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WitFit Jan/Feb 2013
90's Sex, drugs and rock-n-roll
Word Prompt: Shield
Binding Blurb: Love at first site
-PoM-
Sprawled on the floor in front of the couch, I was immersed in end-of-the-year studying, rifling through old notebooks and rechecking textbooks against a practice exam someone in one of my journalism classes had made up. Temple Of the Dog's CD, which I was currently obsessed with, provided a soundtrack to my day.
Because it was nice outside I'd thrown open the windows to let the start-of-summer breeze wash away some of the accumulated winter staleness of my apartment. I didn't even care that my papers rustled in the wind, either. A dose of good, solid Vitamin D could do wonders for a person's mood, and with everyone gone, I needed it right about then.
The lock on the door clicked and I looked up in surprise.
"Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you'd stay until they were finished."
"Well, I live here, don't I?" Rose set her suitcase down and shut the door. "Damn, I'm glad to be home. And I'm glad to see you here. I missed your ass."
"Yeah, I've been camped here since you left. It still feels weird to stay at Edward's place when he's gone."
"Well, I need some girl time, that's for sure. I've had enough of the boys to last me awhile. Even Emmett was driving me crazy. I felt like a flippin' babysitter the whole time I was in Milwaukee."
I gathered my papers into a pile and set my backpack on them to weight them down. "Are they acting like fools? Is that why you came back so soon?"
"Eh, kind of. They're working hard, but it's also like putting ten year old boys in a room with no parents to watch them. Pranks and bickering, dirty clothes and shitty food. Besides, I have to get their bookings shored up. It's smart to get them on the road as soon as possible to promote the album; I even got them into Grunge Fest this summer."
"Nice. I landed a press pass for all three days."
"That'll be fun then. We can hang out and see some different bands."
"Yeah. Peter gave me the easiest assignment: I basically have to write the set list of the bands I watch and give a few blurbs on each to round it out."
"Right on. That sounds pretty cool."
I scooted up on to the couch and waited until she collapsed with her head in my lap to start the grilling. "How are the guys doing as a whole? Edward doesn't give me much when he calls."
She sighed, shutting her eyes when I began to braid a chunk of her hair. "Honestly? He probably doesn't want to burden you with all of the crap. No lie, it was a circus at first. Tyler's impossible to keep on track."
"He's not doing any better?"
"Nope. The first few weeks he was either fucked up majorly, or just buzzed enough to function when they absolutely needed him to. One day he was locked in the bathroom for a couple of hours and they had to work around it until they couldn't. Edward finally got him out."
Opposing memories invaded: Tyler on the first night, shy and sweet and offering me a toke; that day in Edward's apartment, him all thin and out of it and jonseing to go see Lauren.
My heart broke at her words. "It's that bad?"
She opened her eyes, looked at me, and I didn't like what I saw there. "I don't know, chick. I just . . . I don't know."
"It sounds like he needs some help."
"That's the shitty part. Until he breaks a law or they give him an ultimatum, he won't go. It's hard to watch. It's like they've created this shield around him. They love him, ya know? There's no way they'd toss him out of the band, but you can't even mention rehab without everybody losing it. They're trying to deal with it internally, right or wrong." "
"I don't understand why they'd let it spiral so far out of control."
She sat up and pulled her knees to her chest. "Things seemed to be getting better when I left. I honestly think a lot of it has to do with Lauren. Any time she's around, he goes on a bender. She was on the road with us the week before you came to L.A. and he was with her while they were back. I just know she made sure he was supplying them both. Fucking leech. She didn't go with him to Milwaukee, though, and I think he's depleted his stash, so he's getting back to normal. I wouldn't have left if he wasn't doing better."
I nodded, but I was far from agreeing. "How's everything else going?"
"Seems to be copacetic. Jasper's a tyrant, but, for the most past, they're all kind of on the same page on the way they want this to go. They've hit this groove that's outrageous—sounds, lyrics, just . . . whoa. The new material is fucking amazing."
"Well," I said dryly, "at least they're not dysfunctional."
"Oh, it's dysfunctional all right, but they're a dysfunctional family. They'll make it work."
-PoM-
Later that night the phone woke me from a deep sleep. I clicked on my bedside light, stole a glance at the clock: two a.m.—unless there was an emergency, it could only be one person.
"'lo?"
"Hey, babe."
His voice settled in to the empty spaces in my body, a comfort I'd been aching for. "Hi. How are you?"
"Fucking beat." There was the clink of a glass, the rush of pouring liquid in the background.
"It's later there than here, right? You're on a different time schedule."
"Yeah, I think it's two hours ahead. It's four in the morning here. We just got back to our rooms from the studio."
My eyes had drifted closed once more; I sat up against my headboard so I wouldn't fall back asleep. "It's only two here. Damn, late night. How did it go?"
"It went." From the tone of his voice, the subject was closed. I wondered if the things I'd talked about earlier with Rose was the reason for the shortness. "I'd rather talk about you."
I chuckled. "I'm really not that interesting. You, though, Mr. Rockstar, are recording an album."
"I think you're interesting. Tell me about what's going on back home. How're things at the paper? School goin' okay?"
"School is good. I've got finals and then I'm done for the summer, so that's lots of studying to do. And the paper is awesome. Peter's been giving me more and more things to do, and I love it all. I'm even getting a press pass to cover parts of Grunge Fest in July."
He laughed, all low and throaty and I wished he was beside me right now. "Nice. What's that Marcus prick think about that?"
