Quinn wasn't stupid. Just because Rachel had promised that she'd be around later didn't mean she was going to be there all night, and Quinn wanted to make sure she reached her room before she vanished into the ether. She stood nervously in the hall and knocked on her door, hoping and praying she hadn't left it too long. She couldn't bear the thought of it. She was already rehearsing her speech in her head - the one that would convince Rachel to stay.
Rachel had rested during the day and felt much better now that she'd had time to process and quiet her mind. Her body was still slightly sore, but she could move freely without pain and it wouldn't hinder her movement when she made her way out of the school and into the night. Hearing a knock at the door, she furrowed her brows wondering who might bother her. Using her power, she lightly pushed out trying to sense the presence on the other side.
A feeling of warmth passed through her and Rachel instantly recognized who it was. Funny how the girl who controlled ice would provide such a sense of comfort. She snorted once at the thought and moved to open the door, standing with a brow raised and her arms crossed. "Can I help you, Quinn?" she asked, breezily.
The speech was gone. There was just no room in her head for it. She was desperate, and achingly lonely, and she just wanted to know that the one person who she could really talk to wasn't going to leave.
"Rachel," she began, biting her lip as she tried to put her thoughts into words. She didn't expect to be let in, and this was her last opportunity, so she was going to lay it all out now. Right here, in the hallway, through Rachel's open door. "I have nothing to give you right now. No reason you should stay, no guarantee that you'll be safe, or that everyone else will be safe, or that nothing bad will ever happen. But this girl," she stopped and shook her head, trying to fight off the urge to dissociate, "I," she corrected herself, "I want you to stay. I need...this girl...fuck!" she rubbed her temple.
"In all the time I've been here, Rachel, you're the only one outside of Puck and the Doc that I've ever been able to talk about my past with. I don't know how, or why, or anything, but I can let down my walls with you. I need you here, Rachel, and god, if I need to beg you on my knees," she sank to them, right there in the hall, "then that's what I'll do. Please don't go. Not now."
Rachel watched Quinn listening to her speech. When the blonde got on her knees, she quickly moved to pull her up. "Christ, Quinn, get up," she grabbed the girl's hand and pulled her into the room, closing the door behind them both. "I'm not sure what to say to you. Normally, I'm the dramatic one." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair standing there and shaking her head at Quinn with a smirk.
"I'm dangerous, Quinn. You've seen it yourself. What happens if I let my emotions get the best of me? It won't just be aches and pains..." she shook the images of the dead boys from her mind. "I'm usually so controlled. I haven't had that happen to me in years." She clenched her fists and looked back up at the blonde. "If I stay...you have to make me a promise then."
Quinn was emotionally exhausted, but still felt a surge of victory when Rachel pulled her to her feet. Once they were inside her room, she felt briefly hopeful that she'd made her point.
She was deathly afraid of what Rachel's price was going to be, because if it was that she stay away, that would almost be worse than if she left. To be so close to her and never...she shook her head. There was no point fixating on it yet. She nodded instead. "Of course," Quinn nodded slowly. "Whatever you need me to promise, I will."
Rachel leveled Quinn with a hard stare and set her jaw. "If that ever happens again you need to make good on your original threat," she tilted her head and gave the taller girl a cold smile. She wouldn't allow herself to harm any of the people at the school. Even when they had been rude to her, she'd only used her power to move them out of her way. It was hard enough to see Quinn in pain that afternoon, she wouldn't be able to deal with it if anything worse ever happened.
Even now, with the taller girl being close by she felt a slight buzz. When she'd felt the warmth of her presence, there was an urge for her to do something. What, she didn't know, but it scared her and she wasn't willing to take chances. She always had back up plans and this was what she had in this case.
She hated herself for having ever spoken the words in the first place, having ever been so horrible to this girl, this girl that now seemed to mean so much to her, but she nodded agreement. "I swear," she promised seriously. She was no stranger to guilt, and if she had to add more on by following through with an idle threat she'd made in the heat of the moment, she could do that.
Without invitation, she stumbled backward until she was sitting on the edge of Rachel's bed. "Thank you," she whispered. "Just - thank you, Rachel. I can't even tell you what - what it means to me. Thank you for staying."
Rachel just shrugged and scratched her head. "Well, with the way you've been I don't think I'd get very far without you coming after me or wrapping around my legs in protest of some sort," she chuckled lightly. "How are you feeling? Will you be okay to go back to class tomorrow?" She hoped that Puck had been able to help Quinn enough that she was able to rest off the fatigue.
"I apologize again for putting you in such a state. Now you know to refrain from...contact," she said offering an apologetic smile. "At least when I'm like that. I don't believe it will happen again though. I usually avoid company when I'm having a rough night. I'd like to think I keep most of my negative emotions in check."
"You may be right," Quinn chuckled. "I was just about ready to resort to that if I had to. I hoped it wouldn't come to that, though." She met Rachel's gaze. "Better - not a hundred percent, but I'm sure I can manage classes. I won't be training, but sitting in a desk for a few hours, I can do. And please - don't apologize. As I remember it, I grabbed you."
