Rachel woke up with a pounding in her head, but the feeling of warmth surrounding her. She chose not to open her eyes, afraid that it would just intensify the migraine currently jackhammering against her skull. She felt calm and a foreign scent invaded her senses, but made her relax. It smelled like vanilla and lilac. Unconsciously, she shifted closer to the source of warmth and the comforting scent in hopes that it would lessen the pain in her head. The brunette swiped her tongue along her dry lips and tasted the faint coppery tang of blood. Why did she taste blood?
In that moment, a few things happened. Rachel remembered the previous evening and the events leading up to her black out. Her eyes shot open in a flash to see the blonde wrapped in her arms before she groaned at the pain the light played on her senses. In her panic, she tried to untangle herself from the other girl next to her and only managed to violently roll off the bed. Stars clouded her vision as she smacked her head on the ground in her haste to remove herself from the embrace of the girl in her bed and she cursed in pain once more. Finally, her brain clued into the fact that she hadn't made it out of the school last night and she began to scramble to get her bag to make her exit.
Everything hurt. Her body felt like it had been run over by a steamroller, but she pushed herself through the pain in hopes that she might be able to make it out before her companion woke up.
Whether it was the sudden empty place in her arms, or the noise as Rachel hit the ground, something startled Quinn out of the coma-like sleep she'd been in since she hit the bed the night before. She still felt like she'd been hit by a truck, but she forced an eye open all the same.
Rachel was trying - again - to leave. Quinn wanted to get up, to physically stop her, but she could only manage a weak "please, don't," as she struggled to even sit up.
Rachel looked up at the sound of Quinn's voice and could see that the blonde wasn't moving from her bed. She quickly rushed over to the girl, ignoring her own pain. Placing a hand gently on Quinn's forehead, she let out a breath of relief. "You don't have a fever, thank goodness. You'll be all right," she looked at her companion in guilt and sorrow. "I'm so sorry, Quinn. Truly I am." Her voice was raw and she felt like crying, but refused to do so. She had to stay strong in order to make it out of the school.
Her hand was like a soothing balm on Quinn's head, but she was still trying to leave. Everything hurt, and moving was a tremendous effort, but she threw herself forward, trying to get out of bed and at least get in the way. It was a failure in that all she managed to really do was fall over.
"I saw inside you," she whispered, still trying to reach out and get between Rachel and the door, despite the futility of the struggle. "You're not," she swallowed, "you're not a bad person, Rachel. There was so much pain - but it's not your fault. No more than my pain is mine. Please - please don't go. I can't stop you anymore. I can't even get up right now. All I can do is ask you - please don't walk out that door? Please?"
Rachel tensed at Quinn admission and closed her eyes. She'd never meant for that brief connection to happen and she hated that Quinn had seen and felt those horrible things. It was bad enough that she had to live with the scars and memories for the rest of her life. She didn't need to be pushing them onto someone else. When the blonde fell in her attempt to move, she quickly moved over to the taller girl and helped her back into bed.
Her muscles protested the action, but she was worried about Quinn. Rachel figured the use of her power had taken it's toll on the other girl. The only reason she was still standing was because of the conditioning her body had been through over the years. She sighed and tucked Quinn under the covers. "Just rest, okay? I'll...be here when you wake up. It's my fault you're like this so I will take responsibility and ensure you recover fully. I'll bring you by some food later," she said quietly, groaning and standing from her squatted position by the bed.
Quinn let herself - well, not that she could have stopped it at that point - get helped back into bed, and she all but wept with relief when Rachel promised she wasn't leaving. She really would have been powerless to stop her this time.
"Not your fault," she whispered. "I grabbed you. I knew I was taking a chance." She had to stop and breathe. "You need to lay down too," she said insistently. "You're not okay. I can move if you want. You can have your bed." She wasn't sure how she'd manage that, but she knew the other girl needed to lie down just as badly as she did, and she wanted to make sure that happened.
