JESUS CHRIST I AM SO DARK!
And...
I...
LIKE IT! Lol :D
TEXTING TIME LOL
(Nya's POV)
I sit in bed, the red sheets pulled over my legs. My phone is on my lap. The person I'm texting is Jay. I'm not allowed to TALK to him, but what about TEXTING him?
Samurai X: Hey
Jay¥: Hey
Samurai X: How are you
It starts to load, then he texts me back.
Jay¥: How am I...? I'm
emotionally drained. I
could kill myself right now
without a second thought.
I'm so done with
everything. But you don't
really wanna hear that, so
I'll go with fine.
My lips part in surprise. Is this what they meant? I sit, thinking for a moment, before my fingers start to tap the screen.
Samurai X: Everything is going to be alright. Maybe not today but eventually.
The loading bar appears.
Jay¥: Don't you dare tell me I'm beautiful
Until you've seen my scars
That carve my body
And the blood
That pours out of my soul
Don't you dare tell me I'm lovely
Until I completely shut you out
Because I swore to myself
Your just like the rest
And you'll get sick of me
Don't you dare tell me I'm flawless
Until you've seen me break down in tears
I'll show yup the darkness
That consumes me
And you'll run away
But if you
Have seen my scars
Bitterness
And darkness
Then perhaps I believe you
She frowns, the corner of her lips tugging down. What happened to my boyfriend? I start to tap the screen again, hoping for a better response.
Samurai X: Try. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to try.
Jay¥: I just wanna sleep forever
Samurai X: I don't really see the difference between saying that and saying "I wanna die"
Jay¥: Because there's not
This is not my boyfriend. This is not Jay.
Samurai X: Who you are is want makes you special. Don't let anyone change that.
What lies ahead will always be a mystery. Don't be afraid to explore.
When life pushes you over, you push back harder.
Where there are choices to make, make the ones you wont regret
Why things happen will never be certain. Take it in stride and move forward.
Jay¥: Do you ever feel numb
It's that feeling when your whole world
Seems to fall apart right in front of you
And there's nothing you can do about it
It's that feeling when you're all choked up
And the words Just won't seem to come out
The tears are stuck, and they strangle you
And all you feel is sole numbness
It's that feeling when you're indecisive
Do you not care anymore?
Or are you Just really tired?
Or is this Just a phase that will pass?
It's that feeling when you're exhausted
Mentally
Physically
Emotionally
And you wish to close your eyes
And never open them,
Ever again.
Samurai X: H.O.P.E.
Hold On, Pain Ends
Jay¥: me
I h8 you,
gg tho.
ttyl or more like
never.
sincerely,
me
(Jay's POV)
I shut down my phone and put it on my nightstand. Moonlight shines down onto the floor, creating a patch of moonlight. I walk over to my dark blue curtains and close them. I don't like light.
I sit on the end of my bed, watching the clock above the bathroom door.
*tick*
*tock*
*tick*
*tock*
It's driving me crazy. He gets up and walks into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. I take the pill case out of my pocket and gulp the whole thing down. He stares at his reflection.
*tick*
*tock*
The sound of breaking glass rings through the room. He stands, bleeding fist in front of him, mirror shattered. Blood drips off his fist and onto the tiled floor. I walk out, not bothering to pick it up.
He lays down in bed. He thinks of the others, yelling at him earlier. They hated him.
My arms are wet and sticky and my eyes feel heavy and dull.
Darkness is around me, and now I can't feel nothing at all.
I can hear myself breathing and now I'm slowly falling asleep.
I've fallen in the abyss, and now I'm nearly six foot deep...
I drift off to sleep.
(Don't worry he's not dead.)
(Jay's POV)
I can feel her.
Slowly, I wake up. I can feel her presence.
"Hello, little Suicide boy."
I stay silent and swing my legs over the bed side, staring at the wall.
"Is it possible to have no emotion?
Being so far gone in being numb that I can't the simplest thing about.
I can't think, that's too hard
I can't talk too confusing
Writing a challenge I hate
I feel hollow, an empty shell
I'm here but not entirely
I'm numb
Is it possible to have no emotion?
If so, I have no emotion
No sadness
No joy
I've checked out
I'm here but not entirely."
She slips a glass of some amber liquid into my hands. I gulp it down gratefully. The only things I've had were pills. The liquid burns my throat, but I drink every last gulp. I then throw the empty glass on the ground. It shatters.
He lays down on his bed, looking at the ceiling. Her presence is right next to him.
"Now. Take off your shirt, and I'll make art with a blade."
He sits up, and does so obediently. He feels...numb. I toss the dark blue tee shirt with white lightning designs to the side. He hears the slice of a blade being drawn, and then feels a searing pain on his back. But he does nothing. Just...empty numbness. He couldn't feel.
She starts to talk as she works.
"A broken mirror,
A bleeding fist,
A silver blade against the wrist,
Tears falling down to lips un kissed,
Ignore him and he wont exist,
He's not the kind you'll come to miss."
"Turn around."
He shifts his position without a word. He is numb. He cannot feel anything. Just nothingness.
She is still not visible, but he can feel her presence. And see the stele floating through the air, drawing on his marked skin. She starts to talk again.
"Talk to me. Tell me something, Suicide boy."
I'm silent for a moment as the burning increases painfully. Then I open my mouth and talk.
"In the bathroom.
palms sweating, heart racing.
in the mirror.
eyes screaming, hard breathing.
as my emotions overwhelm me;
crashing down like a thousand seas.
my reasons to live diminish.
'what the fuck is it gonna take for you to understand?'
'where is your control Jay?'
'your life is disappointing beyond words.'
words from the people I love.
i try, i'm trying.
i lie, i'm lying.
but i tried, i promise.
no i lied, i'm sorry.
one more time i'll cry,
because i no longer have the strength to get by.
it's a fucking pain to be a pain..
so why not end it all?
blade in hand, wrist in sight.
my only wish is to end my plight.
so selfish, so selfish.
think about those who care for you.
i don't give a fuck.
i swear for this is what they wish.
sitting in my blood with my demons..
fully aware that they have won.
could've swore i heard them say to Satan..
'this time we have him, it's nearly done.'
losing consciousness, i smile..
on my way to hell.
hey, i'll see you in a while.
you know it,
i can tell."
I then lay down, not caring whether or not she was done. My head hits the pillow. I feel her presence move to the window as I lay, motionless, numb. I cant feel.
"The girl is walking down a path
with shadows of death above
covering the light that
she never seems to see
Her life is black
along with her heart
She learns to live with the black
She seems to know nothing else
She walks down that path
with signs of death above
Happiness in her mind
is a joke so she frowns
She thinks about death
the thought of suicide is fun
Silting her wrists
and shooting that gun
I never loved
I never saw the light
I never was happy
I am such a fright
Nobody will cry
So tonight Im going to shot this gun under my chin and say one last goodbye
These were her last words
she wrote to everyone that
has walking in and out of her life
She took that gun
her hands so still
and said a final goodbye
and went for the kill
She shot a bullet
right up her head
as that girl
falls down on the ground
Her twin finds the body
and the note that lye with
she reads the note as
she cries to herself
She says to her died sister
"Im not a twin without you
so the other should die too"
So she took a knife
and slit her wrists
till the life of the other girl
could no longer exist."
I don't exist.
"Until we meet again. I hope you improve."
I am emotionless.
"Goodbye, Suicide boy."
I am nothing.
CHRIST I AM SO DARK JESUS
Lol XD