A/N tag to Demonology. A look at Emily's mind after the case. Yup...still on an Emily obsession. Just wait 'till I get to the episode 200 when JJ gets kidnapped *evil laugh* R&R thanks!
Emily stood in front of the church, just wondering. How much of what happened was because of her? Was it her fault that Matthew was dead? This case had brought back all of the emotions and memories of her past that she had tried to surpress for so long. Her mistakes, her failures... She failed him... He had given up so much for her. It was her fault that Matthew had started questioning everything. It was her fault that he went down the road he did. It was her fault. She had been on drugs too when she was friends with Matthew. Only nobody knew that. She pulled herself out of it. But she couldn't save him. Her family left Rome when she was 16. She left him to deal with his demons alone, when he had stood and faught for her, even when it went against everything he had been raised to believe. She betrayed him. He was there for her when she needed him most, but she wasn't there for him. She pulled out the picture of her, Matthew, and Johnny she always kept with her and just stared at it. And that's when the tears started. They fell down her face and hit the picture. It was all her fault. If only she hadn't been so stupid when she was 15. If only she hadn't made that one stupid decision! Matthew would still be here. And he would be okay.
She knew all these years that Matthew's parents blamed her for their son's self-destructive ways. She flashed back to a time when Matthew had first started on drugs, after she had her abortion. He had gone home high after being with her. His parents had seeked her out and pretty much cussed her out and told her what a worthless screw up she was. Told her that it was all her fault and that they wished she and Matthew had never met.
The memory hit her like a ton of bricks and her tears turned into sobs, as she sat down on the curb.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "So sorry Matthew." A few minutes later she looked up, suddenly realizing just how cold it was, and how far away she was from any form of transportation.
Wiping at her eyes, she pulled out her phone and pressed number 2 on her speed dial. "Hello?" Rossi answered.
"Hey, Rossi. Can... can you pick me up? I'm at the church," she said quietly, her voice shakey.
"Of course, Emily," Rossi replied. "You hang on. I'll be there in five."
"Thank you," she whispered.
It really did only take Rossi five minutes to get there. But that was pleanty long enough for Emily to continue her self loathing.
"Emily, you're freezing," Rossi said after taking one look at the broken woman. She was still sitting on the curb, her arms wrapped around herself, staring into the sky.
She looked up in surprise as Rossi walkes over to her and took her hand and gently pulled her off the ground. "Let's fo Emily," Rossi said, pulling Emily out of her daze.
"It's all my fault," she said.
Rossi looked at her, with sympathy, realizing how muh she hated herself for mistakes she made when she was a teenager, "Emily, look at me," he said. "This was not your fault. Do you hear me. It doesn't matter what happened in Rome. This was not your fault," Rossi said, trying to drill it into her head.
" I wasn't there for him," Emily said.
"Emily, you made a mistake when you were fifteen. That does not make this your fault," Rossi said.
Emily didn't respond, but allowed Rossi to lead her to his car. "Come on," he said. "Let's go Emily."
Emily nodded numbly, still thinking about Matthew. About the child she didn't have. About how she abandoned him. The guilt had been eating at her her whole life, and it finally broke her. But she followed Rossi anyway. Allowing him to help her. A step in the right direction.