Thanks for the lovely reviews guys! Sorry it's taken me a while to update, I was without internet for a while. Have already written the next part, so should be able to update again soon.
After Damon's visit she fell into deep, hunger cravings induced dreams. The dreams contained the faces of her friends, Matt, Tyler, Damon even Klaus... In one dream she was in the Grill with Tyler. They had ordered all the food on the menu but she couldn't eat any of it. Tyler kept offering her more dishes and she kept turning him away. In this dream he didn't know she was a vampire, and she was lying to him. Basically summarising her feelings of hunger and guilt.
She smelled blood, looking around the Grill she didn't see where it was coming from. Making an excuse, she followed her nose in the direction of the kitchen. The kitchen was deserted and on the counter lay a mug of blood, heated and steaming, infusing the air with a warm metal smell. She stood over it breathing it, trying to resist drinking it. Suddenly, Klaus was beside her, and for some reason in the dream she wasn't afraid or surprised. He lifted the mug and brought it to her lips. "Come on love. Don't fight it" he murmured as he tipped the mug with his other hand steadying her cheek, blood filled her mouth.
The sharp smell of blood drew her from her dreams, warm and rich it floated to her even through her dreams. She shot awake suddenly, it was real, not just a dream. Someone was in her house. Her eyes peered through the darkness, starving had really weakened her, taken away her abilities.
"Hello?" she called "Damon is that you?"
"Caroline" He said her name from the darkness, and Caroline knew she was still dreaming.
"Tyler?" she cried rising from the bed. Out the shadows of her room he stepped forward, carrying the white mug from her dreams.
"Caroline, you have to eat sweetheart." he walked towards her through and sat beside her.
"I don't understand... am I dreaming?" She asked feverishly, clutching at his chest, feeling it solid under her fingers, the room seemed to sway.
"No, you're not. I'm alive, I survived." she batted his words away "How?"
"I don't know. I must have changed and I don't remember what happened. I woke up far from town and have spent day and night traveling back to you. My Caroline." he slipped his fingers through her hair, slipped it behind her ear.
"But... I though you were dead? It's been weeks! Everyone thinks you're dead!" she keep touching his face, trying to understand how real he was.
"I think I was. Something happened to me when Klaus died. I feel different. But I'm here now, and I need you to eat something." his eyes took in her jagged shoulder bones and greying skin. Her voice was dry and cracking. "But..." she trailed off feebly, struggling to form her thoughts into words.
"Eat" tilting her head back and putting the warm blood to her lips. She took a sip, then the need overwhelmed her and she started gulping it down. He murmured encouragement and chuckled as she demanded more.
"That's enough for now, we don't want to overdo it." setting the mug down, he covered her with the blankets and tucked her in. "I'm sorry Tyler, I'm sorry I didn't love you enough." She was beginning to drift away, still delirious. "
"I thought you forgot about me... but you didn't, you still felt the same, and I was the liar, I'm sorry"
"You loved me enough" he said softly
Leaning over her Caroline watched him above her as he looked into her eyes. "Sleep well Caroline..."and leaned to kiss her. Instead of going for her lips, he kissed softly on the forehead and whispered almost to soft to catch "and dream..."
Sunlight slanted in the shutters, but this morning it felt it different. Her body wasn't screaming at her, her veins weren't like sawdust. Sitting up she stretched long and luxuriously feeling her body tingling all over with life. From the kitchen she heard taps turning, and the coffee pot gurgling gently. Tyler was here. She hadn't imagined it. Jumping from her bed she rushed through to the kitchen. Bathed in the morning light, face intently focused on the spanish omelette before him, Caroline couldn't believe that he was really there, real, alive. Flashing over to him she spread her arms around him from the back and pressed her head into his shoulders. She heard his heartbeat speed up and his whole body stiffen with surprise.
"You're real" she whispered and she could almost feel him smile "Yes, I am." he agreed.
