Chapter 14

They moved into the northern part of Oklahoma. Whispers of bloodless corpses turning up in the area could only mean one thing. Or maybe more than one, in Sam's estimate, but they were really banking on vampires. Vampires were like super warriors. Sure they had their weaknesses, like the decapitation thing, and the holy water thing, but if you get a whole army of vampires together…well Sam didn't want to think about what that meant.

Fortunately, word got around about what was now being called the "Attack on Roadhouse", as it was pretty hard to hide a huge crater in the ground from the local media, and many hunters have found their way back to their group. Swelling to numbers greater than fifty, the hunters now liked to call themselves the Fist. Well Sam was fine with that and whatever it meant. As long as they could fight together when the time came. They were resting alongside the road and setting up another make-shift camp. There was very little in the way of accommodations in Oklahoma; not that any place could really house the lot of them anyway, but Sam thought it important to keep non-hunters out of this before they gained more notice.

Leaning over the map on the hood of their car, Sam tried to focus on the marks they laid for sightings reported, but his attention kept shifting back to Dean. Dean, who was sitting off in the distance staring at the sun creeping down the horizon, had turned in on himself. He hardly spoke any more, and while the Fist was still following him loyally, Sam saw the way they looked at each other sometimes when their questions go unanswered and Dean walks past without a glance. He can hear Dean sometimes calling out to Castiel in his sleep and the sound of his voice, so hurt and vulnerable, made Sam want to punch the angel's teeth out. None of it made sense. Why was Castiel doing this to Dean?

"Don't do this, Sam."

Sam twisted and fell on the car, slamming hard against it with his hip, as he tried to turn to face the voice behind him. "Ca- Castiel!" He stuttered. He wondered if the angel somehow knew what he was just thinking. Castiel did look disheveled and kind of pissed off. Sam tried to edge away. Not because he was intimidated or anything, but he just thought he better keep his distance a bit. He knew Castiel was loyal to his brother but to Sam, he could sometimes be a bit of a dick.

"Don't go after the vampire nest," Castiel said flatly and Sam relaxed. A little bit. It had been almost two months since they last saw the angel. No word, no call, and even their prayers went unanswered for Sam sure as hell prayed. For his brother's sanity he went on his knees and begged for Castiel's return. Now, out of the blue here he stood. Sam glanced across the way at his brother. Already some of the hunters noticed Castiel's arrival. They would be alerting Dean.

"It's not my choice to make, Cas. I am not in charge here."

"Then convince him," said Castiel without saying Dean's name. What was with these two? Sam was so damn sick of the way they kept circling around each other like wary dogs. Dean refusing to admit he was hurt; Cas refusing to even have a simple conversation. It was just getting ridiculous.

"Where have you been all this time?" Sam asked, guardedly.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you wanted me to be, Sam," Castiel said. He sounded weary. "I have heard you calling. All the things you have said in your prayers. I hear your brother too. Know that I am always with you, Sam. I am just… not ready to come back yet." That was it. Sam had enough of the crap. Patience thrown aside Sam lunged forward and shoved the angel hard in his chest.

"Now you listen and listen good," he seethed. Sam shoved at him again but when Castiel did not stagger he grabbed the man by his coat and pulled him in close. "You are going to go over there, and you are going to talk to Dean," he spat in Castiel's face. The angel did not move and Sam tried to shake him in frustration. "Stop doing this to him! Can't you see how it's hurting him? Just talk to him!" Sam realized he was shouting, but couldn't get control of himself. He dropped to his knees and fought to hold back tears.

He has been so scared every day for the past two months. Dean wasn't hardly talking to him, and the odds were stacked so high against them, he really thought this was the end of it. Dean just didn't care anymore. Sam didn't know what to do, and he didn't know how to go on. He needed for this to stop. He needed to see his brother smile again. "Please," Sam keened as tears spilled through his eyes squeezed shut. He let Castiel go and dropped his hands to the earth between them. He didn't know what else to say to convince Cas to reconsider staying. A long silence stretched out before him and Sam was certain that the angel had vanished once more. But when he looked up, he saw that Castiel was still standing there; his eyes looking out past the expanse of Fist and cars, to where Dean stood, now looking back.

"Cas…" Sam began.

"Very well," Cas said at last in resignation, and he turned away from Sam to walk towards his brother.

Act natural. Don't panic. Don't fucking panic. Dean watched as Castiel worked to close the distance between them and then he quickly turned away. Oh shit. Oh fuck. His heart felt like he was running for his life. How many times had he imagined this happening? It was happening wasn't it?

"Dean," came a voice from behind him. Oh God, it was happening. Castiel's voice like he heard in his mind so many times. Dean's heart fluttered and he reached out for the cold. He grasped it, struggled with it, and embraced it. He was shrouded in winter once more.

