Being Arizona chapter thirteen

"So you're not just saying this? You mean it?"

Callie and I sat across from each other in an empty conference room. It was about a month after the shooting, and I had been surprised at how quickly the hospital reopened, only about a week after that day. Logically, I knew that there were only some bullet holes to cover and blood to wipe off the floors, but emotionally I knew nobody would ever get over this. I'd talked to everyone else who was there that day and I could see in their eyes that emotionally, none of the doctors would be okay for a long time. If they were anything like Callie and I, anyway. We still woke each other up with nightmares, even though we'd both spoken to the trauma counsellor and had been cleared for everything.

I sighed and looked her in the eyes, taking her hands in mine and squeezing them tightly. I took a deep breath. "Having kids was not my dream. But you were. And as I saw you stand up to Gary Clark and the thought that I could watch you die right then and there, I saw it. I saw us standing up in front of all our friends and families dressed in white, saying 'I do'. I saw us running around the backyard of a big house with a mini Calliope running after us. I'm not lying. I'm not just saying it." I concluded. Callie had many insecurities about this matter, even if we had moved in together (eventually) and I couldn't blame her. Even I was still trying to understand how my dreams had changed so rapidly in such short time.

"Okay. I trust you."

"You trust me?"

"I do."

Today marked a month since the hospital reopened. Back at the hospital and many of the patients were desperate for details. It had been all over the news and the internet- I'd given many interviews myself for different news reporters who were lingering around the parking lot on day it happened, but they were desperate for details that couldn't be given by edited news reports- what was it like? How did you feel? What did you say? Were you scared?

I wasn't sure how to answer these. I couldn't deny their questions. Most of the younger kids were completely clueless, so it was kids from about 12 and up who were asking these questions, so I told them as vaguely as I could. It was horrible. I was terrified. I told him that there were only children here. And yes, I was very scared.

"Robbins, can I talk to you?" Richard asked as I walked out of the room of nine year old Micah Jenson's room. I nodded and he pulled me to the side, handing me a stack of forms.

"What's this, sir?" I asked, looking through the papers and sighing when I saw boxes to tick and places to fill out. It would take me ages.

"There's a film team who want to make a documentary about the shooting. It should be filmed in about a month and aired in six." He began and I raised my eyebrows. "It only happens though if everyone is one hundred percent okay with it though. So are you?"

"What'll they be filming?" I asked.

"Everything. There'll be interviews about that day, following your life after it, how you've recovered and how you look back on it now. How it changed you."

"Was that what they told you?"

He nodded, looking half guilty. "Word for word, actually."

I laughed, looking down at the papers. A documentary was definitely longer than a news interview, but it should be okay. "Okay, well okay. Yeah. I need to sign these, right?"

"You do."

"I'll have them in as soon as possible then sir." I said the walked off, heading off to find Teddy. I would have found Callie but she was in surgery for a hip replacement. And I'd dubbed Teddy as my friend before she had time to say no and I found her becoming my best friend. We were very similar.

"Hey, you get them too?" I asked her when I found her near the nurse's station. As of lately I'd heard her talking about the trauma counsellor Andrew Perkins and apparently there was stuff going on with them.

"Yeah. A documentary, pretty cool."

"Yeah, it's a first."

"I've only ever done an interview before and I'm not even sure if they aired it, before this." She revealed. "When I came back to the states so did a whole bunch of others so there was quite a scene at the airport, but that's about the only thing I've ever done."

"Yeah." I nodded. "It is pretty weird just turning on the news to see the hospital on it, to see us on it."

She nodded. "Yeah, well I can't talk for long, I have a valve replacement. Without Yang." She sighed. Although there had been issues between her, Cristina and Owen, nobody could deny that Cristina Yang was an outstanding surgeon. I mean I'd only worked with her once where she had lied to me, but that didn't take away the fact that she was a brilliant doctor. It was strange to think of her as not a surgeon, especially when we'd been at her wedding to Owen just a few weeks ago.

"She quit her job. She served us at Joe's last night."

I gasped. "You're kidding me?!"

"I'm not." She said seriously. "I have to go. Valve replacement. Without Yang." She repeated before walking off. I sighed as I watched her go.

I found myself more often than not just being amazed over how much everything had changed since the shooting, and in such short time. Yang got married, had a breakdown in the OR and quit her job. Derek, Alex and Owen had recovered and were back at work; Lexie Grey got admitted to a freaking psychiatric facility and according to Callie Mark still had feelings for her. And now Teddy was seeing this new guy and I'd moved in with Callie. Everything was so different now.

"You have literally no idea how happy I am to see you." Callie said when I got home that night, dumping my keys and my bag unceremoniously on the couch, melting into her welcoming arms which she held out for me. I loved being able to come home here, going to sleep in her arms every night and wake up that way in the morning. I could never make it through the craziness of day to day life without her, and I don't know how I even considered it.

"Cristina quit her job."

"And we rushed her to move out."

"But she got that place with Owen."

"But still."

I turned round to look at her. "Stop worrying, Calliope. She'll be back. She's Cristina Yang. And Mark will figure it out with Lexie and Teddy and Andrew will work out and Derek will stop getting arrested and Alex will ride elevators again. It'll be fine."

She smiled down at me. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Hey guys, I know it's short! But the next chapter covers a lot and I promise it'll be long. Happy existing!