TO THOSE WHO ARE STILL ON THIS JOURNEY WITH ME, thank you for your reviews and your kindness...in this chapter I had an idea to try something new, I felt like I could only do a scene justice by giving perspectives from both Rayna and Deacon so that is what I have done...therefore, this chapter is a little longer. After this chapter, we also begin the countdown to the last three chapters of LITTLE VOICE. I am tossing up whether to split the last chapter, we shall see how we go...thank you again, you are all way too kind.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
One week later…
Rayna stumbled out of the bathroom, vigorously brushing her teeth as she searched for the TV remote under sheet music, takeaway boxes, chocolate bars and candy wrappers that lay sprawled on the sofa. If the state of the penthouse lounge room was any indicator of how she was feeling, she felt like a storm had run her through, leaving every part of her in a state of madness and disorder. Rayna had brought a whole new meaning to eating your feelings this past week. In between press releases, meetings with publicists and lawyers, making two trips back to Nashville and spending time with Maddie and Daphne, she had retreated to the penthouse at night with a bag of food in hand.
The tour had been put on a temporary standstill, leaving them stuck in Chicago. The label had been worried about Rayna's wellbeing and how it would reflect on them if they forced her to perform when she was in no state to do so. Rayna had assured them she was fine but they refused to budge from their decision. Juliette had been less than happy about this arrangement but never attempted to tell Rayna outright what she felt, sensing she needed space. Instead Juliette ran her mouth off to her manager, letting him hear each and every one of her opinions. Rayna was relieved when Bucky managed to convince Marshall Evans to get the wheels on the tour turning again. Whatever miracle he pulled she wasn't sure, but three nights from now they would start playing shows again.
Finding the remote, Rayna tossed it in the air in victory. She was prolonging the inevitable rehearsal Bucky had reminded her she had to attend that afternoon by distracting herself with the news and making herself seem a little more presentable. Turning the television on she walked back into the bathroom to rinse her mouth out. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and frowned as she started to gargle. Rayna stopped short, abruptly turning the tap off when she tuned into the newsreaders voice in the next room.
"In other news, Queen of Country Rayna Jaymes and husband Teddy Conrad are calling it quits. After twelve years of marriage Rayna and Teddy are getting a divorce."
Rayna flinched at how gleefully that last sentence seemed to roll off the woman's tongue. Wiping her mouth, she hesitantly walked out and sat on the sofa.
"Publicists for both Jaymes and Conrad have released a joint statement regarding the sad news saying quote" "This is a personal and private matter for both us, and our daughters. We are committed as parents to seeing that both of our daughter's best interests are accomplished and ask you to respect our request to keep matters affecting our family private."
Rayna squeezed her hands together, knuckles turning white as she forced herself to continue listening.
"Now there's been speculation about the future of the couples marriage for years; especially with sources claiming that Jaymes never really ended her relationship with ex-lead guitar player Deacon Claybourne after she settled down and married. That must have put a lot of strain on the marriage if you ask me. What are you're thoughts?"
"My thoughts are my husband screwed another woman…yet you keep making claims about me sleeping with Deacon…which I did not do…thank you for asking!" She yelled, running her hands through her hair.
She flushed red, burying her head in her knees. If this was what the rumour mill had turning she only imagined what was going through people's heads. She hoped Teddy had had the mind to take away the electronics and newspapers from the girls at the hotel they were staying at. They didn't need to hear or see any of it. Rayna and Teddy had decided to take the girls out of school this week to shield them from any traumatic schoolyard experiences. They had flown out to Chicago and were staying in a hotel across the road, giving the girls the opportunity to see Rayna before the tour started up again. Teddy and Rayna may not have been on the best speaking terms, but they both agreed on one thing, keeping things as normal as possible for the girls.
"How do you think Rayna will go taking to the stage Friday night in Chicago for the first time since this hard-hitting news rocked the world? You're gonna want to hope she doesn't chok-"
"-Oh, shut up!" Rayna fumed, throwing the remote control at the floor after she turned the TV off.
Clicking her tongue, she looked around the room at the mess she'd made the night before. After Teddy had picked up Maddie and Daphne she had acquainted herself with her favourite comfort foods. Fear suddenly overtook her as realisation sunk in. Today was Tuesday, the day Teddy was returning to Nashville with the girls. If they were leaving today, they'd be over here any minute.
Smelling a Chinese take away box, Rayna gagged. She picked up a plastic bag and began to quickly fill it with all the questionable wrappers and items that surrounded her.
A good ten minutes later she spun around, satisfied that the penthouse lounge room looked acceptable again. As she walked over to the kitchen bench her cell phone started buzzing.
"Hello?"
"Momma?" Daphne asked.
"Hey baby! Where are you?" Rayna answered, cringing at how excessive she had made that sound.
"Downstairs…at least I think we're downstairs…Maddie we'r…hey!-" Daphne replied.
"-Mom, we're downstairs in the lobby. Where are you?" Maddie interrupted, taking the phone off her little sister.
"I'm upstairs in the penthouse." Rayna smiled, stifling giggles when she heard Daphne whinging in the background. "Did you want me to come down?"