"Ugh. That guy is such a tool. Everyone hates him, I swear. He threw this big hissy fit in the middle of a meeting that most of the staff was at, and he looked like a total ass. Peter got pissed. But, good news is, our circulation is kind of exploding at the moment and I think I might get asked to stay on for the summer."
"That sounds great." His voice was deep and gravelly, bordering on sleepy.
"Are you ready to pass out? You sound so tired."
"No. Not yet. Talk to me."
"I am talking. What else do you want to know about?"
From his end of the line there was the sound of a lighter flicking, the deep inhale as he took the first drag of a cigarette. I pictured him propped up in bed like me, maybe shirtless, with smoke curling around his features like clinging fog. "You could tell me what color panties you're wearing."
Even though no one was around to hear his words, my face flamed. "Pervert."
"Only for you, baby. Only for you."
"Smooth talker. Sorry, but I'm nowhere cool enough to have phone sex. Next topic, please."
"It was worth a try. You could always stroke my ego, since I won't be stroking anything tonight, and tell me why you love me."
That made me go on the alert—not that I was embarrassed to talk to him about that, but more that he wasn't the most touchy-feely sort of guy. It also made my heart flutter because, if he was wanting to be all girly-talk and romantic, I thought that must mean he was missing me as much as I missed him.
"You want to talk about that? Why?"
"Because I need to hear it."
"Okay, then, you asked for it. I love you because you're you, and I like the person I am when I'm with you. Plus, you're really, really cute."
"Even when I'm always away from you? Because, honestly, it's the one thing that bothers me."
The raw honesty in the tone of his voice was both thrilling and hard to hear. On one hand, getting a glimpse in to his thoughts, which sometimes seemed too easy-going from the outside, was rare. That he seemed worried and in need of reassurance let me know that he wanted to keep a hold of me, too.
On the other hand, though, it made me wish I was someone like Rose who could drop what I was doing and just go to him. But I wasn't—there was so much I wanted to do on my own, too, things that were also (almost) as important to me as Edward was.
"I don't mind it as much as I used to," I said.
"But you did used to?"
"Um, well, at first I did. Not saying that it's easy, because most of the time it sucks, but when you call me and I get to talk to you it makes it easier. I like knowing you make time for me."
"I wish you were here right now. I hate not seeing you when I want to."
"Me, too."
We were silent for a few minutes, just breathing into the receivers.
"You're doing a pretty damn good job at ego stroking, baby. Give me some more."
"What else do you want to hear?" I was in the mood to be open now, especially if he was reciprocating.
"When did you know you loved me?"
"Maybe I always knew, I don't know, but I do know when I absolutely realized and admitted it to myself. It was when you were on tour, and I knew that if missing someone hurt that bad it had to be love."
Silently, I marveled at the shifting of a person that time and experience brought. From a girl who'd been so scared at her taste of real passion to one who could talk about things without running away, I had changed. The reasons I loved him were innumerable and vast, but, perhaps, the fact that I'd learned so much about myself as a result of finding him again was the top reason.
I'd gone into our time in Phoenix with wonder and excitement, and had left with my first frisson of heartbreak. I'd sheltered myself from it afterward, insistent that I knew what I wanted of my next try. But I hadn't really known—and, really, no one ever knows what they can stand until they go through it. And there'd been stumbling blocks during this second time together that were hard, and I'd maybe not always handled them correctly, but in messing up I had learned what not to do.
The time and separation was never going to be easy, but I knew now what I needed to do to fight to come out on the other side with Edward next to me. Maybe love at first sight was just for books and movies. Real love, the kind that mattered, was earned and fought for, and worth it, at least in my mind. Emotion bubbled up in my throat and I took a deep breath to clear it.
"I love you so much," I said.
"I love you, too, Bella." He paused for a second. "You're my life now."
His declaration, no matter how simple, was perfection.
I took a shaky breath. "Now your turn. When did you know?"
"That night on your porch, when I had to leave you the very first time. I was so pumped and happy to go, but I took one look at your face when we got to your apartment, and I realized what I was leaving behind. And I swear, I had a hard time making myself leave you."
I remembered that night, the way he'd made sure I wasn't teary-eyed and a soggy mess before he'd left me. That he'd stayed with me and had probably caught hell from Jasper for doing so.
I smiled, tucking the phone under my ear. "I had no idea. I just thought you were trying to make me feel better."
"Yeah, well, I'm not a fucking pansy. I stayed until I knew I couldn't, and then I counted down the days until I got to see you again."
I loved listening to his words, found a sad sense of fascination in the vulnerability in his voice. It only happened when he was exhausted, drunk . . . or maybe both.
Right then, it seemed we both needed the comfort of knowing someone loved you.
"Where I stop, you begin. Our hands, extensions of each other, reaching to find . . ."
"That's beautiful. It'd make a nice lyric . . ."
He yawned loudly. "Too bad I didn't write it down."
"Don't worry, I will. I'll remember every word. You, though, need to get some sleep."
"Yeah. Probably should. Got another session starting at ten." He paused, yawning once more. "Love you . . . "
"I love you, too. And I'll talk to you soon."
I placed the receiver on the base of the phone and brought my hand back to place over my heart, full to bursting, and it was the best feeling I'd ever known.
-PoM-
'Part Of Me' has been added to the poll for Fic of the Week over at The Lemonade Stand. Head over and vote for your favorites at tehlemonadestand. net Voting is open for two more days.
Many apologies for the initial post that appeared yesterday. I thank you for hanging in there with me.
I'll try to do review replies sometime this week. Every last word means the world.
Song – Times of Trouble – Temple of the Dog
TY Nic for finding a way to bring me an even better song than I imagined. I heart you more than words.