Being Arizona

Hey guys, I'm sorry these keep taking longer to update. Instead of apologising all the time, I'm just gonna admit that these updates will be slower than when it first started.

Chapter seven

"Tough day?" Callie asked, giving me a kiss then pulling me down to sit on the couch beside her where she was watching some crappy reality show. I never understood why she watched these because they were a pile of crap, but she insisted that he only watched because the drama wasa funny.

Calliope and I's relationship, if that's what this was, was going great. There was nothing more that I loved than the little spark of sanity she brought to me, that wave of comfort. Together we were kind of in a bubble. I hadn't told her about Timothy yet, and I didn't know when I was planning to. It wasn't like I was avoiding it, it just never came up in conversation I guess.

"Yeah. I just feel like I'm doing everything wrong." I simplified everything that I felt right now.

It wasn't long after that that things heated up and we took it to the bedroom.

"Torres! You're working in twenty!" The familiar voice of Mark rang through Callie's apartment an hour later, making us both groan in frustration. I mean, I get it that Mark was her best friend but he really needed to learn how to knock before just walking into her apartment.

"Shit, I am." She said with a tone of realisation. She leaned over to kiss me on the cheek before pointing over tot eh chest of drawers beside her bed. "There's keys there, lock the door on your way out. Just give them to me when you get to work or whatever." She mumbled as she stumbled blindly from the bed, hurriedly yanking on clothes and shoving her hair into a ponytail. She gave me a quick kiss before heading out, making a point to slam the door as she went.

I lay there for a few moments, thinking over everything I had to do today. I didn't start wok until noon today, so it was probably best to go over to my apartment and clear the last few boxes. Yes, I know it's been a month. I'm great at procrastinating!

I help myself to some toast before I leave, making sure to lock the door behind me. It felt good, waking up at Callie's and leaving and locking up as if it were my own place. Aside from Cristina, who was rarely there, it was mostly just us over there. I hardly went to my apartment anymore, which was partially why I wasn't fully unpacked, but it was a work in progress.

Three hours later, when I patted myself on the back for finally finishing unpacking, I started getting everything ready for work. I didn't know what time we'd woken up this morning, but apparently it was pretty early given that I still had plenty of time.

On my way out, something caught the corner of my eye. Another freaking box that I'd apparently missed. I sighed and dumped my bag on the couch before picking the box up and walking over to the couch, opening I slowly and gasping when I saw what was inside.

On the very top was a navy blue sweater, just a plain one, but it was heavy with the smell of Tim's favourite aftershave, and also my favourite one. I remember he always 'forgot' to take it back with him so that I could keep it with me, and on nights when it was the hardest I would wear it to bed. I held the soft fabric up to my face and inhaled the scent deeply, closing my eyes and remembering how he used to call me a stalker for keeping things that smelled of him.

I sighed and preceded deeper into the box, smiling slightly when I found Tim's diary, I always remember teasing him for it, saying that he was just like a teenage girl, keeping a diary, but I had to admit it was a good idea. I wish I'd done that, because it would be cool to look back on everything now.

March 1st, 2008

I still think it's weird writing in this thing. I feel like I'm talking to paper.

I'm being sent back home in two weeks. I haven't told anyone. Not mom, not dad, not Evelyn, not even Arizona. I figure it will be cool to surprise them all, don't you think?

But first we're being sent away in a cart to go and fight people. Sigh. I love doing this but two weeks is looming in my head and I just can't wait to get home.

I'm going to propose to Evelyn. I'm totally freaking out and it's completely crazy but I really think we're ready for this. I love her so much, but I need to talk to Arizona about it first. Make sure all of this heat and sand going to my head, but I don't think it is.

Anyway, not much else has happened. No rain, no sign of anything. There were a few gunshots the other day but we couldn't find the shooter. Must've escaped, damnit.

So, um, bye? This is still weird.

Timothy

By the end of it I was in tears. He was going to come home… Propose to Evelyn… He had no idea. He even mentioned being sent out on the cart that would later be blown up and kill him. He had no idea.

The rest of the box was full of similar things, like his watch and dog tags. Funny, I don't even remember packing this box; let alone bringing it with me. I continued on my way to the bottom and found a single note written on light purple paper.

I thought you should have these. I have the ring and a few other things. - Evelyn.

So she knew. She knew he was going to propose. Her heart would be breaking, just as all of ours were. After all, she was the first woman Tim really loved. And last.

Just then I realised that if I didn't move my butt now then I was going to be late, so I hastily wiped my tears, grabbed my phone, purse and keys and headed out.

Once I reached the hospital and changed into my scrubs I began to walk towards the chief's office. After a lot of consideration I had decided to offer Bailey the fellowship. She didn't seem to enthusiastic, but then again not everyone was jumping around and smiling all the time and rolling along in wheely sneaks.

But then again, I had expected there to be more jumping or 'yay's. Especially after being offered a highly prized fellowship. But she had warned me not to take her face personally, so I was gonna. Instead I decided to find Callie and return her key. I however changed my plan of action when I saw Bailey sitting and sulking at the nurse's station.