"No it's ok, Dad said…we'll all just come up." Maddie mechanically replied, clearly repeating what Teddy had asked her to say.
"Ok? See you in a few."
Rayna clapped her hands and swung her arms as she paced back and forth waiting for them to arrive. It had been a little under a week since they'd told Maddie and Daphne about the divorce and Rayna had hated every minute of it. Both Maddie and Daphne sat brave faced and timidly asked them questions they couldn't answer. This only made Rayna angry with herself for not being able to comfort them with the things they wanted to hear. Teddy seemed to be at a loss for words too because he remained silent, looking to Rayna for direction. Instead of fumbling around with details, she and Teddy had held them tight and told them they loved them. Whether they believed it was a whole other story. Rayna snapped her head in the direction of the door when she heard three small knocks.
"Mommy!" Daphne beamed as Rayna opened the door.
"Hey!" Rayna exclaimed, pulling both Maddie and Daphne into a hug before they pushed past her into the penthouse.
"Hi." Teddy weakly greeted, ramming his hands in his pockets.
"Hi." Rayna matched his greeting, stepping back to let him in.
Before the awkwardness got the better of them, Maddie and Daphne ran in in their bathing suits. This made both Rayna and Teddy laugh.
"We want to go for a swim in the pool! Mom's is bigger than ours!" Daphne squealed, spinning in circles.
"Please…? We won't be too long we promise." Maddie asked.
"Alright, just this once. Not too long though because we have a plane to catch." Teddy grinned, happy to see them smiling.
Before Rayna and Teddy could say their goodbyes, Maddie and Daphne were slamming the door. The silence broke up the once cheery mood, leaving them floundering for what to say.
"Coffee." Rayna stated more than asked as she walked over the kettle.
"Sure."
"Thanks for this. Bringing them over and all."
"I didn't do it for you Rayna. I didn't it for Maddie and Daphne." Teddy replied flatly.
"I know that." She assured him unconvincingly, looking at the ceiling as she stood in the kitchen.
"How's Deacon?" Teddy asked, changing tracks as he wandered over to the outer side of the kitchen counter.
"How's Peggy?" Rayna countered, pulling two mugs out of the cupboard.
"I guess he's got what he always wanted."
"He hasn't got me Teddy, besides I could say the same about her."
"Are you happy now Rayna?" Teddy asked, ignoring her comment.
"What are you talking about? My husband cheated, I feel like the worst mother, I can't leave the hotel without a camera getting in my face and hell I've had to change my cell number, you know that! We are in the middle of a divorce that the media is catching onto like wildfire, making accusations and assumptions about our marriage and the divorce that they have no right to make…so Teddy how on earth do you think I'm happy?" Rayna replied, irritated at his choice of words.
"We could have tried to make it work." Teddy said bitterly, taking his cup of coffee.
"Don't do that, you know we couldn't have. Not after everything, not after the Election Night."
"Fine, at least admit that part of you left because of Deacon?"
"I'm not seeing Deacon! No romance, no nothing. Besides it's not you're business anymore." Rayna shot angrily, sipping her coffee as she looked away.
That was the truth; she hadn't seen Deacon since the Election Night when she'd turned up on his doorstep. She ached inside with a kind of burning that couldn't be satisfied. She was in a constant battle with her mind that relentlessly fought to retell the memories of his lips on hers, the smell of his skin when he stood so close and the way his hands felt around her waist. Rayna shuddered as she recalled the many nights this week she had lay staring at her cell phone, fingers hovering over his number. Whether it was pride or fear that prevented her from hitting the call button, she wasn't entirely sure. More than anything she wanted to be held by him, protected by the fortress of his arms. But all the same, she dreaded rejection and the thought that it was too much to ask of him. Especially after the complicated hand she'd dealt this past few weeks.
"It is my business if it'll involve Maddie and Daphne." Teddy corrected her. "Speaking of which, you make me out as a good liar but you're just the same. You've lied to Deacon for twelve years. Kind of hypocritical if you ask me."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Rayna lied, flinching at where he was going with the conversation.
"Does he even know that he has a daughter?" Teddy questioned, staring at her coldly. Rayna froze like a deer caught in the headlights.
"You know why I never told him." She whispered, her voice catching on the last words.
"Does that change the fact that maybe he deserves to know?"
"You wouldn't…not now…" Rayna spoke unevenly, shaking her head.
"After this past week, Rayna I don't know what I'd do anymore." Teddy confessed, putting his cup down.
"Please…don't…this has nothing to do with Maddie or Deacon, this is about us. Do not punish them because of this." Rayna pleaded, gesturing between them.
"You tell him, or I will."
"You'd hurt Maddie like that?" Rayna asked, her voice breaking.
"You'd hurt Deacon like that?...not telling him the truth." Teddy replied, turning the question back on her.
"Ok, you need to leave." Rayna angrily interrupted, taking his cup out of his hands and throwing it in the sink. "We're not doing this. You know why Deacon doesn't know and I cannot believe you would come in here and intimidate me like that."
"It's you or me." Teddy insistently reminded her as she steered him to the door.
