A/N: Thank you to all of the loyal followers of this story. I can honestly say that this story, for all of its ups and downs, has been one of my favorites to write. This chapter was giving so much trouble because of all the interruptions that I went through trying to write it. I hope all of you enjoy it. A huge thank you to my beta, Stephanie, who has been keeping up with me through this long process. Please be sure to check out some of her latest videos on her YouTube channel, Just4FunVids925. Your Body Is A Wonderland, is a particular favorite of mine that she has done in the last few months.

Disclaimer: I do not own the major characters in this story, as they belong to the creators of Once Upon A Time.

Chapter 21:

The tears stopped hours ago and the dried sobs soon followed. But the guilt, it persisted. Killian may forgive her for what they did, however, she wasn't so sure she could forgive herself.

How many times had she imagined the first time she and Killian would make love? How many times had they stopped because the moment hadn't been right for either one of them? How many times had even their kisses been interrupted by trouble brewing? Too many. And now the moment was over, not to be taken back and she hadn't even had sex with the man who held her heart as tightly as if it rested within his own chest.

It wasn't fair. To either of them. So, it was with some relief when Robin came knocking on her door. Though it took a great deal of willpower for Emma to drag herself out of her room. If Robin hadn't been so insistent, she probably would have locked herself away for a few more days. Instead, Emma found herself changing from the sweats she had thrown on earlier to some actual clothes meant for company so she could join the house for dinner.

When Robin finally had her out of her room, he led her to the dining room. On the way there he surprised her. "Regina's leaving Storybrooke."

"What?" Emma exclaimed.

Robin nodded as they walked closer to where everyone would soon begin to gather. "She's in search of Maleficient's daughter. Apparently, in this world she was named Lilith Page and was adopted by a couple from a place called Minnesota. Belle did some digging on the internet. She discovered Lilith's most recent address was in Boston."

"Lily," Emma murmured. It couldn't be. Pulling her phone out of her pocket she entered Lilith Page and Minnesota on the search page. After a few false leads, Emma stumbled onto a baby picture of Lilith Page. The picture showed a young baby with a birthmark that was so much like the one Lily had showed her almost two decades ago. It was her. How was that possible? First Neal and now Lily. "I should be there. I should be helping search for her. I knew her."

"You need to be here helping Killian. Plus, Signora Assante wants to read more of the book. Regina will find her and when she does, and we return to Storybrooke, you can talk to Lilith again." Robin gently nudged Emma into the dining room. He pulled out a chair so she could sit toward the head of the table since they were some of the first to arrive. Once she was seated he sat next to her.

Emma fiddled with her fingers under the table waiting to see if Killian would show up. She wasn't sure if she could face him right now, but she wanted to know how he was feeling.

Signora Assante sat at the head of the food laden table as it began to fill with people. She smiled at Emma and patted her hand. "He's not coming, signorina. He asked for a tray."

Smiling numbly at the older woman, Emma reached out and put some pasta on her plate before the prayer was said. Emma went through the motions to get through dinner, mumbling pleasantries when needed. Her mind was firmly focused on what Killian might be thinking. Did he blame her? It was her fault that she had been in bed with him. Did he feel guilty? They were both equally responsible for what had happened. Emma even more so because she hadn't been the one who had been sick the last few days. Damn it. She just wanted to know what was running through his mind so her own wouldn't keep conjuring up a hundred different scenarios.

A hand landed on top of her own, that had been hovering on the edge of the table. Startled, Emma looked up to see Signora Assante gazing at her thoughtfully.

"Go to him."

"What about the book?"

The older woman laughed. "It hasn't sprung legs as of yet. It will be here later. Go."

Emma pushed back her chair. She really did need to find out how she and Killian were going to handle what transpired between them. Worry caused her stomach to become an endless pit of acid.

"Where are you going?" Robin asked as Emma stood.

"I need to talk to Killian."

"I don't know if he's ready, Emma. He almost left for good earlier."

Emma nodded solemnly. She understood. Her own instincts commanded her to run. However, she ran all of her life from difficulties and feelings. Killian was the one who made her finally stop running. There was no way in hell she was going to let him fall into that rabbit hole. There was nothing down there but loneliness and numbness. Even anger was better than being numb.

"I won't push. I just need to talk to him. To see him," she assured Robin before she left the dining room.

Robin watched her leave debating with himself whether he should follow. He couldn't even imagine how Emma was feeling. Pushing back his own chair, he decided it was for the best that he remain close to the two of them in case something happened.

"'Scusi," he told Signora Assante. He was about to leave when his cell phone vibrated in the back pocket of his jeans. Confused as to who it may be, he pulled it out and saw that it was Regina's cell. Robin held up his phone to his hostess, indicating he had a call and left the room. He pressed the button to answer it right before it was about to switch to voicemail. "Regina, where are you?"

