Disclaimer: Do not own Twilight or any of its wonderful characters.
Warning: Just as a reminder, this story does contain non-sexual spanking, so if you don't like don't read
A/N: Thanks for the reviews and for sticking with the story! This chapter definitely bears no resemblance to the original so enjoy! Lots of tears and angst...
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Chapter 4: Vampire Father
Bella's POV:
I blearily opened my eyes before immediately closing them and burying my head in a hard… pillow? What the?—I thought in surprise as my eyes flew open and I looked up into the amused expression of one Carlisle Cullen. That was when I realized that I was lying almost on top of him with one of my hands gripping his shirt, and my face turned beet red before I jumped off of him and nearly fell off the bed.
"Good morning my little troublemaker," Carlisle greeted with a warm smile, amusement clear in his face and tone as he held a steadying hand on me. I stared at him blankly before the night's events began to catch up to me, and my face turned red once more as I groaned out loud and buried my head in my hands. Oh god, what had I been thinking? Did I really go to that party? Did I really attack Lauren and get arrested? Did Carlisle really have to haul me away from a fight? What must he think of me?
"Alright now," Carlisle said softly, interrupting my panicked thoughts as he gently pried my hands away from my face. "There is no need to look so embarrassed Bella," he said with a kind smile as I finally glanced up at him. I just nodded mutely before I finally took notice of my surroundings.
The first thing I noticed was that this was not Edward's room. In fact, I had never been in this bedroom before, which left me with only two options of whose it could be: Emmett and Rosalie's or Carlisle and Esme's. Looking around I realized right away from the décor that this had to be Carlisle and Esme's room, which meant that I had slept in their bed…their bed that they didn't sleep in… I immediately shook my head to stop that train of thought as I let out another groan, my face no doubt beet red at this point.
"What is it Bella?" Carlisle asked in concern as he once more pulled my hands away from my face.
"Carlisle," I moaned, "this is your bedroom. Why didn't you just chuck me on Edward's couch? I would've slept just fine there."
"Bella," he laughed while shaking his head in bemusement, "I would never just chuck you, and I felt you would sleep more comfortably in a bed. I assure you, you are not causing me an inconvenience," he added kindly.
"Thank you," I told him sincerely before adding, "but I'll just sleep on Edward's couch tonight, so you can have your room back. I'm sorry for making you stay with me last night"—
"Isabella," he sighed somewhat exasperatedly, "You must stop apologizing for such ridiculous reasons, child. I was extremely pleased that my presence last night was able to help you. It was no trouble to me at all, and you will be sleeping here again tonight. There is no reason for you to sleep on a couch when there is a perfectly good bed here that I will not be using."
I stared at him for a few seconds before nodding my head in defeat. There was no use arguing with vampires, I thought wryly. They're such a stubborn lot.
Carlisle gazed at me with caring eyes and began to reach a hand towards me before curling his fingers into a fist and pulling back. What was that about? I thought in wonder. I gave him a curious look, but he just smiled and said, "Why don't you clean yourself up Bella? There are already clothes for you in Edward's room, and while you are getting ready I will make you some breakfast."
"Okay," I responded meekly, fighting another blush as Carlisle helped me out of his bed before departing with one last smile. I let out a small sigh before carefully making my way over to Edward's bedroom. Grabbing some clothes, I then made my way to the bathroom. Once inside, I could not help the gasp that escaped my lips when I noted how I looked.
My hair was an absolute mess, my eyes blood shot, and there were scratches on my forehead and cheek, not to mention a bruise on my left cheek. Looking down at my hands I noted that my knuckles were bruised, and once I removed my shirt I saw that I had minor scratches and bruises up my arms.
What the hell had I been thinking? I thought for the hundredth time. I gripped the edge of the sink as I fought down the sudden panic that was trying to take over me. This was it. I had ruined everything. God, I had no idea that alcohol would affect me so terribly. But was it the alcohol or was that all me? I shook my head, grimacing as I felt the remnants of a fierce headache. It had to be the alcohol. What else would have caused me to lose all sense of reason?