"I'm glad" a touch hesitantly she felt his hands cover hers and give them a light squeeze. Then he was pulling away from her. "Sit, I've made you some breakfast, you need to get your strength back" She went to the table, it was set with a large mug of warm blood, and a small glass of blue flowers. "First course" he said placing the mug in her hand, and returning to the stove. She sipped at the blood, with her bare feet tucked under her, watched him prepare the food.
"So, I was a little loopy last night, and I can't remember what you told me happened...You changed?"
"Yes, I must have changed and been running free for weeks, either than or I have a touch of memory loss. Either way, I'm back."
Caroline felt tears build up behind her eyes. Tyler was alive! It just wouldn't sink in. She couldn't contain the happiness she felt inside, the freeing feeling that the guilt had been lifted off her shoulders. They had time, to fix that weird, squirmy feeling she'd started to feel when he kissed her. She felt so confused, she just felt so relieved at seeing him alive, she couldn't even imagine how to bring up the weird feelings she was having. She had been gradually having the realisation that for as long as she could remember, she had defined herself through guys. Who she was dating, who she had a crush on, getting them to like her, sex. Who was she without them? Did she even know...
"Do you remember what you said to me last night?" He asked softly, facing away from her with his head down.
"No, I was pretty out of it. What was it?" she asked nervously.
"You told me your feelings for me had changed while I was away, is it true?" he turned around and looked at her then, leaning back against the stove with arms folded. They stared at each other, and the silence grew. Caroline agonised over what to say. How could you say that to someone who loved you, when you just found out they weren't dead! It was despicable and wrong and awful and it was the only thing she could think of saying now.
"Tyler, I still love you, I do. It's just that you were gone so long, and so many things happened while you were away. And I was alone. I know it's not your fault, you were doing what you had to do, but it doesn't change the fact that I couldn't reach you, and I needed you. I think it broke my heart a little bit."
"I understand Caroline, I let you down. You deserve better than that."
"Tyler, you didn't let me down, I know that you were doing it for me! It's just been so hard, everything, life. I still can't begin to process what's happened to Elena, that Klaus is dead and we aren't all dead! That you aren't. I need to be honest with you and myself. Something has changed, though what exactly it is I'm not sure yet. I just need some time. Don't think for one second I can imagine my life without you. I'm just... being selfish I guess... but it's what I need. My life has changed so much, I need to figure myself out, what I want, who I am now.
He smiled "Of course Caroline, you have an immortal life, me too, we have forever to be together, if it's what we want. I'm sorry it took me so long to come back to you and you suffered." He placed the omelette before he sat across from her and rested his elbows on the chair back.
"May I ask one thing? Is there someone else?" He asked gently, not seeming angry or frustrated as was his usual reaction.
"No!" she cried.
"Whoa!" he held his hands up as if being attacked "I just mean, I saw the picture that Klaus drew you, why did you keep it?"
Caroline blushed, dipped her head "Why not? It isn't hurting anyone. It seems sad to me. I know he did awful things to all of us, to you... but he was a person once, who tried to keep his family together, like we are trying to do. If it came down to it, what wouldn't Damon and Stephan do for Elena? What wouldn't she do for us? There is no black and white... only shades of grey. And after living so long, alone, maybe it's ok for someone to remember him. The man, not the monster." she kept her head lowered, scared of Tyler's reaction to such controversial statements. These kind of sentiments weren't exactly easily accepted by her friends. But more than anything, with everything they'd been through, it had caused her to question a lot of things.
"I'm surprised you think like that." Tyler started slowly. "I'm not angry, I understand. It's you Caroline, you are so warm and encompassing. You see light in the darkest places and make people want to be better. I think he'd like that, to know that you will remember him. In fact I think it's all he'd want." Raising her head she met Tyler's gaze full on and was surprised by the look he was giving her. His eyes seemed to shine, and he held it for a few beats, before looking down and clearing his throat.
"Tyler, are you OK" she reached out and touched his arm, he placed his hand over hers and smiled.
"I'm fine. I'm great. I agree with everything you said. We do need time. Time when our lives aren't in danger to understand our feelings. We've both been through so much."
"You aren't upset?" she asked apprehensively.
"No, on the contrary, I think it's just what we need." Another forehead kiss and this time she leaned into it and wrapped her arms around him.
