YO BRO!
Are you ready for THE LONGEST CHAPTER I HAVE EVER WRITTEN?
I'm really sorry in advance to those of you who like happy chapters, but I promised Mid-Summer Romance that I would write more depressing chapters!
Thanks to all the reviewers! I love getting feedback from you guys! AHH BIG HUGS! (Happy screaming)
To reviewer brightnight003- All I have to say is Y U READ MY MIND? ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)
WARNING
THERE'S A LOT OF VIOLENCE AND SADNESS AND DISTURBING MATERIAL IN THIS CHAPTER!
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
So yeah!
Love ya ^-^
I woke up before Mello and decided to make breakfast in bed for him. Just cause I'm that loving :3 I ventured out into the kitchen in just my boxers, being too lazy to get dressed. I started making Mello's favorite breakfast when I was scared shitless by a shadow standing in the doorway. After I had a heart attack, I realized it was a shirtless B with a blanket around his hips. He leaned against the doorway and raised his eyebrows at me.
"Hey, you know, you're pretty sexy. You're like a skinny version of Jay." He wiggled his tongue at me, skulking closer, and said, "If you ever want to play, I'm open for business." He rested a hand on my bare stomach and I went bright red, backing away. A shot went off and we both looked toward the door, wide-eyed. We found, of course, Mello standing in the doorway, his gun pointed at the ceiling. There was a hole where he had shot a warning. His eye brows were raised, and he was only wearing his leather pants. Mello casually put his gun in his back pocket and peeled B off of me, pulling his arms around my hips. He leaned his head against my shoulders, looking at B.
"Mine." He said simply. Beyond started at him, open mouthed. Mels redirected his attention to me and asked sweetly, "What's for breakfast?" I laughed, used to Mello's itchy trigger-finger. I had been shot at a few times too. Not with harm as the intention, just to get me to shut up.
"Pancakes?" I offered. "With all the good stuff. We only have unhealthy food right now." Mello nipped at my shoulder softly and let go, moving to sit on the counter.
"Excellent. Hey, what's your last name?" he sent this question over to Beyond, who was still recovering.
"Uhh… Birthday. Why?" Mello snorted.
"Beyond Birthday? Interesting. Can we just call you BB?" Beyond made a noise of approval. "Hey that sounds familiar…" Before we could go any further with our conversation, Jamie shoved himself into the kitchen, pulling jeans on.
"Did I hear a fucking gunshot?" he asked, looking more than slightly rumpled.
"Your boyfriend was molesting me." I informed him, looking for the pancake mix. BB whined,
"I was just kidding! And then Blondie shot at me!" I heard Mello's gun clicking and he insisted,
"I'll do it again! Don't fucking test me! That man over there is my fucking property!" I spun around.
"Mel!" I complained.
"What? You are!" I walked over to him and ran my hands up his thighs, leaning down to bite his earlobe.
"You're mine too. Don't forget that." I whispered, making him shudder and drop his hands around my waist. I crept one hand up his naked waist, and grabbed his gun with the other hand while he was distracted. "No guns before breakfast. That was a rule." I kissed him quickly and returned to making pancakes, putting the gun out of Mello's reach. Mello clung to me for the rest of breakfast, wailing like a child that 'His baby missed him'. Jamie kept shaking his head. B was eating out of a random jar of jam.
"How did you end up with this guy, little bro?"Jamie asked, laughing quietly. I shifted closer to Mello, uncomfortable with endearing names unless they were from him.
"He was my friend at the orphanage I went to." I explained, being vague. "As we got older, I started falling more and more in love with him and eventually I told him how I felt. Apparently, he felt the same. Either that, or he's using me for my body." At the last sentence, I flipped my hair and clicked my tongue, pushing out my chest. Mello lightly punched my arm in annoyance.
"Pfft, whatever, you skinny bitch." I pouted at him, sending puppy eyes at him. He rolled his eyes at me and leaned forward to kiss my cheek. "Don't worry, you're still sexy." I grinned and pulled him into a side-hug, burrowing my head against his shoulder. "So, are you guys up to shopping today? We need food."
"Actually!" BB cut in, throwing his hands in the air, getting jam on Jamie in the process. Jamie sighed and reached for a paper towel, wiping off his bare chest. I realized that we were all shirtless, and BB was pretty much naked. This made me blush and hide against Mello more. "I was thinking just you and me could go, Mello." I looked up at Mello, gauging his reaction. He bounced his knee under the table, something he did when he was thinking. I rested my hand on his thigh.
