Hello all! Had some time to update, so here's another chapter of History. If you read my Korrasami month fic, I'm going to try to update either tonight or tomorrow ^_^
In the meantime, let the angst continue!
I mean...
*hides*
(-)
Chapter 25
Broken
Katara led her into a dark room, the area lit by two small oil-lamps in the corners. There were two circular windows between them, their curtains closed to keep out the sun. "Do you remember the last time you were here, Korra?"
She looked around, her eyes falling on the small pool in the center. Her heart sunk into her chest. "I do. My dad brought me here to see if I was sick. He thought the reason I couldn't Water Bend was because I was ill." Korra clenched her fists, fire in her eyes. "But he was wrong. So was my mother. I'm not a late bloomer. I'm not sick. I'm not a Water Bender." She crossed her arms and looked away.
No, you're just a Fire Bender.
"Shut up." She growled, closing her eyes to fight her thoughts.
Katara raised an eyebrow to her ferocity. She put a hand on Korra's shoulder. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"
Korra slouched and turned to her. There was sadness in her eyes and hesitation in her voice. "Why am I so… broken?"
She reciprocated the look. "Why do you think you're broken, Korra?"
"Because I am!" She threw her arms up in frustration, pulling away from Katara. Korra put her back to the woman, her head high in anger. It melted away in an instant from her overwhelming guilt. "I'm – I'm sorry, Master Katara. I didn't mean to yell."
"Come sit with me, Korra." She walked over to a bench under one of the windows and sat.
Korra followed her and plopped into the spot beside her.
"Talk to me. Get it all out. You're safe here."
She leaned forward and buried her fingers into her brown hair. She rested her elbows on her knees and inhaled. "I don't even know where to start."
"When did you begin feeling this way? Like you were broken?"
Korra shut her lids to think. She'd like to think it was one of the first times she heard the voice, when she was with Urkoma in the hospital. But she knew better. She knew, in the crevices of her being, that it ran deeper than that, dug down into years and years of her past. It might have been buried, it might have been repressed, but it was there, and it was what drove her to abandon everything she knew for a chance at something better. "When I ran away. That was the first time." She rubbed her temple, forcing away her foggy recollection of the voice calling her name. "It's gotten worse since then. Last semester… Now... Everything is just so messed up, Master Katara."
She rubbed a hand on Korra's back, trying to ease her pain. "What made you feel broken back then?"
"Which time?" She sat up and crossed her arms, her eyes on the floor. "When I ran away? I felt like a failure. I couldn't Water Bend. My parents argued about it, talked about me like I wasn't there. But I was there. I could hear them. I was there!" The memory of her slamming her sparked fist into the stone column flashed in front of her. It sent an ache up her right arm and a horrible pain through her skull. She grimaced and folded inward, grasping at her scalp.
"Korra?" Katara held onto Korra's shoulders, trying to get her upright.
"I'm fine, I'm fine." Korra pulled away in her stubbornness and averted her gaze.
"When did these migraines start?"
"A – A few days ago. Maybe a little over a week? I've lost track of the days, to be honest. Ever since –" she gritted her teeth against the pulse.
"Since when?"
"I was in an earth prison. I ran into a gang in Republic City and they robbed me. I didn't really sleep that night and there was a storm. This guy saved me – I don't know who he was – but he rescued me, and from there on, everything is just really… fuzzy. I walked places. I swam. I – I remember a statue, a huge one."
"Have you been having nightmares, Korra?"
She met her blue irises and bobbed her head. "It's pretty obvious, isn't it?"
Katara nodded. "Our bodies don't lie to us. When we're tired, it shows, even when we try to hide it."
"What about when we're crazy?"
She raised her eyebrow. "Do you think you're crazy, Korra?"
"No." Korra looked away and sighed. "Maybe. I don't know anymore. All these nightmares and things I can't remember and the pain whenever I try to and –" She flinched and rubbed her temples.
"Come with me, Korra." She rose and led the swaying brunette to the small pool. "Step inside, would you?"
"Okay." Korra tossed her boots and pelt off with an absent mind, as well as her socks, leaving everything else on as she slipped in. The water was just as cold as she remembered.
"Just sit back and relax." Katara lifted her hands and swirled them, making the liquid glow around Korra. "Close your eyes, and try to ease your mind."
She did as she was told. At least, she tried to. She shut her lids and took deep breaths, but her mind was too focused on keeping the horrible thoughts and memories at bay to actually calm down.
"You're still tense."
"What are you doing to me?"
