Chapter 13

After hours of rocking his father, of snuggling and stroking his father's head, Kankuro watched his father fall asleep. He waited, watching his father's slackened face, listening to the even breathing. Finally, he was satisfied that his father's sleep was genuine. He fell asleep as well.

In the morning, Kankuro found his father snuggled up tightly to him, clinging. He didn't know if his father was awake or not. Looking at his father's face, Kankuro knew his father's teeth were clenched. "Dad…" He stroked his father's richly auburn hair gently.

His father let out a moan.

"Nightmare?"

Yondaime let out a softer moan and nodded.

Kankuro kissed his father's forehead. "Tell me about it?"

"No," his father mumbled.

Kankuro nodded. He couldn't push. "Okay, Tousan."

His father continued clinging to him, hard. After a few minutes, he asked, "Will we be in trouble?"

"What?" Kankuro said, startled. He stroked his father's head. "No, Dad. Of course not."

"Why not?"

Kankuro was deeply concerned. He gathered the covers around them more tightly. "Because we did nothing wrong, that's why."

"But I love you," Yondaime said.

"Why is that a problem?" Kankuro asked softly.

"I'm not allowed to love you." His father squeezed him and buried his face against Kankuro's chest. "I'm not allowed to love anybody. There was a trial…"

For a moment, Kankuro was stunned and confused. Then he realized his father was probably talking about the nightmare. He stroked his father's back. "It's okay. It was just a dream. A bad dream."

"But you were there, and I was there, and Otousama was there, and he said…he said…" Yondaime trembled. "I didn't deserve…because…" He couldn't seem to choke out the words.

Kankuro shifted to that he could lift his father's chin. He took in the pain in his father's wide, green eyes and kissed his father's lips gently. He used what he'd learned from last night, massaging his father's lips with his own, mouthing, comforting.

His father moaned softly and relaxed, going limp against Kankuro's chest.

When Kankuro ended the kiss, he saw a slight flush to his father's cheeks. "Does that explain it?" Kankuro brushed his father's hair out of his eyes.

Yondaime nodded. A small smile grew, then disappeared. "I don't want to go to work today."

"Then don't go," Kankuro said.

"But I'm the Kazekage."

"So you have the option to not work," Kankuro said. "You're the Kazekage. You're in charge."

Yondaime trembled. "That's not really true. I'm beholden…I have responsibilities…people will be angry if I'm not there…"

"Take a sick day," Kankuro advised. "I know you've never taken one as long as I've been alive. You deserve a couple. A few days isn't going to hurt you. And you need time. You need time to yourself, to recover. You've been working seven days a week for how long, exactly?"

His father mumbled an answer Kankuro couldn't understand.

Kankuro pretended. "Exactly." He flashed his father a smirk. "So you're not going in today, and that's final."

"Yes, sweetheart," Yondaime mumbled, and sighed. He gave his son an ironic look. "I never thought I would produce someone so much like Karura."

Kankuro grinned, pleased. "Must be in my genes. Since she wasn't here for most of my life, and you didn't do anything to make me this way. Ha!" He kissed his father's forehead. "Except be a good father. Raising an independent, mouthy, stubborn person is a good thing. Especially when he's in love with you and wants to take care you. You need someone strong to help you along."

His father gave him a look. Finally, his father said, "And what am I supposed to do today with all my free time?"

"Rest," Kankuro said. "Rest, write in your journal, and take some time for yourself."

His father made a face as if he'd just bitten into an unripe persimmon, rind and all. "The idea of spending a day alone with myself is completely unappealing. If that's the alternative to going to the office, I have important work to do."

His eyes widened, as if his own words had just hit him. "Yes, that's right. How can I consider making myself unavailable? Something could happen. Anything could happen!"

"Tousan, do a reality check with me for a moment," Kankuro said. He waited for his father's nod. "We live on the other side of the same building. If they need you for something, they can reach us. They know where you are. If there were a crisis, the Council would bee too cowardly to deal with it on their own. You would know. They would send a messenger as soon as possible."