"You should." I said. "You can get to know each other. I know you like BB, Mels." Mello pursed his lips, narrowing his eyes. He ushered me off of his lap suddenly, holding up a finger to the other two men to let them know he needed a moment, and dragged me to our room. "Mel?" he ran his hands through his hair and looked at me with hesitant eyes.
"Are you sure you can do this? Can you be alone with him yet?" he asked, his icy eyes melting with concern. I considered his question for a moment.
To be honest, no, I didn't think I could do it. I was terrified of Jamie still, every time I looked at him. He was still that boy, my brother who would beat me bloody and laugh in my face. He was that boy who would break me until there was nothing left to break and then hand me over to my father. He would stand by while my father touched things he shouldn't have touched, while he violated and humiliated me. He stood there with a sick, heartless, satisfied smirk, like he had done something good. And then, when I was sent to bed, bleeding and crying, he was the boy who followed me into my bedroom and asked how it felt, if it felt good to be punished like I deserved. He was the boy who sat by my bed with the sole purpose of keeping me awake, whispering threats and hurtful names in the darkness, a shadow within the shadows.
I hadn't told Mello the details of my abuse. I didn't think he could stomach it.
I kind of regret doing that.
Mello watched my expression carefully, his face contorting with worry the longer he looked at me.
"Baby, I'll bring you with us if you're scared. I'll protect you." He said softly. I moved closer and hugged him. I loved it when he called me baby. He held me, letting me press against him. I wound my arms around his waist and backed up so I was sitting on the bed with Mello standing between my legs. I rested my hands on his hips and he placed his hands on my arms, looking down at me. We stared at each other for a long, silent moment until I spoke.
"I have to try, Melly." I said in a small voice. Mello closed his eyes and I leaned forward, resting my head on his stomach. I felt Mello start to stroke my hair. "I know he's changed. Maybe all I need is some time to get used to the new him. Maybe I just need to get to know him again." Mello sighed and moved his hands to lift my head so I was looking at him.
"You promise to call me if something goes wrong? If he makes you even a little bit scared, you call me. Promise me, Mail." I smiled gently at him and stood up so I could look into his eyes.
"I promise." I whispered, placing a soft kiss on his lips. "I love you, Mihael."
"I love you too." Mello let me put on a shirt and pants before we walked into the kitchen again. He brought a tight black t-shirt with him and let me trail him to the living room.
Jamie was fully dressed, spread out on the couch with BB on his lap, who had also put on clothes.
"You know," I said, leaning against a wall and looking at Jamie and BB. "You look really familiar. Do you have a brother?" I addressed BB when I said this. He looked surprised.
"I have a twin." He said. "But he died a while back. He was a detective." I looked over at Mello at the same time he looked at me.
"Was your brother L?" Mello asked, his eyes flicking over to BB. B looked shocked.
"How did you know that?" he asked, standing up. Jamie looked confused.
"We came from Wammy's." Mello said, leaning back on one leg and crossing his arms. BB's mouth fell open.
"No way! Me too!" Mello and I were both surprised. Then it clicked.
"Oh my god! You're Beyond Birthday! The crazy twin at Wammy's!" I shouted. B smiled widely.
"That's me!" he said proudly. Mello looked ecstatic.
"I have so much to ask you!" He fluttered his hands in excitement, one of his gayer qualities. BB bounded across the room to the door and bounced in excitement.
"Well come on! Ask me while we're shopping!" Mello smiled (This was very rare) and went to get his keys. He grabbed me before he left and pulled me in for a kiss.
"If he does anything, call me! I love you." I kissed him again, just a small peck.
"I love you too." I watched as Mello and BB left the apartment, already chatting happily. I turned to offer Jamie a smile, attempting to hide my nervousness. Jamie grinned back at me from where he was sitting.
"So what do you want to do?" he asked, standing and stretching. I felt my heart jump with anxiety.
"I was gonna play some games." Jamie nodded in agreement.
I slipped past him and sat in my usual spot, starting up one of my favorite games. Jamie seemed different from how he was when BB was around. It was making me nervous. Calm down, calm down. Just focus on Tekken. It always calms you down. I fumbled with a pack of cigarettes and lit one, trying to steady my shaking hand. I panicked a bit when I heard Jamie locking the front door. Breathe, just breathe. I told myself, inhaling a lung full of nicotine. I blew the smoke out slowly, leaning my head back to watch the cloud disappear. I played and smoked, trying to calm down, but every time Jamie got close to me, every hair on my body raised in alarm. He sat next to me and I tensed like he had held a gun to my head. The thought of guns brought something to my head. I could sense it was important, but I couldn't for the life of me remember…
"Playing games sounds fun, Mail." My blood turned to ice as he pronounced my real name with his lips right beside my ear. "But I had other games in mind." I jolted out of my position, standing beside the couch, my heart pounding.
