she couldn't remember a single one of them. Every time she blinked, she saw something different, something terrifying and pain inducing. Watching herself choke Sentai seemed to be the most potent, at the moment.

She shook her head, trying in vain to clear her thoughts. A groan escaped from her core. She clutched her chest to quell it, the fabric of her bindings damp from sweat.

My bindings?

Korra shot up, regretting it the instant she started the motion. A massive rush of blood flowed to her head, making her mind swirl.

Spirits...

She rubbed her temple with one hand and blinked several times to clear her blurry sight. Her eyes fell on her bloody shirt, which was hung over the side of the cot opposing hers.

How did I get here?

Korra ran her hands up and down her arms, a chill crawling up her spine. She dropped her sight until her bindings were in her peripherals. She pushed the fabric around to find the wound healed and only somewhat scarred.

Mom must have healed me.

She grimaced and pushed herself to her feet. Korra stumbled over to her bag and tore the ties open, looking for a clean shirt. All she found were the books and scrolls from Master Zuko and Tenzin, as well as a handful of lychee nuts.

Right. Camp. Strikers.

She retrieved the fruit and peeled the outer skin away as she made her way to the other cot. She plopped onto it, tossing her bag in the space beside her, and ate the little food she had. Fatigue was radiating from every inch of her. Her inability to sleep didn't help. She felt nauseous as the boat shifted from the waves.

Maybe I just need some air.

Korra stood once more, moving slow to prevent another head rush. She pulled her stained shirt over her loose hair – the front two wolf tails the only ones remaining – and trudged out of the room. She halted at the exit and groaned.

Fucking stairs.

She climbed the steps with every bit of disgust as she had when she made her way through the Royal Palace in the Fire Nation. Once she hit the deck, a strong wind forced a chill down her spine. She glanced up and smiled at the sight of her sleeping polar bear dog. She almost sat with her animal companion when she heard what she thought was a whimper.

Asami?

Korra rotated, scanning the area until her eyes fell upon the shivering engineer at the front of the ship. She made the short walk across the deck, removing the pelt from her waist as she did. The small injury on Asami's back didn't go unnoticed. Korra stepped to the side and wrapped the fur around Asami's shoulders. "Hey."

Asami glanced at the woman beside her, tired eyes meeting tired eyes. "Hey."

"You looked cold. I wish I had something warmer."

"It's okay." She looked away, distant. "Thank-you."

Korra smiled. "You're welcome." She mimicked Asami's pose against the railing, allowing the moonlight to bounce off of her skin. "The moon feels so nice tonight."

"Does it really help you?"

She turned her head to look at Asami. When the woman continued to stare ahead, she did the same. "Sometimes… if I'm lucky. The past few days, though? It hasn't really been bringing me much comfort at all." She shifted her weight to the other foot and sunk a bit towards the upper bar. "This is the first time I've felt anything in a while. Part of me is still convinced that I'm delusional."

"What do you mean?"

"That this is all a dream. It's starting to get harder and harder to tell these things apart." She looked up at the moon and sighed. "Maybe I'm just imagining that I feel something from the moon. Maybe I'm just imagining all of this, and I'll wake up in a few hours in that alley or on my bed in the Southern Water Tribe or something."

Asami's expression remained motionless, though she lifted her eyes to the moon as well. "I wish it was."

Korra recoiled – though the motion was subtle – and dropped her gaze to the waves below them. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired. But I can't sleep. I'm assuming that's the same reason you're up here?"

She nodded, her loose brown hair tousling in the wind. "I was feeling kinda nauseous after I woke up, so I came out here for some air." She paused for a moment to scowl in her frustration. "This entire thing is fucking ridiculous."

This got Asami's attention. She twisted her head – just a little bit – to look at the Water Tribe girl. The exhaustion was clear on her face. It was the dried blood on Korra's shirt that snapped part of her out from her numbed state; she hadn't realized how severe Korra's bleeding was until that point. She withheld any comment, though, and looked away, searching for some stability. "How so?"

