Chapter 5

"So you kept hearing Castiel's voice in your head?" Sam asked.

"That's not the point of this conversation," snapped Dean.

"Yes but…why?" asked Sam and Dean could only shrug. He felt it necessary to explain why he had shouted at Angel so that Sam could understand that she might not be so willing to call him, but he was loathed to admit how Cas was on his mind so much the previous night.

"Look, can we just…not talk about him for a little while?" Dean asked as he stabbed into his eggs and bacon.

"Sure, Dean, I just…I'm really worried about him. That's all."

"Yeah," Dean admitted, "I am too." They finished their breakfast in silence, already deciding on a course of action with the ranch house and its new visitors. It was easy enough to figure out where Angel Murray and her family lived by the locals, and the brothers hoped to enter the barn in the night and not have the family even know they were there. Except, that is, for the four ghoul corpses they'll be leaving behind when they go.

"Do you think a vampire is involved?" Sam asked as they made their way back to the car and Dean shook his head. No, this didn't smell like vampire, but they were missing some key element. Why would a local rancher pair up with a group of flesh eating ghouls? And what would they want with the ranch anyway? Dean hoped they would figure all that out while they were working on cleaning out the nest. At least, that was the plan anyway.

They returned to the motel room in short order and Sam thumbed the key into the door giving way to let them inside. One glance at the room and both men stopped in their tracks by the entrance way. Books were opened and half examined, clothes pulled from their bags and tossed casually over the two beds, and the television blared larger than life. A sound came from the bathroom and Dean drew his gun as he slipped into the room, moving towards the bathroom door. Sam shut the door behind him and the room sank into a din with the curtains shielding them from the brightness outside. Sam was next to Dean in the blink of an eye and both brothers exchanged knowing glances the way they had done in countless fights before. Sam leaned over and turned the knob softly, and with one last glance at each other, he threw open the door so that Dean could step inside with the gun drawn before him.

The bathroom bellowed steam into the motel room with the door ajar and quickly the boys took in the scene. Toothpaste was squirted all over the sink, with Sam's razor tilting haphazardly into the toilet. Amidst it all, the shower curtain was snugged against the wall, and there in the tub stood Castiel, naked as a baby, and stretching under the sprays of the showerhead. Dean lowered his gun as he felt his face grow hot and he quickly turned away.

"Cas what are you doing," he could hear Sammy saying, but his hearts pounding beat made his brother's voice muffled and distant. "You need to close the curtain, you're getting water everywhere!"

"I am so sorry, Sam. But the shower feels so good! I never felt this amazing sensation before." Dean closed his eyes at the sound of Castiel's voice. It had been so much easier when the man showed little emotion. Dean's heart didn't burn and his stomach didn't churn in this way. Before yesterday, he could almost ignore the other man's presence until he needed him. It seemed like Dean was always needing him though, and if that meant something more than what he let on…well, what of it? But now, with Castiel laid open and vulnerable the way he was, it seems as though Cas was all the Dean could think of.

Did I look pleasing to you, Dean? Cas's voice sounded in his mind and Dean turned to leave the motel room. Sam, busy trying to clean up the watery mess in the bathroom, didn't notice him go which was just as well. Dean needed to try to forget the image of Castiel standing there naked in the shower. The way the water worked down his chest and how his hair was pulled back from his face. The way his legs moved and shifted against each other as he turned to feel the water against his back.

Yes, Castiel, Dean thought reluctantly, you looked very pleasing to me.

"I don't think Dean likes me," Castiel said and Sam frowned. He had no idea what was going on with his brother, but he could have at least left a damn note to say where he was going all of a sudden.

"Nah, I don't think it's that," Sam offered reassuringly, but he couldn't be so sure. In some ways Cas has become a child, learning from infancy how to process all these new emotions and sensations. So it's no wonder he seems so different than before. Maybe Dean just couldn't handle all the erratic emotions from the angel. Or maybe there was more to it than that. Sam had his suspicions for a while.

"I don't know what to do. I feel this way that I cannot describe in words, Sam. I feel it when I am with Dean." Sam turned to Cas intrigued. The angel had toweled and dressed again but his hair was still damp and hung loosely at his eyes.

"What do you mean?" Sam offered when Cas did not continue on his own.

"When I see Dean," Cas began and then stopped to swallow. "This is hard for me to say," he admitted after a moment.

"Please, go on," said Sam and Castiel took in a deep breath.

"When I see Dean, it feels like my chest burns," he said and then pulled at his shirt with this hands, balling them into fists. "It hurts and yet it doesn't, but oddly it's like I want to feel it all the time. I want him to be here all the time."

"I feel flutters here" Cas said, pointing at his chest,

"Here" pointing at his stomach,

"And here" pointing at his groin.

Sam looked away. Spots of color formed at his cheeks and his eyes grew wide like saucers. He could hardly believe it was actually Cas saying all of this.

"But then he always leaves," Cas continued, "and it hurts so badly to see him go, I almost never want him to come back. Why does it hurt to see Dean leave? Why do I feel this way when I see him here?" Sam took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh.

"Because…" he ventured, turning to face his friend again, "you love him."

"This is not love," Cas declared.

"This is most definitely love," Sam argued.

"I have always cared for Dean. I care for him and you and want to protect you both. That is what love is."

"Yes…" Sam was not sure how to make things more clear for Castiel, "that is love in its own way, but this is love too. That love doesn't have all those other emotions mixed in. Longing…passion…desire..."

"This love is horrible, Sam. I want it to stop. I don't want Dean to run away from me anymore. I miss him so…" Cas scrubbed at his eyes and Sam welled with sympathy for the poor angel.

"Well you won't feel that way forever, right? Eros said it would be temporary so, just hang in there and it will be fine. You'll see." Cas sniffed back his tears for a few moments longer and then both men sat in silence as the afternoon crept into evening.

"Sam," Cas said after a while.

"Yeah?"

"Would this be an appropriate time for friends to hug?" Cas asked in a small voice. Sam turned to his friend and put his arm around Cas. He pulled the angel close to him as they continued to wait for Dean to come home.

"Any time is an appropriate time for friends to hug. You'll get through this Cas. It will be ok."

"Thank you, Sam."