Gold lights. They were bright, but not so bright that they were blinding or painful. As Abel Teller squinted against the dwindling July sunset, with its mix of hazy vermillion, bruised violet, and burnt orange, all he could feel was peace. It resonated in his bones and bled into his heart. An open, almost intoxicated smile spread easily over his lips, and the only thing that he could think of was her. In less than an hour, Hannah Sinclair would be his wife. It was an amazing prospect, one he'd be grateful for forever.
"You look drunk as hell, Brother," Thomas said quietly. They'd been standing in their parents' backyard for a while, neither really speaking. They used a bottle of Jack Daniels to do the talking instead. The burn eased the anxiety and the strangeness. Thomas couldn't believe he had ever been best friends with the man standing in front of him. Thomas' brother was six feet, three inches of All American goodness, with a rugged jawline and disarming blue eyes. His entire life Thomas had only known him as Adam. Even though he didn't know the truth, there was a part of him, a part he'd never even spoken to Will about; it was a part of him that always knew the boy he'd always known as Adam Morgan was not the person standing before him. Thomas saw Paul Newman in Abel; he saw Marlon Brando. The wholesome face belied an aching poet trapped in the confines of the notions of big brother, firstborn, football, college graduate hero.
Now you're getting married. You're fucking getting married. A slow, sardonic smile played across Thomas' features as he took another sip of the half-gone bottle. Irony mixed with the heat of the liquor as it fell like rain in his gut. He passed the bottle to Abel. Abel held a hand up, indicating he'd had enough.
"Nah, Luke," he whispered. "I'm only one shot away from making a damn fool of myself at my own wedding." The low Southern crackle of Abel's baritone made Thomas smile. They all had accents, but their parents never did. It had been the source of many jokes growing up. Abel's accent deepened with his level intoxication. Right now, he was about a level one Waylon Jennings. Another drink would make him Johnny Cash, easily.
"Suit yourself," Thomas teased as he took another sip. His heart pounded within his chest. At Tara's urging, Will would be joining him tonight. Thomas hadn't quite decided whether his lover would be introduced to his brother as such, or if Will would be just a friend.
"He'll understand, Luke," his mother's voice reverberated in his ears, and he closed his eyes. It killed him to even consider the idea of Will being anything than his partner in public. They'd been living for so long out of the closet; these steps backward felt foreign and strange. Will understood it all. He never questioned it or wavered in his devotion. Flashbacks of Jax's words played on repeat: As long as you love him like crazy and never waiver in your devotion, I will accept you. Will was passing the test more and more every single day.
"What's her name?" Abel's voice broke through Thomas' thoughts.
"What?" Thomas was shocked.
"The girl that's making you smile like that," Abel said gently. "Who is she? Is she here tonight?"
Thomas inhaled deeply. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry at his brother's intuition.Now is the time. I could just make it super easy on myself and tell the truth now. Thomas took another slug of whiskey as he debated. What if he doesn't accept him? What if he doesn't accept me? The thought was unbearable. As much as he hated to admit it, Thomas knew Abel's opinion meant more to him than his parents' did.
"What do you think they're talking about, Jax?" Tara whispered. They'd stood in the living room for a while, unsure of whether to interrupt their sons. The door was open, and the traditional screen door buffered little. Even though they could hear the rumblings of their conversation from outside, they opted to watch. It was a bittersweet view. Fresh off their long weekend graduation celebration in South Carolina, Thomas had followed them home. Thomas had spent plenty of time with them as a family in the festivities leading up to the wedding, but when it came to any one-on-one time, Thomas chose to stay away from it. The truth was, he missed Will.
"I don't know," Jax stated simply. Worry churned in his gut, but he found comfort in the lack of red faces and fists. He shifted uncomfortably. The navy suit fit him perfectly, but for a man used to coveralls or jeans, the beauty of cut, color, and proportion was lost. A rich creamy ivory shirt peeked out from beneath the jacket, and to his relief, Hannah and Abel had decided to keep their mountain nuptials semi-casual. No ties. Jax smiled slightly and caught his wife's eye.
"You're so goddamned gorgeous," Tara murmured. Jax turned his eyes on her. Her thick mahogany hair was swept in a lavishly curled updo. She wore a stunning golden gown sprinkled with sparkling crystals. The gown draped beautifully over her left shoulder and fell to the floor in a straight, glittering sheath.
"And you put every woman to shame," Jax whispered back, dropping a hot kiss on her brow. "I can't wait to get you alone. After all this wedding nonsense, you're mine, Tara Teller." She grinned for a moment, and that all but dissipated when she turned her eyes back to her boys.
"His name is—Will?" Abel's voice almost cracked with his brother's revelation. Thomas took another sip of Jack as he nodded. Abel's blue eyes were incredulous.
"His name is William Charles Latrie," Thomas slurred slightly. Abel didn't miss the ember that caught fire within his brother's eyes. "And I love him."
"How long has this been going on?" Abel questioned.
"Since Freshman year at USC," Thomas replied. Abel gently pried the bottle out of his little brother's hands and took another sip. He never once suspected Thomas' secret, but he wasn't sure that it mattered. Abel knew guys that shied away from all things gay, after all, he reasoned, it was the South, but he'd never subscribed to that doctrine.