"I feel like everything I am… is sick. I don't know what's happening to me, Asami. I – I don't feel like me, like myself, anymore." Korra bent down and rested her forehead against the bar where her forearms were pressed. She closed her eyes and there were his, staring back at her as the veins popped out around them. "I almost killed him."

Her peridots latched onto the woman beside her. "Sentai?"

Korra bobbed her head, never removing it from the railing. "I almost killed him, Asami. My hands were there, around his throat, squeezing the life out of him. I just kept going. There – there was a voice inside of me, telling me to stop, but I wouldn't." She straightened and locked onto the engineer with watery eyes. "I keep dreaming about it, replaying it over and over. The worst part is that the voice was me. That part – that was me. I was the one trying to stop myself, and whatever side of me, whatever monster that took control – that I let take control… they wouldn't listen. They kept going. If it weren't for him stabbing me with that baton…" She looked away.

What am I?

The tears escaped her blue eyes and dripped onto the deck.

"I'm not a killer, Asami. I'm not."

Asami wrapped an arm around Korra's shoulders and pulled her closer. "I know you're not, Korra."

"I loosened, Asami. I loosened my hands for just a second, I broke through for just a second, and he almost killed me. He almost killed you. He almost killed Ahyoka and did kill her mother. Who knows how many other people he's hurt and murdered. But I – I couldn't. I couldn't do it."

"That's not something to be ashamed of, Korra."

"I'm not ashamed. I'm – I'm afraid."

It took Asami a moment to take that statement in. "What are you afraid of?"

"Myself. Of everything that's happening. Of putting people in danger. Of becoming a killer. I'm not a killer. Sure, I hunt animals for food, but people? Humans? I'm – I'm not a killer. But that part of me, whatever it was that was controlling me – I don't want to think it was me. I want to think that voice that was stopping me was me, because it was. It was me. But I'm not sure if it was all of me. I wanted to hurt Sentai. I've wanted to for a long time – him and Kuru both – for what they did to us. But kill him?" She tried to wipe the tears away but more of them showed up in their place. "I don't know what I am anymore."

Korra broke down, trying to find comfort in the engineer. She had bottled this for too long, capped and corked all her means of venting. She didn't like crying, she didn't like feeling weak, and maybe it was her exhaustion that was making her more susceptible, but she just couldn't hold it in anymore.

Asami pulled the sobbing woman into her, embracing her in her tired arms.

"Even now, I want him to pay, Asami. I want him to suffer for what he did, as if what I did to him wasn't enough. It terrifies me, but I want him to get what's coming to him."

"Well, he won't."

The amount of surprising bitterness in her voice forced Korra away. She straightened and stared at Asami, hatred in her peridots.

"He won't get what's coming to him, Korra. As much as we want him to be held accountable for what he's done, he just won't. He's going to keep killing people, keep killing Water Benders, and there isn't a damn thing that anyone can do about it. The police can't stop them; they've been trying for weeks. The Benders can't seem to stop them, if they keep on dying. They're going to continue murdering people as they see fit and overrun the City. And it doesn't seem like prison is going to stop any of them, either. No, as long as the Strikers are in Republic City, people will keep dying, and there isn't a fucking thing we can do to stop it right now."

Asami was starting to crack on her own, all that she tried to bury resurfacing inside of her.

My dad wouldn't. He just wouldn't. He's a kind and generous man...

Korra dropped her eyes and stared at her swollen right hand. "Maybe I should have killed him, then."

"No." Her stern voice reverberated into their cores. "No, Korra, you're not a murderer. You're not one of them." Asami paused at her words, realizing their double application to both the Strikers and the Agni Kais in the very depths of her mind.

Is that why I was afraid?

"How else can we beat them if prison won't work?" She met the raven's gaze.

"I don't really know, Korra. I have no idea. Murdering and killing should never be the option, though. All I know is that I'm leaving everything behind to them. The place I've called home all my life. The City that my father helped to… If I ever return, I'll have to return to them. In all honesty, it's not something I really want to think about or talk about right now." She returned to the railing and leaned against it, a new swirl of thoughts moving through her pounding head.

