Being Arizona chapter twenty six

"Mama! Paassa!" Sofia exclaimed excitedly, waving her chubby fist full of pasta in the air, obviously very proud of herself and the mess she'd made around her. Her once clean t-shirt was now completely covered in red sauce, and Callie and I glanced at each other with a look as if to say 'never again'.

There were many things you learned when raising a baby. First, sleep when you can and where you can. Second, leave nothing until later. Third, routine was an essential. And perhaps the most important lesson we'd learned just tonight, tomato pasta was a no-no when they were just starting to learn to feed themselves.

"Hm, you like that, huh?" I laughed, my gaze falling to the pile of pasta lying under her high chair, and I doubted if any of it actually went in her mouth. "Would you also like a tubbie?"

"Tubbie! Tubbie!" She repeated excitedly. Ever since she started to talk, her words were mostly just repeats of whatever we said to her. 'Tubbie', the bathtub, was one of her favourite words to say and be.

Just then, my phone started to ring and I turned to Callie. "Can you get her into the tub? I need to take this." I asked her and she nodded, lifting Sofia carefully from the chair and carrying her to the bathroom, Sofia waving over her shoulder the whole time. Sometimes it astonished me at how hyper and happy she was. Sure, like every other kid she cried and refused to eat broccoli, but whenever she wasn't like that she was always smiling at something. Callie told me she got it from me.

"Hello?" I said, picking up the phone before I had the chance to check the caller ID.

"Phoenix!"

"Nick!"

It was Nick, my best friend in this whole world. He was Tim's best friend first, but he soon became mine. He, Tim and I had been like three peas in a pod all throughout childhood. We were like a tag team of trouble makers. We even had a 'wedding' at age ten where our vows had been him promising to stop pulling the streamers off of my bright pink bicycle. We went to kindergarten together, middle school, and we were best friends all through high school. When Tim died he was my rock, he was the only one I felt that understood me because I knew the loss was just as great for him. We only ever lost touch when I moved across here and he to Tibet, and before I knew it, it had been over a year since we'd talked.

"How's life in rainy Seattle? I heard you have a kid now? Don't tell me you forgot about me over there."

I smiled as I heard Sofia's adorable giggle coming from the bathroom as Callie splashed her with water. "I definitely didn't forget you. Having a kid takes up a lot of time. How are you, Nick?"

"You know me, just lying low. Kicking ass in the teaching field. What about you, still saving sick babies?"

"You bet I am. But seriously, how are you? I've not talked to you in nearly a year."

There was a moment of silence before he sighed exasperatedly. "Well, that's what I kinda called about." He said seriously, his voice lowering. I recognised the sadness in his tone and it made my heart sink.

"What's wrong, Nick?" I asked slowly.

"Well, about six months ago I started getting this pain in my hip. I thought it would go away, but it didn't, so I went to see a doctor. They ran some scans and-"

"No." I breathed out, knowing where this was going. I felt the tears begin to collect in my eyes.

"It's cancer, bone cancer. They told me they could help me but I knew you married a bone surgeon, ortho-something, right?

"Orthopaedic, right." I sighed. "I just can't believe this." I let a few tears fall.

"Listen, you can't cry. Because if you cry then I cry and I can't ruin my manly reputation." He said in a stupid voice, making me laugh. Apart from Tim, he was the only one who could ever get me to laugh when I was as upset as this.

"Callie's a rock star with a scalpel. She'll kick the cancer's butt and you won't ever have to worry about it again once she's done." I reassured him. We spent the next ten or so minutes talking about lighter subjects and making plans for when he came here. For a while it just felt like how it was before, us just as best friends. But then I had to go.

"Look, Nick, I have to go. I promised Callie I'd help with Sof's bath time." I told him.

"Yeah, I better go too. You make sure you give that girl a kiss for me. And say hi to Sofia too."

"Hey!" I scolded friskily while laughing.

"You know I'm joking. I'll see you soon, Phoenix."

"See ya, Nick."

I hung up the phone and sat down on one of the stools at the island in the kitchen. I put my head in my hands and let a few silent tears fall from my eyes. The doctor side of me knew that the type of cancer he had was slow growing and he only found out six months ago, meaning he would probably be fine. But the human side of me, the side of me that had already lost a brother and couldn't take anymore loss was breaking.

Pull it together, I told myself. He'll be fine.

"You okay?" Callie asked me as I walked into the nursery where she was putting Sof in her pyjamas. Looks like I'd missed out on bath time. She could probably tell I'd been crying from the redness around my eyes.

"Yeah. That was Nick. I'll explain later." I told her, turning and cooing at Sofia who was gurgling away happily.

It was here. Today was the day that I'd finally see my best friend for the first time in two years. I was so excited to see him. Although I loved my life in Seattle and I wouldn't change it for a thing, there were aspects of my life back in Baltimore that I missed a lot, and Nick was a prime example. My parents also. Although I'd been in contact with them a lot more since the wedding, times that were convenient for all of us were hard to come by, and I found myself missing them greatly.

The morning was relatively quiet. Mark had Sofia for a few days this week, and now wherever there wasn't a baby seemed quiet. Callie and I got ready and headed into work routinely, agreeing to meet back up in a few hours to get Nick. I felt horrible about not being able to collect him from the airport, that I was making my sick best friend get a cab, but the tiny humans needed me and there was nothing I could do about that.

"I'll see you later?" Callie asked as we walked into the peds ward. She knew how hard this was on me and she'd been brilliant, whatever mood I was in.