"Halfway to Boston. I figured it was best if I left town before I did something I might regret where my sister is concerned."

Robin strolled over to the parlor and sat on one of the couches. "Where's Roland?"

"He's with me. I wouldn't dream about leaving him behind with Zelena. And, well, Little John offered to take care for him, but after the whole flying monkey incident, I just felt it was for the best if he remained with me."

"So, Lily is definitely in Boston?" Robin asked as he processed all that was happening half a world away.

"I have her last known address. Belle looked it up for me, but we don't know for sure if she is still there."

There was an eerie silence that fell over the phone. Robin was unsure of what else he could say to her after the whole pregnancy revelation.

"So," Regina finally said, breaking the silence, but not the tension.

"Yeah," Robin agreed, knowing that it had to be discussed. "Is Roland asleep? I know he falls asleep quickly during car rides."

"Yes. He's been out for a little while now." Once more there was silence. "So, you moved on with her."

Robin sighed. "That's not fair. You understood. You agreed. Hell, you let her move back in with you."

"First off, if I knew it was Zelena that would have never happened. Secondly, understanding it and seeing it are different."

"That's hardly the most important part here," he told her, his chest aching. "My son. Zelena's not going to keep wearing that glamor and Roland's not going to understand that his mother's gone. To lose her again."

Robin could almost hear Regina contemplating this over the phone line. "A forgetting potion to take him back to before Marion showed up. He'll lose time but it's better, right?"

"Yes." Robin barely considered before answering. It would be for the best. Some of the pressure that had been building inside his chest loosened. Roland was young. He'd be fine, given time. Robin would make sure of it. "Thank you. God. Poor Marion." Robin ran a hand through his unruly locks. "And Zelena… Just killing her like she meant nothing just to play out this sad farce with us. I just want…"

Robin paused to gather his thoughts. "I wanna… But I can't. I mean I know things didn't feel right. I just didn't know why."

"I'm sorry," Regina breathed out, as if she was trying hard to hold back her own emotions. "This was all about me. For her, this was making sure I never got my happy ending."

Hope blossomed in Robin's chest. "If by happy ending, you mean us, then is there still a way that's possible again?" He paused, but didn't wait for Regina to answer to continue, "But, it's messy, I know. But between us…"

"Is a huge obstacle," Regina interjected. "And it's going to get bigger every day and not just for nine months either. It's a lifetime commitment she has cooking in there. No matter what happens, from now on there's going to be this child. You're tied together in a way," Regina seemed to almost choke up. "In a way we'll never be." She humphed back her emotions. "I'm such an idiot to think life wouldn't kick me in the teeth again."

"I hear you," Robin told her. "Just…"

"Just, what?" she demanded.

"What do we do now?"

"If I had Rumplestiltskin's power of foresight, trust me, I'd be using it," Regina told him.

CSCSCSCSCS

Emma knocked on Killian's door, fully expecting to be ignored. So, when her hand hit his chest in a second attempt to rap at the wooden panel, she jumped back in surprise. "Sorry."

"Not a problem, lass. I've had worse things happen to me." Killian's dimple pushed out as a lopsided grin spread over his face. "I'm actually surprised you're speaking to me. I heard about what happened with your parents from Robin."

Emma was not a fiddler by nature and yet she found herself doing that over and over today, this instance being one of them. As nervous as she was, she dismissed the statement about her parents. "The sorry was for more than just hitting you. We were both responsible for what happened earlier. I'm also happy you didn't leave because I think we should talk about it."

Killian leaned against the doorjamb, his arms crossed over his chest. "What you need to do is stay far away from me and vice versa."

Sending him a pleading look, Emma protested. "We need to talk about this not avoid one another."

His eyes turned stormy and his body stiffened. "This has nothing to do with what happened between us in my bed, Emma. The closer we get the more danger you're in. I can't have you hurt."

Emma reached out and cupped his cheek. His eyes flinched at her touch but he didn't pull away. It was a small victory. "I can take care of myself," Emma assured him, their eyes locking together.

His posture relaxed. Killian's hands came up to rest on her shoulders. "I'm sure you can. You're a tough lass. That doesn't mean I don't feel the need to protect you."

Emma's hand slid from his cheek to his chest, where she had once replaced his heart "Maybe it's me who needs to protect you."

"You already are."

"Killian, I…"

"Yes, love?" His eyes appeared almost hopeful. For a second Emma could really picture him as the Killian Jones she had come to care about, to love.

