When I woke up the next morning, I was terrified.
I had woken up Mello by screaming my head off in the middle of the night, and he shook me to bring me back to my senses, looking rather freaked out himself.
"Jesus, baby! What were you dreaming about?" he asked while I sat with my head between my legs. He was rubbing my back softly to comfort me.
"It wasn't a dream." I whispered. "It was a memory." I peeked up at him and he nodded knowingly. "You were like this when we were little." I recalled. He stroked my hair and kissed me lightly.
"Come on, no one can hurt you. Time to go back to sleep." We settled back into bed in our usual position, my head resting on his chest with his arms around me and mine around his waist. "I'll protect you." He said gently.
Back when we were at Wammy's, when I first came there and Mello was still a fresh orphan too, he would wake in the middle of the night just like I just did; a gasping, sobbing mess. The first time it happened, he sprung right out of bed and looked around, calling for his mother. I sat up in bed and his face brightened, then he frowned when he saw it was me. I held out my hand, and he looked confused at first. I held my hand out until he took it, then I yanked gently until he crawled into bed with me. Then I turned him around and held him from behind, whispering,
"When I was with my Mommy and I got nightmares, she held me like this until I fell asleep." Mello snuggled a bit closer to me, making me smile. "Since our Mommies aren't here, though, I'll try to be the next best thing. It's just us now, for each other." I think it was the most I had ever said to him when we were alone, and I wasn't crying. I think there was only a few times after that where we didn't share a bed.
Anyways, when I woke up in the morning, I was terrified. I lay next to Mello until he woke up, stroking my fingers up and down his torso gently, looking at the scars on my hand and arm. We were still naked from our night of fun. ;) When Mello woke up, his eyes fluttered open and then sunk closed again. This happened twice before I had enough and planted a huge raspberry on his stomach. He squeaked like a girl and jumped, swearing his head off.
"What the fuck Matt!" I laughed my ass off and got out of bed to put on boxers. I leaned against our dresser and smiled at him, taking in his disgruntled form splayed out on the ground. "You're such a fucking weirdo." He grumbled, standing and stretching, sighing contentedly as he popped his spine. I drank in every detail of his naked body, and stepped forward to take him into my arms.
"You're so sexy, Mihael. If only I wasn't so tired from last night…" I purred into his ear, making him shiver against me. I let go of him suddenly and went into the kitchen to make breakfast.
Mello joined me after a while, clad in leather as usual. He walked over to the fridge and busied himself with chocolate milk. It always made me laugh when Mello drank chocolate milk when he was covered in leather, his scar showing proudly, his gun hanging sexily from his hip, holding a cup with a duck printed on it full of chocolate fucking milk. Don't ask about the cup, it's from the dollar store. Mello scowled at me when I laughed fondly at him, and I kissed his forehead while reaching over him to get chocolate chips from the cupboard. After we ate, I teased Mello by standing on my toes and resting my chin on his head. He hated that I was taller than him. Mello gave me my pills and I sat down from some gaming while Mello was fucking around on his computer. After three hours of my skills pwning Noobs, Mello tapped my head and asked if we were going to see Jamie today. I sighed. I had to get it over with, and I was starting to feel really bad about how I behaved.
So at around 2pm, we headed over to the game store. Mello brought his gun in case things got fishy, and I brought my bottle of pills, just in case. I smoked a cigarette and put my goggles on before we entered the store. Beyond was stocking shelves when we got there, and he smiled like we had brought him Jesus as a birthday present.
"Hey guys! We were hoping you'd come back! Jamie wanted to apologize for freaking you out yesterday." He addressed me, his face going a bit serious. I kicked my foot nervously, rubbing my wrist absently. Mello grabbed my hand and stroked my palm with his thumb comfortingly. I stopped my rubbing and looked up at Beyond, about to apologize, when Jamie came out of the back room.