"I understand, Asami. It's – it's been a long day. A long many days." She eyed the heiress once more, the pelt from her waist pulled tight around her black and red shoulders. "If – if you need anything, let me know, okay? I'm going to go sit with Naga for a while, since I can't really sleep." When there was no response, she turned away, leaving the engineer to her bustling thoughts.

Asami listened as the heavy footsteps from the exhausted Water Tribe girl grew more and more distant. Her mind replayed the words she spoke, the bitterness she displayed and the recoil it caused. She felt guilty, she felt horrible, she felt too many things to decipher. She sighed and stared at the moon, wishing it could supply some form of strength to her shaking body and aching heart. Asami glanced over her shoulder and eyed the pair of Southerners on the other side of the deck. She flipped between the sea ahead and the duo behind her, too lost to direct her rampant thoughts.

(-)

"Hey, girl. Can I lay with you?"

The sleepy tongue on her cheek was all that she needed.

"Let's get that harness off of you first. I can't imagine it's very comfortable to sleep in." She reached over to the polar bear dog's chest and released the straps.

Naga yawned and stretched as her human companion freed her. She scratched her ear while the Water Tribe girl tossed the pillion aside and licked the woman's face when she returned.

"You're welcome." Korra plopped beside the polar bear dog and curled into her belly, using her thick tufts of white fur for heat. She shivered when another breeze hit her and snuggled further into the animal. "I'm sorry I got blood on you, girl. But mom healed me up, so I'm better now." She pointed to her chest, the stains on her shirt hiding the fixed injury.

Naga let out a soft sound and another yawn. She curved until her head was in Korra's lap and nudged her neck with her cold, wet snout.

"I missed you, too, girl. I missed you so much. But no more biting and swatting and growling at people unless they're trying to hurt me, like you did with Sentai. That was awesome, by the way. You really saved me back there." She paused a moment to rub the animal's ear. "And no more jumping into the ocean – unless I'm there with you and we're going for a swim. Got it?"

She mewled and lowered her head.

"I know – it's because you missed me. Mom was telling me in the letters that you were having bad dreams. Were they about me?"

She nodded and pushed against Korra's torso.

"I wish I could have done something to help you. But we're heading home now, and I guess I'm here to stay." She averted her eyes to the boards of the deck. "There's not really much left for me out here in this big world, now that I've been kicked out of college."

Except –

Korra looked up and stared at the engineer across the boat; at least, what she could see of her. The entrance to the lower levels blocked most of the view, but she could still make out pieces of her hair flowing from the wind. She fixated on the raven. "Do you like Asami, Naga?"

The polar bear dog release a calm bark and rubbed her snout into Korra's face.

She laughed, closing her eyes. "Naga! You know I'm ticklish when it comes to your whiskers."

Naga 'fixed' the problem with a playful nip at Korra's wrist instead.

"Okay, okay, you got me. I'll pet you." She buried her hands into the white fur in her lap, massaging the animal's head with her fingertips.

Naga sighed and dropped her head into her human companion's lap.

Korra's thoughts moved back to the heiress. She gazed at the faint stars above her and leaned back into her polar bear dog. "So, that means you like Asami, right?"

Naga bobbed in place.

"Good. Because she's going to be staying with us for a while. I don't know for how long." Korra paused, knowing that her previous sentence wasn't quite what she intended to say.

Her polar bear dog sensed this and sat up just enough so that her eyes were level with Korra's. She tilted her head to the side, her higher ear twitching.

Korra met her look and sighed. "You're right, you're right… there's more." She pulled Naga's head closer and continued caressing it, feeling nostalgic for the days of sitting on the glacier in her village, doing exactly this with her best friend.

Well, your best friend from the Southern Water Tribe.

Korra gulped, realizing the truth in the statement. She exhaled and played with Naga's ear. "The reason I asked you if you liked Asami is because I… I, uhhh…" Her cheeks blushed out of her control.

Come on, Korra. You can tell her. She's your best friend.

I know, I know, I just – I don't know. What's wrong with me? Why is this a big deal?

This is the first time you've told anyone, isn't it?

Her insides nodded.

Well, Naga seems to approve of her. You should be fine.

