Chapter 24

The sun kissed Dean's skin from the bedroom's double window, and he rolled onto his back to stretch. He wasn't quite awake, but instead nestled into a luxurious place between waking and sleeping where dreams came and went; where all the problems of the world were so far removed from where he was. Dean could feel himself smile, feel the edges of reality creeping in at the corners, but fought to push it all away so that he could have just a few more moments of peace. Warm hands slid down the length of Dean's chest and he hummed appreciatively. Tentative kisses followed which made Dean squirm a little; shifting his weight from left to right.

"Cas?" he whispered the question, not yet willing to welcome the world he hid from behind closed eyes. This was an amazing dream after all. The kisses continued as fingertips traced along the ridges of his thighs. Dean grunted softly, and his squirming intensified. Distantly, he could feel his arousal growing and he welcomed it. He thought about how the angel made him feel in that meadow so long ago. The touches and the kisses, and Dean's breath caught in the pleasure of the memories revisit.

Knowing it to be a dream, Dean strained not to wake up. He felt the warm desire of his companion basking him like a summer sun and he embraced the angel's love. For Dean had no question in his mind that Cas loved him unconditionally, and that he felt the same way. Sure he was not good at saying mushy stuff out loud, and probably would never admit those words unless backed into a corner, but it was nice to actually accept the way he felt. His thoughts seemed to make the movements of those lovely hands intensify. Softly, fingers traced closer to Dean's hardness, for he was very erect now, and applied the slightest pressure to make his breath catch. A noise escaped the back of his throat.

"Dean…" a voice whispered, and Dean's eyes suddenly snapped open. Shit. This was not a dream. This was real, very very real. All around him, he could feel the heat of Castiel's Grace. How it was enveloping him in a warm bubble of air that swirled with lust, and longing, and love. He looked up to see Cas leaning over him and peering intently at his face, with his head slightly tilted to one side. Amazing blue eyes studying him with a soft affection that tugged on all those emotions pouring out of his soul.

"Fuck!" Dean exclaimed, and tried to roll out of bed only to get caught in the blankets kicked to his feet and he fell hard to the floor. He winced at the jab of pain to his ribs and slowly turned to lay on his back. Looking up, he saw Castiel peering over the edge of the bed at him. His face left Dean breathless. His hair was mussed and stuck every which way, a brush of stubble softened his firm jaw, and his lips were slightly parted; inviting to let Dean in. So many emotions played across his features that Dean struggled to read them all. Worry, confusion, curiosity, desire…but behind everything was that pure unhindered love that glowed in his eyes. Those astoundingly blue eyes.

Dean could feel himself almost reaching out to Castiel spiritually and the angel responded instantly; melding Grace to soul, intermingling the essence of both of them in a fiery bond. Remembering what Eros said, Dean scrambled to pull away. He tried to get to his feet and stumbled over his stupid legs, seeming to peddle backwards into the wall. His back hit hard and his air escaped him in a grunt. He looked down and realized he was still only in his boxers; his dick at full attention. That was so not helping. Desperately, he clawed at that place in his mind that allowed him to sink into cool impassiveness.

"Dean?" Castiel said again, and his voice sent ripples of longing through the hunter. He pushed at the Grace that was circling him. Pulled at the emotions pouring out of him. He sought out the ice inside him. Scrambled to find that void of winter. He could not hurt Castiel again.

The angel studied him for a moment, and then slid off the bed to stand. Still in his usual suit attire, Cas moved closer to Dean while he worked at the buttons of his shirt.

"Just…stay away from me, Cas," Dean said holding his hand out in front of him. He tried to ignore the erection throbbing in his boxers. His emotions swirled inside him like a hurricane. He never expected Cas would catch him so off guard in his sleep.

"Dean, calm down," Cas said levelly. This was far removed from the Castiel of the previous afternoon, or the Castiel who bought him thirty five bacon cheeseburgers. This was a new Castiel that seemed confident and yet vulnerable; ready and longing, and yet innocent and sensitive.

There was a small smile playing on Cas's lips as he pulled his shirt off and slid the tie from around his neck. Dean tried to not look at the angel's bare skin. The way his muscles rippled as his arms worked the clothing off of his body. His cock gave an intrigued twitch at the sight.