"Oh." Yondaime considered that for a few moments, his head bowed. Then he slowly raised his head and looked at Kankuro uncertainly. "But…I don't trust the Council to give me any such fair warning."

"I see." Kankuro thought about how his father had been backed into a war. "Well…" He considered whether or not to be blunt, and decided to go on ahead. "But you were there the day they made the decision without you. You being in your office wasn't any different than you being here. You can't stop the Council from making decisions you don't like by being in your office."

Yondaime flinched.

Kankuro rubbed his arm. "I'm sorry, Dad, but it's true. Trying to babysit the Council from your office doesn't work. If that's why you work seven days a week…I'd consider calling a day off. Permanently. If not two. I mean, no one else works seven days a week. The Council sure doesn't. They work three. Lazy bastards. And you know you wouldn't let any ninja under your command work seven days a week. They'd get burned out. There are laws concerning how often a ninja can work." He bit his lip and watched for his father's response.

His father just looked tired at all of that.

Kankuro hugged him. "How come you're the only one working every day? Huh?"

"Because I'm the Kazekage," Yondaime mumbled in a tiny voice.

Kankuro squeezed him and kissed his cheek. "Well, from now on, the Kazekage has the same rights as anybody else."

Yondaime gave him a small smile. "Thank you, Kankuro." He closed his eyes and snuggled back down in bed. He hugged Kankuro around the waist and rested his face against Kankuro's side. "Thank you for talking sense into me."

Kankuro blushed. Not only at the words. The feeling of someone resting their head against him that way was strange, but nice. Warm. He reached down and stroked his father's side. "First thing's first: Breakfast in bed. I'll go downstairs and tell the cook to bring it up for you on a tray and everything. It'll be great." He gave his father a reassuring grin.

His father didn't seem to want to let go of him, but after a few moments, Yondaime nodded and released him.

Kankuro turned around the kissed the top of his father's head, then slipped out of bed and padded out of the room.

He entered the dining room at a fair clip. Temari and Gaara were sitting at the table, both with equal expressions of 'It's too early to be up'. His siblings glanced at him with mild curiosity.

"Where's Dad?" Temari asked.

"He's sick," Kankuro said.

Gaara raised an eyebrow. "Sick?" He didn't seem to understand the word. "Otousama does not get sick."

"Well, he does," Kankuro said. "He just never tells us about it. And he is. So I'm going to take care of him."

"How are we supposed to go on a mission today without you there?" Temari asked.

"I dunno," Kankuro said. "Talk to Baki about that."

"What about our mission orders?" Temari asked.

"I'll ask Dad that when I get back from the kitchen," Kankuro said. He ducked out of the room, headed into the kitchen. It was a huge, gleaming place he didn't have much occasion to be in. The cook and the wait staff liked to have it to themselves.

The cook rose from a wooden table and bowed. "Kankuro-dono."

"My dad's kinda sick today," Kankuro said with a reassuring smile. "Could you bring him breakfast in bed? I'm trying to get him to stay there, and that'd really help, if he had breakfast brought to him instead of coming downstairs."

The cook smiled. "Of course."

"Thanks." Kankuro dashed, and sped through the dining room before his siblings could question him further. He really didn't feel like explaining anything to them.

He was up the stairs in a flash, down the hall, and pushing through his father's bedroom door. "Okay," he said. He shut the door behind him. "They're gonna bring you breakfast. I told them you're sick, so there's no getting out of this."

Yondaime sat up, and then pouted at that announcement. "You are going to trap me here, aren't you?"

"That's the plan." Kankuro grinned and crossed the room, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"How are you supposed to keep me here if you don't watch over me?" Yondaime asked, raising an eyebrow. "I'd say that's a flaw in your plan."

"Nope." Kankuro played it off casually. "I'm taking the day off, too."

His father laughed.

A maid brought up Yondaime's breakfast on a silver tray and set it down on Yondaime's lap. It was laden with a bowl of rice, an omelet, four small grilled fish, an orange sliced into sections, and a cup of tea.