"Where ya been?" Dean said dryly. Feeling the weight of his apathy turn his stomach into a knot.

"I…I have been watching you, Dean. Making sure you are safe." Oh that's fucking great. So he has been floating around them this whole time. "But what you are doing now is not safe. These vampires number too many for you, Dean."

"Yeah. Right." Dean grunted but refused to turn around. He was ice itself.

"I am sorry that I did not let my presence be known," Castiel said flatly, "I have been thinking and…"

"Thinking?" Heat surged through the ice, and Dean spun to face his friend. "Thinking about what, Cas? Why you have been ignoring me?"

Keep it cool, Dean.

"Why did you just dump me off outside a motel and then flap your little angel wings to some corner in the sky where you sat and let me stew for three god damned months?"

Ice cold, Dean. Don't let him in.

"Dean, I am sorry if I upset you," Castiel said, taking a step forward, his face sad and tight at the eyes, "I assure you I was acting in your best interest."

"Bullshit," Dean spat, as he stepped into the gap between them as well, "your best interest was here with me. I needed you here with me." He stabbed a finger at the ground to emphasize his meaning.

"Dean…" Castiel looked sincerely concerned. He also looked a little bit hurt. Dean felt his heart wrench but he pushed the feeling aside. Cold. Ice. Never again would he let his guard down like he did in that meadow.

"We are fighting for our lives here, Cas. You need to help us get through this. Not be off lounging in a cloud somewhere while hunters die and monsters grow larger in numbers. You need to be fighting, here, with… everyone else." Cas was quiet for a moment, studying Dean's sharp green eyes.

"I understand," he said at last. The hurt on his face vanished as though it never had been there. "I will stay." Dean turned away from the angel to not reveal any of the emotion he was feeling. Regret, hurt, unbearable sadness. He fought to push all of it away.

"Fan-fucking-tastic," he said coolly, "See if Sam needs any help. We go against the vampires tomorrow."

"Dean, this is a mistake. We are not ready."

"Go, angel!" Dean roared, and listened as angel wings faded behind him.

Sam leaned against a tree, trying not to get piss on his shoes as he urinated out of sight of the Fist. He heard Dean shouting and worried that this was not going to bode well for the rest of them. He had really hoped Cas would have gotten his brother out of this dark dismal cloud he has been carrying around him since who knows when.

"Sam you have to help me."

Sam jerked and then swore as a bit of moisture trailed across his right shoe. That damn angel making him jump again. Why did he want Castiel back in their lives? The way he showed up unannounced all the time was unbelievably irritating.

"Cas…" Sam said through his teeth as he zipped up his fly.

"You cannot go after the vampires," Cas pleaded.

"I already told you it isn't up to me."

"I know, but…" Cas looked past the hedge of trees to the cars parked beyond. "He won't listen to me," he said in a softer voice, "he's too angry." Sam couldn't argue with the angel there.

"Look, Sam," Cas again turning his attention to the younger brother, "I am trying to help you but I need more time. Last time I wasn't ready and I nearly got all of you killed. Dean…I nearly got Dean killed." Cas's eyes trailed over again to where the Fist was gathered and Sam felt a tinge of pity for the angel. His emotions might be set to rights once more, but Sam could not forget that vulnerable man who wiped tears from his eyes at the thought of missing Dean and asked Sam to give him a hug.

"You can't give up," Sam said and rested a reassuring hand on Castiel's arm. "He cares about you. He's just hurting. He will come around."

"Sometimes Sam, I think you are the best of all of us," Castiel said flatly while never taking his eyes off the distant throng. Sam blinked in surprise at the compliment. He also felt a little better knowing that Castiel was trying to help them. He just wasn't doing it the way Dean wanted him to. But that didn't make him annoying or irritating….ok, he was still those things.

"I will talk to Dean," Sam said, "I think I can convince him to stall the raid by the Fist."

"Thank you," Cas sighed, and his shoulders slumped in relief. "Dean wants me to remain and I will remain, but I must do something first. I will return as soon as I can. For Dean… and for you."

"Alright, Cas, I'll try to talk to Dean a while." Sam clapped Castiel's shoulder and then turned to make his way back to the other hunters. Castiel watched him for a while, thinking about everything that transpired. As always, his thoughts turned back to Dean and how he said he needed Cas there to help him fight. He needed Cas. To fight.

As the last rays of sunlight bled over the horizon, Cas pulled a vial out of his pocket and looked at in his hand. Misty blue smoke swirled and swayed within. It seemed to pulse in a hypnotic rhythm. Cas watched the color bend and shift, ebb and flow, then closed his fist around it, and rested it back in his coat pocket once more.