"Maybe we're bouncier in peds than in general surgery, but I thought there would've been a 'yay!' or some jumping around." I said with a smile. "Cause you look pretty down for someone who's about to start a highly prized fellowship." And then I got a closer look and realised that maybe she wasn't going to. "You are about to start a highly prized fellowship, aren't you?"

This is when Callie highly inconveniently for me but convenient for Bailey decided to arrive and change the subject. "Hey I've got a plan to stop George, you in?"

"Stop George from what?" I asked, now more curious to find out more. A plan may be perfectly normal, but to stop one in a hospital it normally meant drama, and lots of it.

"He joined the army. Yes, I'm in." Bailey said before starting to walk away.

"Bailey, I'm talking to you-" I started but she'd already rounded the corner. Deciding to let it go I turned to Callie. Why was she trying to stop him? "Why're you trying to stop him?"

"Because he joined the army."

"And?" That was actually awesome. He could be a trauma surgeon there, save the people like my brother who died because there weren't enough surgeons there.

"And because he's my ex-husband? Because I know his mom and love his mom?" She started. "And normally Izzie would talk sense in to him but she'd got cancer and kind of a bad mental deficit, so… It's on me to stop him."

I still didn't get it. What was bad about this? "Why would you wanna stop him?"

"Because he joined the army! Don't you think that's a problem?" She asked incredulously.

"I think that's awesome."

The look I received after I said that confirmed my belief that she did not think this was awesome at all. She just gave me that disgusted look and walked away, leaving me confused, so what if George joined the army? He'd be great.

Over the next few hours things didn't get any better. Apparently the reason why Bailey wasn't jumping for joy about the fellowship was because her husband would divorce her if she did, which left me feeling like a presumptuous bitch. It seemed like I'd made a bad impression on everyone here. I'd cried in front of the chief and then tried to steal Bailey, I'd tried to push Bailey into a fellowship that she didn't know if she wanted to do, and I had my ass handed to me by Alex Karev. The only person that I didn't make a bad impression on was Callie, and even she was ignoring me right now. Apparently saying that her ex-husband joining the army earned you the silent treatment.

Maybe I should explain to her, because maybe she wouldn't act like this if she knew my reasoning behind it. I know she'd refused to talk to me about it and had instead gotten angry, but after some thought I could see where she was coming from, even if I didn't agree. She was worried, terrified for his life. Just like I had been with Timothy.

I found her sulking away yet again in a lounge, staring at the wall with a blank expression. I didn't bother to greet her before speaking.

"I don't see things. So maybe I just don't get what's going on with you or why you're so mad, but I do think it's awesome. I think that George joining the army is awesome." I began, and I didn't have to see her to know that she was rolling her eyes.

"Um, shut up."

"Um, no." I snapped back, walking over to face her. If I was gonna do this, completely spill my thoughts to her, then I needed to see her.

"You asked me who I was. I am a person who thinks that what George is doing is dangerous and terrifying and brave. He's going to serve his country. He's going to risk his life to save the men and women who make it possible for you and I to sleep safely in our beds. I'm a person who thinks that that is brave." I took a deep breath, willing myself not to cry as I said the next bit. "And I am a person who stood in an airplane hangar and watched them unload my brother's body in a coffin" I couldn't help my voice from breaking. I could say it in my head all I wanted and I could think about it all the time, have nightmares about it most nights, but saying it out loud was different. It made it too real. "And all we got was a flag."

There was a second of silence as I tried to get myself together. "My brother died over there because there weren't enough doctors, Callie. So, for my money, George O'Malley is a patriot. He's a hero. And I'm grateful that he exists. So yeah, the word I use is "awesome". That's who I am." And that was it as I walked away, just leaving her to think about it. However, she grabbed my hand to stop me.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, looking up at me with tears in her eyes. I sighed and looked down at her, and I could tell that she really was sorry.

"Everyone survived but him." I whispered, barely able to handle it myself. And in that moment I was unable to keep it together anymore, and the tears escaped. Calliope stood up to hug me and I fell into her warm embrace, breathing in her warm scent of coconut and cocoa beans. I stayed in this moment for as long as I could, just let myself be comforted.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"It's George."

My head snapped up from the book I was reading, my head going funny from the dark light. I guess I hadn't noticed it getting dark as I read away in the attending's lounge. Peds had been pretty quiet, and it seemed like trauma were the ones with all the cases anyway.

"What?" I looked up to see Callie standing there with her shoulders slumped, her face stained with tear tracks and her makeup running.

"John Doe. The guy who got hit and dragged by a bus. It's George." Was all she said and it was all she had to. I stood up and pulled her into my arms just as she'd done just hours before.

"Oh, Callie…" Was all I could say. This was horrible.

"It doesn't look good for him… His face isn't even recognisable, his brain could go at any second and his heart is a ticking time bomb. He was on his way to see his mom before he got sent out…"

For the next half hour or so I listened to Callie's stories of George, how they'd met and dated for a short while before eloping in Vegas, which I couldn't believe, because Callie seemed like such a wedding-y person. She told me about the drama with his friends, and how he cheated on her with Izzie. Twice.

Until she had to go into surgery, and I was waiting with bated breath. What was going to happen?

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Abrupt ending, I know. But what'd you think? It was weird to write.

Happy Existing!