…"Y'know what? I ain't going with you anywhere." Sawyer said stubborn as they already had been walking for a while. He hadn't been talking to them the whole time and he was missing Juliet more and more every minute that passed. "That's crazy we don't even know where we're goin'?" Sawyer continued. Jack and Kate kept on walking, ignoring him. Sawyer sighed following them, shaking his head slightly. "So you're not talkin' to me anymore now?" he asked, even if he already knew the answer. "Fine."
Jack and Kate exchanged irritated looks and also skook there heads, keeping on walking through the bushes. Sawyer was still behind them. Actually he didn't know why he was after all. Maybe because he had no clue what to do or where to go. He felt numb and empty. Sometimes he turned just to check if she was behind them. Walking behind them when they made those kinda trips. But when he did he just saw a lot of plants, different trees and bushes.
"You okay. "Jack asked Kate after she'd been holding her head. Sweat was running down her forehead and she looked pale like death. "Yeah, it's just hot." She tried to calm him but he gave her another serious worried look. Like he didn't trust her. "I think we should make a break. Here." Jack gave a bottle of water to her; he still got in his backpack that lay next to him as he woke up in the jungle earlier. Kate took it with a light smile. "Thanks." Jack only nodded and faked a smile. He didn't feel like smiling at the moment. Somehow Jack felt guilty. Guilty for even trying to change anything. To change their past, their future….
Even for Juliet's death, she could be still alive if he wouldn't have been that certain about the whole situation. It was just bitter sweet irony. She sealed her fate by saying "Live together, die alone!" When they had asked her to fight one last time. Cause in the end she died in the hatch by herself, all alone. Without a Sawyer, without the man she really seemed to love. Without him, Jack that wasn't caring much about her in the end. That had been her friend for a long time untill they ruined everything by coming back to the island. But in the back of his head Jack could still remember her words 3 years ago. "And he knows how I feel about you."
It hurt him to know that she now died here on that island, in her prison she once came full of hope, full of live, and full of positive energy that turned to sadness and loneliness, till she met him, till she met especially Sawyer. If there was any person that deserved it more to leave the island than it was definitely Juliet. She hadn't seen her sister in years and she'd never been able to meet her nephew Julian. So why couldn't this all just have a happy ending? Because life was cruel?! While Jack was thrown back to reality as he heard Sawyer and Kate fighting.
"Shut up." She shouted angrily. "Just shut up. You've been getting on my nerves for about 2 hours now." Sawyer was totally furious. "Well yeah whose fault is that? I'm not Mr. I'm- blowin'- up – the – island – and – ruin – everybody's - live, over there!" He pointed out to Jack.
Jack on the other side ignored him instead of starting a fight again. Kate stepped closer to Sawyer looking up to him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry okay? but I gotta tell you this now. She's gone and you need to get over it. It's not the right time to drown in self-pity, James." She said angrily. "Stop callin' me like that…. That James you're talkin' to died a few hours ago. I'm gettin' on your nerves? Get us off the island and we've never talk to each other again. You wanna make a break? Okay let's do a break. But bring me home, you owe me that favour!" Kate had never seen him like that. He was almost begging them to get him off the island. To forget all this, just to stop the pain that came from his heart. To stop the numbness. The never ending thoughts and also desire to kill himself were unbearable. Nor Jack or Kate was responding to this, they just nodded and set up their camp for the night. They were Silent for the rest of the day, only Kate and Jack were whispering from time to time.
