Being Arizona

Chapter five

Okay, I need you aaaall to be patient with me. I'm sorry this took longer to update! I went nutso trying to find out what events happened in which order, and how to write them in without just writing down what happened in the episodes. I hope I did a good job!

Apparently when you worked at Seattle Grace Hospital, the drama starts piling on top of you until you can't breathe. Callie had coming running into my apartment a few mornings ago, rambling and stressing about Owen had tried to choke Cristina in her sleep. I'd listened in shock- this was horrible. For everyone. I smiled when I learned that Callie had been the one to separate them, because she practically saved Cristina's life. Although it wasn't Owen's fault and PTSD was a real disease that was horrible, if Callie hadn't pulled him away, or he hadn't woken up, then Cristina would have choked to death.

I felt horrible for Callie, I really did. She had too much going on to even think- this whole thing with Cristina and Owen, and Izzie, and there were rumours her dad might be paying a visit and he didn't know about the whole 'dating women' thing, she must be feeling horrible. So, I told her that I'd (try) to cook for her if she came round to my apartment that night. She needed to relax.

"I brought wine!" She announced as she arrived at my apartment, walking over to greet me with a kiss. I immediately noticed the stress on her face and leaned into hug her tightly, taking in the warm coconut smell of her hair, mixed with some kind of vanilla. It was my new favourite scent.

"You okay?" I asked her, taking the wine and retrieving two glasses from a box beside the kitchen counter. I'd actually made a start on unpacking the other day, but then I got paged into work and it had been left unfinished.

"Yeah. How's your day been?" She asked me, taking a grateful sip of the wine that I passed her and closing her eyes. "I needed this." She laughed.

"I needed this too." I agreed. "It just seems like every single case that comes into PEDs right now is hard, or the patient's terminal or little chance of surviving. Jackson Prescott messed everyone up, then Stacy Pollock wasn't any easier, I'm doing a fundoplication tomorrow, and a little girl named Jessica's getting admitted tomorrow. Tay Sachs." I rattled off all of the cases I'd had recently.

"Is it always like that?" She asked, taking my hand.

"Not always." I sighed. "I've only just started fellowship and I'm head of department so I guess I'm just stressed with it all, but no. Some kids survive. A lot of them do. They smile and make wishes, and when they can finally go home, the smile on their faces makes the hard cases worth it." I smiled, remembering all of the patients I'd discharged. Definitely worth it.

"So how often do you have Disney debates? You mentioned it the other day." She laughed.

"I had one today actually. Emma thought Simba was the hero of The Lion King, but just ask yourself – where would he be without Timon and Pumba?" I asked seriously.

"Hmm, I gotta agree with her on that one." Callie replied just as seriously. I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"Really? And why's that?"

She scoffed. "Did you even watch that movie? Simba had a bigger job with keeping them alive than keeping himself alive."

I shook my head vigorously. "Nope. Just nope."

"That's a great argument, you could be a lawyer."

We continued this light joking for a while, interrupted only by comfortable silence as we let our thoughts wander. I found myself leaning closer to Callie, taking in every inch of her face. Her big brown eyes that looked like they were about to close with sleep any second, her big full lips, her raven curls. How'd I get so lucky? She was amazing.

"Calliope, wake up." I nudged her gently about half an hour later when she'd fallen asleep fully, and I decided to go to bed. "Come to the bedroom, that couch isn't comfy."

"Mmm, 'kay." She mumbled and stood up, stumbling without looking back towards the bedroom. I smiled after her and quickly followed, laughing when I found that she had collapsed on the bed fully clothed, having not even bothered to get under the covers.

"Silly Calliope." I murmured, beginning my night time routine. It didn't take long for me to finish and when I did I threw a blanket over Callie before getting comfy under the covers myself. Normally it took ages for me to get to sleep, because my mind was usually filled with so many different thoughts, but tonight was different. Tonight, I just focused on the steady breathing of Callie and I drifted off to sleep easily.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

If you asked any of my patients or their parents, they would have said I was acting completely normally, but in reality I was . out. Those rumours of Callie's dad coming to visit had turned into fact within hours, and Callie and I had agreed that I didn't have to meet him since we were still new.

Ha, ha, nope.

Carlos Torres had swooped in on this place like a freaking tornado, pinning both George O'Malley and Mark Sloan against the wall before Callie had let it slip that she was dating someone. Bippidy boppidy boo, I met Callie's dad. I was glad when it appeared that he drew the line at throwing women against walls, but all gladness was wiped from my face when I saw the icy cold glare he gave me in response. I looked round at Callie, asking the question with my eyes. Luckily, Miranda Bailey had watched the whole situation from the side-lines, and swooped in at the perfect moment to steal me for a 'consult.'