"Wow," Abel exhaled. It was a lot to take in. The sun was sinking lower against the horizon. He'd soon be in a car on the way to his beautiful bride to be. Within the next two hours, he'd be married to the girl he'd loved since he was sixteen. He couldn't think of anything better. To think of his brother having to hide his love was unfathomable.
"Wow? That's all you can say?" The flame in Thomas' eyes threatened to turn into a full-fledged fire.
"Goddamn, Luke, does it always have to be about the reaction? What the fuck do you want from me?"
"Seriously?" Thomas' teeth were clenched.
"I'm not saying it's wrong," Abel stated. "It's not. It's just-a lot. In less than an hour, I'll be married to a girl I've felt like I've loved my whole life—and you tell me your one true love is a man? There is nothing wrong with it. If you're happy, that's all I want for you, no matter who you love. I hate that you felt you had to hide it—and I hate that you didn't tell me before this fucking moment. "
Thomas looked at his brother, shocked at his response. Every time he thought he had his family figured out, they surprised him. First his father, now his brother. He was almost speechless. "I just—I didn't want to disappoint anyone."
"Your timing sucks, Brother—but I have to say that, no matter what you think, if you truly love him, then that isn't a disappointment," Abel said. "True love never is. It hurts like hell sometimes, but if the ride is worth it, it never disappoints. " Thomas grinned. There's the poet, he thought. How optimistic. How sweet. His thoughts stopped abruptly, and for a moment, Thomas' heart ached a little. The only reason you think that way is because you haven't been broken. As he stared at his older brother, Thomas' eyes were haunted by broken hearts. It was something that lovestruck Abel missed.
"I'd like to think that's what it is," Thomas carefully replied. "I've never—never really felt like this. When I'm with Will, it's like nothing hurts anymore."
Abel eyed his brother, knowing that the liquor made his tongue looser than normal. What he couldn't wrap his mind around was the pain Thomas always seemed to carry around. Abel didn't understand it. They'd grown up in the same family, lived essentially the same basic life. To Abel's knowledge, Thomas had never been abused or mistreated, but as he stared at Thomas and fully comprehended the confession of his sexuality-today, of all days-Abel realized that Thomas was better at keeping secrets than he'd ever realized.
"When do I get to meet him?" Abel asked. Thomas' blue eyes lit with hesitation, but the words fell out of his mouth before he had a chance to stop them.
"Mama told me to have him come." Thomas sounded like a small boy again. Abel's eyes widened with the revelation. Thomas didn't see his older brother's jaw slightly clench. Leave it to Mama, he thought. She always wants things in the open. Abel had always been taught that secrets eat a family alive. Trust was the foundation of a happy home. He'd watched his parents, and he knew how happy they were. He wanted a love like that with Hannah.
"I can't wait to meet him," Abel responded, then his eyes grew wide. "Do the twins know?"
"They will soon," Tara's voice broke into the conversation. She'd managed to walk, undetected, over to the screen door. Abel and Thomas turned to her.
"You look beautiful, Mama," Thomas breathed.
"You do," Abel agreed. She smiled in thanks.
"It's time to go, son," Tara choked out. Tears glistened in her eyes. Abel nodded and walked towards his mother. Thomas followed. Clad in identical navy suits to Jax's, Tara couldn't help but to marvel at her boys. They were so unbelievably handsome. A lump pushed into her throat as all the events of the last month hit her. The girls are going to college. Thomas graduated college. Abel is getting married. She dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands in an effort to keep her tears from falling. Chibs is back. The IRA may want to kill us all. She pushed the thought out of her head. She couldn't think of her fears, not today. My baby is getting married.
"You ready, son?" Jax's voice was slightly strained too, but he persevered. Abel nodded.
"Best man, are you ready?" Abel asked Thomas. For a moment, the previous conversation had fully sank into Thomas, and Abel could see genuine gratitude plastered itself on his face. The love that flowed from him was unmistakable, and Tara felt more at ease. She'd worried about the announcement, about the timing, and most of all, about Abel's reaction. Like his father, Abel had managed to surprise her. She watched as he laughed at Thomas. His baby brother swayed ever-so-slightly. "On a scale of one to ten, how wasted are you?" Abel questioned.
"About a four, with solid potential for a downgrade, depending on the mountain traffic," Thomas replied honestly. If the traffic cooperated, they could do fifty or sixty miles an hour as they made the steep climb upward. That would render Thomas' stomach to mush.
"You have the rings?" Jax asked. Thomas patted his jacket pocket and nodded.
"A best man is always prepared," Thomas drawled, then he blushed, humbled. "Thank you for considering me your best man."
"Always, Brother," Abel replied with a smile. "Let's go." The Teller boys walked ahead and ushered out the door. Tara stayed behind, unsure of what to do.
Maybe if I stay right here, this moment will just stop, she thought. Maybe I can hold on to the good for a while longer. Abel and Thomas will still be boys, Delylah and Ophelia will still be babies, and Jax and I will just rely on one another. She closed her eyes. Charming. She thought of their hometown with a little nostalgia. At least there, I never worried about you growing up. I never had time. I could only worry about keeping you alive every day. She inhaled deeply and fought back the tears.
"We gotta do this, babe," Jax's statement was quiet but firm. "It's time to let him go." Tara nodded. Without uttering another word, Jax and Tara followed their boys out the door, completely sure that, once they returned home, life would never be the same again.