"I can't calm down," Dean said through his teeth, "That's the problem. I can't turn it off."

"Oh, no," Castiel said and his face broke into one of those rare brilliant smiles. "I don't want you to." His belt felt to the floor, and Dean felt lustful heat pool in his stomach. He tried not to stare, but god, how could he not?

"We can't do this, Cas, you'll burst out of your vessel again."

"I have spent a lot of time getting all that figured out last night, Dean." Cas's voice was throaty. It sounded like nothing Dean had ever heard from him before and he quelled the strong desire to just take hold of himself and start stroking. Cas's pants fell to the floor next and he kicked them off his feet calmly. No tripping over his own feel for this angel the way Dean did.

"It's not safe," Dean whispered, as the last bit of hope he had to find the cold inside him fell away. It was too late, he was submerged too deep in the angel's Grace. And if Cas should show his true form again, so be it. Dean was too lost in the moment to care a whole lot about his eyes.

Casually closing the remaining distance between them, Castiel stood inches from Dean, stripped to the white soft cloth of his boxers as well. Castiel studied the sensual hard jaw of his lovers face. He admired the pink blush of Dean's lips, and the way his eyes danced across Castiel's own features. He looked lustful, aroused, and utterly terrified.

"Dean, I am sorry for all the hurt and worry I caused you," Castiel said sincerely, "but please. I beg of you…don't close yourself off like that again." It was horrible to see the man's love just under the surface of something hard and icy, and not to be able to bask in it. To bathe in that wonderful light of love and desire. To drink it in and expand from it like a kaleidoscope of color blooming from darkness. Castiel felt as though he was starving the day before, when Dean held him close but wouldn't let his emotions emit from his soul.

"Cas, I-", but before Dean could say any more, Cas fell onto him; pushing him against the wall. Their lips met and all thoughts of worry or danger seemed to melt away from Dean. The kiss was desperate and hungry, as both men explored each other after months of being apart. Castiel rutted against Dean, pressing him harder against the wall, which caused both men to moan softly against each other's lips.

Cas felt like he was on fire. His desire and longing overcame all other thought process in his mind. He knew deep down that there were dangers to this; that there were things Dean needed to understand; that he still didn't know the full weight of what he had done. All of this was a very serious concern, but to wake up next to Dean who was practically naked and basking in the sun…Cas just couldn't think about those things right now. All he knew was this overpowering need inside him. He needed Dean. He needed Dean. Firm muscles flexed as Castiel pulled Dean away from the wall and towards the bed.

"Cas…Cas, wait," Dean said, struggling to catch his breath.

"Dean. You're so perfect. I can't stop…I can't" Castiel's eyes were hooded and drunk with longing. His body firm as he pushed Dean onto the bed and climbed on top of him. When their lips met, Dean's hair mussed under the swirl of Castiel's Grace. More swirls explored the length of his smooth tanned skin. His body felt so hot from the exposure, he could hardly breathe.

"Cas," Dean groaned as he tilted back his head against the bedsheets. Cas's kisses worked down the length of Dean's neck and across the tight plains of his chest. His Grace whipped at Dean, making him groan louder. "Cas…stop."

"Dean…Dean… I love you so much, Dean," the angels hands explored him fervently, causing his breath to quicken. Cas's erection slid against his leg, and Dean reveled in the way the angel trembled with his longing. His Grace flowed freely, intertwining with Dean's soul, running the length of his body, tendrils teasing at his skin. Dean closed his eyes and tried to loose himself in the sensations but it was so damn intense. He couldn't breathe. He just couldn't…

Dean could feel Cas lean down to nuzzle a nose against his crotch; breathing in his scent, and suddenly the intensity of those tendrils of Grace increased. It left Dean gasping as they whipped against his skin. Pleasure gave way to a stinging pain.

"Cas!" Dean said and his hands pushed at the angel's shoulders. His back. Dean's body thrashed from the assault and his pushing became desperate. "Cas, STOP!"

Castiel's eyes flew open and suddenly he was across the room, back pressed against the wall. His eyes wide, he stared at Dean, who was pink and raw from the heat of Cas's Grace.

"Dean!" Cas cried out, horror painting his features.