"Thank me later." She said when I started thanking her as soon as we turned the corner. "I get to watch you do that fundoplication, right?" She asked.

"Yup, but that's not 'til later. We've got Jessica Smithson until then, she has Tay Sachs. Got admitted after she had a seizure." I informed her and she frowned.

"What age is she?"

"Six." I replied and her frown deepened.

"Robbins…" She trailed off, and I knew what she was thinking. Most kids with Tay-Sachs didn't make it past four, and Bailey had made it clear, although maybe not in words, that she was done with hopeless cases. It may sound harsh, but Jessica was terminal, the moment we'd put off was around the corner.

"She's fine." I assured her, the lie sounding weak even to my ears.

One of the hardest things about this case was her father, Matt, who refused to accept the fact that there was nothing much we could do for her. He'd paid thousands of dollars towards her surgeries, and raised the same amounts through fundraisers for research. My heart broke for him- Jessica was all he had. I agreed to fight until the last second for Jess, but we had reached a point where nothing that we could do would help. But Matt didn't accept that, of course he didn't. Whenever I mentioned it, he'd say it was a shame on me for giving up.

That was honestly the worst things you could say to a surgeon. That they'd given up. That they didn't know what to do. Because we know what to do, we don't give up, we took an oath. To put what's best for the patient first, regardless of anything else. I'd lost count how many times people told me that I'd given up, Matt was just another to add to the list. People could see me moving to Seattle to escape everything giving up, and I hated the thought of it. Had I? Not in my mind.

After I left the paediatrics ward I decided to go and look for Callie. A little bit of sanity. However when I found her in an empty conference room, I couldn't make out a word she was saying, or shouting, because it was all in Spanish. I knew it was about her dad, and she was upset, but the rest was a mystery to me. I tried several times to get her to calm down and stop speaking Spanish, but every single time she appeared not to have heard me and continued ranting.

After about twenty minutes of this I turned to the one person who could actually understand anything that went on in Callie's head- Mark. I didn't like the fact that they'd slept together and he'd seen her naked, but I was willing to look past that because there were very sick children waiting for me upstairs.

Apparently, when Callie had been shouting, she had been mad about the fact that her dad was making her move back to Miami. Mark showed up in PEDs not long after I left them to tell me about it, and my heart sank. I didn't like long distance relationships, I never believed in them. Could we manage this? I hoped so.

It didn't come as a surprise to me when I yet again found Callie yelling in Spanish, this time in an argument with her dad. I wasn't sure whether the words her father was shouting were making her angrier or more upset, perhaps a mixture of the two. I decided in that moment that whatever came from this, I would stick with Callie. If she moved back to Miami, I would try. If she wanted to lie to her father, I would stay. If she wanted me gone, I would go, because this was hard for her. And Callie was a family person.

"He gave me an ultimatum." She announced when she stormed into the room moments later, snapping me out of the trance I'd been in. "He told me to come home, or break up with you, or he would cut me off, so I cut him off." She recited the events of the last ten minutes, her voice breaking.

"You didn't have to." I said. "You could've went, we could still do this. You could have told him we broke up or…" I trailed off, pulling her into a hug. She hugged me back tightly and we stayed like this for a while. Just her and I, in this moment.

"No, no." She said defiantly. "If he can't accept me, then it's not worth giving anything up for."

For the rest of the day I stayed with her as much as I could, although I did go and visit Jessica a few times. She was deteriorating quickly, and it broke my heart to see Matt finally give in. To put aside all of the paperwork and the flights to Mexico and hold his daughter. I performed the fundoplication, it went smoothly. Bailey chose to stay with Jessica, and that confirmed my thoughts that she'd be good in PEDs, all though she did point out that if she wanted to hold her child then she could just stay home with her son.

That night Callie stayed with me again. I looked down at her sleeping form and smiled, thanking my lucky stars that I'd moved to Seattle. They always say that darkness shows stars or something like that, and I never believed it. Just a few weeks ago I'd been in such a dark place that I hadn't been sure if I' ever escape, and then I'd met Callie.

I still missed Timothy, every day, every hour. I thought about him every minute, his laugh, his loyalty, his protectiveness. I missed him so much that it hurt to breathe some days. But with Callie things were a little easier, it was easier to fall asleep with her next to me. We had only just started dating, I hadn't even told her about Tim, but I could tell that she was going to change my life.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I hope you enjoyed this! I know the order of the events might not be accurate, but I just went on what I knew.