"I need to head back." Emma chickened out. She wasn't ready to tell him she loved him. Not yet. Not when Killian didn't have all of his memories. Not when he didn't remember that he cared for her too. "Signora Assante is waiting for me."

"Sure." His hands reluctantly slipped down to his side. "Just promise me to be careful. Listen to Robin if he tells you to watch out."

Emma gave him a smile, when she was dying to pull him closer for a kiss, before she turned to leave and agreed. "Always."

She hated to walk away, but she had a lot to think about. Not the least of which was how to convince Killian to come home instead of running away. Sighing, Emma entered the parlor and found a dejected Robin being hugged by their elderly hostess on one of the couches. "What happened?"

Signora Assante slowly stood as Emma approached, untangling herself from Robin. "Your friend needs you." The woman patted the old leather-bound book on the side table. "While this may not have the answers you seek currently, you will find some light if you search among its pages this evening."

Signora Assante laid a hand upon Emma's shoulder, her lips parting in a soft smile of assurance. "Rest well. Your trip has not been wasted." With that cryptic parting she left the two of them alone.

Emma stared transfixed at the door where the older woman left. Slipping down onto the couch, Emma let herself sink into the cushions next to Robin. "How does she do that?"

"I swear she has some magic of her own," Robin replied. "Speaking of, any luck working on yours?"

"I haven't even tried in over a month. Regina will probably be upset that I've grown rusty after she tried to help me."

Robin let out a dry laugh. "Trust me, Regina has other things to worry over right now."

"You mean about Zelena?" Emma inquired, hoping by now Regina told him about the Marion/Zelena problem.

"Yes, and the fact that Zelena's pregnant."

"Who's the father?" Emma asked curiously. Robin gave Emma a level look. "Oh shit. I'm so sorry, Robin. It happened when she was Marion and you left Storybrooke, didn't it? When you thought Regina was lost to you forever. I had thought that you and Regina…" Emma shook her head. "I'll shut up now. My life is complicated enough to try to lay any judgement on yours."

Robin dryly chuckled. "Your first sentiment summed it all up quite nicely," he intoned with some dry sadness, while his hand swept through his hair. "I have no idea what to do. Regina took Roland with her to find Lily, so he's safe for now. That's some consolation. As for the rest, nothing is going to be solved while we are still in Rome. Hopefully, in a week some answers will begin to come to me."

He rose from the couch and held out his hand to assist Emma up as well. "I say we head to bed and maybe after some rest and contemplation, if we are lucky, some answers to our problems will come to us."

Emma took his hand and allowed him to pull her up. When she stood, she reached over and grabbed for the storybook. "And if what Signora Assante said was true, maybe this will help even more. Though how she thinks I'll be able to read the Old Italian text I don't know."

Robin shrugged. "You'll think of a way. Goodnight, Emma."

"Goodnight, Robin." She watched him leave and head toward the hall that lead to their rooms. Emma was tempted to follow him to her own room, but headed for the kitchen instead. She'd love to have a cup of hot chocolate to take to bed with her while she tried to decipher what the book might tell her.

When she reached the kitchen, Emma stopped short. Killian stood at the sink, his back to her washing his dishes from earlier. He had to have walked past her and Robin earlier to get in here and she knew she hadn't heard him pass.

Emma leaned against the doorjamb, similar to his earlier posture, clenching the storybook in her arms. Killian was wearing a plain white t-shirt that stretched taunt across the muscles of his back. His black dress pants hung loose and were cinched at his waist with a thin, black leather belt. Killian's feet were bare on the old wood floor, his toes curling into the small rug that had been pushed against the wall of cabinets under the sink.

"You can stop hiding, Swan. I know you're there," he said without even turning around, as he placed a glass on a towel to dry.

Emma smiled and pushed off the wall. "I wasn't hiding. I just got here."

Killian wiped his hands and flung the towel over his shoulder. Turning slowly, he faced her and leaned against the sink, crossing his arms over his broad chest. A smoldering grin spread over his face before his expression turned more serious. "What brings you here?"

"Cocoa," she told him as she set the book down on the counter before searching for a mug and ingredients for her drink. She filled the kettle and noticed he had moved away from the sink. Emma almost dropped it though when she heard him speak.

"What's this?"

Emma turned and saw that he stood near the book, a piece of paper in his hand. She placed the kettle on the stove but didn't turn it on, instead choosing to see what Killian was referring to. Emma walked toward him. "Where did you get that?"

He glanced up and handed her the page. It was a sheet of paper similar to the ones inside the book. Only this one was in English. "It was in your book. I glanced through it and that slipped out."

Emma's eyes grew wide. Signora Assante had been right. The answers were in the book. Where the page had come from she didn't know, but Emma was sure that Signora Assante knew more than she had let on thus far.