I gave a sigh before looking at myself once more with a sad expression. Tears prickled at my eyes, but I pushed them away. Stop it, I told myself. Stop thinking and just take a shower and then go eat. It's not going to be as bad as you think, I told myself over and over as I made my way to the shower.
Once finished, I took a deep breath to steel myself before slowly making my way downstairs. As I neared the kitchen, my heart began to pound rapidly, and I cursed it for giving my fear away. I then tentatively stepped into the kitchen and blinked in surprise when I saw no one. I walked over to the table where there was a plate with some eggs and toast, and so I sat down and began to eat, all the while nervously wondering where Carlisle was.
Was he talking to the others? Was he telling them to come back? Was he telling Edward he couldn't be with me anymore? I nearly choked on my food at that thought.
Don't think like that, I immediately chided myself as I forced down a gulp of water. Just take a deep breath and relax. Everything is going to be fine. Carlisle certainly hadn't look angry, I recalled, and suddenly I began to feel a little reassured. Yes, he hadn't looked angry at all, I told myself.
I began to eat a little more as some of the butterflies in my stomach began to leave. I was grateful that I no longer felt nauseous because I didn't think I could stand the shame if I had to throw up again, especially if I threw up Carlisle's cooking. He'd probably get all offended with me, and… there I go again, always thinking the worst. I really need to start being a little more optimistic.
I was just finishing my toast when Carlisle walked in, his hair still damp and wearing clean clothes. He wore black jeans, a light blue, button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows along with black and white converse. Huh, I thought before rolling my eyes. It seemed Alice could even force her fashion sense on Carlisle. I was about to grin when I noted that Carlisle was giving me a curious stare, which immediately caused me to look away and pick up my empty dishes.
"I can get those," he said, but I emphatically shook my head.
"No way," I immediately responded, "you cooked the meal, so I clean the dishes." I relaxed when he just gave me a smile and nod before sitting down at the counter and pulling the newspaper towards himself.
As I washed the dishes, I kept my focus on what I was doing because I didn't want to allow my thoughts to wander toward less pleasant ones, and I really didn't want to go into another panic attack with Carlisle in the room. After finishing, I dried my hands, turned towards Carlisle, and then stood awkwardly. What's going to happen now, I thought worriedly.
At this point Carlisle looked up from the paper at me and motioned for me to come over. "Sit," he ordered, pointing towards the kitchen table. I quietly did as I was told, and when I looked up I was surprised to see Carlisle was nowhere in sight. I quickly turned my head to the kitchen entryway and found him walking back in with his medical bag in hand.
I could not help the groan that escaped my lips. Carlisle gave an amused chuckle at my reaction before turning my chair towards him and kneeling down in front of me.
"I'm fine," I burst out, even though I had no idea what he was looking for. Carlisle responded with a twitch of his lips and a raised eyebrow before cupping my chin and turning my head gently from side to side. Oh, I realized, he's looking at my scratches and bruises.
After a few seconds, he let go and opened his black bag, pulling out a bottle of antiseptic and some cotton balls. "Are you in any pain?" he asked in his doctor voice, and I shook my head no. He gave a nod before beginning to dab some of the antiseptic onto the scratches. I winced slightly at the burn, which caused Carlisle to keep a firm grip on my chin, holding my head in place. Before I knew it, he was done and I let out a sigh of relief.
"Are you hurt anywhere else?" he then asked, and I was surprised to hear concern in his voice. It was just a few scrapes and bruises, I thought in wonder. I'd definitely had worse.
I thought about whether or not to answer, but after the knowing look in his eyes, I decided honesty was the best policy at this point. "Yes," I finally responded, lifting my sleeves to show him my arms. There was more bruising here, and I was certain it was from the police officer as I could clearly see a large handprint, too large for Lauren anyways. Carlisle stared at my arms, before running a cool hand over the bruising. I jerked my arm in surprise when I heard a low growl escape from his lips, and I stared at him in surprise. Carlisle had always been the most 'human' of all the Cullens, so to hear him make such a sound was shocking.
"I'm sorry," we both said, and I gave a little laugh as Carlisle frowned. "I apologize for frightening you Bella," he said in a sincere tone, and I could tell that he was really bothered by what had happened.
