Chapter 11

"You know I can't tell you what Captain Harkness is working on, but I can assure you that he is not suffering from any hazardous disease and he is not harbouring any potential alien threat in the mountains. Yes sir, I am aware of the fact that you have the highest level of security clearance, but I am still unable to divulge to you the nature of Captain Harkness's current mission."

Ianto waved at Owen who was hovering outside Jack's office, beckoning him to come in.

"Yes, I was injured and hospitalised, but I'm back now – yes, thank you, I'm feeling much better. Yes, Doctor Harper has approved my return to work."

Ianto stuck his tongue out at Owen whose eyebrows had shot up his forehead in response to the blatant lie.

"No, we don't need any additional assistance here in Cardiff. I'm sure that Miss Cooper didn't intend to give the impression that we're understaffed – yes, she may well have been the only Torchwood employee on site at the time of your call, but we were all able to respond should there have been any situation arising requiring our attention."

Owen watched on in awe, wondering how the hell Ianto managed to remain polite, not when he'd have given them short shrift and told them where to put their offer of help.

"I'll have Captain Harkness call you personally on the secure line, sir. I'm sure he'll be grateful for your offer of personnel should we need back up… Thank you, sir."

Disconnecting the call, Ianto let out a sigh of relief.

"Here, take these," Owen set down a glass of water and two painkillers on Jack's desk. "I take it you convinced him that we've not been abandoned by our leader and fallen into anarchy?"

Ianto washed down the pills with the water and leaned back in his chair.

"I hope so, because that's not far from the truth is it?"

"You mean Gwen?"

"I meant Jack, but Gwen as well. She barely took orders from Jack, never mind anyone else – she's not going to let it go, not now she thinks she knows where he is."

"She doesn't know exactly where he is – Snowdonia's a big place."

"I bet she's already got the maps out-" Ianto didn't get any further in his speculation, as a yawn got the better of him. "Bloody woman. I think it's time we got him to talk to Gwen in person – video conference, maybe."

"As long as he stays sitting down and doesn't start pacing up and down. There's no way Gwen will believe he's been eating too many doughnuts."

"I'm going to have to get him to tell her something, but I can't think what-"

"You're knackered. You should get some sleep – then I'm sure you'll be back up to speed with sneaky devious plans."

"You must be tired as well, after all that driving today."

"As long as the rift alarm is on, we can both catch some sleep – if anything happens it'll wake us up."

"I think I can make it down the ladder- "

"I'll kip on the sofa. You might want to call Jack up and let him know what's happened."

"Shit, you're right. I'll do that once I'm in bed –"

"Planning on distracting him with phone sex?"

"I may have to." Ianto rolled his eyes as he considered Jack's reaction.

"And that's why I'll let you make that phone call."

"She what?!"

Jack leant up on one elbow and glared at the phone. He'd been curled up in bed, drifting off to sleep when he'd heard the ring tone indicating an incoming call from Ianto. His delight had soon turned to horror as Ianto had explained about Gwen and UNIT.

"I am trying to stay calm, but dammit, Ianto, this isn't doing my blood pressure any good. Yeah, you're right, I'll speak to her tomorrow – we'll think of something. But what the hell made UNIT snoop around in the first place?"

Jack listened patiently as Ianto cleared his throat before carefully describing reasonable scenarios for UNIT being concerned about the lack of personnel monitoring the rift. He understood that Ianto was being mindful of potential UNIT surveillance and played along, all the while fuming quietly to himself.

He wondered if there were spies from UNIT surrounding the farmhouse, perhaps they'd seen him with Ianto, or even watched him interact with Megan earlier that evening. He should have known that they'd been monitoring his movements. They'd always seen Torchwood as a rival organisation, with freedom from government interference and a budget they envied.

"Yeah, I'm still here. You say you explained that my mission is classified? I'll send the security code to confirm that. Yes, Ianto, I promise I won't leave the cottage any more … well, yes, I did this evening. I only spoke with Megan … no, it was dark… you're right though, she is something special, isn't she?"

