CHAPTER SIXTEEN
"Rayna…open the door!" Deacon insisted, banging as he spoke. When the door stood firmly shut he turned around and took a swing at the wall, furiously running his hands through his hair as he began to pace. Deacon looked down and swore. Dripping from head to toe, the weight of his clothing clung to his skin, irritating him as the piercing cold restricted his stride.
"Rayna?!" He called as her stood outside her door, water slowly forming a puddle at his feet. Nothing happened, no doors opened, no signs of movement, just him alone in the empty corridor. Anger replaced the concern he had been feeling, overtaking his ability to cope with the silence. Unconsciously he slowly started to back away from the door, hoping that she would open it.
"If you don't want to talk to me Rayna fine…But I'm here wanting to talk…so the least you could do is open the door…!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. The door remained closed still.
"Fine have it your way!" He yelled, storming down the corridor towards the elevator.
- NASHVILLE -
2 days later…
Noisily her shoes clicked against the concrete as she ran through the passageway backstage at the arena. Juliette was late for the team meeting to discuss the logistics of the San Diego show. Crashing through Rayna's dressing room door she made quite the entrance, fumbling over her feet as she tried to straighten her jacket.
"Hey! Sorry I'm lat-" She cheerily began, stopping herself when she felt the overwhelming tension in the room.
Juliette searched for Liam, hoping that he might explain what she had missed. Wide-eyed, Liam slowly shook his head as he subtly motioned in Deacon and Rayna's direction. Juliette let her gaze pass over Bucky and Glenn, fixing her eyes on what Liam had pointed at. Both Deacon and Rayna sat silent and cross-armed on the same lounge, a good space apart. When Juliette looked closer she noticed there was more than distance between them, there was a cold and detached strain that she had never seen before. She would have thought about it longer but she had jumped when Glenn cleared his throat. Reluctantly moving, Juliette took a seat next to Liam.
"What'd I miss?"
"Well like we've just discussed, you're going on first tonight so your sound check is set for 3pm…Rayna's sound check will be at 5." Glenn offered, looking at Bucky for support. "Is that ok Rayna?"
"Hmm?"
"Sound check at 5pm?"
"Yeah, that's fine Buck. Is that all?" Rayna replied, paying the conversation little attention.
"Is everything ok…here?" Bucky asked, looking around at everybody as his fingers played with his phone.
"What do you mean?" Rayna answered, looking at him questioningly.
"He means is everything ok here." Liam interrupted, motioning loosely between Deacon and Rayna before he crossed his arms. Rayna's eyes shot in his direction, furious that he had voiced the obvious.
"Everything's fine thank you for asking." She replied unconvincingly, gritting her teeth as she forced a smile. Deacon shook his head, letting out a low laugh as he wiped his hands over his face. Rayna ignored him, pursing her lips together as she looked at the others.
"Everything's fine. Really? Is that what we're calling it?" Deacon asked, staring at Rayna as he waited for an answer.
"Yeah, that's what we're calling it." She replied sharply, looking in his direction. Deacon clenched his jaw, watching her closely as she spoke. "Unless you have any other ideas?"
"Not lying to everyone would be a good start." He replied, immediately ashamed that he had said it. Rayna's eyes darted away from his when he spoke.
"Sometimes people lie because the truth will hurt and do more harm than good…sometimes you don't have a choice."
"There's always a choic-" Deacon said flatly.
"-Alright, I've gotta send off numbers to the caterers for lunch so..." Bucky interrupted, sensing that the conversation between Rayna and Deacon was one that they needed to have behind closed doors.
"I'm not hungry." Rayna replied, averting people's eyes as she tried to pull herself together.
"Neither am I." Deacon answered, irritably shifting on the lounge.
"Well I am!" Juliette smiled, shooting Liam a bemused look as they silently exchanged their thoughts about the awkward tension in the room.
"I could go for food right now too." Liam replied, matching her sunny tone as they tried to ignore the uneasiness.
In one swift movement both Deacon and Rayna stood up, crashing into each other as they headed for the door. Clumsily, they silently sidestepped and dodged one another before finally exiting in different directions. Everyone who had been left in the room sat still, deciphering what they had just seen.
"Ok, what the hell was that?" Juliette asked, turning to Bucky for answers.
Bucky shrugged. "I have no idea."
"I thought they were like together now?" Juliette questioned, staring at the empty lounge where they had sat.
"Did that really look like they were together to you?" Liam asked.
"Hey! You saw the way they were last week just like I did…asking if they're together is a completely logical thing to say." She defended.
"Whatever they had going on last week is clearly not what they had going on today."
"Well they better sort it out because I don't wanna be dealing with a brooding guitarist tonight...I'm not in the mood." Juliette answered as she stood.
"Good luck with that. I having a feeling this may go on for a while." Liam laughed, making his way out the door.
- NASHVILLE -
Sitting in a chair looking at the mirror, Rayna watched her stylists move back and forth as they tugged at her hair and retouched her make up. Shifting her gaze, Rayna looked at herself. Her eyes were tired and her face was deeply burdened with signs of sleeplessness. She mused over the fact that no amount of make up would cover the emotional wreck she had become inside.