"Yeah. I love you." I told her, giving her a peck on the lips goodbye. I then proceeded to dump my bag in the attending' lounge and quickly change into my scrubs. Keep your shit together, I told myself.

"Jamie?" I asked, approaching the woman who was hovering by the nurse's station gazing at the preemie graduate board. I felt my heart go out to her as her daughter, Molly, was currently lying in the NICU having been born at 26 weeks.

She smiled weakly. "Dr Robbins, hey." She sighed, indicating to the board. "I was just looking. Gives me some hope, ya know?" She asked and I nodded. I remembered when Sofia was in the NICU, just thinking about all of the successful cases against the odds helped. I leaned against the nurse's station beside her and let my eyes skim over the pictures, stopping at the one of Mark, Callie and I with Sofia on the day she was discharged.

"You're on here." She said softly, pointing to the photo that my eyes were trained on. I smiled and nodded. Normally sharing personal details was discouraged in a hospital, but sometimes it was necessary because it helped the parents.

"Yeah, with my daughter, Sofia. She was born at twenty three weeks. She's nearly seven months now." I told her and her eyes went wide.

"Wow."

I nodded. "Yeah. She was one pound, one ounce at birth. We were all surgeons, so we knew the chances. But she fought, and valiantly, too." I stated proudly. Just thinking about my daughter made my heart swell.

"I think Molly will be okay. And I know that's just a thing that all mothers say, and I'm probably too emotional, but I just know. Just little signs, like when I feel hopeless she gains an extra ounce or two, or when I get overly tired she waves her little hand." She said, turning towards me.

"You know what they say; a mother's intuition is the strongest." I replied, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder before walking away quietly.

The hours passed, and with them I felt my anxiety slowly heighten. I was more than excited to see Nick again, but as for the medical side of things, I had no idea how this whole ordeal was going to go. Cancer was unpredictable and merciless- we had no idea what to expect until Nick was open in Callie's OR. The unknown was something you experienced often as a surgeon, but now as it was staring me in the face it terrified me.

I paced back and forth beside the elevator Callie had agreed to meet me at, giving her a look of anticipation as she approached. She took my hand as we rode down three floors, while rambled on the whole time.

"I should've picked him up myself. I mean, what's wrong with me?!" I sighed as the elevator opened with a ding and we walked out.

"Okay, I thought he was your brother's best friend, not yours." Callie said unsurely and I sighed. I'd already explained this to her.

"We were all super close, and he was my rock when Tim died. Oh my God, I let my rock take a cab!" I exclaimed, my guilt growing at the thought.

"So you let him take a cab!" Callie exclaimed as if it was no big deal. She didn't get it. Nick was my best friend in this whole world, my best friend in this whole world who had cancer, and I let him take a cab. I didn't even pick him up after he flew all the way from Tibet.

"And he just flew in from Tibet, and he has cancer, the least I could do was pick him up at the baggage claim-" I ranted and Callie grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me to face her.

"Hey, hey, hey." She said reassuringly. "Look, I know you're worried, but as far as cancers go, his is very slow growing. He told you he found out like, what, six months ago? He'll be fine." She said, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. I took a deep breath, put my rational head back on, and nodded.

"Yeah. With you in the OR, I'm not worried. You're gonna love him." I said excitedly. "And he's gonna love you."

"Well, I'm taking his tumour out, it's the least he can do." She joked, making me laugh. Just then I turned my gaze to the sea of people in the waiting room and my eyes immediately fell on the familiar face of my best friend. I took in his appearance carefully- he looked tired, a little ill, but okay otherwise, However, what really concerned me was the walking stick that was standing next to him, but I decided not to comment on it at least until I had greeted him.

"Phoenix!" He greeted, making my smile wider. Ever since we were kids he'd always found it amusing that I had the name of a state so he refused to call me anything other than cities from Arizona.

"Nick!" I exclaimed happily, running forward to embrace him in a tight hug. He hugged me back just as tightly before pulling away while laughing.

"It's so good to see you!" He said as he pulled back and I glanced down at the cane, frowning.

"Wait, what's with the cane?" I asked more seriously, and I also noticed that he refused to make eye contact when I said that.

"Tumour, man, hurts to walk." He said casually, making me stop dead. His cancer was only six months progressed and there was no way it was supposed to be hurting him to walk. I mean, I knew it hurt, but it shouldn't hurt this much already.

"Already? But you were only diagnosed six months ago." I said in confusion.

"Did I say months? I meant years." He said indifferently, and I stopped in my tracks, everything else going blurry. Six years. Why the Hell had he waited so long to get help? Would we still be able to help him? I had no doubt in Callie's abilities, but I knew this would be thought. I felt the tears building in my eyes yet again as I struggled to keep it together. I was so angry. How could he wait this long when he knew I was married to an orthopaedic surgeon, and was a surgeon myself none the less? I was also heartbroken. Now, I realised, there was a greater chance that I could lose one more person.

I turned to look at Callie as she introduced herself to Nick, and she gave me a small apologetic look. I knew that one of us at least had to remain optimistic, and that certainly wasn't going to be me.

A/N: Hey guys, sorry this one is late! I had planned on putting the whole Nick thing in one chapter, but it was already so long. Plus, since there are some scenes from the episode in it, it would mean I'd have to watch the whole episode, which I couldn't really find time to do, as I just got back from New York, like, four hours ago and exams are in one month. I hope you guys understand.

I hope you enjoyed this. If not, feel free to review and give some constructive criticism.

Happy existing!