A/N: Another chapter! This one is Tim-centric again; hope you enjoy it.
I was on a roll tonight, so I should even post another one tomorrow. I wrote this, a chapter of 'Hangovers' and a new story which reflects my rather dark mood at the moment.
Thanks for reading. F.
They watched him uneasily for a short while, as if they were expecting him to react badly. Truth was, he wasn't sure what to feel right now. His mind was numb with disbelief; this couldn't be happening, couldn't be real. He felt strangely disconnected, as if everything was happening to someone else.
Finally finding his voice, he said "I think I'd like to be alone now."
They took the hint and left, the sympathy in Ducky's expression almost too hard to bear.
'No field work'.
The thought took time to sink it did, McGee felt anger and despair flood through him. Being an NCIS field agent; it had been his dream for as long as he could remember. And he loved his job, he truly did. Sure it was dangerous; he had mourned the loss of Pacci, of Paula Cassidy, of Jim Nelson and of course, Kate. But you never really thought that something would happen to you.
And now something had, and he was left with no choice. He knew that he wouldn't be able to do anything else at the Agency; that made it worse. It wouldn't just be a matter of leaving the team; he'd have to leave the Agency all together. He felt the threatened tears start to fall at that, despite his best efforts. He let himself weep for everything that had been taken from him.
The sound of the door handle turning made him stop and get himself under control. He scrubbed at his face with his good hand, trying to conceal the fact that he'd been crying. He couldn't let Sarah see him like this.
But it wasn't Sarah that entered his room; it was Abby.
"Gibbs said you were awake" she said. "Do you mind if I come in for a little while?"
He managed a smile at that.
"Come in Abs; you're always welcome" he told her.
She sat down in the chair next to his bed, watching him closely. So, she'd been tipped off by Gibbs.
"How's your arm?" she asked.
"A lot better than it could have been, because of you." He paused. "Thank you, Abby. I'm sorry you had to make that choice."
"I couldn't let them do that, Timmy. I just couldn't." Her face was troubled. He reached out with his right hand and clumsily patted hers. "You did the right thing" he reassured her. "It's going to take time, but it'll heal."
She was silent for a moment, looking as if she was arguing with herself about something.
Finally she burst out "Gibbs said you can't be a field agent anymore." Her eyes implored him to deny it.
Slowly he nodded. "The damage is too bad, Abs; I won't get full movement back"
"God, Tim, I'm sorry."
He didn't know what to say. He shrugged his good shoulder.
"It's ok, Abby- I'm still alive" he pointed out.
She didn't know what to say to that, relapsing into silence.
...
The quiet quickly became oppressive. As if she felt the need to fill it, Abby began talking to him of her ideas for when he returned to work. McGee listened for a few minutes, trying to enter into her plans with enthusiasm.
Suddenly he couldn't take it anymore.
"Abs, stop. Please. Just-just stop."
She looked utterly bewildered, forcing him to explain.
"Stop acting as if everything will go back to normal in a week or two; it's not going to, Abs. I'll probably never go back to NCIS, not now."
"Timmy, even if you can't be a field agent anymore doesn't mean you have to leave. There's other things you can do at the Agency."
"Like what? Even as a case agent I'd have to pass a fitness test" he pointed out. "Which I'm not likely to be able to do."
"Forensics? You have a degree in that" she started. He cut her off.
"Computer forensics, Abby. It's not the same. I can't do half the things you do. If a degree in computer forensics was enough to do your job, most of the Cybercrimes unit would be able to do it." Seeing her open her mouth to say something, he continued "And don't even suggest Cybercrimes. I couldn't do that again." He sighed. "Fact is, the only thing I've ever wanted to do was be a field agent. I'm not qualified to do anything else."
He looked at her, seeing her begrudging acceptance of the truth of his words.
"What are you going to do?" she half whispered.
"I don't know yet" he admitted.