Our eyes met. They were the same as they always were; a light brown, almost golden, nearly identical to my mother's eyes. We both had red hair, like our mother, but his was brownish because of my dad. My heart started beating faster out of reflex, and my breathing did the same. I rubbed my wrist against my thigh, enjoying the tingling and slight pain caused by tender scars.
"Mail." He breathed. The room was so silent you could have heard a pin drop.
"I'm Matt now." I said softly. His expression softened and he took a step forward. I only flinched a little bit. He frowned.
"M-Matt," he said, trying the name out. "It suits you." I swallowed and rubbed a bit harder against my thigh.
"Thanks." My voice sounded hoarse. Jamie sighed and took a few more steps toward me, reaching a hand forward to touch me. I tensed like crazy, having a small panic attack. Suddenly, a gun came between us, pointed at Jamie.
"I'm sorry, but that's close enough." Mello said, his voice final. Jamie's eyes widened, and he dropped his hand. Mello grabbed my hand with his unoccupied one, stopping my rubbing. "Stop it, Matt, you're going to open it." I whispered an apology. Jamie stared at the gun, and then looked at Mello.
"Sorry, I just-" He looked back at me, his eyes pleading. He used to look at my dad like that, when we were young. "Matt, I've changed. I've gotten older, gone to therapy and anger management. I'm different now. I don't want to hurt you. I won't hurt you." He insisted, moving to step forward again and then pausing when he remembered Mello's gun. I looked into my older brother's eyes, thinking, using my genius brain.
"Mels." Mello looked over at me, keeping his gun steady.
"Mm-hmm?" I bit my lip and fiddled with the elastic of my goggles, still a bit frightened.
"It's okay." Mello looked at me, making sure, before he lowered his gun and tucked it back into his pants, hiding it under his coat. He stared Jamie down for a moment, then backed away slowly, standing behind me. Jamie moved closer to me uncertainly, letting me react. I just started rubbing my wrist against my thigh again. He slowly, hesitantly brought his arms around me and held me gently, barely touching me. I froze every single movement, even my rubbing, and squeezed my eyes shut. Jamie let go of me and moved in front of me, moving my chin up so I would look at him. He observed my face, making me feel naked, not in the good way. I felt exposed and abused. I started my rubbing again, even harder, flinching when I felt my skin break. Mello would hate me for that.
"You still have those goggles, huh?" he mused, not noticing my other actions, dropping his hand and wringing his fingers nervously. I nodded, then cleared my throat.
"They're all I have left of her." I whispered. Jamie looked down at his feet.
"I'm sorry I left." He said. I knew exactly what he was talking about. I brought my wrist up from my thigh and pressed my sleeve against it, cleaning the small amount of blood off of myself. I tapped my wrist a few times before speaking.
"I'm scared of you, Jamie." His head snapped up, his mouth open and I silenced him by holding up a scarred hand. "I'm very, very scared of you. But I never blamed you for leaving while you had the chance." He looked relieved.
"Thank you." He breathed. I tapped my wrist two more times and brought it down to my thigh again, bumping it against my leg. "What can I do to help? I don't want you to be scared of me anymore." He insisted. It seemed so weird for him to be saying that, after all the years of him saying 'Fear me.'
I sighed.
"I need time, Jamie." Wow, that sounded like a break-up line. He nodded. I felt a bit better, seeing him looking so human. He had always seemed like a monster to me. He reached out, I flinched on reflex, and he slowed his movements to touch my goggles. He traced one of the lenses, then went around my head to touch the elastic. I felt the pressure of his fingers on the back of my head, and I flinched again. I heard Mello shift behind me. Jamie withdrew from me and smiled sadly.
"I didn't know mom gave those to you." I nodded. "I didn't really know much about her. You were always with her. Dad didn't like it." He bit his lip, and I did the same. He looked into my eyes again, smiling slightly. "Tell me about her. What was our mother like?" I barely thought over my answer, I just said the first words that came to my head every time I thought of her.
"Mommy was soft."