I am so sorry.
I know I haven't updated in ages and I am really sorry. I just got really upset about the (in my opinion) ridiculously disappointing finale. I kind of took it super personally, cause my love for Kurt is really deep and well personal, cause I identify with him a lot, especially the whole not getting recognized for your talents thing. I honestly felt like if I had written Glee Fanfiction, I would have had Rachel die a super painful death and then had all the other characters somehow turn on RIB and kill them :P So I waited until I was really calmed down and this hilarity came out :) I will be updating The One That Got Away soon as well, although that one will be harder for me to write since it is now totally AU because of the season finale :(
Sorry for the super long AN! I don't own anything! Also, just a warning this chapter is a bit mature, just innuendo and jokes but still just in case you are like super sensitive about it :P

Blaine Anderson wanted to die. His brother was talking to him about sex. Not only sex, but sex with Kurt. His boyfriend. His innocent to everyone but him boyfriend. He was giving him tips. With "visual aids".
As his older brother pulled out a can of Reddi-Whip, Blaine screamed.
"Oh my gosh, Cooper you're not even gay! Please stop talking!" He covered his eyes with his hands, quaking with horror.
Cooper tossed him a indignant look, pointing at him dramatically.
"What's the difference?" he protested. "Tell me dear Blainey, what is the difference between deflowering a girl and deflowering a boy?" Blaine's hazel eyes blew wide.
"I-He-The-" he stuttered, waving his hands pointlessly. He threw himself backwards onto his bed, clasping at his mouth.
"I did not DEFLOWER, anyone!" he cried.
"Wait, do you not know what sex is?" Cooper questioned, still pointing. Blaine gaped at him, shaking his head. The actor stroked his chin thoughtfully.
"Yah know you should try pointing at Kurt while you guys-"
"Oh my god COOP!" Blaine groaned, rolling onto his pillow.
"What! It will make things more serious and meaningful. And yah know you could like bite it seductively at some point," Cooper climbed onto the bed excitedly, poking Blaine with enthusiasm. Sitting up, the ex-Warbler sighed, deciding to use a different attempt.
Access Dapper-Blaine, he thought frantically.
"Look Coop, I get you are trying to mentor me and I really appreciate it," he cuffed his brothers arm, tossing in a warm smile. "But that kinda requires experience in what I'm... Doing." Cooper thought about this for a moment, creasing his brow.
"I think I understand, squirt," he nodded. Blaine almost choked with relief.
"Really?" he squeaked.
"Absolutely," Cooper grinned.

"Dad, that is NOT organic," Kurt growled, slapping his father's hand away from the overly red and waxy apples. They were at the grocery store, picking out produce for the week, a ritual they had developed after Burt's heart attack. The elder Hummel was about to argue when a loud call interrupted them.
"Kurt!"
Cooper Anderson was strutting towards them at top speed, smiling madly. He grabbed Kurt's sleeve, pulling him a few feet away.
"Hey look, I wanted to talk to you about something, but yah know I didn't want that old dude to hear," At this comment, Burt crossed his arms, raising a eyebrow.
"Cooper-" Kurt began, gesturing to his father.
"No, no look, Blaine made it pretty obvious he wanted me to talk to you about something,"
Kurt glanced at his father shaking his head confusedly.
"Coop, I really doubt-"
"No, believe me, it's important," The actor pulled out his index finger, moving it around. "I know you and my baby brother have become sexually active,"
Both Hummel's eyes widened in horror. Burt glared at the intruder. Who was he to accuse his innocent son of such things!
"Cooper!" Kurt cried. "I, I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about-"
"Look Kurt, I shared some tips with Blainey and I think he found them really helpful so I thought I'd help you out too."
"I think I'm good," Kurt squeaked, making to move away. Cooper grabbed his arm.
"No, no look, Blaine was hesitant at first too, he kinda freaked out for some reason but he was really grateful in the end,"
"Oh I'm sure that won't last long," Burt muttered darkly, snatching at the apples on display.
"Look first of all, I think you should try staring at Blaine more,"
Kurt looked at him, disbelieving.
"Yah! Like that except more intense and yah know... Like 'during'" Cooper explained.
The countertenor's mouth popped open.
"Look, thank you so much for your t-tip, but I have to go-" he edged away, biting his lip.
"Wait, Kurt one more thing," Cooper lowered his voice slightly, softening his gaze.
"I know buying condoms that small for Blaine is probably a bit mortifying," The older boy shook his head sympathetically.
"Cooper-" Kurt snapped in horror, glancing around. Burt was quaking with laughter, looking as if Christmas had came early.
"Kurt, I changed the kid's diapers, I know," Cooper whispered in a solemn tone. "Anyway, I just wanted to let you know, that ol' Coop is always willing to make the sacrifice and get them for you. And Blaine will never have to know, it'll be our 'little' secret," He winked, gripping the younger boy's shoulders. Burt was now openly laughing, clutching his stomach.
Ah to hell with it, Kurt thought angrily.
"Cooper," he shook the Anderbro's hands off his shoulders, giving him a pointed look. "I can assure you, a lot has changed since then," Darting a glare at his boyfriend's brother, Kurt pranced to another aisle, snatching a pack of large condoms off the shelf and tossing them into his and Burt's cart.
Cooper's eyes grew huge and he sputtered, his pointer finger wandering uselessly. Kurt's gaze flickered to his father. Burt had gone pale, looking sickly at the box now nestled in between a head of lettuce and a cucumber. Kurt sighed dramatically.
"Great, you broke my dad,"
And with that, he waltzed away, leaving two very confused men behind him.

Crappy ending... Oh well! What'dyah all think! I had way too much fun writing this :P I don't like Canon!Cooper and I really didn't like how Kurt didn't help very much on the Cooper-Versus-Blaine front, other than yah know the whole mature "talk-things-out" thing. BORING! ;D So this is how he did, in my head. READ REVIEW AND ALERT :) Klisses and Klugs to all!