She took a breath and sighed. "You're right, you're right." She eyed her polar bear dog, who had stopped panting in her lap and had a confused expression on her face. "Don't worry, girl, just – mental… stuff… I'm not crazy… anyway, the reason I asked you about Asami is because – I – well –"

Korra, if you're struggling this much telling your polar bear dog, how are you going to tell Asami?

Her heart dropped to the thought. The unknown nerves that never seemed to bother her before when she spent time with or thought about Asami resurfaced.

I – um – uh…

You are going to tell her, aren't you?

Yes! Yes, of course I am. I am definitely, one hundred percent, going to tell her – everything.

Well, here's your chance.

What?

She lurched up to see Asami standing in front of her, huddled in her pelt. Her cheeks darkened due to many reasons: the fact that she had just been thinking about the raven and Pow!, here she was, the fact that she didn't know how much Asami heard and saw when she was rambling to Naga (or, at least, trying to ramble), and the fact that she still could not get over how much she liked seeing Asami with her fur wrapped around her.

Maybe it has something to do with her skin. It's always so pale and beautiful and it brings out the color of the pelt and –

KORRA, FOCUS.

"H – hey, Asami." Korra ended her greeting with nervous laughter and an embarrassed hand behind her head, much to Naga's chagrin; a palm removed meant less scratching for the polar bear dog.

"Hey. I was thinking; would it be okay if I – you know…" She eyed the spot beside Korra and tightened her hold on the pelt.

Korra raised her eyebrow, not knowing a single damn thing about what Asami was referring to in her current state. She was pulling more blanks than an amateur Pai Sho player with fake tiles.

A breeze passed through them. Asami brought the fur closer to her face. She was hoping it would be obvious to Korra what she was asking with the motion; her mind was too tired and mushy to hide her pale blushing cheeks or awkward speech, so she wanted to avoid inducing either of them as much as she could. Never before had she felt so… gushy? about anyone. She couldn't figure out why it was so hard to talk to Korra, why she didn't feel as smooth and natural as she had in the past with her.

Maybe it's because I'm so tired.

Or maybe it's because you know how you feel more than you did before.

After another pause, Korra noticed a faint tremble in Asami's limbs. Her cheeks and nose were pink from what Korra assumed to be was the cold and nothing else because that would be a ridiculous thought, right, Naga?

When the polar bear dog didn't reply, she realized she was just thinking the question.

Get it together. Come on – you're acting like an awkward teenager.

But – I am an awkward teenager.

Her insides paused just to glare at her. Focus!

"Okay, okay!" Korra threw her hands up in defense, not realizing until it was too late that she was doing so.

Asami took a step back, a bit confused on the matter.

"No, no, no. You're fine." She scrambled to her feet, tripping over part of Naga in the process. "Wait, no, I didn't mean it like that, well, I don't not mean, or think that you, that I –" She straightened and laughed with anxiety again, hoping the engineer wouldn't notice her folly.

The giggling behind her pale hand told her otherwise.

Spirits, I really need to sleep, don't I? I'm making a fool of myself over here.

Yeah, but she is laughing. And it is cute.

Smack!

Stop that!

She rubbed her head, as if feeling the physical recoil from her metaphoric scenario. Her cheeks burned red. "Asami, I –"

A gust filled the space between them, forcing both of them to quiver this time. The brightening of the sky signaled the oncoming sun and the disappearance of the moonlight.

"We should really get inside. It's not going to get any warmer out here."

"Yeah, you're right, Asami. And we need to sleep." Korra spun around and met her polar bear dog's eyes. "But Naga. Naga and I were cuddling. I was about to tell her something important."

"Oh? And what was that?"

Korra became very aware of how close Asami was – rather, how far she was, with her subconscious deciding that it just wasn't close enough.

"I – uh, I –" Another gale shook the urge to stay on the deck right out of her. She was fading fast and she knew it. "Hey, Naga, you, uhh, you don't mind if I, just, go inside to get out of the cold, do you? I'm uh, it's – it's cold out here."

Asami smirked, enjoying this nervous side of Korra way too much in her exhaustion. She couldn't even imagine how foolish she looked herself.

I need sleep.

I think you both do.