"W-what are you talking about?" I stuttered, my voice barely audible. Jamie smiled that smile, his lips curling over his teeth, his eyes burning sadistically, flicking over to look at me from the corner of his eye. He stood, and I ran. I bolted to the door, letting out a yell of panic as his strong arms locked around my waist, trapping my arms.
"You're not getting away this time." He hissed, his tongue flicking out to touch my ear. I gagged in response. He yanked me away from the door, my struggling not fazing him.
"HELP!" I screamed "HELP! HE-" Jamie covered my mouth with his hand, turning my screams to muffled whimpers. He dragged me to the hallway and threw me on the ground. He smiled again, showing me my still-lit cigarette in his hand. The first mark he left on me was the cigarette burn on my collarbone.
Luckily for me, (or so I thought) I was bigger and stronger than I used to be. I tried to stand, but he stopped me with harsh kick to the ribs. I bent over, gasping, and he kicked me again in the shins, and back and arms and head… over and over and over again. I started sobbing, trying desperately to get away. He pulled me up by my hair, pulling a pained yelp from my lips. He pushed me against the wall and leaned down to bite at my neck. I cried out as sharp teeth met my pale skin. He laughed roughly, pressing me against the wall with one arm and running a hand down my body to grab my crotch. I gagged again, making him slap me, hard. He brought his mouth to my ear and whispered,
"I always wondered how dad felt when he did this to you." He laughed breathily, leaning his body against mine. "I have to say Mail… It feels pretty good." I let out a sob and he threw me against the wall, pulling me back up by my shirt collar. "You worthless…" He punched me right in the face, I shouted in pain when I felt a crack. "Hopeless…" He punched me again, and then stomped on my ankle. "Useless…"
"Stop!" I wailed. "Please stop!" he picked me up again and pushed me against the other wall, starting up another round of kicking and stomping and god he was strong and it hurt so bad…
"PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!" he screamed. "LOOK AT ME!" Hyperventilating, I peeked up at him. He smiled again, cocking his head to the left. I jumped up without warning and scrambled towards the door, falling with a scream of pure terror as he grabbed my ankle and held me down. He straddled me, leaning over me on all fours. "You deserve it." He told me. "For Mother. You should fucking take this and be happy that it's all I'm giving you. You should be begging for more. You should want this, no, need this. Do you know why?" he stroked my hair, brushing a hand against my shoulder blade. He suddenly slammed my head against the floor, his hand tangled in my hair. "DO YOU KNOW WHY?" he shouted. Sobbing, I shook my head desperately. He chuckled quietly and leaned down, the full weight of his body pressing against me. "Because you killed her." I started crying again. He pulled my hips up, leaning back on his knees. I wasn't paying attention until he started taking off my clothes.
"No! NO! STOP!" I screamed, thrashing around. My entire body was rejecting him with all it had. I felt sick, literally, like I was going to throw up. He tightened his fist in my hair, pulling so hard I felt some rip out. He smashed my head against the floor a few times, until I was dizzy and I could feel warmth spreading across my head. A dark red curtain fell over my right eye, and I brought my hand to it to inspect it. My hand came away red. The smell of blood invaded my senses. Jamie pulled my shirt over my head, choking me a bit. I heard a rip. He tore off my pants, smacking my head against the floor again when I struggled to get away. My head was swimming. I felt his fingers touching, probing, feeling places that were forbidden from everyone except my Mello. He entered me.
It had never hurt like this. Even my first time hadn't hurt like this. I could feel myself tearing, bleeding, throbbing. I could feel him inside me, my own brother. I started sobbing again. I wanted to be sick. I wanted it to end. He rocked against me, sighing and grunting in pleasure. He scratched against my back, shoulders and thighs, marking me. A flare of anger built in me. Only Mello was allowed to mark me. Jamie tangled his hand in my hair again and shoved my head down, making little spots flit over my vision. I submitted as he pounded into me, the pain numbing slightly. I don't know how long it lasted. Finally, his rhythm went haywire and he started panting. I gagged violently when he came inside me, moaning loudly. He bent over me afterwards, breathing heavily, then pulled out of me.
I heard the sound of a zipper being done up, and he flipped me over. I stared blankly up at him. He smiled, looking satisfied. He slapped me all of the sudden, a sharp burning sensation taking over the left side of my face. My head lolled to the side. I knew I was giving up, but there was no point in fighting anymore. He had won. He laughed again and started licking down my chest, making me nauseous.