"Calm it down," Dean pleaded and Cas strained to get his Grace under control.

"I'm trying," he said wincing.

"Calm it down, Cas!" Dean shouted, and Cas squeezed his eyes shut. Too many tendrils of his Grace had crept out when he was unfocused and now they filled the room. Dean, lost amongst the glowing light, was curled up on the bed in an attempt to be shielded from the heat of those tendrils as they thrashed against him; desperate to absorb the energy radiating from his soul. With an effort like moving a mountain, Cas slowly pulled his Grace back from the brink and contained it inside him. The energy overwhelmed him. He could barely find the space to contain it. It seemed to take an eternity of effort, but only lasted a moment. When he was finally able to reign himself in, Cas rushed over to where Dean still lay curled into a ball on the bed.

"Dean, oh Dean I'm so sorry," he breathed and put his hands against the hunters skin. Red/pink welts faded under Castiel's touch, and Dean's face smoothed out. He opened his eyes and looked at Cas.

"Looks like you don't have this as much under control as you thought," he deadpanned, and Cas ducked his head. He was so ashamed of what he had done he couldn't bear to meet his lover's eyes. "Hey now," Dean said in a softer tone, "shit happens, alright? We'll figure it out."

"I wanted very much to please you," Cas said sadly. "Perhaps explore the option of oral sex."

"Yeah…well…" Dean cleared his throat. "Let's just…take it one day at a time. Go…slower, maybe?" Cas nodded and then leaned in to kiss the hunter but Dean stopped him. "No more crazy Grace stuff for today, okay?" Castiel blushed but smiled weakly and his lips teased across the other man's mouth.

"Okay," his lips whispered against Deans. A soft knock at the door and both men froze. There was very little they could do to explain away what they were just doing in that moment.

"Yeah?" Dean said in his best nonchalant voice.

"Dean? It's…it's Kim," came a voice from the other side. "Can I come in?"

"No!" both men said at the same time and then looked at each other.

"Uh…Sam's awake," Kim said through the door, and angel and hunter alike pulled away from each other.

"I'll be right there," Dean called out and they slid off the bed to get dressed. Cas listened to Kim's footsteps indicating her departure. "So Cas, you're all better now? I mean…aside from a few kinks that need to be worked out," Dean asked and Castiel beamed a smile over at the hunter.

"Yes, Dean, I feel much better now…aside from a few kinks." Dean slid a clean shirt over his frame and then turned to glare at the angel.

"Good, then you won't mind if I kick your ass later for scaring me like you did. You shouldn't have gone and done that without talking to me first. I am pretty fucking pissed off at you." Castiel frowned. He no longer had to put effort into understanding the emotions emanating from Dean. The bond they shared had no obstacles now, and so Cas knew that Dean was sincerely angry just as he was certain that Dean knew how confused this caused Castiel to feel.

"Dean," he said cautiously, "I am sorry if I-"

"You could have died out there, Cas!" Dean said, suddenly shouting. Cas blinked, confusion turning into bitter guilt. Were their tears in the other man's eyes? Cas did not like the feeling of this new emotion. Guilt, while not something he was lacking in, never felt this wretched before.

"Yes…" Cas tried to choose his words carefully. "At the time, I honestly didn't think about living or dying. I just wanted to feel something. I wanted to share that part of your life that I have spent so long not understanding but desperately trying to. I felt that if I was meant to survive the transition I would, and I did survive it for you. But Dean… I am so sorry if I upset you with my decision. I fear I won't be able to change it now." Dean studied Cas for a long time, then grabbed his pants from the floor and speared his legs into them. Cas was almost sad to see the hunter clothed. He was so perfect undressed, he was like a work of art.

"And what about your Grace, Cas? I never felt so much mojo out of you before. Where is it all coming from?"

"Ah, well…that requires some explanation," Cas said slowly. He hesitated because he was worried to tell Dean the truth. He didn't know how Dean would feel about it since Cas himself was not entirely pleased with the reality of the situation. He still sensed anger from the hunter and while it was ebbing, the last thing Cas wanted to do was add more fuel to that smoldering fire. "Maybe it's a discussion best left for after our visit to your brother?"

"Yeah," Dean said with a shake of his head. "Let's go see Sam."