"Examining your body."
"Why?" She opened her eyes and stared at Katara. The liquid around her was still glowing.
"To see if there is any way I can relieve these headaches of yours. Then it might be easier for you to get through this."
Korra curled into herself as she sat on the cement seat in the pool. "What if I can't? What if this won't go away?"
"Trust yourself, Korra. Trust in your instincts and your heart. I know you'll overcome this. You've been close to death before and have been victorious against it. I have no doubt that you'll be able to do the same now."
"Am I going to die from this?" She stood up, water dripping from her torso.
Katara stopped Bending. The fluid returned to its clear state. "You're not going to die, Korra. I was just giving you an example of when you've persevered." She stepped closer to Korra and put a hand on her shoulder. "I believe in you. And I have hope in you. You can do this."
Korra looked away and stared at the almost-still water surrounding her shins. Though her reflection was wavy, it stared back at her. She was tired and it showed. Tired of not sleeping. Tired of the pain. Tired of everything. She met her oceans as a tear fell down her right cheek. "I don't want to do this anymore. I want it all to stop."
"Then I will do everything in my power to help you, Korra."
She nodded and lowered herself into the pool. She positioned herself against the cement shelf, leaning her head back on the stone edge. Her lids touched and she focused on her breathing. Her mind went rampant, cycling through various images and pictures that made her body writhe and her heart pound.
Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Nice. Even. In. Out.
The returning glow of the water faded through the darkness of her shut eyes. She could feel some of it swirl around her. The cold crept in, almost as if it were touching her core.
In. Out. In. Out.
Her thoughts faded into black with each breath. Her limbs loosened.
"That's it, Korra. Open yourself up. Let me in. Let me help you."
She didn't know what that meant, so she just continued descending into stillness, allowing the blackness to consume her.
Silence.
Her ears picked up only the gentle sloshing of the water around her. Even that slowed to a miniscule current.
Katara was inside of her, feeling her energy.
What she found was a massive, tumultuous battle. There were pools and slurries and squalls and hurricanes. Every time she tried to grab onto a piece of the young woman's chi, it would snap back at her, almost attacking her own internal flux.
And each time she tried to grab onto a piece, Korra flinched in pain.
Korra could feel it, too, just as she had a sense of it with Urkoma in the hospital. But it was much worse this time. It almost felt like she was being pulled apart, at war between herself and herself. A physical and spiritual conflict manifesting in her mind.
That's where it was the worst.
Every attempt to calm her chi brought back another memory, each one laced with the voice calling her name.
It was becoming too much for her.
"Korra, I'm going to move you into the water more. Your head will be partly submerged, but you'll be steady and floating so you can breathe." Katara used Water Bending to glide her into the pool.
Just as she said, her body drifted, her face poking out of the surface for air.
Katara moved her focus to Korra's mind. It was a delicate procedure, one that required the utmost focus and gentleness; one wrong move, and Korra could lose the ability to walk or talk or touch or see or remember. She kneeled beside the pool and closed her eyes, targeting the energy inside Korra's brain.
The flashes and images became more vivid, more detailed.
She could see the wind blow through the sky bison's fur in the storm. Taste the saltiness of the Southern Sea as she plummeted into it. Smell the smoke and ash around her as the poisonous gas and heat suffocated her. Hear the explosion of more and more magma behind her in a never-ending pool. Feel the earth rumble under her as she Bent it away, cracking an entire peninsula off the mainland with her energy alone.
The voice called to her, each repetition getting louder and louder.
Korra.
Korra.
Korra.
Her limbs were convulsing. Sweat poured from her exposed skin. She couldn't take much more of this torture.
Katara was struggling to intermingle with the chi in Korra's mind and body, despite being the best Healer in the Southern Water Tribe, if not the entire world. She tried to direct her own chi to coincide with Korra's and the water's, attempting to calm the swirling whirlpools inside of her. Katara spread her arms, hoping to grab onto any amount of energy in any part of Korra's being. She lifted her hands up, her elbows quivering from the skirmish, her brow furrowed in concentration. Sweat dripped from under her gray hair. She gritted her teeth and fought the best she could.
But she couldn't do it.
She collapsed onto her hands and knees, the water and Korra's energy falling with it.
Korra surged back to reality, jumping upright with a scream. She clutched the sides of the pool, her entire body shaking from the experience. She panted and laid her head against the cold stone, knowing this was a failure.
"Mom?! Mom, are you alright?"
Korra looked up to see Kya kneeling next to her mother. Her hands were tight on Katara's shoulders.