He heard the intake of breath from Ianto, and despite wanting to continue with their earlier discussion, he knew that he couldn't take the risk. Not while there was a chance that UNIT were listening in on their phone calls.

"You sound shattered, Ianto. Where are you?... Really? What are you wearing…? No, it's OK, I'll let you get some sleep. Speak soon."

Turning the light on, Jack swung his legs out of the bed and decided it was time to call in some favours. He'd deal with Gwen in the morning, but before then he'd make sure UNIT called off any surveillance. He knew they had been involved in several operations in North Wales over the past several decades – including an incident concerning giant mutant maggots in old coal mining tunnels. The Doctor had solved that problem – but it was a version of the Doctor far younger than any version he'd met, older in countenance, yet younger chronologically. His companion at the time was Jo Grant – and Jack knew her. He'd established contact with all of the companions of the Doctor that he could find in the UK; even if he hadn't met them all in person, he took it upon himself to establish and fund a support network for ex-companions. Jo had married a Welsh scientist and settled not far from the valley where Jack was staying. In common with all those who'd worked with the Doctor when he'd been scientific advsior to UNIT she had special privileges.

"Hi there, Jo? It's me, Jack. Sorry to disturb you, but I have a favour to ask."

Ianto had been up for several hours, detailing his idea to Owen and emailing Jack notes, clearly specifying that this was a cover story to prevent other members of Torchwood from accidentally revealing his secret mission. Both Owen and Jack thought it was a brilliant idea and Ianto was pleased with it as well. He scraped together the last few crumbs of the piece of fruit cake he'd had for breakfast, letting the moist fruit stick the crumbly cake together. He'd found the slab of cake wrapped in foil nestled amongst his clothes when he'd unpacked his bag to find his toothbrush. He'd smiled as he imagined Jack smuggling it away when his back had been turned.

Stretching his arms above his head, he felt the tension across his shoulders ease slightly. With any luck, they'd manage to put paid to Gwen's unwanted curiosity and buy themselves some manoeuvring space.

Gwen arrived at the same time as Tosh, she'd set off earlier, but she had stopped off to pick up food for everyone for breakfast on the way. She was anxious to get answers to questions, especially as she'd not been able to figure out where Torchwood could possibly have a base in Snowdonia, although Rhys had suggested that the abandoned slate caverns in Blaenau Ffestiniog seemed a likely location for a secret underground base.

"Good morning, ladies, just in time," Ianto called down from his vantage point on the balcony outside Jack's office. "Jack wants everyone in the boardroom in half an hour."

"He's back?" asked Gwen incredulously.

"No – he's Skyping us from his hideaway in the Bahamas."

Gwen swung around and glared at Owen angrily.

"Stop taking the piss, Owen!"

"It's not a complete lie, Gwen. Come on, now – you may not take like taking orders from me or Owen, but Jack expects you to do what he says, even if he's not here in person."

"I don't believe it! You can't ask me to-"

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. I'm going to be based here for approximately eight more weeks, until the gestation period is safely over."

"But surely that should be Owen's job?"

"Like I said, the expectant mother is dangerous – I'm the only one who can safely handle her."

"And Owen's been to carry out checks?" Tosh asked with her eyes narrowed suspiciously. She was not as outraged as Gwen, but then again, she had spent more time watching the reactions of Owen and Ianto, rather than hanging on Jack's every word. There was something almost rehearsed about the statement that Jack had issued. It may well have been a response to the delving by UNIT, but Tosh had caught the way Ianto and Owen had deliberately avoided looking at each other and she could have sworn she'd seen Ianto suppress a chuckle with a well timed cough.

"Yes."

"What about Ianto?" Gwen pointed at her colleague.

"He's not a doctor – why should he be involved?" Jack frowned as if he didn't know what Gwen was getting at.

"Well – he was away all week."

"He was visiting family while recuperating from his injuries. I approved his request." Jack grinned at Ianto. "Good to see you looking healthier, Ianto."

