Castiel couldn't help but smile. Hearing Dean say that he loved him, even if it was an impulsive statement at the presentation of food, was enough to have Castiel's heart leaping out of his chest. Eros joined Dean at the table, and Cas watched his lover and his brother eat with such pride. It all felt so very domestic.
"We should talk about Sam before he gets here," Dean said around mouthfuls of pancake. Eros had abandoned the cakes and was sipping syrup directly from the bottle. "He said he's coming but I don't know how long-"
"Hello, Dean." Cas and Dean turned suddenly to see Sam standing in the room. Castiel's jaw fell slack. The man actually flew! How was that even possible?
"Sam!" Dean said surprised, but then covered his unease with a lewd smile and a spread of hands. "As you can see, things aren't how they might have sounded on the phone." Sam twitched his lips in a brief smile at his brother, but his attention was on Eros.
"Eros, I am so glad you are already here. I need your help," he said gently and Cas took a protective step towards his brother. Sam glanced at him, his eyes flashing heat for a moment, but he recovered quickly. Eros seemed utterly oblivious to Sam's sudden appearance on angel wings or the potential threat of Gabriel within him.
"Anything I can do to help!" The boy offered cheerfully. "I see you aren't carrying your Recurve around anymore. That's probably for the best." Castiel regretted not taking the time to explain the situation to his brother before returning. He had hoped the three of them could go over everything together before Sam got there. He supposed now it would be a time of revelation.
"Sam, would you join us?" Castiel suggested and he offered the remaining chair at the table. "Maybe you could explain the situation better than I." Sam took it, smiling at Cas, and settled in with a sigh. He looked unkempt and needed a shave, but otherwise…happy. No signs of possession and Cas couldn't sense Gabriel in him. He had to be hiding somewhere though if Sam was sprouting wings. Sam let out a long breath and he looked at each of them in turn.
"I need to find a vessel," he said at last, and Eros blinked.
"A what? Why would you need that?" Eros' confusion only seemed to confuse Sam in turn. Cas couldn't blame him. None of them seemed to know the full story of what was going on.
"It's not for me," Sam continued, "it's for Gabriel."
"Gabriel?" Dean was instantly to his feet glaring at all of them. Castiel glanced up at him sheepishly. He felt horrible. He wanted to tell Dean, he really did, but it was taboo to openly share who an angel was Soul-bound to. Even with Gabriel's current situation it just wasn't done. Sam telling his brother was much more appropriate than if it had come from Cas.
"Yes, Dean," Sam said glancing at Cas. "How much has Cas told you?" It turned out Cas told him very little. He had every intention to tell him at least some of it, but they just ran out of time and suddenly Sam was there. Sam was kind enough to explain how Cas was bound to Dean and thus subservient to him. Cas understood it was important for Dean to know this to understand the situation with Gabriel, but still he didn't like to reduce the weight of their relationship down to a matter of angel genetics.
Considering the icy glances Dean passed his way, Cas suspected harsh words from the hunter at the very least. And really, did he not deserve it? For two days he could have made all this clear for Dean but instead he waited for things settled down and for Dean to stop being angry. Truthfully, although he would never admit it, he was ashamed to tell Dean. He worried that Dean would think less of him or less of what they shared together knowing that its origins spawned from Castiel's core programming.
After the demeaning truth to Castiel's original attachment to Dean was in the open, Eros talked about how he formed the bows. This was easier for Dean to follow considering how Serrath's scepter housed a demon soul in a similar fashion. Eros was ashamed as well; at how things backfired, not knowing that he used Sam's Soul-bound in his bow, and begged the Winchester's to forgive him for it. Sam placated Eros's worries, but Dean remained icy and silent. It seemed as though Eros and Castiel had the same effect on the older Winchester.
Then Sam took up the story again and explained how Serrath was trying to separate Gabriel from Sam, making Sam a susceptible vessel for who knows what, and in the process weakened the ties Gabriel had to the bow. When Sam dropped the Recurve, the ties tore away completely, and Gabriel remained with Sam. The reality of the situation sunk home for Eros.
"Holy shit balls!" Eros shouted, and then blushed from his use of profanity. He jumped to his feet, joining Dean in standing, and jarred the table enough that his plate toppled and crashed against the laminate floor. In the same instant, Eros was gone, fleeing to parts unknown. Cas and Dean both bent to pick up the shards of plate at the same time, but Dean smacked Castiel's hand away.
"Don't worry about this, Cas, go get Eros." Dean's voice was hard, and Castiel mentally sent out his worry and love to the hunter. What he received back was white hot anger, and a deep stinging hurt. Castiel recoiled from the powerful emotions, fighting against the tears forming in his eyes.
"Dean..." His voice waivered from the sensations, but Dean wouldn't even meet his eye.
"Just go," he said coldly and so Castiel went. He followed the trail the angel had flown, reminding himself that he needed to ward the boy against other angels in case word got out of what he did with Gabriel. He found Eros crouched under the glowing light of the motel sign.
"I'm not going back in there," Eros said the moment Castiel stilled his wings.
"Please, Eros."