Naga whined at first but barked in approval afterwards. She got up from her spot, walked around it in a circle, and laid back down again, her back to the pair.

Korra frowned for a moment, contemplating on staying. She could feel Asami behind her and allowed her delirium to take over. She spun around, a crooked grin on her tired, tired face. "Let's go inside!" She tugged on Asami and ran down the steps, her enervation at the point of disorientation. This became all too clear when she missed a stair and plummeted down the rest.

"Korra!" Asami descended two steps at a time and crouched by the fallen Southerner.

"I'm okay," her voice was groggy, her mind swirling from the spinning. "The stair jumped up and tripped me and I couldn't keep my awesomely amazing balance."

Asami chuckled. "Whatever you say. Come on, I'll help you up." She took hold of Korra and lifted her as she rose.

She swayed for a minute before getting her footing. "I'm really tired, Asami."

"I understand."

"Can you help me to my room?"

"That was the plan." Asami tossed one of Korra's arms over her shoulder and led the girl to her quarters. She pushed the door open with her hip and set Korra down on the messier of the two cots, assuming the one with the wrangled sheets was the Southerner's.

"Thanks, Asami. I appreciate it." She smiled and burrowed under the covers, huddling up into a ball like a young pup. She sat up again when Asami motioned to leave. "You know – Asami – if you, uh, don't want to sleep alone, and stuff, you could always sleep in my room. There's another cot just right over there –" she pointed to the wrong spot in her bafflement, her exhaustion progressing from the overtired, energy-riddled phase to the 'why is everything funny and I'm so embarrassing because I'm so tired and I look like a fool, is that person drunk' phase, to the near-hallucination phase.

Being the one with an eye for detail, Asami picked up on the stages right away, even feeling some of these herself. "Perhaps I should sleep in the same room as you. You need someone keeping an eye on you." She shut the door and locked it, ensuring the Bender wouldn't go wandering off in her slumber again – from what Korra had told her about her trip to the Fire Nation. She returned to Korra's bed and put a gentle pressure on her tan shoulders until the woman was lying down again. "Get some sleep, Korra." Asami pulled the covers up and tucked them around Korra's neck.

Korra made a noise that resembled a purr and shifted under the sheets until she was comfortable.

Yeah, she really needs sleep.

You do, too.

Hush. You don't think I know that already?

She snapped out of her thoughts and focused on the woman beside her. "I'll be right over here if you need me, Korra. Okay?"

Korra nodded and closed her eyes, drifting quicker into dreamland than she would have thought possible with all the nightmares she'd been having. "Asami… keep… pelt – will, warm…"

"Shhh, sleep." Asami caressed a loose piece of brown hair behind Korra's ear. She continued playing with the Water Tribe girl's locks until the woman fell into a quiet, peaceful sleep. She remained there in hesitation, perhaps for a moment too long. Her exhaustion got the best of her. Her worn-out mind got the best of her. Her tumultuous swirl of emotions got the best of her.

Fuck it.

She couldn't stop it if she tried, and she wasn't sure she even wanted to stop.

Asami leaned over, holding her raven hair back with her hand over one of her shoulders. All of her conflicting feelings and thoughts washed away in her absolute fatigue. She planted a very gentle, hardly even touching, kiss on Korra's cheek, her own glowing as red as her lipstick when she straightened.

A thousand thoughts and emotions filled her. Regret. Worry. Doubt. Pleasure. Love. Protectiveness. Fear. Happiness.

They would all have to wait.

She took one final look at Korra and pushed herself off of the mattress. She stumbled over to her temporary bed, shoved the bag off of it, and collapsed onto the sheets. She didn't even bother taking her boots off; she was just too tired. She curled under the pelt Korra lent her and stared at the tan beauty until her lids fluttered shut. Her thoughts and emotions tried to keep her awake, but her body was finally in charge. It shut off all demands, all contemplations of the implications of her unknown kiss, all the piecing together of why she had felt afraid when Korra told her about going to the Fire Nation and pursuing Fire Bending, all of the arguments about her father and whether or not he was actually involved with the Strikers.

Everything was turned down and released until it crashed into a sleep that she was desperate to have.

(-)