18 months post attack

It was as ordinary as a day off could get. Eric and Deeks had gone surfing that morning while Kensi slept in. Deeks brought home breakfast, and woke her with a gentle kiss before showering, and then they sat down to eat together. They discussed what to do with a rare day off, and decided that a day of shopping was in order. So they found themselves at the mall food court after making several purchases. Deeks wanted something healthy and Kensi didn't, so they split up for just a few moments while Deeks waited for his salad and Kensi searched out the donuts.

While she was waiting in line, someone walked past wearing too much cologne. This wasn't unheard of in LA, but rarely was it worse than mildly unpleasant. Today, however, it was. The moment the scent hit her, Kensi's heart began to race and her throat began to close up. Her vision swam and her head spun, and a moment later she dropped to the ground. She was lost in the most intense flashback she'd had in over a year, and she was alone.

The commotion drew Deeks' attention and the cop in him ran to see what was going on. When he saw his girlfriend lying on the ground gasping for breath, and eyes open but unseeing, he pushed everyone out of his way and dropped to his knees at her side. He wasn't even aware of the fact that he was barking orders, telling people to stand back to give her space. He checked her pulse and found it soaring, and she was choking on every breath. The moment he recognised what was happening he dove for her purse and prayed that she still carried the tiny orange pills that Lindsey had given her ages ago. Fortunately, they were there. He popped one out of the tiny envelope and slipped it into her mouth as he cradled her close and whispered reassuring words. She was safe. Everything was ok. He was with her.

And then, as suddenly as it had come on, the panic subsided. Her breathing was easier, her heart began to calm down and the flashback was no longer the only thing her brain could focus on. She heard Deeks' voice soothing her and she knew she was ok. Her eyes flew open, and she saw the large crowd that had gathered, and we're now staring at her. Moments later someone from mall security arrived and indicated that paramedics were on the way. The crowd dissipated quickly once mall security arrived and Kensi stood up, insisting that paramedics were unnecessary. A quick flash of their badges gave legitimacy to her insistence that she was fine, and then Deeks escorted her back to the car.

The drugs Deeks had given Kensi worked to stop the flashbacks and panic attacks, but always left her exhausted. Knowing this, Deeks took her straight home and put her to bed. And then for the first time in over a month, he called Lindsey. He just didn't know what else to do. And then he began to pace.

Kensi woke up about two hours later and could hear voices coming from the kitchen. She had a headache and felt foggy, but she clearly remembered what had happened. As she sat up slowly, she pulled her knees to her chest and rested her forehead on them. All she could think was "crap." She was so sure she had put the worst of this behind her. Yes, there were still complications and she still had the occasional nightmare, but it hadn't affected her ability to function normally in a long time. But now, it had. She had regressed. And it pissed her off. She listened to the murmur of voices coming through the door, and figured it was time to face whoever was out there. Deeks had most likely called Nate, and both of them would want to talk to her. She didn't want to talk. She wanted to punch something. But before they would let her do that, they would insist that she had to talk. Fine. She would get it done and over with. She stood up and headed for the door, grabbing the doorframe briefly as the room swayed. Once it stopped, she continued.

Deeks was in the kitchen talking with Nate, who was trying to get him to stop pacing. Lindsey was sitting at the table with a cup of tea, but had long since given up on calming Deeks. She figured he would be ok once Kensi woke up and showed him she was fine. True to her expectations, when Kensi appeared in the kitchen, he stopped in his tracks and grabbed her in a tight hug.

"Are you ok?" he asked anxiously, looking her over.

"I'm great," she insisted, rolling her eyes. "Aside from feeling like an elephant sat on my head."

"Sorry, Kensi. I know the side effects suck," Lindsey said, making her presence known.

"Seriously?" Kensi asked. "Nate and Lindsey? It wasn't that bad, Deeks. You didn't need to call both of them."

"Actually, he just called me to see if I could get some more pills for you. Nate was with me when he called, and we figured we would stop by and say hi," Lindsey said smoothly. She didn't want to let on to either of them that she brought Nate to check Deeks' state of mind, as she had serious thoughts about sedating him when she heard him on the phone. Kensi raised an eyebrow.

"Knew it. I totally called it, Deeks, pay up. They're so together," Kensi said with glee.

"Actually, I think it was Nell who called it first while you were having your nice long nap at the hospital," Deeks retorted, sticking out his tongue for good measure. Nate knew it was time to step in.

"How are you doing, Kensi?" he asked gently, redirecting the conversation.

"I'm fine," she said firmly. "I just had... An asthma attack... Or something," she stuttered, trying to come up with something believable. Nate raised his eyebrows while Lindsey rolled her eyes.

"Kensi, it's ok. You had a flashback and a panic attack. It doesn't mean you're regressing," Lindsey said firmly. "It sounds like Marty managed it just fine, and aside from being a bit embarrassed you're no worse for wear." Deeks stared at Lindsey like she had two heads.

"She collapsed in the mall, with no obvious trigger, and you don't think that's a setback?" Deeks asked with disbelief.

"Actually, there was a trigger," Kensi whispered. looking down. "Someone walked past wearing the same cologne that he wore that night... That's what set it off."

"Smell is actually one of the scents linked most closely to memories," Nate explained. "So it's no surprise that was a trigger. And if that's the first time you've been exposed to it since the attack, I would have been more surprised if you hadn't had an attack."

"Ok, so it all makes sense, and it's all over. Am I still ok to work?" Kensi asked.

"I don't see any reason why not," Lindsey replied. "I'd like you to take it easy for the rest of the day until the drugs wear off, but otherwise you should be fine," she said. Deeks spoke up to protest though.

"Am I the only one taking this seriously? She collapsed, in a public place. She was barely breathing! Who knows what would have happened if she hadn't still had her pills in her purse. I can't... I thought I was losing her, again." Deeks was nearing panic himself. Kensi was torn between being angry at him for overreacting, and the huge weight of guilt that fell on her shoulders when she realised just how difficult this had been for him. She reached out to put her hands on his shoulders.

"Hey. I'm right here. You can't get rid of me that easily," she whispered. He looked at her, and she could see just how much pain was swimming through his eyes. Finally Nate interrupted.

"Actually, I think there's a bigger issue here. I hate to say it, but I think both of you should take a bit of time off work. And Deeks, I think you need to talk to someone. It doesn't have to be me, or Lindsey. I can recommend someone else if you like. But I'm more worried about the effects of today on you than on Kensi. And I do think it will be better for you if you both take a few days off and stay home." Deeks nodded, slowly. He had spent so much time taking care of Kensi and worrying over her safety that he had to admit he hadn't spent as much time dealing with things as he should have. Kensi looked at Nate then back to Deeks and nodded in agreement.

"I can do that. Take a few days off for us. And maybe it's time you let me take care of you for a bit," she said gently. For the first time since the earlier events of the day, Deeks managed a smile and sat down.

"Yeah. Ok. But if it's ok, I'd rather talk to you than a stranger," he said, looking over at Nate.