"You are different. I can feel it. You seem more... peaceful." she searched for the word that attempted to describe the change in Tyler. Leaning back to see her face, he gently ran his thumb along her jawline and tucked her hair behind her ear, the gesture was familiar from last night.
"That would be your influence, now, don't you have school to go to?"
A week passed and life started to resemble something like normality. Nothing further had been heard from the Original family since Klaus was killed, however Damon thought Rebekah was still living in the old mansion.
Over the last few days she had seen Tyler often, just as friends, nothing physical and they hadn't resumed their previous relationship yet. She found herself really enjoying just spending time together. Part of the problem before, she'd realised was their bond had become purely physical. Under the constant threat of death and pain, only their physical joining had kept them going and together. Now, she felt as though she was getting to know him for the first time and he was a revelation.
"It's like, he has all these interests and knowledge I never knew he had. He's like so interesting and intense. And funny!" Caroline chattered as she warmed two mugs of blood in the microwave. She preferred to drink it cold, but Elena was still craving blood of the human jugular variety, so best to simulate it as closely as possible.
"But, it's Tyler... the jock, the party guy. I guess he must have hid it pretty well before. And you aren't feeling like taking the relationship back to the previous... stage?" Elena wiggled her eyebrows and giggled. It looked weird and girlish as her eyes darkened in reaction to the scent of the blood.
"No! Well, I mean of course, it's hard. He's just so hot! And every time we talk and hang out and I get to see more of the amazing guy he is... it's harder to stop myself from just... jumping on him. But he is being so gentlemanly. It's like everything we've been through has made him respect me more or something."
"Wow, looks like he has really changed..."
"Who's changed?" Bonnie interrupted as she wandered into the room carrying magazines and a her nail kit.
"Tyler" Elena supplied as Bonnie sat down opposite her on the couch.
"He's grown up a lot. He treats me like a princess." Caroline handed Elena her lunch and flopped down on an overstuffed armchair. "I'm thinking maybe it's time to take it to the next level..." she joked suggestively.
"No! Caroline! You decided to take it slow!" Bonnie sat up and said forcefully.
Caroline and Elena both stared at Bonnie, surprised by her sudden outburst.
"OK Bonnie, chill out, just saying... geez, it wouldn't be the worst thing, it's not like I haven't been there before."
"I know, Caroline, it's just you said... and if you change your mind already, maybe he'll stop respecting you. Anyway, how do you mean he's changed? In what ways?" Bonnie asked before burying her head and filing her nails.
"Well... for one, he is always asking me for my opinion on things, what do I want to do... what do I think... feel... It makes me feel like... totally more interesting than I am!" Caroline laughed, and smiled to herself, lost in thoughts of the past days she'd spent with him. She looked up to find Bonnie watching her warily.
"And.." Bonnie asked.
"And... he's always bringing me home and picking me up, like he hasn't realised we aren't in danger anymore either. It's also about the stuff he doesn't do anymore... no more team sports which was such a part of him before. He seems to have outgrown all that stuff. Though, he still draws..."
"Wait... the jock, Tyler Lockwood draws?" Bonnie asked disbelievingly.
"Yeah, I remember Jeremy telling me that awhile ago, said he was pretty good." Elena said as she rooted around in the kit.
"He IS good" Caroline reinforced. "Though... it's weird..."
"What is?" Bonnie asked quickly.
"Well, sometimes, I think some weird part of Klaus remained in Tyler when he died. His drawings look so familiar, like the ones that he showed me at the ball. Unless Tyler just saw them and they influenced him or something... " Caroline laughed self consciously and looked down, embarrassed to talk about Klaus in front of Elena and Bonnie.
"Caroline, you can say Klaus's name you know. I'm over it. Anyway, in the end he didn't even kill me. I ended up dying the natural way. The worst part of Klaus was him wanting my blood, which isn't even an issue anymore. And, he always treated you differently... any girl would have to be made of stone not to be flattered by that kind of attention from someone like him."