"And I hope," she hesitated, "I mean, I don't get how your power works or anything, but I hope you know you don't have to be alone. If you're having a bad night, even if you don't think it's safe for me to be in the same room, you can call me. I'll talk, or text, or whatever. Just...you're not alone, don't feel like you have to be." She wondered if she'd said too much, but she didn't want to take any of it back now either.
"You're stubborn, Quinn Fabray. I haven't met someone quite like you before. You might even give me a run for my money in that department," she leaned against her wall casually and crossed her arms. "I hope it won't take you too long to recover properly." She looked at Quinn curiously for a moment. "You know for someone who tries to paint herself as the bitch, you might want to work on that a bit more," she stated, half-smiling.
Listening to the blonde speaking about her power, she looked to her floor with a frown. "I appreciate you reaching out, but I won't be putting you in that position again. Talking from a safe distance perhaps, but not face to face. It's much too dangerous," she shook her head gently.
Quinn chuckled softly. "Yeah, I imagine I could give most people a run for their money in the stubbornness department. But most people aren't worth the effort. It's easier to walk away." She sat back, looking up at where Rachel was standing. "But I've never met anyone quite like you before either." She wasn't sure why saying that made her blush, but she wasn't going to stop and examine it. "And I'm still a bitch," she said, gnawing at her bottom lip, "I'm just making an exception in your case."
"I'll be fine by the morning, I'm sure," she promised. She sighed softly, a bit frustrated. "I know you think you need to protect me from you," she looked at the brunette, "but what happened last night - I've been through worse - a lot worse. I can take it. And if it's what you need, if it'll ever help, I'll do it again. In a heartbeat. But I'll let you make that call, I'll never force myself into your personal space that way again unless it's...to fulfill the promise I made you."
She looked for, and found, a pad of paper and a pen on the desk at the foot of Rachel's bed. "There," she said as she scribbled, "is my cell number. If you're feeling alone, if you need someone to talk to on a bad night, or hell, if you just want to play words with friends or something, use it."
Eyeing Quinn for a moment, Rachel smirked and scoffed. "Sure you are. You were on your knees begging, Fabray. The rest of the school might think you're a bitch, but I know that's far from the truth. Don't worry though. Your secret is safe with me," she smiled and winked at her companion. She frowned when the blonde mentioned going to worse in her past. "Look, even if you have...I don't want to be the one putting you through it again. You may be willing to put yourself on the line, but I couldn't handle it if I ever hurt you. Really hurt you."
She sighed and looked down before raising her head to give Quinn a sheepish, embarrassed smile. "Um...do you, maybe...have a phone in your room? I don't...I've never had a cell phone," she stumbled out. Living on the streets had never leant itself to owning a phone. No permanent address made it hard to get monthly bills. She blushed at her own admission, picking at her sweater.
Quinn sniffled, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand. She didn't really have a comeback for that one - Rachel really had seen through her, seen right to the core of her that she kept hidden. "Thanks," she settled for instead, smiling gratefully. "If it's a choice between me getting hurt and you, though," she went on, more quietly, "then I'd rather you hurt me."
She blinked with surprise, but gave Rachel another smile. "Of course," she scribbled another number down. "But you can call my cell from your room phone if you need to, it's not long distance or anything. And if you want," she offered nervously, "we can get you a pre-paid cell. Just so you can call whenever you need something, even if you're not in your room."
Rachel just smiled and nodded gently. "You're welcome, Quinn. As brave as you are, I still will not put you in jeopardy. Besides, it hasn't happened to me in ages and I will be extremely vigilant in avoiding situations that produce those kinds of results," she explained thoughtfully.
"Thank you for your information. I will keep it in mind should I ever need to contact someone for any reason," she stepped over to the paper and posted it up on her cork board. "I really don't have the money for a cell phone. Dr. Schuester is allowing me here of his own goodwill and I do not wish to ask for more than has already been given to me."
Quinn returned her smile gratefully. She knew, even if she couldn't explain how, that her secret really was safe with the other girl. That she wouldn't use it against her. It was an extraordinary feeling. "Okay," she agreed, nodding slowly. "But if it ever comes to that - I'm here. Just know that. And I'll leave the subject alone now," she promised.
"You're welcome," her grin was wide and genuine. "And I mean it, call me anytime." She nodded seriously as Rachel explained her situation. "Yeah - I know what you mean. I only had a bag of clothes and forty bucks when he picked me up." She bit her lip, a bit worried about her next offer. "Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not trying to treat you like a charity case or anything - but San's got an old prepaid phone. I could get her to throw twenty on it and pay her back later, and then at least you'd have something in case of emergencies? I don't like the thought of you not being able to call someone."