"It's fine," I responded. "Really, you didn't frighten me Carlisle. I was just surprised," I explained, not liking how upset he had become. He looked me in the eyes for a few seconds before giving me a small smile and returning to tend to the scratches on my arms. When he finished, he stated me, "If at any point you feel more pain I want you to inform me right away, alright?"
"Okay," I replied with a nod of my head. Carlisle gave a vague nod back before standing up and turning away from me. I watched him with slight trepidation as he placed his hands on his hips and began to pace back and forth. His head was bowed and I could see the deep look of concentration he had on his face. I nervously wondered what he was thinking about as I fidgeted in my seat. I didn't dare get up or speak for fear of bringing attention to myself.
What's he thinking? I thought in frustration as the silence continued on. Is he angry with me? Is he going to tell me to leave and never come back? I thought, worry beginning to increase. Will I get to see Edward again, or will I be banned from ever seeing him? Are they going to leave me again? I froze at the thought, my chest aching worse than ever and my heart beat beginning to race. No. No, no, no! They can't leave me! They can't! Edward! I love him, I need him! I need all of them! I began to have troubles breathing, and I was gasping for air when I felt two hands on my shoulders and found myself looking into the concerned face of Carlisle.
"Bella?" he called concernedly. "Bella, I need you to take some deep breaths for me, okay sweetie?" I just looked at him, tears beginning to fill my eyes at this caring gesture. "What's wrong?" he asked, worry clear in his voice. "Baby, please talk to me," he continued, and I finally succumbed to the tears and began to cry. I tried to bury my head into my hands, but Carlisle stopped me, and instead brought my head to his shoulder as he wrapped his comforting arms around me.
"Please Bella, please talk to me," he begged as he rubbed a soothing hand on my back. I cried even more at his obvious show of concern, hating myself for having ruined everything.
"I-I'm s-so sor-sorry!" I managed to choke out as I desperately tried to bring myself under control.
"Sorry for what?" Carlisle responded, his tone strained.
"F-for ruining e-e-everything!" I cried into his shoulder
"What do you mean?" he asked in quiet concern, and I began to cry even more before answering, "Y-y-you're all g-going to leave-leave m-m-me now!" I felt as he froze, and I hated myself for continuing to cling to him when it was obvious I was right.
"Bella," he finally spoke in a pained tone as he tried to pull me away, but I clung to him as tightly as I could, wrapping my arms around his neck. I cursed myself to the deepest pits of hell for being so pathetic. I was only embarrassing myself, but I knew Carlisle could easily pull me away when he wanted to.
Instead of pushing me off of himself though, Carlisle just tightened his hold on me. "Okay, okay," he said as he sat himself on the floor and pulled me into his lap. "Bella, are you listening to me?" he asked, and I choked back a sob as I nodded into his shoulder.
"Good," he responded as he rubbed a calming hand through my hair. "Now, I want you to pay close attention to what I am about to tell you, do you understand?" he asked me in a serious voice.
"Yes," I mumbled pitifully, terrified of what he was going to say next. My heart was pounding away, and I could already feel the familiar ache of abandonment coming back.
"Isabella Marie Swan, I will never leave you. No one in this family will ever leave you," he stated, and I froze, my tears coming to a halt as I took in his words. "You have no idea how much you mean to this family, to me," he said quietly in an earnest tone. "I love you Bella. You are a daughter to me, and I already made the mistake of leaving you once, so I promise you that I will never leave you again. You may not be a vampire, but to me that does not matter, because you are already as much a member of my family as Edward or Alice."
I sat in stunned silence, unable to comprehend what he'd just told me. He loved me. Carlisle loved me. Carlisle loved me as a daughter. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't understand it!
Tears began to flow down my cheeks once more, but I was no longer sobbing as I pulled my head away and looked Carlisle in the face. His eyes were pained, but the love he professed for me was clear on his face and in his hands as he gently brushed away the tears from my face.
"You really love me?" I finally managed to choke out, needing to know for certain that he truly meant what he said.
