Being Arizona chapter twenty two

The next few weeks were weeks filled with happiness, anger, relief, frustration and firsts of pretty much everything. Both Calliope and baby Sofia seemed to be holding up pretty well, both of them fighting against all of their complications. I rarely left the hospital, constantly running between Callie's room and the NICU, watching over my girls.

I'd gone back to work part time. Mark had gone mental at me when he'd found out, because he couldn't understand how I could work at a time like this. Bu he didn't understand- they would let him in to see his daughter, there was no reason why he couldn't see her as much as he wanted to, and there was no hospital policy against him. I'd been in utter denial the first time that they'd told me I couldn't go and see my own daughter- they quickly jumped in and explained about hospital policy and all of that crap but I didn't care for what they had to say. If going back to work was the only way I could see my daughter, then so be it.

Her full name was Sofia Robbin Sloan Torres, and she was absolutely beautiful, just like her mother. It terrified me how much I loved her, that I would do absolutely anything, including give my own life, for her to be safe and happy. He love that I felt for this tiny human who had entered our lives so early and quickly was nothing like I'd ever experienced before. Whenever I went to see her I would talk her ears off even if she couldn't hear me, telling her all about the world that faced her, and mostly about her beautiful mommy whom she had yet to meet.

Calliope was beyond frustrated that she wasn't allowed to see her, but deep down we all knew, that even as much as we all wanted to see them meet for the first time, that Callie was too dangerous for Sofia right now. Callie had already undergone two more surgeries to repair the internal damage and Sofia was just shy of her third. The risk of infection that Callie would bring to her was not one that could be treated quickly, so for now we just had to keep going with recovery and looking forward.

Both mine and Callie's parents had flown over for a brief period of time. After hearing the news of the crash they'd all been on the first flight to Seattle. But they couldn't stay for long- they were busy people. They had been incredibly supportive and my mother had been very useful for whenever I had a near breakdown. These came very often, because I knew that so far all that was keeping my daughter alive were steroids and miracles. And the group of amazing surgeons who had done a fine job of operating on her every time.

Unbelievably, Mark and I had also grown closer in these last few weeks. There was a newfound respect between the two of us that I was the mom of his daughter and he was the father of my daughter and that Callie was the mother of our daughter whom we both loved unconditionally. We worked together to make sure that neither Callie nor Sofia where ever alone, and we both put our full effort into making sure that Callie remained as optimistic as possible.

"I just want to see her. It's not fair."

"Callie, you know it's too risky."

"You think I don't know that? You think I don't know that my daughter, my daughter is fighting for her life. That she's had a brain surgery and two heart surgeries, one of which she barely made out of? Do you not see that that's the exact reason that I need to see her?" Callie shouted at me. We were currently in her room, Callie having just finished her physical therapy where she was working on getting her hand straight.

"Yes, Callie, I know. We're all terrified for her life. But the risk of infection's…"

"Yeah, I know." She snapped, turning away from me and instead focused on her hand again.

"Calliope…" I said softly, walking over to place a kiss on top of her head.

"I said I know." She repeated shortly, and it appeared that she'd shut me out again. I sighed and decided just to give her some space. I ran into Mark just outside of the door.

"Switch time already?" I asked with a smile and he nodded.

"You get through to her yet?" He asked solemnly, nodding his head towards Callie's room.

"Not yet." I sighed, shaking my head sadly.

"We just need to give her time." He said assuredly and I nodded again before walking towards the NICU.

And he was right. Within the next few weeks, Callie seemed to accept the fact that she wouldn't be able to see her and instead focused on recovering faster. But she pushed herself too far, and after the incident with the gurney resulting in another surgery, I made it very clear that she needed to be more patient. She was practically retraining her brain to do simple things like walking, and holding her hand straight, and it wasn't easy. She must have felt so lonely, but there wasn't much I could do to comfort her. All I wanted to do was hold her and promise everything would be okay.

Another problem that I faced was all of the sick kids in Africa that I'd left behind. Not that I regretted coming back, but I felt horrible about leaving. I'd made a promise to help them, to use my knowledge and nearly unlimited budget to help make their lives better, and I'd failed. Imamu and Kunene kept me posted frequently on the patients over there, and with every letter they sent I felt worse and worse. I imagined for a moment bringing them all here, but then I remembered all of the red tape and he money…

In contrast, wedding planning was going well. It was a way for both Callie and I to take our mind off of things and just be us for a while and remember that, despite everything that had happened in the last two and a half months, we were getting married. This fact was one that could make me smile no matter what. If I just remembered that Callie and I would proclaim our love in front of all of all of our friends and family, that we would commit to each other and promise to love each other for the rest of our lives, I would smile like an idiot.

"But it would be pretty!"

"Pink confetti? I don't think so."

"But it has to match the balloons!"

"I was on medication when I agreed to those and you know it."

"But still!"

I could feel people outside of Callie's room watching us in amusement as we argued over our wedding plans. Although we were similar people and often had the same thoughts, we turned out to have a lot of contrasting opinions about wedding details. For example, confetti. I thought it would be pretty if it was thrown over us as we walked back down the aisle, but Callie wanted butterflies. And I mean, butterflies were pretty, but where were we going to get enough butterflies? And how exactly did we plan on getting them into the box?

"Fiiiine!" She sighed when I flashed her my best puppy eyes, looking at me with an amused expression. "You know I can't say know to the puppy eyes. You're evil." She mock glared at me with a pout on her face.

"I'm evil but you love me."

"I do. I love you." She smiled.

"And we have a daughter."

"A beautiful daughter."

"And we're getting married."

"We are."

"I love you." I said, leaning in closer to kiss her softly. It was in moments like these that I knew despite the frustration, tension, and doubts, that we would make it through. We would have an amazing wedding, and our beautiful daughter would attend, because we loved each other and we could do this.

Sorry for the late update! And I'm also sorry it's kind of short and unstructured and random. I just finished my prelims and I can swear that half of my brain in still in that exam hall. I can't guarantee that updates will be quicker, but I want to thank you all for reading and reviewing!

Happy Existing!