"Leave him out of this." Rayna demanded as she opened the door, gesturing for him to go.
"I'm going down to the pool. I'll bring the girls up before we go to say goodbye."
"Fine." She said coolly, slamming the door. Resting her head on the door she began to shake, cries escaping her mouth as tears began to fall. Gasping she turned around, leaning against the door for support as she gracelessly collapsed into a sobbing mess.
- NASHVILLE -
Rayna's perspective
''Wish that I didn't have to see a confidant as an enemy. Count on lies and the lines you cross, helplessly I can only watch.'' Rayna sang into her microphone, gesturing to the man behind the sound desk to turn her fold back down. 'Dodging words as they ricochet, honesty that'll never pay. Your convictions I believe, like an apparition haunting me.''
Taking to the chorus, Rayna watched the back and forth hum of the crew running with trolleys and equipment. She smiled at the occasional individual that was trying to steal a look at the rehearsal instead of doing the task that was set before them. Spinning around she giggled as Liam chased her around the stage, trying to catch her while he played and she sang. Stepping back up to centre stage, Rayna nearly tripped over her feet when she saw Deacon and Juliette quietly take a seat in the seventh row.
Nervously Rayna continued, pretending not to notice their presence. His eyes burned into her skin making her shiver as they pleaded her to look in his direction. All clarity and confidence abandoned her as she fought her emotions not to overtake her.
"Now the truth is a ball and chain, holding my conscience to the flame. Covered up, but still I know the secret of the life you guilty of." Rayna sung weakly before stepping away from the microphone stand as she shook her head.
Uneasiness began to wash over Rayna as Teddy's words flooded her mind. You're just the same. You've lied to Deacon for twelve years. Rayna stumbled backwards, the music now becoming background noise. You'd hurt Deacon like that? She ran her hands through her hair, suddenly feeling unsteady. You tell him, or I will. Trembling, Rayna bit her nails anxiously and looked out into the empty arena in search of Deacon's face.
"Deacon." She whispered.
- NASHVILLE -
Deacon's Perspective
"What is that?" Juliette quipped, watching Rayna and Liam chase each other around the stage.
"I thought this was just a rehearsal…" Deacon replied, clenching his jaw when he saw what Juliette had.
"Yeah well, that's a lot more than just rehearsing."
"Come on, let's go." Deacon said firmly, walking through rows of seats till he found where he wanted to sit.
"Wait…when you said you wanted to come early, I didn't think that meant we had to listen to this." Juliette hissed, running after him.
"We're gonna listen."
"Fine." She resolved, crossing her arms as she took a seat next to him. Deacon sat silently, his eyes following Rayna intensely.
"You do realise no amount of staring at her is gonna make her love you…I've tried that once." Juliette said pointedly as she thought about her own experiences. "It doesn't work."
Deacon ignored Juliette and remained fixed on Rayna, hoping that she'd give in and look at him. It had been a week since she'd slammed the door, a week since he'd asked her what she wanted. He'd lost count of the times he had run to his hotel door, thinking he'd heard her knocking only to find that his mind had played tricks on him. His memory was cruel, taunting him with how it had felt to kiss her and the way she smiled when she caught him staring, each detail making him want her that little bit more.
"Is she alright?" Juliette asked as Rayna backed away from the microphone stand.
"What?" Deacon asked, tuning back into what Juliette was saying.
"Rayna?" Juliette impatiently replied, waving up at the stage.
Deacon looked to where Juliette had pointed and his stomach fell through the floor as he scrambled to get out of his seat. He didn't need Rayna to say anything, her eyes told him all he needed to know.
"Ray." Deacon whispered, running towards the stage.
- NASHVILLE -
Jumping onto the stage, Deacon caught Rayna as she readily collapsed into his arms. Everybody around them awkwardly looked away and began fiddling with instruments or equipment to give them privacy.
"Hey…" Deacon soothed, still not quite sure what had set her off.
"It's too loud, my fold back...it's too...My voice is all distorted and I hate the way I sound." Rayna mumbled into his chest, letting him hold her.
"Ok." Deacon replied unconvinced, now feeling the stares of those around them.
Rayna began to pull at the power pack clipped to her jeans, ripping the earpieces out. Deacon calmly took it off her before she could throw it at the ground. Out of the corner of his eye Bucky appeared, concern clearly on his face.
"Rehearsals over." Deacon mouthed, still holding Rayna.
"Rehearsals over." Bucky promptly announced, sending everyone away as he followed after them.
Sitting intertwined on the stage, Rayna's heartbeat steadied as she felt the warmth of his arms around her. In the stillness Rayna found a space with him that made her feel safe from everybody else, a place where there was no talking, no time, just them. She resisted pulling away when he spoke.
"Ray." Deacon whispered into the tangles of her hair that fell across his face.
Rayna shook her head. She wanted to stay far away from the feelings that had caused her to fall in the first place. She didn't want to think about what would happen tomorrow, she just wanted stay where things felt right.
"Can you just keep me close?" She asked, resting her forehead on his.
Deacon answered by pulling her further towards him, tightly surrounding her in warmth and safety.