"Thank you," Yondaime said politely. He gave her a wry smile. "I guess I'm grounded today."

Kankuro folded his arms across his chest. "Damn right."

"Ah, hai." The maid gave them both an uncertain smile and bowed out of the room.

"I think you've scared them by admitting I'm sick," Yondaime said casually, taking a sip of tea.

"Well, then you're just going to have to admit it more often so they don't think you're dying," Kankuro retorted.

"For a dying man, the cook seems to think I have a healthy appetite," Yondaime commented, setting down his tea and picking up his chopsticks. He ate a grilled fish first, and then a bite of rice.

Kankuro chuckled. "I think she simply didn't know what to bring you. So she brought you everything."

"The entire kitchen pantry, it would seem," Yondaime joked.

Kankuro laughed and shook his head. "It's not that much."

His father ate a bite of omelet and paused. "What about you, son? You didn't ask for any breakfast."

"I'll eat after I make sure you eat," Kankuro said.

"I'm eating," Yondaime said. "Get yourself breakfast. It's probably downstairs for you already."

Kankuro saluted and hopped up from the edge of the bed. "Yes, Tousan."

Yondaime sighed. "And come back. I'm lonely. I hate eating breakfast by myself."

Kankuro shot him a soft smile. "I'll be back." He ducked out of the room and went downstairs.

"Is he very sick?" Temari asked.

"I think he's just tired," Kankuro said. "Working all the time isn't any good for him. It wouldn't be good for anyone. He's kind of worn himself down a lot. I'll make sure he stays in bed at least for today, and then we'll see if he's any better tomorrow."

Temari nodded uncertainly. "Okay…" She looked worried. As if she hadn't thought their father could have anything like this happen.

See, Dad, that's why you have to take a day off every week, Kankuro thought. He nabbed a tray from the kitchen, explaining where he was going, and loaded up his breakfast. "So Dad doesn't have to eat alone," he explained quickly.

Gaara looked more puzzled than anything else.

Kankuro took his tray of breakfast back up to his father's room and sat down on the bed cross-legged, balancing the tray on his lap. He noticed his father hadn't eaten a bite since he'd left.

Yondaime gave him a small smile. "I waited for you. It would be rude to eat while you were away. I'd be finished long before you."

"Hungry, then?" Kankuro teased.

"Very," Yondaime said. "Crying and telling stories takes a lot out of me."

Kankuro winced slightly. That was a sobering reminder of last night. He picked up his chopsticks and gestured. "All the more reason for you to rest today, then."

"Yes, son," Yondaime said patiently.

Kankuro bowed his head, looking at his food while he ate. He didn't realize he was picking at his omelet until he had chopped it all into bite-sized pieces of folded egg without touching it. "Dad…did no one really notice you were being hurt?"

"Oh, plenty of people noticed, Kankuro," Yondaime said calmly. "It was just that no one could do anything about it."

Kankuro's head snapped up. "Why not?" He looked at his father with wide eyes.

"Because no one could prove how I was being hurt, and I couldn't remember," Yondaime said.

Kankuro felt nauseous. He set down his chopsticks. "You mean…you blocked it all out."

Yondaime nodded. He tilted his head, examining Kankuro's face with concern. "You see, son…it wasn't safe to remember. It wasn't safe to remember until I was out of the house, in Karura's arms. Otherwise…"

Kankuro knew from his research that it was true; repression and dissociation helped people in his father's situation cope. Until outside help could come, or the situation naturally resolved itself – like in the case of growing up and moving out of the house – the survivor had to rely on their own endurance. And that endurance was achieved by not remembering. "I read about that," he said quietly.

Yondaime nodded and went back to eating his breakfast. "I had a sensei who cared about me while I was still in school. The one I mentioned last night; Akagizume no Basa. But after I graduated – at nine, if you'll remember…"

Kankuro nodded.