"This whole situation just gets worse and worse," Eros groaned, looking up at his brother. Unshed tears in his eyes matched Castiel's own and Eros blinked in surprise.
"It's hard to face what we don't want to," Castiel said softly and moved to sit next to the little angel. "I agree it's easier to just run away."
"Exactly," Eros said nodding.
"But think about the consequences. Think about those you hurt when you avoid the truth. Think about the way they can hurt you back by not understanding your avoidance." Castiel scrubbed at his eyes and blotted his tears against his jacket. He definitely could understand why Eros found it easier to run away. But he couldn't do that anymore. He ran away from Dean before, after their time in the meadow, because he didn't want to address difficult emotions he didn't know how to contend with. All his running did though was hurt Dean which Castiel knew would be the result again. If he ran again, avoiding Dean's anger, he was sure Dean would forgive him but he might not love him anymore. The idea made fresh tears come to his eyes.
"Castiel..." Eros said gently. He sounded lost and confused.
"I can't make him happy," Castiel said before he realized the words were out of his mouth. Too late to turn back, he pressed on. "When we're intimate...I can't control my Grace and I end up attacking him with it. It happens every time and I'm so scared I'm going to really hurt him. Everything I do, anything I say, it makes me afraid that he'll stop loving me." The inside cuff of his jacket was growing damp from his tears. Castiel switched to the other side.
"Castiel," Eros said again sadly and took his brother's hand, "I'm so sorry that this has caused you pain." Cas shook his head. He wanted to say that while this night and this moment might be painful, there were so many new things he was grateful for. The way Dean's smile made him feel, or how his laughter tickled the insides of Castiel's ears. The way he smelled while he slept or the way the sun made his skin glow.
Cas could not even begin to describe how changed the world around him was as well. Everything so different even though it was the same. He wanted Eros to understand that no matter how hard the pain, he never would regret this new chance at a life that he was given. He wanted to tell Eros how deeply he loved him for giving Cas this gift. But his tears wouldn't let him speak and the words choked in his mouth. So instead he sat and held his brother's hand and wept quietly in the stillness of the summer night.
"You shouldn't be so hard on him," Sam offers while he watched his brother clean up the mess on the floor. Dean's shoulders tensed.
"Mind your own business, Sam" Dean warned.
"You both are my family. This is my business," Sam countered and Dean looked up at him in disbelief.
"Family? Is that how you felt when you were beating Cas to a bloody pulp?" Sam winced.
"That wasn't me. That was...that was Gabe. He was angry at Castiel for all the stuff that happened in heaven."
"Right," Dean said, nodding sarcastically, "and so it's "Gabe" now? Good buddies with theTrickster?"
"We're Soul-bound Dean, like you and Cas. You know what that feels like."
"I don't even want to even think about that right now, Sammy." Dean stood and walked to the trash can where he dumped the remains of the plate. He looked conflicted and hurt. He looked tired. "Like heaven and hell isn't doing enough to jerk us around, it has to control who I love too?"
"Dean, I don't love Gabriel," Sam said and Dean met his gaze.
"Not yet, you don't," he said flatly and returned to the table to open the laptop. Sam watched him for a few moments and thought about what to say. Gabriel was oddly quiet for once, but Sam could sense him listening. Sam certainly didn't love Gabriel. Not in a sexual sense. Not now and he doubted he ever would but...he was fond of the angel. Did the Soul-binding effects only go one way? Or was Dean right to be upset?
"What are you doing?" Sam asked, trying to distract his brain before he went in circles.
"Looking for a hunt."
"What?" Sam thought he must have misheard, but Dean glared at him.
"I'm not going to be cooped up here all night when those two get it together and decide to come back. Cas is... emotional right now. I need to get out."
"So you're running away," Sam said, nodding.
"I'm not running away!" Shouted Dean, but they both knew better.
"Samuel..."
Sam turned to see that Eros and Castiel had returned. He didn't sense them which was not really surprising. It takes such a minute amount of Grace to use angel wings. Maybe more so with Sam since he's borrowing someone else's.
Castiel looked devastated. His eyes were red and his cheeks puffy. His face was forlorn and he stared blankly at the ground. Meanwhile, Dean didn't spare a glance up from his laptop. Maybe Sam shouldn't be as jealous of these two as he thought. It seemed that his brother and his angelic friend still couldn't navigate the minefield of each other without him.
"Thanks for coming back, Eros," Sam said with a small smile, and the angel walked over to plop in the chair he had vacated only a few minutes before. Castiel remained where he stood, some distance away, and watched them pensively.
"I'm sorry I ran away, Samuel. Castiel has taught me the importance of not running from my problems." Dean scoffed at this but Sam ignored him. "I want you to know though that I ran for good reasons. What you are describing is impossible."
"Why do you think that? I have had an angel possess me before, this isn't any different except for the amount of control I have now. Gabriel lets me have that control."
"No, this is the whole point, don't you see? He shouldn't be giving you any control at all. He shouldn't even be talking to you. Gabriel is dead, Samuel. He died at the hands of our fallen brother Lucifer. What you describe…it's like he's reaching out beyond the grave."