What she'd seen in their brief connection - it haunted her, but not in the way Rachel probably imagined. It haunted her because no one should ever have to have gone through the hurt that the brunette had. It was too much for a lifetime, never mind less than two decades. Quinn's fervent hope was that Rachel hadn't been reading as well as broadcasting in those few seconds - there were only two people who knew what her own life had been like, and she didn't want to burden Rachel with that knowledge, given how much pain she was already carrying.
Shaking her head, Rachel offered Quinn a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "No, I'll be okay. I need to wash my face and clean up a bit. I will inform Dr. Schuester and your instructors about you missing class today and ensure you get the required notes," she said quietly, not wishing to aggravate the pounding in her head. "Please get comfortable and get a good rest. You'll feel much better given another few hours of sleep."
She stroked Quinn's hair back from her face and then turned to head to the washroom to clean the dried blood from her nose and face. The brunette hated knowing how badly she had slipped up with the blonde, but she would simply have to see to the other girl's recovery and then decide her next steps.
"Okay," Quinn mumbled, her eyes fluttering as she tried to keep them open. "Thank you - for everything. For not leaving." She leaned into Rachel's brief touch, grateful for the contact. As the brunette headed for the washroom, Quinn forced herself awake enough to call a question after her. "Are you okay, though? I mean really okay?"
It took Rachel a few minutes to wash off the blood and freshen up. She popped a couple of painkillers into her mouth and swallowed before stepping back into the room with a lighter dosage of Advil and some water for Quinn. "I'll live, Quinn. I've been through worse," she almost smiled, but winced when she remembered the blonde had seen some of her memories. Holding out the tablets and water for Quinn to take, she sat down at her desk chair. "Here takes these. It should make you feel a little bit better."
"Thank you," Quinn took them with shaking hands, nearly dropping the pills before she could get them to her mouth. She swallowed them and set the glass of water down beside the bed, in case she needed it for later.
"I know you have," Quinn said softly. "I just hope I didn't...I never meant to hurt you last night, I just...I didn't want you to go. I'm sorry."
Rachel shrugged and shook off the apology. "It's not your fault. You didn't know. I'm sorry I couldn't control myself better. Normally I can, but yesterday I wasn't at my best," she explained, not adding the fact that their brief connection of warmth had also thrown her for a loop. "I apologize that you had to see those things, but please don't let them bother you. Forget them...I could even help with that once I'm back to feeling one-hundred percent."
"Don't apologize," Quinn shook her head. "I had no right to...to grab you like that. I was just desperate, but that's not an excuse." She grabbed the water and had another drink.
"And if it's all the same - I'd rather not forget them. I feel like...I know you better now. I mean, if you're not okay with me knowing, then you can get rid of them if you want, but if it's okay with you, I'd like to hold on to them. You can find out anything you want about me, if that'd make it even."
Rachel turned to her computer and began typing up messages to Dr. Schuester and her other instructors to give them a heads up on her and Quinn's absence. "Normally grabbing someone to get their attention is a perfectly normal method of contact. It just intensifies things for me," she sighed and continued typing in her emails. She listened to the blonde speak before turning back to her with a frown.
"I don't...I don't take things from people without permission and certainly not to even the scales. What happened last night was unfortunate, but I'm not like that," she looked down before turning back to her screen. Sure, she'd had to do some questionable things when she was living on the streets, but she did her best to avoid using people for her own needs.
"But I knew that, and I did it anyway. So I really am sorry about that." She listened to the chattering of the keyboard, letting her eyes clothes again. "But I won't lie and say I'm not glad I did it, because you're still here."
"I didn't mean it like that!" Quinn's eyes snapped open. "I only meant you could ask - you know, out loud? I never thought you'd do anything like that. I'm sorry if that's how it sounded."
Rachel finished her letters to her different instructors and turned back around. "It is my fault you are in this state. It's only right of me to make sure you recover fully before I do anything else. I just wouldn't feel right if I left you and something happened," she said softly, quirking her lips upwards slightly.