Replaying the last few days in her head, Rayna cringed. How had they even gotten here? After her rainy night confession, she had expected distance and a long period of silence. She hadn't expected Deacon to immediately chase after her but he had, sending her into a hysterical state. While he had hammered and pleaded her to let him in, she had sunk into a trembling heap against the other side of the door as she forced herself to silently listen. Guilt and self-loathing stopped her from letting him in, leaving her to cry alone when she heard him walk away.
The next morning Rayna had woken, aching and desperate to put things right with Deacon. As she tied her hair in a loose bun, Rayna found herself heading out the front door. She began to look for him, wandering different floors of the hotel until she saw him walking through the main entrance of the lobby. Rayna nervously waved but Deacon offered her hostility in return, stepping straight past her into the elevator. Dazed and shattered, Rayna had numbly returned to her room and climbed under her bedcovers, determined to shut out last night's memories and the emptiness that now weighed on her heavily within. How they would get past this, Rayna didn't know. He needed space, time to breathe and separate himself from the mess they'd created, but the thought of losing him altogether was too much to bear.
"Rayna?! Are you with us?" Bucky asked, clicking in her face as he tried to get her attention.
"What kind of question is that?" She replied, irritated that she had been jolted from her reveries.
"Are you ok Ray?" He asked, glancing at her stylists hovering behind her. "Could you leave us please?"
Numbly, Rayna watched them exit as she fiddled with her fingers. "What is going on?"
"I'm fine…nothing's going on." She choked, tears forming in her eyes.
"Can you try that again and at least pretend that you mean it?" Bucky replied, looking over her shoulder at her in the mirror. Avoiding his gaze, Rayna's eyes fell to the ground. "Rayna, is this about Deacon?"
"What makes you thin-?" She started only to be interrupted by her cell phone. As she answered it, Bucky watched her closely.
"Hello?"
"Rayna."
"Daddy." She said flatly, her face turning white as she steadied herself in her seat.
"How are you?"
"Save the small talk for someone who cares. Daddy, you and I both know you're not calling to ask me how my days been. What do you want? I'm kind of busy."
"I'm calling to ask you to come home, you're daughters need you, your husban-"
"-I think you're forgetting that Teddy and I aren't really together anymore." She interrupted, looking at Bucky.
"Don't be ridiculous. Every marriage has its fair share of ups and downs. You aren't the exception Rayna. Pull it together and at least consider getting on a plane and coming home."
"Consider it? Consider it? Are you kidding me? Where have you been this last month? Have you not seen the tabloids? My marriage is over. It is so over..." She exclaimed, livid at his comments.
"So you clearly think you can go this alone then?" Lamar spun, delight creeping into his voice.
"What are you talking about?"
"You really think that Deacon will stay with you once he finds out about Madd-?"
"-I swear if you keep bringing my daughter, your granddaughter into this twisted game...you will be sorry." She replied angrily, griping the arm of the seat.
"No need to get defensive. Clearly, I've struck a nerve."
"Are you calling just to harass me now or do you have something useful to say?" She asked, brushing a hand through her hair.
"When it all comes out, be prepared. Rayna you're fooling yourself if you think that Deacon will stay around…he's never been the kind of-"
"-You don't know the first thing about him."
"I know that-" Lamar started.
"-Look this really isn't the time. I'm about to go on stage. I've gotta go. Ok. Bye now." She replied, ending the call as she threw her phone angrily on the dressing room counter.
"What was that about?" Bucky asked, looking at her with apprehension.
"Just Daddy being Daddy." She laughed, trying to hide her trembling.
"Why was Lamar asking questions about Deacon? This is what it's about isn't it? Deacon?" He tried, hoping that Rayna would be honest with him.
"Right now, I can't even talk about him…because if I do I'm gonna fall apart." She whispered, wiping her eyes as tears began to fall. "And I can't fall apart right now."
Interrupted by a knock on the door, Rayna and Bucky fell silent. "You're on in 5 Ms Jaymes." They both awkwardly smiled in unison.
"We're not done talking about this." Bucky squeezed her arm reassuringly before making his way out. "I'll meet you out there."
Rayna nodded at him before looking at her reflection in the mirror as she gripped the counter. She began to steady her breathing as she collected herself. Hesitantly she practised smiling and hated the result. Rayna swore, running her hands through her hair as she looked at herself closely. Stepping back, she forced herself to smile again and faintly whispered. "I can't fall apart right now."
- NASHVILLE -
"Yeah! San Diego! Y'all just too kind is what you are!" Rayna shouted over the screaming and applause. Catching Liam's attention, Rayna signalled him to count the band in for the next song. Instantly a symphony of sound engulfed the stage, stirring shouts of approval from the audience. Rayna smiled and began to sing.
"Wish that I didn't have to see a confidant as an enemy. Count on lies and the lines you cross, helplessly I can only watch."
Looking out into the sea of flashing lights and glowing cell phones, Rayna's head began to spin with thoughts of Deacon and the conversation with her Father. Gulping, Rayna continued.