"Yes," he answered with a serious nod before saying, "And it is not only me who loves you. To Esme, you have long been a precious daughter that she adores. Emmett and Jasper love you as a little sister, and though you may find it hard to believe, even Rosalie has come to love you as a sister. To Alice, you are not only loved as a sister, but as a best friend; and of course, last but certainly not least, there is Edward, and he loves you dearly as I am sure you must know," he finished with a gentle smile as I stared at him with wide, tear-stained eyes.
He loved me. They loved me. I couldn't believe it. The feelings of acceptance and warmth that spread through me were unfathomable. Everything I had secretly or unknowingly longed for was true. I had a family. I had a family! Carlisle truly loved me as a daughter, and that thought caused me to tighten my hold on him. I was thrilled, relieved, overwhelmed, and even a bit afraid. As I tried to process through all my feelings, Carlisle continued to hold me, muttering kind and loving words to me as he rubbed my back.
"I-I don't know what to say," I eventually said, cursing myself for this inadequacy. Here's Carlisle telling me he loves me and I can't even say it back.
"I understand," he responded, and when I looked him in the eyes I could tell that he really did. I dimly wondered if he'd gone through this kind of thing with any of the others.
"Bella," Carlisle suddenly called softly, interrupting my thoughts, "why did you feel that you had ruined everything? What made you think our family was going to leave you?"
I froze, wondering what I should stay, while at the same time feeling a thrill of happiness over the fact that he had said our family. I looked down and was fidgeting with the hem of my sleeve when I felt Carlisle's cool fingers lifting my chin so that I was looking into his curious eyes.
"I, well, I thought that after what I did yesterday that you w-wouldn't want me anymore," I admitted in a whisper, avoiding his gaze even though he had a firm grip on my chin.
"Oh Bella," Carlisle sighed as he ran a comforting hand through my hair. I unconsciously found myself leaning into the touch. "Bella, believe me when I say that nothing that you do will ever cause me to not want you anymore. You are a member of my family. You are my daughter, which means I will never abandon you."
"But you did," I countered, the hurt and pain I had felt at their abandonment of me shining clearly in my voice and eyes.
I saw the flash of pain in Carlisle's eyes before he closed them. When he opened them I could clearly see guilt and sorrow as he said, "Bella, sweetheart, I cannot express how deeply I regret what happened. It was a mistake, a horrible mistake, but I felt at the time that we were doing what was best for you."
I gave a snort. "Yes," I muttered sarcastically without thinking, "abandoning me was for the best! Not saying goodbye and ripping all signs of your existence was for the best! Leaving me in a catatonic state that nearly had me hospitalized was for the best!" I spat out bitterly, breathing heavily from sheer anger.
I glared angrily at Carlisle, expecting him to have some retort or excuse ready, but he said nothing. He just looked at me with those same sad, guilty eyes, and I couldn't help but soften my glare before finally looking away.
"Would you like me to tell you why?" he then asked in a quiet voice, and I glanced up before giving a short nod. I knew what spurred Edward into leaving, but I was also curious as to what caused everyone else to go along with him.
Carlisle took a breath before beginning to speak. "After the incident at your birthday party everyone was in a state of shock. We already knew that by bringing you into our family we would be putting you at risk, but it did not truly hit until that moment how dangerous we ourselves were to you," he told me in a grim tone.
"What happened with Jasper was nothing Carlisle," I immediately said reassuringly. "I know that none of you guys would ever hurt me."
Carlisle responded with a sad smile before replying, "Thank you for your trust Bella, but I cannot deny that the possibility remains. You must not forget what we are, sweetheart. No matter how much we want or try to be human, the fact is that we are not. We are vampires, and there will always be a part of ourselves that thirsts for your blood."
I grimaced at what he said before shaking my head. "You're human to me. Not in the literal sense, of course, but in every other sense of the term. You're not monsters or killers. You're kind, compassionate, and-and well, you're more human to me than many people I know," I told him in passionately.
Carlisle's responding smile was much happier this time as he gently caressed my cheek. "You are very kind Bella. Thank you. You do not know how much your words mean to me." I nodded my head as I gave him a shy smile back, glad to have seen some of the sadness leave his eyes.
