Chapter Fourteen – The Letter

Clarke,

After Wells' death, I was told that I should see a counsellor; the first time that I went to the office there was a poster on the wall, an attempt at motivation I guess. "Having a rough day? Place your hand on your heart. Feel that? That's called purpose. You're here for a reason. Don't give up." The first time I saw that poster I hardly paid attention, but as the sessions went on, the poster stood out more. Before I made my decision, I thought about that quote and I did what it told me to do and when I placed my hand over my heart I didn't feel purpose, I felt empty.

I understand why you are mad at me, if I would have been honest with Wells in the first place, we never would have argued and you never would have been in that accident. Wells was the love of my life and life without him isn't worth living. I was going to tell him about the job offer and I definitely didn't mean to cause any tension between you and your best friend and I can't apologise enough for the pain I caused you.

The last time we spoke was at Wells' funeral and things were said that I regret but that conversation doesn't overshadow the amazing conversations we've had in the past, the one when I first started dating Wells and you were scoping me out, the jokes we've shared and the many drunk conversations we've had, mainly about you're love for Bellamy. One of the last things I want to tell you is that Bellamy Blake loves you and I know that you love him, tell him and tell him every day for the rest of your life, never go a day without telling that man that you love him. I didn't tell Wells that enough and it's my biggest regret.

It's highly unlikely that you will come to my funeral, but in the event that you do, there's something that I would like you to read a certain poem for me, 'Having a Coke with you' by Frank O'Hara. When Wells first asked me on a date, he was so nervous and instead of asking me on a date, he recited this poem to me and that's when I realised how amazing he was. "I look at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world." Wells repeated this line constantly, when we were having breakfast, after we'd finished our date night, he even wrote it on my board in my classroom once, it was ours. This became my favourite poem and it'd mean a lot to me if this was read out. In the likely event that you don't come to my funeral, would you be able to tell my mom my wish. I wrote her a letter, I wrote five, but none of them said what I really felt, so she doesn't know that I love her and that I am so grateful for everything she ever did for me, all she knows is that I'm sorry. I don't really know why I'm telling you all of this, I guess I just want her to know that I care. I heard what you said to Thelonious about how Wells would have hated the ceremony and you were right, please don't let mine be the same.

Live every day as though it's your last, Clarke. You may not want to take notice of anything I'm saying but I want you to know that I thought of you as a sister and I'm so sorry if my death will affect you and if this letter made no sense. I also want you to know that I thought this through and thought of every option and this is the only one that will take the pain away. I've tried the counselling, I've tried the pills but I need it to end.

I'm sorry.

Love always,

Sasha.

Clarke was speechless, it was four o'clock in the morning and she had finally convinced herself to read Sasha's letter that had been taunting her and preventing her from sleeping. After carefully peeling herself away from Bellamy's embrace, she had made her way downstairs and stared at the letter for twenty minutes before finally reading its content. She could feel the tears forming and tried to hold them back. Clarke heard Bellamy stirring in bed, she placed the letter back on the table and made her way back into her bedroom and laid next to Bellamy.

"Are you ok? I woke up and you weren't here." Bellamy croaked. She turned to find Bellamy attempting to keep his eyes open.

"I read Sasha's letter." She whispered, Clarke watched as Bellamy wiped his hand over his face in an attempt to wake himself up.

"How are you feeling?" He sounded concerned, Clarke thought about what Sasha had written and realised the truth behind her words.

"Have I told you that I love you lately?" Bellamy sat up and stared at her with confused eyes.

"What?" Clarke sat up and adjusted herself to face him.

"In Sasha's letter she said that the thing she regretted the most was not telling Wells that she loved him enough and that I should tell you that I love you every day for the rest of my life." She noticed how Bellamy's smile stretched across his face.

"I think I could get used to that." Bellamy leaned forward and pulled Clarke closer to kiss her, she moaned as his lips came into contact with hers. When they pulled away, for air, they were both smiling.

"I don't want to keep us a secret anymore, I want everyone to know that for the first time in months I'm happy and it's because of you." Bellamy pushed Clarke back onto the bed and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Are you sure?" Clarke smiled.

"I've never been surer about anything." Bellamy surged forward and kissed her deeply once again.

The Next Morning

Clarke woke up to the smell of coffee and the sound of music floating through the air, she made her way into the kitchen and found Bellamy drinking a cup of coffee and looking at something on his phone. He looked up once he heard Clarke's footsteps on the kitchen floor.

"Good morning." He leaned down and pecked her lips.

"Hmm, I could get used to this." She took the cup out of his and smirked as he rolled his eyes.