Katara straightened and stared deep into Korra's eyes, a mixture of emotion radiating from her own.
Korra didn't know what to do. Her heart sunk from the expression on her lifelong friend's face. She wanted to run, to run far away and never have anyone deal with her again.
Never hurt anyone again.
Never feel this pain again.
So she did.
Or at least, she tried to.
"Oh no, you don't."
Before she could flee, her right leg was frozen to the ground. She almost crashed into the floor from the halting motion. She twisted the best she could and met Kya's scowl.
"Kya, let her go. I'm fine."
"She did something to you, mom. She's not just going to leave. I won't let her."
Katara pushed herself up and spread her fingers out.
The ice around Korra's leg melted in an instant. She smashed into the stone with a grunt.
"Korra's going through a lot of pain right now, Kya. She's afraid." Katara crossed the room and knelt beside her, offering her hand in the process.
Korra stared at the palm in front of her, hesitant and – as much as she didn't want to admit it – afraid. She lifted her own shaking fingers up to Katara and gripped her wrist.
She helped Korra to her feet and brought her to the bench. She sat Korra down and put her upright. "Breathe. Gather yourself."
She nodded and closed her eyes, trying to ease the throbbing in her skull.
"What's going on, mom?"
Katara turned to her daughter and put her hands behind her back. "Korra has been going through a lot. Her energy… it's very twisted and confused and – powerful." She faced the younger woman, eyed her, and returned to Kya. "I need your help."
(-)
"You should probably be getting to the people in your group right now."
"Aren't you coming, Asami?"
"No." She sat up from the snowmobile she was working on, already acquiring a few grease and oil smudges on her cheeks and clothes. "I'm going to stay here and try to fix as many of these as I can, using that one for spare parts," she pointed to the vehicle that was missing the back half of its body with her wrench. "The more I can get up and running, the better off you'll be in the long run." She returned to her work, enjoying the challenge of the new machinery and the distraction it provided.
"One snowmobile isn't going to be enough to get the wood hauled and the people back to safety."
"Then take some tools and fix the two that are out there." Her tone was a bit harsher than it had to be.
Don't assume that he just knows how to fix them.
And don't assume that he doesn't.
"Or you could make multiple trips. Take Naga with you."
The polar bear dog perked up in the corner upon hearing her name. She trotted over to Tonraq and Asami, tail wagging.
"How will you get back, then?"
She emerged from under the vehicle and wiped her brow. "I'll take one of these when I fix it." She switched out her tools and slid right back to the belly of the snowmobile. "If you can't get the snowmobiles started out in the forest, bring everyone else and the wood back. I'll head out there and service them if I can."
Tonraq didn't like this idea. He could hear the wind howling and picking up speed in the silence that fell between them. A storm was coming. A bad one. And Asami was already having problems adapting to the cold; he feared that she wouldn't make it through the next storm if she was out there alone.
"Asami –"
"You're wasting time. The sooner you get out there, the sooner we can get the snowmobiles fixed and get everyone back to safety before the storm hits."
There was a tad bit of shock on his face. "You can hear the wind, too?"
"No, actually, I can't." She pushed herself from the propped machinery and sat up. "I don't actually know why I can tell that there's a storm coming, but I can. It's like a –" she met his eyes, "like a gut feeling. Like something's wrong."
Naga whimpered and lowered her head, her tail pausing against the stone.
"I'll be fine here, Tonraq. It won't take me long to get these up to repair. After that, I'll head over as soon as I can. If the weather gets too bad, I'll bunker down until it's over." When her words didn't convince him, she crawled to her feet and approached him, wiping her wrench clean with her coat as she did so. "I'll be fine. I can handle myself." She maintained her hold on his irises. "Now go. They need you. The longer you wait, the worse it's going to get."
He sighed. "You're right. Come on, Naga." He walked over to the working snowmobile and grabbed its handles. Naga followed with a bit of sadness in her posture. "We'll be back as soon as we can be, Asami."
She nodded and returned to her work, determined to make as many of these vehicles run as she can.
Tonraq eyed her before he left, a mixture of concern and admiration? – he couldn't quite piece it together – in his heart. "Let's go, Naga." He muttered, strapping a small toolbox down to the back and bringing the snowmobile to life. They sped out of the garage, the door shutting behind them with a heavy clang.
Asami didn't mind. In fact, she couldn't care less. She was in her element, and right now, it was her and these broken snowmobiles.
These broken snowmobiles and this broken engineer.
(-)