Seeing Quinn get excited, Rachel was surprised for a moment but relaxed again. "It's okay. I am sorry for my assumption. I still do not feel the need to ask you things simply because you found out a few tidbits from my past. You already opened up to me about your child. If you wish to tell me more, that is your choice but I do not want you to feel like I will be upset if you choose not to," she explained as she rested her arms across the back of her chair, leaning her head on them like a pillow.
"It's still nice of you," Quinn argued, returning the small smile. "It would have been easier to just call the doc or something and then run. Makes you a good person in my books."
"No worries," she assured her, shutting her eyes against the bright lights. "I'm just sorry if that's the way it sounded." She swallowed, adjusting her position in the bed. "Well, it really does seem only fair. You didn't get a choice when I saw those things, so I owe you a little. Let's see," she mused, trying to decide what to share, "I ran away from home. That's how I ended up here."
She waited to see whether Rachel would ask a follow-up question. Strangely she was hoping for one, because at least then they could have a conversation.
Rachel frowned for a moment, remembering how eager she had been to leave last night. "You give me too much credit, Quinn. If I hadn't passed out before getting the chance, I would have left," she felt guilty at her original actions. When Quinn told her about her own past and how she came to be at the school, the brunette wasn't sure what to do. She didn't want the blonde to feel like there was a debt owed.
"You really don't have to tell me all of this...but since you shared...How old were you and...why?" she asked slowly, trying not to be too nosy about the subject.
"But you didn't leave me this morning. And I couldn't have stopped you." Quinn smiled sadly. "So, thank you for that."
She was silent for a long moment before she answered. She'd wanted this, she wanted a real conversation, but it had been so long since she'd told the story that she wasn't sure how to begin. "I was fourteen when I ran away," she finally started. "As for why...my power manifested for the first time when I was eleven years old. At the dinner table. I knocked over a glass of water, and when I reached out to stop it from falling over, I froze it. My parents are - were - well, are, I guess, capital "C" Christians. My father told me what I'd done was a sin against god. And then he took an eleven year-old girl that was frightened of the dark and locked her in her bedroom closet for three days." She wasn't aware she'd slipped into talking about herself in the third person, but it made it easier. Doctor Schue had called it disassociation, when she'd first done it.
"That girl - I don't know how your power manifested, but she couldn't control hers. It happened when she least expected, when she was stressed or frightened, and every time her parents found out the punishments got worse. Longer stays in the closet, they hit her, once they even broke bones. The last time it happened her father actually tied her up in her own bedroom closet so she couldn't freeze the lock and break it. Finally she knew she had to get out." She was crying, but she didn't notice.
"So the very last time she used her power, and she knew her father was going to hurt her badly, she froze her bedroom door shut to keep him out, stuffed some clothes in a bag and jumped out her bedroom window. Doctor Schuester found her two miles from home, and offered to take her to a school where she'd be accepted. Where no one would hit her anymore. So she went." It took a great effort, but she sat up in bed and pulled her knees to her chest, rocking slowly. "Sorry," she whispered after a moment. "Probably more than you wanted to know."
Rachel listened to the story and locked her jaw, gripping her chair tightly. She couldn't believe the girl's own family would provide punishment for something uncontrollable. Her own fathers still loved her even after what she'd done. It was inconceivable to think of them resenting or abusing her. She'd left them at a young age, but if she were to ever go back she didn't feel they would turn her away. Looking at Quinn, the brunette heart clenched in pain. It was no wonder the blonde had such strong defenses.
She knew that people could be cruel. She'd seen and met enough that opened her eyes. Rachel was not naive to intolerance. Rachel just never thought parents could despise their own flesh and blood. She supposed she was lucky that her fathers had loved her through everything. "My gift manifested very young, but it never became a problem until I was eight..." she didn't want to say anymore than that. "I'm so sorry you ever had to go through something like that, but I am glad you were able to find this place."
Puck finally reached the door to Rachel's room, having hauled ass to get there after getting her email. He had no idea what was going on, and Rachel had tried her best not to make it sound serious, but to him, it did anyway. Quinn was sick, and he had to help her.
