Thanks for your continued support over the fic. I didn't really know how to write a funeral and the things that get said by the preist so I've kind of just winged it. Hope its okay. xxx :) Song - Faith Hill - There You'll Be
Chapter 12
Villagers stood outside their homes and places of work as the black vehicle slowly drove through the village. Today was Adam's funeral, and every villager had turned out for it. The pub, the factory, even Emmerdale Haulage & the B&B had been closed as a sign of respect to Adam.
No-one spoke inside the church either as they faced forward, staring at a picture of Adam, each wondering why. Why a young life had been taken, so soon and so tragically.
Jimmy King was pale as he entered the church. The police had cleared him of any charges for the accident, but it didn't stop the anger and the constant need to be sick. He couldn't bring himself to speak to John and Moira. Fresh tears made their way down his cheeks and he turned to his brother "I shouldn't be here, Carl. I killed him and I'm here at his funeral."
"You didn't kill him, Jimmy. You heard what the police said. Adam was driving recklessly, without a helmet. He darted in front of you and you didn't have time to stop. Nobody is blaming you."
"Apart from Aaron."
"Aaron hates everyone. Just ignore him."
"His best mate is dead Carl. Because of me. He's not a prat. I hate myself as much as he does."
"Where is he anyway? Some best mate he is, Can't even be bothered to show up for the funeral." Carl noted as he saw Chas enter the church alone.
"Don't start today Carl."
"I'm just saying!"
"Well don't!"
"Where is he then?" Carl sneered, looking at Chas
"I-I don't know..." Chas replied, her voice shaky. "I was hoping he'd be here."
Carl turned to Jimmy, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips
"I can't believe you at times. I really can't." Jimmy sighed, walking away from his still smirking brother and joining Nicola and Angel at the front of the church.
eeee
Aaron sighed as he stared out at the fields surrounding him, tears streaming down his face.
"I can't...I can't do it mate...I'm sorry...I can't say goodbye to you. Not like that. It means you've really gone. I don't want to say goodbye to you Adam! Please forgive me mate. I'm so sorry..."
A voice behind him made him jump. He turned round and was shocked to see Cameron in front of him.
"Mate..I'm not here to tell you that I know what you're going through or that you'll get better, cause I honestly don't know if you will, But I will tell you one thing. You need to be there."
"I can't..Cameron."
"You can. You're tougher than you think you know. Look, I know how close you were, I know it destroyed you when I said there was nothing we could do for him, But if you don't go, You'll never forgive yourself. You don't need the guilt on top of everything else Aaron."
"I don't want to see my best friend put in the ground! I don't want to see Moira and John's faces when it happens! I can't see him be left on his own like that!"
"I know. That's why you have to do this for Adam. not for you. Not for me, not anyone but him. I'm not going to feed you all that bollocks about how he's looking down on you and watching out for you...But he'd want you to be there, Aaron. You were there for him at the end, and he'd want you to see it through."
"I loved him, Cameron."
"I know you did. Course you did. He was your best friend, you'd both been through a hell of a lot."
"I don't mean like that. I LOVED him. Just like I loved Jackson, just like I loved Ed..."
Cameron let out a breath. He wasn't expecting that.
"Life would have been so much simpler if he was gay. Everything would have been ok and I wouldn't have to keep putting everybody through the same mess over and over again! I wanted him so much!" Aaron sobbed.
"What mess, Aaron?"
"Like you haven't noticed! Everyone I love gets hurt Cameron! What the hell have I done to deserve that?"
"Nothing mate. You haven't done anything."
"Then why the hell does it keep happening!?"
"Aaron, I wish I knew mate, I really wish I did. Everybody loses someone they love mate. Everyone. When I was 17, I had a huge argument with my Mum over college, or something I can't remember. I said some awful things to her. I told her that I wished she wasn't my Mum and I told her to fuck off and stay the hell out my life. I packed a bag and I walked out on her. I got a phone call from my Dad a few hours later. He'd come back from work for lunch and found my Mum dead. I never got the chance to apologise, to make things right, or tell her I loved her. She died thinking I hated her. The doctors said that she had a heart attack. For years I convinced myself it wasn't. She died from a broken heart. I broke her heart. I've tried everything, I've tried the crying, the wailing, the wishing that she would come back, that it had been some kind of sick joke. I had to come to terms with it Aaron but it killed me, there's not a day goes by where I don't think of her or I don't regret what was said. We've all got scars mate. You just can't see them. Going there today, does not mean you have to say goodbye. Adam will always be a huge part of your life mate and that, will never, ever change."
"I'm sorry, Cameron. I had no idea..."
Cameron shook his head "You're the only person I've told other than my ex-wife. Debbie has no idea. I'm just saying mate that we all lose someone we love at some time in our lives. It may happen regularly, or it may happen every three or four years. You can't change fate, Aaron, You can't control fate. Life has a shitty way of throwing these problems at you but you have to overcome it. No matter how hard you try, No matter how many times you try to change things, you never will. I've always hated the bloody saying but..they're right..Everything happens for a reason. I'm still fucked if I know what that reason is, but maybe we're never meant to find out?"
Aaron nodded his head and Cameron pulled him into a hug. "Come on. Remember what I said to you, yeah? You need to do this for Adam, not for you. He'll want you there. He'd be gutted if he knew you weren't."
Aaron pulled away from Cameron's embrace and wiped his eyes. "I guess you're right. He always did moan I was too miserable."
"There ya go." Cameron smiled, following Aaron as they made their way back to the village.
eeeee
Cameron and Aaron entered the church, just as the service was about to about to start. Cameron sat beside Debbie and Aaron made his way to the front, sitting beside John and Moira.
"Are you ok love?" Moira whispered
"I am now. I'm sorry."
"None of that matters. You're here now."
Jude approached the altar and cleared his throat as he looked out at the congregation. "Today we are here to remember the life of Adam Barton..."
The service passed in a blur for Aaron. He prepared a speech, but as he began to read, his knees gave way and he fell to floor, sobbing. Chas rushed to his side and helped him up, carrying him back to the pews as Andy stepped forward and finished the speech for him. He could feel a hand pulling one of his arms and he blinked through watery eyes to see his Mum standing next to him, and most of the villagers making their way into the cemetery for the burial. The song he chose played softly through the speakers, breaking his heart all over again. He fought the urge not to be sick as he slowly shuffled outside...
When I think back on these times
And the dreams we left behind
I'll be glad 'cause I was blessed to get to have you in my life
When I look back on these days I look and see your face
You were right there for me
Aaron stopped at the grave, staring into the dark hold. He could hear Jude's voice close, but his words provided no comfort.
"As we mourn not only Adam's loss, but ours, we commit his body to the ground"
In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am, there you'll be
And everywhere I am, there you'll be
"Earth to earth..."
You know you showed me how it feels
To feel the sky within my reach
And I always will remember all the strength you gave to me
Your love made me make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me
In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
"Ashes to ashes..."
'Cause I always saw in you my light my strength
And I want to thank you now for all the ways
You were right there for me, you were right there for me always
"Dust to dust..."
In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am, there you'll be
And everywhere I am, there you'll be
There you'll be
"Goodbye Adam.." Aaron whispered "You'll never know how much you meant to me..."