Yondaime sighed. "After that, I was put on a team with a jonin sensei who couldn't care less. He was all professionalism. And I didn't have an excuse to visit Basa-sensei. My father would have…suspected something, anyway. I was well aware of my father's jealousy and possessiveness towards me. I was aware of his temper and his rules. I just didn't remember the final part of our…relationship." His mouth twisted bitterly.

"That's not a relationship," Kankuro said immediately. "That's abuse. You didn't ask for it, and it wasn't your fault, so it's not a relationship. A relationship is something two people build together. There's no relationship here: just an abuser and his victim."

Yondaime smiled at Kankuro weakly and took a sip of tea. "I appreciate that." He paused and ate a bite of grilled fish. "Well…" His expression shifted to amusement. "I was more surprised than anybody that my tenuous connection to Basa-sensei resulted in my teaching Baki for a few years."

Kankuro had been wondering about that. Unlike Konoha's school system, families in Suna could request a specific teacher for their children. "So it wasn't just coincidence that…"

His father shook his head. "Basa-sensei recommended me to his cousin."

"So that makes Baki…" Kankuro tried to figure that out. But he was no good at this genealogy stuff. Especially cousins. Which sucked, because a lot of the families in Suna were linked by a system of distant cousins that was hard to untangle even for Suna residents.

"I believe it makes Baki Basa-sensei's cousin once removed," Yondaime said, his eyes sparkling. "I asked once I was assigned Baki's sensei."

"Yeah, how did that happen?" Kankuro asked. "I thought Baki said the other day that you weren't his first team."

"No," Yondaime allowed. He swallowed a bite of omelet. "Well, the fact is, Baki's first team was killed. Or MIA. I can't remember which. When Baki came up for reassignment – after he'd been cleared – my name was submitted."

His father's comment about Baki needing to be cleared had to do with the fact that it was a possible crime to survive the demise of one's team. On the one hand, people were expected to put the mission first. On the other hand, anyone who survived when the rest of their team had not was a suspect in the deaths of the team. It was a catch-22 that led to a lot of sole survivors committing suicide on the battlefield instead of turning themselves in for questioning.

No one ever said Suna culture wasn't messed up.

Yondaime shrugged. "And it so happened that two of my students had graduated to chuunin at the last exam, so I had two slots open. That's how I ended up with Baki and Junnosuke on my team – in addition to Tsumi, who hadn't graduated with her peers."

Kankuro was fascinated. He ate absently, his gaze on his father. His father never talked about the past like this. "Junnosuke? Tsumi? I don't think you've mentioned them before."

Yondaime smiled wryly. "Well…Junnosuke and Baki were like brothers. In spite of the fact that they didn't look anything alike, they got along so well together that they were able to do things in perfect sync. A rarity, and a gift, in this world. Junnosuke was killed on the night that Sandaime disappeared." He hesitated, biting his lip and looking down at his breakfast tray. "Baki spent a lot of time not forgiving himself."

"Is that why he's so shy about making new friends?" Kankuro blurted. Then he wished he hadn't spoken. His budding friendship with Baki was something he wanted to protect, and he didn't know how his father felt about him trying to befriend a person sixteen years older than him.

Yondaime nodded. "He's a little withdrawn, still." He didn't seem to notice Kankuro's self-consciousness.

Kankuro was relieved. He tried to get himself mentally back on track. He scratched his head. "So…what happened to Tsumi?"

Yondaime snorted. "That's the question, isn't it? I think she joined ANBU. Other than that…She let everyone lose track of her. Her clan was killed in the war, so she grew distant."

"Oh." Kankuro poked at his omelet. "That sounds like kind of a sad story."

"Most stories I know are, unfortunately." Yondaime sighed. He raised his head and looked at his son. "I'm sorry to depress you."

Kankuro started to shake his head, then stopped. He grinned and raised an eyebrow. "Well, you know how you can make it up to me?"

His father grinned back warily. "How?"

Kankuro's grin widened. "Making out with me."

"You are impossible!" his father exclaimed, but he laughed.

"I'm fourteen," Kankuro said. "Hormones and stuff. It's not my fault."