"When Edward returned," he then began to speak without preamble, "his panic and distress did nothing to ease the guilt and worry we had all been feeling. He said we had to leave to keep you safe, and I sadly admit that there was a part of me that agreed with him. I know you scoff at this, but Bella you must see things from our point of view. How many times had you faced certain death because of your association with us? I mean, every moment you spent with Edward was a test of fate. I never doubted his control, but accidents happen," he explained in an earnest voice, clearly wanting me to understand.
I didn't want to understand, but I couldn't find an argument to counter what he'd told me, so I just sighed my head as I motioned for him to continue.
"I never wanted to leave you Bella," he then said as he gave my hand a squeeze. "I already loved you as one of my own, and I was positive you were destined to be one of us, but I was not willing to take your life away from you. I felt that if we stayed we would either lead to your death or transformation."
"What's wrong with that?" I asked. "I want to be one of you. I don't want to grow old and have Edward kill himself when I die."
Carlisle winced slightly at what I said before giving me a penetrating stare that made me fidget slightly. "I have never taken the life of someone who had another choice Bella, and that is what I felt we were doing to you. You are so young, and while I feel you have an idea of what it would mean to become a vampire, I also feel you do not truly understand the consequences of your choice," he remarked gently.
I stared at him, frowning as I unhappily considered his words. "Do you not want me changed?" I asked in a hesitant tone, bracing myself for a shake of the head.
Carlisle sighed as he looked away from me, and I felt my heart sink. When he looked back at me his eyes bored into mine as he replied, "Bella, I would never wish this life on anyone, but I cannot deny the part of me that says you are meant to become a vampire. Things would certainly be simpler if you were a vampire, but the thought of taking your future from you causes me great pain. As it stands now, I will change you after your graduation if you still want me to, but I will ask that you really consider the reasoning and consequences of your choice."
I nodded my head seriously before telling him, "I will do as you ask, but I want you to know that I won't change my mind. I am prepared to do whatever it takes if it means I get to spend all eternity with Edward, and with my family."
Carlisle studied my face before giving me a serious nod.
"So, what happened next?" I asked, causing his lips to twitch slightly in amusement before he began to speak once more.
"Well, after some debate I finally decided to give into Edward's wishes. Jasper agreed for obvious reasons, and so did Rosalie. She felt that things would go back the way they were before we met you," he said, and when I frowned he decided to expand. "Rosalie does not accept change very easily, and to make things worse she not only saw you as a huge change, but as a danger to our family, which she is extremely protective of. Anyways, Emmett was the next to cave in. He was quite upset about leaving you, but Rosalie eventually wore him down. Alice and Esme were the hardest to convince though," he said with a grimace and faraway look in his eyes.
I could not help but smile softly, my heart warming. It helped to know that I wasn't abandoned without a thought. It certainly helped ease some of the hurt I felt.
"It was Edward and Jasper who eventually convinced Alice, and Edward and I who eventually convinced Esme," he then said, giving me a guilty look full of apology.
"It's fine," I said before asking, "And whose idea was it to leave without saying goodbye?"
Carlisle winced, his face taking on a pained look. "It was Edward's," he answered, and I was surprised to hear a bit of anger in his voice. "I hated the idea. I wanted to give you some closure, and I even suggested that we at least keep in touch with you for a while." He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "Edward refused to back down though. He was adamant that we give you a clean break. He assured us that he would explain everything to you and that you would understand, so against my better judgment I finally conceded."
"He didn't explain anything," I remarked in bitter tone.
"I know," Carlisle moaned almost despairingly, and I was shocked to find that he had tears in his eyes. "After the fiasco in Italy Edward told me what he said to you, and I am so sorry Bella. If I had known what he was going to do to you, I would never have agreed," he apologized before bowing his head.
I stared at him with wide eyes, stunned by how much pain and guilt he was feeling about this. Wow, he must really care about me to be feeling this way. It was at this point that I really began to believe all that he had told me, about how he loved me and how he would never leave me. I really believed him, and that thought brought tears to my eyes. Forgiveness entered my heart, and I finally began to let go of all the lingering hurt and resentment I felt over what had happened.
"I forgive you," I finally spoke in a strong voice before wrapping my arms around him in an attempt to give him comfort. Carlisle immediately returned the hug before giving me a kiss on the top of my head and letting go.