He was slightly out of breath when he knocked on the door and announced "S'me. Le'me in."
Rachel heard the knock at the door and stood from her perch on her desk chair. She turned to Quinn and gave a sheepish look. "I hope you don't mind. I told Noah he could come by to try to heal you. I figured you wouldn't want to be stuck here all day," she explained, moving to the door to open it for the boy.
A tired smile adorned her face as she opened the door and stepped aside for Noah to enter. "Hello, Noah. Come in. I'm actually going to shower and change while you see what you can do for Quinn. If you are able to make her feel better, you both do not need to wait around for me to come out. I don't want to hold either of you up," she nodded to both of her guests and made her way to the bathroom, grabbing some fresh clothes on the way.
Quinn bit her lip, suddenly worried, and called after Rachel. "You're staying, though, right?" Surely the brunette wasn't still planning on leaving, not after she'd bared her soul like that.
She turned to Noah and mustered the best smile she could manage under the circumstances. "Hey."
Puck frowned at Rachel when she opened the door. She really didn't look too well. "Okay," he agreed, as she disappeared into the bathroom.
He turned to Quinn and smiled back at her in relief when it appeared that there was nothing too serious going on with her. "Thank God," he said. "When Rachel said I should come heal your "mental exhaustion", I was having awful visions of..." Well what he'd been like after healing Finn last year. There'd been need for all kinds of tubes, and makeshift drips... It had been bad, and he was glad that wasn't the case here. "... Well, I'm glad it's nothing that bad." He said, walking over to her.
"No, it's not bad," Quinn promised. "I don't even know - can you even heal this?" She didn't want to share the whole story - it wasn't hers to tell, and she wasn't going to say anything about Rachel trying to leave. "Rachel and I were talking last night, and I kinda grabbed her hand without thinking about it. I got a pretty solid kick from her power, and it sort of knocked me flat. Feels a lot like getting hit by a truck, as it turns out."
"Honestly? Not too sure. I never have before, but in theory, it should work. All my power does is speed up any process that the body would go through on its own, so I don't see why not." He shrugged and sat down on the edge of the bed. "We got nothing to lose by trying, 'cept a couple minutes of my time."
"Note to self: Try not to touch Rachel, as much" he thought, aloud. "Well that's gonna make training difficult..."
Rachel stayed quiet in regards to Quinn's question, closing the door behind her. She leaned against it for a moment trying to curb her own exhaustion and pushed off to eventually begin removing her clothing and getting the shower set. Her entire body ached, but she just gritted her teeth and slowly undressed. She avoided looking in the mirror and got into the shower, allowing the warm water to soothe her somewhat.
Quinn offered her hand. "It's been a while since you had to do this for me. What's better? If it hurts all over, is it easiest just to take my hand?"
She'd heard the bathroom door close, and worry was tearing at her. She thought she'd gotten through. She'd lowered all of her walls, more than she had since that one night with Puck, and was Rachel still going to walk away from her? It wasn't fair. She'd thought they were getting close to at least being friends.
"Yeah," he said taking her hand. "It has... I dunno, lets try this," he said, putting his other hand on her forehead. "It's gonna feel really weird. Just relax."
He closed his eyes and focused his energy through both hands.
Rachel stood under the shower for a little while just letting the warmth wash over her. Eventually she realized she needed to wash up and get out so she grabbed her soap and shampoo and cleaned herself. It took longer than usual due to her aches and pains, but she managed to get clean and finally turned off the shower. Feeling around for her towel, she grabbed it off of the rack and dried her body first before toweling her hair.
It took her a moment to poise herself to begin dressing and she slowly got dressed for the day. Taking a seat on the toilet, Rachel held her head in her hands and tried to shake off the images from last night as well as the fatigue. She didn't know if she should stay in the bathroom until Puck and Quinn left. It seemed like her future was being weighed on her current decisions.
Quinn stiffened. She didn't know whether it was what Puck was doing, or some delayed effect from the night before, but she found herself back in Rachel's memories, the ones she'd managed to absorb through their link before it was severed. She didn't want to explain that to him, though, so she bit down on her lip and hoped he'd think it was just the effects of his healing.
