One day, when the clouds were super shiny and stuff, Steven Universe had to poo reallllllly badly. He stood outside. Rain farted from the clouds above. Pearl sniffled because allergies. She had alien allergies to constipation of others.
"I have to poop," Steven said, looking up hopefully at Pearl.
She sighed, "I don't care."
Amethyst jumped out of the sand and yelled, "Savage!"
Steven felt his heart break into tiny cluster-clods. His friend hurt his feels. They were very tender and damaged. That reminded him of tender chicken nuggets. He wanted to rush to the nearest restaurant and eat some. His stomach cried for food.
"You should go see a doctor, Steven," Pearl said.
Connie fell from the sky and landed on Steven's boots. He bought them from Renaldo from WeebChanSepnai-dot-Jawapanese-dot-websitethingyeah. They had little nekos on them which were from some anime that was super inappropriate for his age.
"I'll help you, Steven," Connie said, putting a bandage on his stomach crystal.
"That's stupid," Garnet whispered in her mind realm.
Ruby punched a mind rock. Sapphire stood quietly. She only cared about not caring.
"Savage!" Amethyst yelled again into Garnet's mind realm.
Garnet punched her with Peridot. Peridot cringed.
"This is stupid," Peridot wailed, running away into the ocean.
Before reaching the shore she tripped on her smol booty and landed face-first into Steven's stomach crystal.
"Ooof," he said, falling onto Connie's luscious hair.
They all cried like caterpillars. Pearl did some sexy yet derpy pose and died. Amethyst almost cried, but she punched Steven's toe jam instead. It became globular and engulfed the planet. Everyone drank the special juice. The toe jam juice. Greg enjoyed it on his French fries very much. They tasted very exotic and phat.
He exclaimed, "Wow, son, these are delicious."
Steven put a thumb up. He was very pleased. Connie tried to hug him but her arms were too short and he was too round for the task to be completed. He high-fived her forehead. Garnet looked on at the freaky chaos. It was neat.
Peridot made a vlog about the experience. She missed Pearl's annoying voice so much. If nobody yelled at her she would go cray-cray brah. Also, her smol booty was sore. Connie put over nine thousand band aids on it. But it still hurt. When Steven hacked a lugi on it, it felt better.
"Gross. Thank you, though," Peridot mumbled, folding her arms awkwardly.
"Yup," Steven said, winking.
Some star shaped blackness caved in on his face.
THE END BUB.
Is it too late for April Fool's day? Aw well. Hopefully I'll get some art for this one day.