"I think I'll let you rest for a bit, you stupid, selfish, disgusting whore. How do you live with yourself, knowing you killed your own mother? How can you do it, Mail?" he stood and spat on me, kicking me once again. He left for a moment, and I slowly sat up, feeling his cum and my blood leak out of me. I needed to throw up. I crawled brokenly to the bathroom and retched into the toilet, my breakfast saying hello to me. I choked in fear as I heard footsteps behind me. I heard a familiar clicking noise and I froze, fear finding its way into my numb body.
I had thought something was important about guns, but I couldn't remember before. I remembered now.
Mello had forgotten to take his gun with him when he left.
I felt cold metal against my neck, sliding down my back. I shivered in disgust. Jamie grabbed my hair and dragged me back into the blood-covered hallway, laying me on my back. He ran Mello's gun down my torso, stopping under my junk, the gun positioned at my entrance. I laughed softly. This was ridiculous.
"Are you gonna rape me with a gun, Jamie? Are you really?" he growled.
"Retard!" he snapped, pistol whipping me across the face. I hissed in pain. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" he leaned down and bit my earlobe, bringing that nausea back. "You're my bitch." He whispered, "I'm going to break you, Mail. And then I'm gonna bring you back to Daddy." My heart started pounding.
"What?"
"He's still alive, Mail. And I know where he is. I'll bring you to him. He'll help me punish you properly." I screamed and he shoved the gun in my mouth, forcing himself on me again. If I thought it was bad the last time, this time was the most disturbing and painful thing I had ever experienced, because I could see the look on his face as he raped me. My head banged against the wall with the force of his thrusts, little whimpers of pain and humiliation leaving me. When he was done, he dressed himself and pinned my arms underneath me, beating me again, the gun in my mouth muffling my screams of pain.
What he didn't count on was Mello's speedy return.
I heard the front door open and I yanked one of my arms free and pulled the gun from my mouth.
"HELP!" I shrieked, "MELLO HELP ME!" I started sobbing with relief and I tossed the gun down the hall, out of Jamie's reach. Mello flew into the hallway, his eyes widening at the scene before him. He recovered in a second though, and grabbed the gun off the ground, clicking it and pointing it directly at Jamie. Oh god, it was loaded the whole time. Fresh tears started at that thought. Mello's voice brought me back to reality.
"Get the fuck off my boyfriend, you son of a bastard!" he murmured, using his scary mafia voice, Jamie stood casually and lifted his arms up. "Turn the fuck around!" Mello ordered. Jamie shrugged and turned, smiling at me as he backed up towards Mello. Mello grabbed his arms and twisted them behind Jamie's back. I rejoiced at the look of pain on Jamie's face. BB showed up, saw me naked and bleeding on the ground and looked at Jamie in horror. Jamie's sadistic look vanished, and he stared at BB with genuine hurt in his eyes. He looked down at me, looking sick.
"Oh, god." He whispered. "Not again." He hung his head and went limp against Mello, who dropped him in disgust, looked at B and said,
"He's all yours." Mello rushed to me and held out a hand. I sat up, looking around me for clothes. Mello kneeled on the ground beside me, handing me my jeans. I pulled them on and ran to the bathroom, practically throwing myself towards the toilet. I was violently sick about six times, until it burned and blood tainted my bile. "Matty…" Mello whispered, stroking his hands through my hair. My body froze up and I moved away from him.
"Please… Please, no more!" I begged. I pushed myself into the corner and Mello crouched in front of me.
"Hey, it's me. Shh." He placed a hand gently on my cheek, soothing me. That was something Jamie hadn't done. I felt confused and shaky. Mello held my face, so I would look at him. "It's me." He said again. I looked at him.
"Jamie hurt me again." I mumbled.
"I know." Mello's voice broke, and he took a deep breath, fixing his voice. "I know baby. I'm here now. I'm so sorry I left you two alone…" his voice cracked again, and he leaned down, placing soft kisses on my bloody face. His lips were red when he pulled away. Kisses were something Jamie never gave me either.
"It's not your fault." I reached out hesitantly to touch his hair. This is Mello. I thought to myself, just to clear things up. Mello won't hurt you. Mello loves you. "Melly?" I whispered.
"Mm-hmm?"
"You still love me, right?" I asked. I wouldn't blame him if he didn't. I was dirty, after all.
"Of course." He kissed my face again. "I love you." He whispered, over and over. He had no idea how much his words helped. We left the bathroom together, his arm strong and steady around my waist. Jamie was sitting against the wall, with BB beside him. Jamie looked pale and horrified. He looked up at me as I walked by and said,
"Oh my god. I'm so sorry Mail. I just… snapped. I didn't even realize until B came. I'm so sorry. Please, Mail, I'm sorry!" I looked at him with disgust and said,
"My name is Matt."