That night James woke up drenched in sweat. He was out of breath and his heart was pounding heavily. For a few seconds he watched the night sky steadying his breath, then set up slowly looking right into Kate's eyes that were sparkling in the light of the fire lightly. She was lying on the ground starring at him expressionless. "Bad dream?" she asked quietly. Sawyer nodded. "Mhm...I know how you feel…" Sawyer wanted to cut in on this but she didn't even give him the chance to. "I-I-I know you don't wanna hear it right now but I'm truly sorry for everything. If I'd just got that stupid chains off of her. I almost got her but I couldn't reach her. Believe me I so badly wanted to get her out there, but I…." Sawyer brought a hand to the air, silencing her. "You tried." He said calmly. "Yeah but…." And again he cut in on her. "Listen, Freckles. I was thinkin'! And I wanna apologise." Sawyer began. Kate gave him a disbelieving look. "Apologise? You?" Kate smirked weakly trying not to laugh about him. Cause this was seriously not the right time to make jokes yet. "Yes, Kate. You tried and I appreciate it. You couldn't have done better than you already did." Kate gave him and confused look lost in her thoughts. She leaned on her arm and watched him. His eyes were fixed on the ground and meant to hear him say "Thanks".
"How're you feeling about it now?" she asked him even if she knew it was a total stupid and superfluous question. Sawyer looked at her but seemed to look trough her like she was glass. "I-I don't know. Her face is…she's still there right in front of my eyes. I can still hear her voice in my head; smell that sweet scent of her hair. Anyhow she's gone. Something's missin'." Kate gave him an understanding compassionate look. "Is that why you said James died a few hours ago?" Sawyer nodded. "I'm so sorry." She swore and sat up. "I-I just can't believe I ain't gonna see her again." Kate was wondering, wondering why he would open up to her now. It must've been really hard for him to let it all out now. "I'd seriously love to kick Farraday's ass." He laughed to himself swallowing a sob that stuck in his throat. Kate touched his arm lightly, comforting him a little. Sawyer looked down to his arm and then back into her eyes. A part of him wanted to push her away from him as far as he could and the other one was glad she was with him, comforting him that moment. "She made me a better person. I'm nothin' without her." Kate frowned listening to every single word he was saying. She felt dirty and most of all guilty. "I could say all of this was just a big lie. We were livin' a lie in Dharma Ville, but to be honest she was the only thing I wasn't lying about. She's my one true thing." A single Tear escaped his eyes and fell to the ground. Kate wanted to say something but all she could do was squeezing his hand tightly. She couldn't stand seeing him like that. That wasn't the man she once knew. He was a broken man now just like Jack and she kinda felt guilty, because it was part of her fault. Wasn't it? "I…I'm sorry. I've seen how much you loved her and…we shouldn't have come back. I don't know what else to say except that I'm truly sorry." She admitted. Sawyer was sobbing like a child now. "I know." Kate padded his shoulder and tears came to her eyes seeing him like that, while Jack was peacefully snoring like nothing ever happened. "I wanted to ask her if she'd be my wife once we were back. Maybe have a kid. Worst part is she so badly wanted off the island and in the end she died to bring us back." It kinda hurt Kate to hear all this, cause she still felt something for Sawyer but that made her feel so bad. Hard to handle. Sawyer was still sobbing quietly. "I should've died down there not her!" Kate shook her head and hugged him, holding him close. Sawyer didn't move, he didn't even try to escape her grasp, cause actually it was just about comforting, nothing more. He was listening to her heartbeat trying to calm himself down not caring about the fact that he was crying like a 7 year old, like he did when his parents died. "Don't you say that! You know she wouldn't want you to be unhappy and if you died instead of her she were the one in pain now. Would you like that?" she asked him softly stroking his dark blond hair. "Ya right. Thank you." He truthfully said breaking their closeness. "For what." Kate put some of her brown curly strands behind her ear and watched the flames dancing. "For just being here, Freckles." A warm smile came to his face, warm but weak and his eyes told Kate he just wanted to lighten the mood. Kate smiled a little still starring at him with that compassionate look and then she looked to the sky, sighing softly. "Rest a little, you gonna need it." He nodded, she was right. But he didn't feel like sleeping and without his Juliet was it gonna be a rough night. Thinking about her was even worse. I didn't make it easier to get some sleep. Her screams haunted him. "I love you back Juliet." He whispered to himself when he drifted back off to sleep.