"Thank you Bella," he spoke in a hoarse tone, "but I cannot accept your forgiveness as I do not deserve it. I saw and can see what our leaving did to you. You are frailer, more pained, and while you are better than when we first returned, I can still see a haunted look in your eyes from time to time. I have also noted how often you clutch your arms to your chest as if to hold yourself together, and it tears me apart to see you like that."
My heart clenched at how much he had noted, but I brushed my concerns aside to focus on his. I wasn't going to let him wallow in his guilt when I had already forgiven him. I would never forget what happened, and it still caused me pain, but I understood why they did it and so I couldn't fault them.
"Carlisle," I finally said, putting a reassuring hand on his arm, "I forgive you, so forgive yourself. What happened was a mistake, a horrible mistake, but if you tell me it will never happen again, then I believe you. I understand why you did it, so please stop beating yourself up."
Carlisle looked at me with an unreadable expression before giving me a look of pride. "You are such a forgiving person Bella, and I promise to take your words to heart." I nodded, giving him a stern look, which caused his lips to twitch upwards before he brought me in for another hug.
We sat in companionable silence, me leaning against Carlisle and he rubbing a soothing hand on my back. I relished in the feeling, wondering if this is what it felt like to be in a father's comforting embrace. My positive mood did not last unfortunately, as my thoughts began to turn to last night's catastrophe, and I found myself blushing as I buried my head into the crook of his neck. His hand stilled as he asked in an amused voice, "Now what has got you so embarrassed?"
"Nothing," I mumbled quickly, causing him to chuckle softly before continuing his ministrations. I felt relieved that he did not push, but that relief quickly left as I began to wonder what would happen now. Was he angry about what happened? Was he going to lecture me or… I blushed once more as a sudden horrible thought entered my mind. Was he going to spank me?! Edward had told me that Carlisle sometimes spanked his children, but I had never considered the possibility that I would ever be subject to such a punishment.
I remembered how shocked and outraged I had been when Edward confessed this secret to me. I just couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that gentle Carlisle would ever do such a thing, especially to my century old boyfriend. Edward had informed me that despite being a century old, he would forever be a seventeen year old boy, and in his time, as well as Carlisle's, a spanking was an appropriate punishment. Edward then explained how in vampire covens, when a vampire misbehaved, the coven leader was liable to bite, rip a limb off, or even kill as punishment, so Carlisle's punishment was particularly tame in comparison. He hated the punishment, but he also couldn't deny that he deserved it from time to time. I didn't get much more from Edward as I had noted how embarrassed the topic made him, so I had let it go.
I berated myself for not having pressed for further details though, and for not having realized that I would one day be subject to the same punishment. It seemed obvious now. I mean, I knew I would be a member of Carlisle's family one day, and Edward had told me that he spanked all his children, so it was naïve of me to think I wouldn't be included in that. I suppose I hadn't expected Carlisle to love and treat me as a daughter so soon.
I shook my head of these disturbing thoughts. I was getting ahead of myself. Carlisle was probably just going to tell Charlie and have him deal with me. I grimaced, imagining Charlie's fury and disappointment. My heart then sunk as I realized he was almost certainly going to ground me from seeing Edward. I was able to see him for a few hours as it was, so imagining that time cut down even more caused my heart to ache. I gave a heavy sigh.
"What are you thinking about Bella?" Carlisle asked curiously, interrupting my musings.
I sat up so I could take a peek at his face before gathering the courage to ask, "A-are you going to tell Charlie about what happened last night?"
Carlisle once more stilled his hand, his face turning thoughtful as he looked down at me. "I am not sure," he replied, and I frowned in confusion and worry. So what are you going to do, I wanted to ask, but I was too chicken. However, Carlisle must've seen the question in my eyes because he said, "I am not sure what I want to do."
I restrained a sigh of irritation at his lack of information.
A/N: Alright, so Bella and Carlisle have sorted a few issues out. Carlisle has informed Bella how much she means to him and the family, and while Bella is touched, she is still coming to terms with what it all means. Hope you enjoyed and please REVIEW!