''Dodging words as they ricochet, honesty that'll never pay. Your convictions I believe, like an apparition haunting me.''
Rayna began to sway unsteadily, shying away from centre stage as she became overwhelmed with emotion. Her Father couldn't be right could he? Memories of Deacon cruelly exposed themselves, making her shiver. His touch, the rehearsals, the elevator, the kiss in the rain, the way he looked at her when she finally told him the truth. Maybe Deacon had had his fill of her, maybe this was it and they were through. Choking on her breath, Rayna looked out into the arena, letting the music fade into the background as she stood soundlessly.
- NASHVILLE -
"Come on?!" Bucky cried, pacing as he watched Rayna, frozen on the stage. Some of the crew and stagehands that had been busily running back and forth were now gathered around Bucky, all consumed with should bes and could bes about what would happen.
"Keep playing!" He mouthed to Liam who had sought out his attention; alarmed that Rayna had stopped singing. Liam nodded, signalling to the band to take his lead as they began to improvise.
"What the hell is she doing?" Juliette asked, walking up to Bucky. "You need to do something!"
"I'm working on it!"
"Well hurry up!"
"Move!" Deacon called, pushing past the wall of onlookers to get to the sound tech that stood next to Bucky. Pulling the strap for his guitar over his head, Deacon scrambled to pick up a power pack as he began to connect wires and cords. "Hook me up."
"Deacon you cannot be serious? How the hell is it gonna look if you go out there and play for Rayna when you are in my band?" Juliette demanded, stepping between him and his access to the stage.
Deacon shook his head. "I don't see you picking up a microphone to go out there and help her anytime soon."
"Deacon!"
"Something's wrong Juliette and I am not about to stand around and leave her out there alone."
"She's not alone, she has a whole band…Bucky's handling it." Juliette insisted, crossing her arms. He shot her a sceptical look.
"You and I both know that she doesn't need that band right now." Deacon replied adamantly, sidestepping her when the sound tech gave him the all clear to move.
"Fine." She breathed, watching him walk out into the blinding stage lights.
- NASHVILLE -
"Ray…Rayna!"
Rayna snapped her head in the direction of the voice calling her name, reality crashing back in as she became aware of her surroundings. The sound of screaming and applause, the music and the lights up above reminded her where she was, causing her to panic.
"Deacon?" She whispered, her bottom lip trembling as she watched him slowly ease onto the stage, strumming along to the band's improvised instrumental.
Deacon shook his head and mouthed. "Don't cry…focus…just look at me."
Rayna gripped her microphone tightly, not taking her eyes off him as he moved closer to centre stage. Deacon nodded in Liam's direction and the band cut the instrumental to follow him.
"Now the truth is a ball and chain..." He sung over the music to guide her, nodding to hands to get her to move the microphone to her mouth to sing.
"Holding my conscience to the flame." She followed, stepping towards him as she nervously sang. "Covered up, but still I know the secret of the life you guilty of."
Comforted by his presence, Rayna let herself smile as she kept her eyes fixed on Deacon. "The smoking gun is what I've found. The dirt I have on you is the ground."
Throwing her hand up in the air, she sung to the arena. "Oohh, I'm buried under."
They made it through the two final songs without a hitch and Juliette joined them all on the stage for the finale. 'Wrong Song' had become the highlight of every show, tonight being no exception. When the final chord was played the arena went into an uproar, pleading them for more. Breathless and smiling, Rayna, Juliette and the band bowed, letting the applause and screams throughout the arena drown everything else out.
"Thank y'all so much! We love you San Diego!" Rayna shouted, waving as they all stepped back from the edge of the stage. Looking out of the corner of her eye Rayna saw Deacon quietly sneaking off stage. Impulsively she smiled and waved one last time before quickly following him.
"Hey!" She called, bounding down the stairs. Deacon ignored her. Rayna grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop. "Hey, I'm talking to you."
"Now you want to talk?" He replied coldly, avoiding her gaze.
"Are you mad at me? I thought that-"
"-There was no way I was gonna to leave you up there by yourself tonight…that doesn't mean everything else is ok though."
"Deacon-"
"-Look Ray, I get that you're upset and I know that lying to me killed you, believe me I know that. But you choosing how we were supposed to deal with all of this isn't just you're decision to make, its mine too."
"I know, I-" She whispered, letting go of his arm.
"-I'm glad you know, because I was starting to think that you weren't considering me in any of this."
"What are you saying?" Rayna choked, her voice trembling.
"Right now, I'm saying I can't do this."
"Deacon." She tried, looking up into his face as she reached for his hand.
"Ray, I know your hurting…did you even think that maybe I was too?" He replied faintly, his voice wavering as he squeezed her hand before letting it go. Deacon shoved his hands in his pockets, lowering his head as he tried to hide the stinging haze that was consuming his eyes.
Rayna stood numbly as she watched him walk away. Her resolve turned on her, leaving tears to fall in its place. Hugging herself as she made her way in the direction of her dressing room, she struggled to ignore the overwhelming hopelessness and fear that was creeping under her skin.
"This is all my fault."