"What are you so distracted with?" She sat on the counter and smiled sweetly.

"Miller needed some extra money so he's taking my shift today and I've got tomorrow off anyway, so I finally have some time off."

"And I have the weekend off too, so what on earth shall we do?" Clarke joked.

"Well I'm thinking eat until we feel sick, oh and sex, lots and lots of sex." Bellamy smirked, Clarke hesitated before speaking again.

"Or, and this is just a suggestion, we could fly to Vegas and elope?" She watched as Bellamy's jaw dropped and his phone fell onto the counter.

"What?" He muttered, Clarke winced and prayed that she hadn't messed everything up.

"I was thinking about what Sasha said and I swear I will tell you that I love you for the rest of my life because I want to be with you for the rest of my life, neither of us like being the centre of attention and we both have a love of tacky Vegas wedding stories. But if you don't want this just hopefully pretend like this never happened." To Clarke, the seconds seemed like hours and Bellamy's face showed no emotion.

"Are you being serious?"

"Yes, of course I am." Clarke jumped down from the counter and walked over to Bellamy.

"You want to fly to Vegas today and elope?"

"Yes."

"So technically you're asking me to marry you?" Clarke smiled and rolled her eyes.

"Yes I am."

"Then no." Clarke stepped back and stared at Bellamy, he moved towards her.

"There is no way that you are asking me to marry you when I want to be the one to propose." He smiled. Clarke hit his chest and tried to control her breathing.

"Are you fucking kidding me, you almost gave me a heart attack?" Bellamy laughed and got down on one knee, taking Clarke's left hand in his own.

"Clarke Griffin, will you do me the honour of flying to Vegas with me and marrying me in a tacky Vegas wedding?" Clarke tackled Bellamy to the ground and peppered kisses around his face whilst repeating the word yes over and over again.

Three Hours Later

Bellamy and Clarke had booked the next flight to Las Vegas and were sat waiting in the airport, their plan was to spend the next day and a half in Vegas and then fly back home and break the news to everyone.

"Hey, I need to go to the toilet, I'll be right back." Bellamy smiled and rose from his seat hearing Clarke shout that he better not miss their flight. He walked round the corner and pulled out his phone.

"Hey Glass, can you put me through to Jake please?"

"You have two days off and you're calling work, you really need to revaluate your life. Putting you through now." Bellamy waited anxiously for Jake to speak.

"Bellamy, to what do I owe this pleasure?" He breathed deeply before speaking.

"I'm at the airport with Clarke, we're going to Vegas to get married." When Jake didn't respond, Bellamy spoke again.

"Clarke was the one who suggested it, but something doesn't feel right."

"You don't want to marry my daughter?" He panicked.

"No, of course I want to marry her, I just don't know whether I can marry her like this, in a tacky Vegas wedding."

"What do you mean?"

"I guess I always imagined that if we got married, it would be in front of the people we love and I could prove to everyone how much I love her." He heard Jake laugh.

"Then I guess that why it doesn't feel right."

"It also doesn't feel right because I never asked her Dad whether I had permission to marry his daughter, Vegas wedding or not."

"Bellamy, you have my permission to marry my daughter, Vegas wedding or not, hopefully not though because I always imagined that I'd be the one to give her away." Bellamy chuckled, he looked at the clock on the wall opposite him and realised their flight would start boarding in five minutes.

"Thank you, Jake, not just for giving me permission to marry your daughter, but for everything."

"I know, you owe me big time." They both laughed and said goodbye. He made his way back over to Clarke and smiled as she tapped her wrist signalling the time, he leaned down, kissed her head and sat down next to her.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked.

"Of course baby."

"Are you really ok with a Vegas wedding instead of the big wedding you deserve?" She stared at Bellamy and sighed.

"What I want is to be married to you, but I don't want to wait whilst we have to plan a big wedding, a Vegas wedding means we can be married soon. Wells and Sasha were perfect for each other and a petty argument stopped everything, I don't want that to be us." Bellamy cupped her face in his hands.

"That won't be us because we're not going to let anything come between us, but being married isn't protection against everything. You might hate being married to me." Clarke laughed and Bellamy wipe the tears that started to fall down her cheeks.

"Probably." They both smiled. An announcement was made that their flight to Vegas had begun boarding.

"Even if we don't get married in Vegas, we could always go and enjoy a romantic trip full of strippers and gambling."

"You're disgusting." She leaned away and picked up her bag, they both rose from their seats.

"So Vegas wedding or big church wedding?" They walked towards the desk and handed in their tickets.

"Any wedding as long as it's with you."

Only one more chapter after this, it's been an amazing journey. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please review :)