She shut her eyes and leaned back, letting both his energy and Rachel's memories wash over her.
This had never happened before. It was like some kind of reflux of energy, coming from Quinn. But it wasn't quite that, it wasn't his energy he could feel, and somehow he knew it wasn't hers either.
He pulled his hands away, like her skin was burning him. "What the..."
Quinn jerked back, gasping. "Sorry," she said breathlessly. She wasn't sure what had happened, but she imagined it was related somehow to Rachel's memories - the ones that were washing over her even now.
"It's... It's okay," he hesitated, before reaching back out and placing a hand on her arm. "It's okay... What was that?"
She wasn't sure how much she should say. "I think it's just...aftershocks," was the only way she could put it. "Maybe you can't heal this. I don't get how it all works. But as long as I can get back to my room, I'll be fine. I just want to make sure Rachel's okay before we leave."
Rachel stayed quiet in the bathroom, but eventually shook her head and stood with a slight sway. She gripped the counter to steady herself and then placed the towel back on the rack to dry, combing out her hair quickly and brushing her teeth. She knew she couldn't hide away forever and Rachel Berry didn't cower for anything. She stood tall and faced things head on and that's what she would do in this moment.
The brunette quietly opened the door and leaned against the frame, arms and feet crossed to watch Quinn and Puck. Her face was set in stone and her stoic demeanor was back in place.
"I dunno... I think I felt it working, before I got distracted by whatever the hell that was," he frowned, reaching up to touch his hand to her cheek. He couldn't tell whether she looked any better or not. "How do you feel?" he asked softly, not realizing Rachel was standing behind him.
"Yeah, we can check on her. I'd try to heal her too, but I don't really think it'll work on her, after all," he said, feeling useless.
"Kinda woozy still, but a bit less sore," she stretched experimentally, catching sight of Rachel as she did. She thought frantically, trying to come up with a way to ask what she needed to without giving anything away to Puck. If Rachel was going to leave, Quinn wasn't going to rat her out.
"So," she addressed the other girl over Puck's head, "am going to see you later? I'd really like to."
Frowning, Rachel raised an eyebrow at Quinn. She wasn't really sure how to respond, but she could feel how sore she was from the previous night and perhaps getting rest during the day would make her feel better. As long as she stayed isolated from the other students at the school, there was no harm in staying a little bit longer. At least enough so that she could rest up and head out at nighttime like originally planned.
The brunette offered Quinn a small nod. It wasn't a lie. She would be there until late that night so if the blonde happened by later, she would still be around. Seeing Puck trying to heal the other girl just weighed more guilt on her shoulders. It cemented the fact that she didn't belong at the school. She wasn't really sure where she belonged anymore, but it certainly wasn't there.
"Okay," he said, as he stroked her face then dropped his hand to the bed, realizing that Rachel was there. There was no way he was going let her see that he actually cared about anyone.
Quinn had to do her best not to flinch from the touch - the secret she was carrying, she knew, would mean that he wouldn't touch her like that again. So she enjoyed it, instead, until he self-consciously dropped his hand.
Rachel's nod was a relief - she needed to see her again.
Looking between her two guests, Rachel gaze curiously at their demeanor. "Was Noah able to heal you properly? I don't want you to be stuck in my stuffy room all day if it's unnecessary. I'm sure you have better things to be spending your time completing," she said softly, leaning her head lightly against the frame. She was worried about the other girl. Even though her own body was in need of some down time, she was more focused on Quinn.
"Not totally," Quinn admitted. "But I'll live, I'm sure. And I'll let you have your room back." She looked over at Puck. "Can you - would you mind giving me a hand? I'm not, uh, totally sure I can stand up and make it all the way back to my room by myself yet."