Rachel sat down on her desk chair and turned towards Quinn. "I know you are and I thank you for that. Not many people would be so willing to jump into the fire so easily, but you are being very kind. I would never ask it of you though," she smiled, but shook her head to cement her stance on the matter. If anyone would get hurt it would be her. She would not bring anyone else into her own personal problems.
Rachel chuckled a little and displayed her first warm smile to her companion. "That's forty dollars more than I had. Thank you for offering me another method of communication, but I don't like owing money and I don't have any means of making any right now. If I end up in a situation that would be considered an emergency, it's probably not something I want anyone around for," she stated, raising an eyebrow.
"You're welcome," Quinn nodded, but didn't add anything else. She'd promised to leave the subject alone, after all - which didn't mean that if she ever got wind that Rachel needed her to do what she'd offered, she wouldn't be there in a heartbeat all the same.
"Well, technically I stole the forty dollars from my mom's room, so it wasn't really mine, but close enough," she smiled back. "And who said anything about you paying for it? I said I'd pay San back, not you. But there's more than one kind of emergency - even if you're just calling to say 'hey, come outside and look at this shooting star' or something. I'd just," she blushed a little, "I'd feel a little better if I knew you had one."
Rachel was ready to argue the matter, but she realized that this was Quinn's stubborn streak shining through again. She figured she'd let the blonde have this one since it was such a minor matter. "If you'd really feel better with me having a cellular telephone, then I won't argue with you anymore. I will find a way to pay you back for it though," she said resolutely.
The shiver that went through her at Rachel's response didn't make sense to her, but she shook it off and extended her hand for a joking handshake. "Deal," she nodded. "And thank you," the last words were more quiet. "Not just for that," it was the closest she could come to saying: Thank you for knowing me. Thank you for understanding me. For making it safe to stop being defensive.
Rachel looked at Quinn's outstretched hand and hesitated for only a moment before taking it in her own. She ignored the buzzing in her head and along her skin, clamping down on the urge to feel that warmth again and instead shaking the girl's hand as she was supposed to do. "You are always welcome," she stared into the blonde. She knew what it was like to feel isolated and to have to hold everything in. The brunette was glad that Quinn trusted her, but she was also worried that she would eventually let her friend down.
Quinn met Rachel's gaze unflinchingly, revelling in the warmth of her hand. The touch felt good - even better than she'd expected it to. She hoped that she was communicating all that she needed to say with her eyes, with the way she gently squeezed Rachel's hand.
"Well," she said finally, releasing her hand and feeling an immediate urge to take it back again, "I should probably let you get some sleep, I'm sure you could use it too." She really didn't want to leave, but she didn't want to seem clingy, either.
A part of Rachel almost wanted to say no to Quinn, to tell her to stay for a while but that was dangerous territory to get into and she needed to let the blonde go. With a nod, she closed her eyes and pushed the strange feelings away and waited for her friend to get up so that she could see her out. "Good luck in your classes tomorrow and I hope you are well enough to train soon," she smiled.
She was almost disappointed that Rachel didn't ask her not to leave, but again, she couldn't explain why that was. It was a strange feeling, and a little bit scary, but it wasn't bad, just inexplicable. She stood and stretched. "Thank you," she said, giving Rachel her best smile. "I'm sure I will be. And I hope your classes go well too. I'll see you soon?" Impulsively (which was rare for Quinn, she didn't do impulsive things often) she pulled a bracelet (a cheap gumball-machine looking thing) off of her wrist and slid it onto Rachel's.
"There," she grinned. "Now you won't forget to call me, or come hang out, or something."
Rachel's eyes lingered on Quinn as she got up to stretch and head for the door. She quickly caught herself and looked down at her hands. "I'll be around so I'm sure you'll see me sometime or another," she stood and shrugged, opening her door to see the blonde out. Quinn surprised her with the bracelet, but she only looked at it and smiled back, nodding in confirmation. "I won't forget."
She knew she wouldn't easily forget the girl in front of her. Not on her life considering the things she felt in Quinn's presence. Whether she would make the effort to call was another matter entirely. While she liked the blonde, the strange feelings worried her. Rachel's lack of control around the taller girl could spell disaster and she didn't need more guilt weighing her down. She wouldn't say anything though. Besides, Quinn had her own issues with Puck that needed to be handled and perhaps her friend would forget about her once those surfaced. A part of her hoped the blonde would and yet another part just wanted Quinn to save her from herself.
Quinn hoped the casual tone in Rachel's voice was a front, because if the brunette didn't feel as...committed to her, she didn't even want to think about that. She smiled all the same, though. "Have a good night, Rach. I'll see you soon."
She stepped out into the hallway and gave a little wave before turning away, only reluctantly tearing her gaze from the smaller girl.
"You as well, Quinn. Get some rest," Rachel said softly and she gave her own wave back. She watched the blonde head back down the hallway, feeling her mind clear and she frowned. She should be relieved that there was no longer any urge under the surface, but it was almost as if she felt empty. Shaking those thoughts away, the brunette headed back into her room to lay down and try to sleep away all of her troubled thoughts and memories.