"Thank you, sir." Ianto smiled back, pleased to see that Jack was genuinely happy with him.

"So – let me see if I've got this straight," Gwen steered the conversation back towards the revelation that Jack had made. "You're got to stay with this alien until it gives birth, I can understand that. But why couldn't it have stayed in Cardiff?"

"Too dangerous, Gwen – the rift presents an unacceptable risk." Jack had no difficulty looking deadly serious as he answered Gwen's question. It was a stroke of genius on Ianto's part, using a story that stuck so close to the truth. "As I said there could be a diplomatic incident if anything about this pregnancy gets leaked."

"And you didn't trust me, I mean us."

"Owen had to know and naturally the father of the child was kept in the loop. As for anyone else, the fewer that knew what was going on the easier it was to maintain security. Except now that UNIT are sniffing around, I need to make sure you are all aware of the nature of my mission so you can work together to keep UNIT in the dark. Do you understand what I'm asking, Gwen?"

"Of course, Jack, I'm not stupid. What about Tosh and Ianto? Why aren't you questioning them?"

"They hadn't demanded to know what I was up to – they accepted my orders. What's more, they didn't give UNIT the impression that I'd walked out and left Torchwood Cardiff without clear instructions-"

"I-"

"Spare me, Gwen. Owen – I want you to arrange a rota so that there's always three of you on duty at any one time. I'll be in touch regarding your next appointment with our guest."

"Can I visit?" Gwen ventured optimistically. "Perhaps I could help out?"

"No, Gwen – the presence of other females is seen as a threat and she'd possibly attack you. The scent of oestrogen provokes a violent reaction - another reason to keep her isolated from the general population."

Gwen turned to glare at Ianto who appeared to have inhaled some coffee as he had started to choke uncontrollably. Owen was slapping him on the back heartily.

"Ribs – mind my ribs," Ianto clutched his side, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Oh shit, that hurts…"

"Oh dear, that does sound problematic," Tosh had caught Jack's eye when Gwen had her back to the screen. "I take it you're safe then, testosterone doesn't provide the same trigger?"

"Not at all, if anything my pheromones seem to keep her calm." Jack smiled fondly at Tosh – she obviously wasn't totally buying his story, but was playing along with the others. "I've said more than I should have done, this conversation must remain secret. If I say anything more, I'll have to get Owen to administer retcon to all of you, understood?"

All four members of Torchwood nodded solemnly. Ianto seriously wondered if he could get away with putting it in the next pot of coffee he brewed.

"And as soon as the baby arrives, the aliens will be able to leave the planet safely?"

"Yes, Gwen." Jack bit his lip and made the effort to look as sincere as possible. The fact that he was experiencing the sensation of a bladder full to bursting point helped him achieve that enigmatic, yet pained, expression that Gwen would interpret as earnestness.

"OK. I just wished you could have told us this earlier. It shouldn't take UNIT sticking their noses in before you open up to us."

"Haven't you listened to anything I've just told you, Gwen? Security!"

"I've got it, my lips are sealed."

"Thank you. Now I think I should go now. Ianto, perhaps you could sort out some supplies for Owen to bring up with him? I'll send you a list."

"Yes, sir. I'll make sure you get exactly what you need."

"I know you will. Buy for now, kids. Be good and do what Owen tells you to do."

With one last lascivious wink, Jack's face disappeared from the screen, his grin appearing to linger in the manner of that belonging to a certain Cheshire cat.

"Bloody hell," Gwen swore as she tried to assimilate the last twenty minutes of surreal discussion.

"You can say that again," muttered Ianto, as he swept his foot aside quickly to avoid Tosh's heel impaling his toe.

"Right then, tea boy – I think we could all do with some bloody good coffee now. The decent stuff, alright?"

"Definitely, Owen."

There was a critical concentration of retcon that didn't wipe memories, but muddled them, blurred their edges and made them unreliable. That's what was needed.

Meanwhile, Ianto was carefully planning his next visit to see Jack.