"Did you like it?" Bonnie asked Caroline softly. Caroline hung her head, focusing on her nails and confessed something she felt uncomfortable with.
"I don't know, maybe a little. With Tyler gone and my father...I felt so abandoned, scared of my life and my future. I thought I would go mad, alone forever. But he made it sound OK, exciting maybe...like maybe my life could still be good, like maybe I am enough on my own" As soon as she said it she waited for the judgment from her friends. Her feelings about Klaus were a confusing tangle of pain, fear, flattery and confusion. She didn't want to start picking them apart and was doing her best to just forget about him, his compliments and starey eyes.
"Well" Elena said softly "If there's anything I've learned from Stephan and Damon and now... myself is that good and bad aren't so clear cut. We would like to think that it is, but somewhere down the line someone always has to suffer. He was a bad person... because he was more evil than us on the inside? Or because he'd had more and more years, hundreds of them wearing away his humanity. He could be Stephan or Damon 1000 years from now if things went differently..."
"I know, I thought I was the only one who thought like that... that it made me a bad person." Caroline said softly.
"Caroline! Look at Damon when he first came to Mystic Falls... he was the one we were all afraid of, and Ripper Stephan, would we ever have thought that they were worth saving? Redeemable?"
A sudden knock at the door brought her back to Elena's sitting room and her impending date with Tyler.
"Where is he taking you?" Bonnie asked as she shrugged her coat on and pulled her fingers through her curly blond hair.
"I don't know, he won't tell me... surprises, that's another new thing." Caroline smiled and she turned to her friends as she pulled open the big door.
"Caroline. You look lovely." Tyler said as his face lit up, seeing her at the door.
"Why thank you." she dimpled at him, their eye contact speaking volumes. His gaze seemed so magnetic she couldn't pull her eyes away.
She finally noticed the big bouquet of flowers he held in his hands. Exquisite black red roses, bound with black and white ribbon.
"Are those for me?" she asked eagerly.
"Actually, they're for the lady of the house." He grin was chagrined and slightly apologetic.
"Oh" Caroline turned aside to let him into the house.
"Tyler, thank you very much, these are beautiful." Elena sniffed the flowers and started towards the kitchen to get a vase. "Caroline want to help me?"
"Sure" Caroline said as she followed Elena through to the kitchen where she was sorting through vases above the sink. Finding a square cut glass one she straightened and looked at Caroline.
"Flowers... new thing?" she asked running water. "New thing" confirmed Caroline as she snipped the ends off the roses.
"Adorable" Elena sighed as she started to tip the flower food into the water, "I know some people who could take a leaf out of the new and improved Tyler handbook."
"Oh really, which one...?" asked Caroline mischievously.
In the sitting room Bonnie waited until she heard Caroline and Elena speaking
"It's ready. I can put you back, Rebekah and I have it all planned."
"Oh do you? That's great. I am wearing of this body. Though, it does have it's advantages..." he drifted off as his eyes strayed to the kitchen where light laughter could be heard.
"Klaus, Caroline doesn't know anything, not really. She just thinks Tyler has changed a lot. She can't know, ever. Don't forget the deal."
"I haven't love, don't worry, soon this big bad wolf will be out of his sheep's clothing and free in the world again. Free to..."
"Free to what?" Bonnie asked sharply
"I don't think that's anything to concern yourself over. You just worry about getting me back into my body safely, unless you want to lose all your friends in one fell swoop with my bloodline."
They sat opposite each other and Bonnie watched him closely. He had changed so much, since Bonnie knew the truth it was difficult not to see Klaus when she looked at him. His mannerisms, expressions and language were so similar to Klaus's, not that she had ever spent that much time with before. But now, she after spending some time with him as Tyler, she had to reluctantly confess that he had surprised her. He had been great with Caroline, never pushed the boundaries or taken advantage. If anytime, spending time with him, she had blossomed. Bonnie couldn't remember ever seeing her happier. Bonnie thought about that would happen when their bodies switched back, when Tyler was just himself again. Would Caroline feel lost and abandoned again?
Bonnie shivered when she thought of where she might find the comfort she was missing...