Puck frowned at her statement. He didn't mind helping her, in the slightest, but he'd hoped that she was feeling a little better than she clearly was. It really wasn't that far to her room. "Sure," he got off the bed so she could scoot to the edge of it. Although he'd actually pick her up and carry her if necessary, he wanted her to try to help herself as much as possible, first, so that he could gauge her health. He'd heal her some more, if he had to, but it had felt really weird, and he didn't really want to.
She moved to the edge of the bed and stood, wobbling badly. She took a step toward the door, weaving on her feet, and nodded at Rachel. "Have a good day," she murmured. Her next step nearly toppled her, and she leaned heavily against Puck to steady herself.
Rachel frowned at Quinn's state, but said nothing more. She watched as Puck gently helped the blonde to her feet and allowed the girl to lean on him. Part of her wanted to tell Quinn to stay, but she knew it was best for the taller girl to go and rest elsewhere. Besides, she would probably end up passing out herself and her bed wasn't big enough for the both of them to bed comfortable without invading each other's space.
She worried about the other girl, but she also knew that there was history between her two guests. She didn't want to get in the middle of them. Rachel only hoped Puck wouldn't get in her face about this if he had feelings for Quinn. She had tried her best not to harm the blonde. Her best intentions never worked out in her favor though.
The world tilted alarmingly, but Quinn blinked it away and just let Puck guide her. She wasn't in much shape to do anything else, and she didn't want to tempt fate by trying. She hated to leave Rachel's room, but she'd promised she'd be there later, and Quinn knew she'd be going back. In the meantime, she'd let the other girl rest, because she wasn't in great shape either.
Puck could feel more than see how unsteady Quinn was on her feet, and walking (or whatever it would be more accurate to call what she was doing... Shuffling, maybe?) probably wasn't helping her very much.
He actually was gonna have to carry her, in all practicality. "Hold still," he told her, keeping her steady with one arm and hooking the other behind her knees. He scooped her up as slowly and carefully as he could, not wanting her to be sick or anything. "S'better," he announced.
He turned around in the doorway. "Feel better, Rachel," he said, making a point of using her name. "I'll see you tomorrow. If not, I'll just assume you're still not well. No need to bother emailing or whatever."
Rachel watched Quinn falter and wanted to run to help, but she saw Puck steady the girl and them carry her. She winced slightly at how cavalier he was towards her, but she knew this was all her fault. The brunette watched Puck carry Quinn out of her room, her heart and mind both heavy with guilt and old memories. "I'll be there tomorrow," she stated, not really sure if that would be the case.
Maybe it was her punishment to stick around, at least until Puck could state his piece. Quinn meant something to the boy and Rachel felt she owed it to him to chew her out or do whatever he felt would even the score. Perhaps then her conscience would be clear. She doubted that would be the case. Closing the door behind her guests, she moved back to her bed and flopped down on top. It only took a few minutes until she felt the blackness creep over her and sleep begin to take it's toll.
Quinn didn't notice the interplay between them, just buried her head in Puck's shoulder and tried not to be sick. She felt him lay her in her bed, and that was the last she knew.
Once he got Quinn safely into her bed, Puck began the task of trying to heal the girl more fully, completely unaware that he was probably inflicting Rachel's memories on her, while she slept.
This time he forced himself to keep contact with her, although it felt like he was absorbing Quinn's fatigue, as opposed to simply getting tired from exerting the energy it was taking to heal her.
He held the connection for as long as he could, before he had to let go of her hands. He felt like he was going to pass out and had to lean back against the headboard of her bed, to avoid falling off it. He just hoped she felt at least a bit better now.
After a few minutes, he felt like he should go. He didn't want her to wake up and get weird about him still being there. He leant down and brushed a soft kiss against her forehead, feeling like a complete loser, for still being so hopelessly... just, gone for her. Especially when she had made it abundantly clear that she didn't want, or need him in the slightest, anymore. She probably never even really had.
Puck gathered all of his remaining energy, and pushed himself to his feet. For a moment, he thought that he had gotten off very lightly, in all of this. He didn't feel sick, or dizzy... until he suddenly passed out. He collapsed heavily, back onto the bed, narrowly avoiding crushing the girl already lying on it.