His father looked at him fondly. "Uh-huh."

They finished eating. Kankuro stacked the dishes and then stacked the trays. He set them on the top of his father's nightstand and then crossed the distance between them, straddling his father's lap. He knelt, waiting for his father's reaction.

His father blushed and glanced away. "Well…"

Kankuro reached up and stroked his cheek. "Do you object?" He wasn't sure how serious he'd been about wanting a kiss, but he realized now he was dead serious. Just thinking about how the kiss felt last night made heat course through his body.

His father looked at him with wide eyes. "Object?"

"To a kiss and stuff," Kankuro said softly.

His father swallowed and shook his head.

Kankuro gave him a small smile and stroked his cheek for a moment more. Then he leaned in and initiated a kiss. He mouthed his father's lips uncertainly, not sure of what he was doing. Last night seemed like a long time ago, and it went by so fast Kankuro didn't think he remembered how to do it right.

Yondaime gently wound his arms around Kankuro's waist and kissed in return. Kankuro thought his father's kiss felt just as uncertain as his own.

Kankuro ended the kiss and looked into his father's eyes. "Love you."

Heat flooded his father's cheeks. "I love you, too. Kankuro…do you really…want to kiss me? I'm so –"

"Yes," Kankuro said immediately. "I really do. Again and again." He made himself half-hard just saying it. He was embarrassed, but he made no attempt to hide that fact from his father. What could be more convincing than a reaction like that? He sat down on his father's lap.

His father gave a start, and then held Kankuro to him closely, stroking Kankuro's back. "I could…kill myself if I ever used you for my sexual desires –"

"You aren't," Kankuro said, his breath stolen away by how his father still compared himself to the monster his grandfather had been. He kissed his father insistently, pressing their mouths together with a need to erase those words from his father's lips.

His father moaned and stroked the back of Kankuro's head, his hand sliding down to the back of Kankuro's neck.

That sent off a cascade of tingles throughout Kankuro's body. He gasped into their kiss and sucked on his father's upper lip desperately, trying to somehow convey his response.

His father twitched and let out a small, sharp noise. He panted and ran his tongue along Kankuro's lower lip.

Kankuro sucked in his breath at this feeling. The warm, soft sensation of his father's tongue licking over his lip was unlike anything he'd ever felt before. A sharp jolt went through him, and he instantly started leaking. "Tousan!"

Yondaime kissed his lower lip and sucked on it gently, then released Kankuro from the kiss. "I think we should stop."

Kankuro looked at his father with wide eyes, dazed.

"We're both too invested…" His father trailed off.

Kankuro wasn't sure what his father meant. "Isn't that a good thing?"

Yondaime laughed. "But not if we want to avoid coming in our pants."

Kankuro blushed wildly. He climbed off of his father's lap carefully and sat beside him.

His father put an arm around him and held him, stroking his arm. "I love you very much, and I want to take our time. Make sure we aren't doing anything hasty. Foolish."

I could go for something foolish right now, Kankuro thought, but he didn't say it. He suddenly remembered Temari's question. "Oh, yeah…Which mission are you going to send my team on, now that I'm not going?"

Yondaime looked bewildered. Then he burst out laughing. "I have no idea."

Kankuro grinned at his father fondly, realizing that this was the most he had ever heard his father laugh in one day. See? I am good for you.

"I'll think of something," Yondaime assured Kankuro.

Kankuro nodded, happily. He realized this was the happiest he'd been in a while, too. Happy just to sit in bed with his father's arm around him, snuggled up. Sharing things with his father he wouldn't share with anyone else. And his father sharing special things in return. Kankuro had always wanted this.

Ever since he was eleven years old, he'd imagined being his father's special person. And when he and his father had ended up talking about puberty that year, Kankuro's fantasies had grown to have a sexual element to them.

Now, with the prospect of spending an entire day with his father by himself ahead of him, Kankuro was excited. He would get some real bonding time. And somehow, he would find the courage to talk about some of the things he'd imagined for the past three years.