FINAL EPISODE: PART THREE

You couldn't stop it now

There's no way to get out

He's standing far too near

How the hell did you get in here

Semi-naked in somebody else's room

I'd give my whole life to see it

Just you

stood there

only in your underwear

-- "Underwear" Pulp

The rain pours now, clattering against the steel roofs over the chinese soup places. There is still some neon flickering there, casting a garish red light against Naruto's soaked face. He pauses by the steps up to the raised bus station, and pauses when he hears the footsteps racing behind him. It's Sasuke, and Naruto doesn't really want to turn and see him, but he does anyways. "I don't know if I really want to talk about this right now, Sasuke."

"Talk about what?" Sasuke stops, breathing heavily. He must have sprinted the entire way here. "I was-- I was having a cigarette."

"Yeah. You were smoking. I was wondering where the hell you were and you were busy, fucking-- smoking, Sasuke. At a party, which I'll remind you, you were attending with me. Like-- god, it was like finding you masturbating in there or something-- And you had to just go off and do it without telling me-- Hiding it--"

"I can go have a smoke if I want to, Naruto!"

"Why didn't -- why didn't you tell me?"

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me you were going to have a smoke? Why didn't you go outside like a normal person instead of skulking around the bathroom fan?"

"Why would I tell you?"

"What?"

"You hate it when I smoke. So why--?"

"So you were-!"

"What?"

"Hiding it. You were hiding it from me."

"No, I wasn't."

"So why didn't you tell me? You said-- you said you were going for another drink. Why didn't -- why didn't you say you were going -- I can't-- Sasuke, I can't talk about this right now. I'm too angry at you. I'm not even sure why I'm so angry at you right now."

"So get it out. Tell me why you're angry!"

"I don't like fighting with you, Sasuke!"

"You sure seem eager enough!"

"Go away."

"What do you have against me smoking?"

"What, besides the obvious?"

"I can smoke if I want to, Naruto. It's my decision."

"Well, I don't like you doing it!"

"And that's what matters, right? I mean, god forbid I make a right decision in this relationship! Everything I say you have to argue against it!"

"I don't--"

"I'll smoke if I want to!"

"Then go smoke!"

The ultimate conundrum. Sasuke wants Naruto to be happy with him, but he knows you shouldn't have to change yourself in a relationship. It isn't healthy. Your lover should love you for who you are. He knows this, but it still aches as he watches Naruto vanish into the rain. It would be so easy just to give in and quit. But--

"It shouldn't be an issue," he mutters. "And it's my choice."

Then, as the neon lights near him flicker off and plunge into into rainy streetlight, he says, "Fuck."

ooo

Daylight comes in through Iruka's windows and his alarm goes off. He swings out of bed, plods into the bathroom and takes a shower. He selects his clothes, carefully, examines himself in the mirror. There is green dappled light coming into the bathroom, the sunshine filtering through the tree outside that stubbornly refuses to lose its leaves to the autumn. Iruka brushes his teeth, stands back, proclaims himself dressed and ready to start the day.

He goes downstairs, taking the steps one at a time, and finds Orochimaru standing by the sink in the kitchen, wearing an apron, washing dishes.

"This is not happening to me," Iruka says. "What-- What are you doing here?"

Orochimaru looks up in surprise, looks down at the sink full of dishes, and looks up again. Slowly he says, "Doing... the dishes?"

"I can see that, yeah."

"Good. Thought maybe something had gone wrong with your eyes."

"Why are you here washing dishes?"

"Thought I'd help around the house."

"How long have you been here?"

"In the kitchen?"

"In the house."

"A couple nights, I guess. I was thinking of making you go CD shopping. You have nothing here that's sung by Sid Vicious, do you?"

"Get out of my house now."

"Well, I can't. I can't really go shopping, being an ephemeral wraith and all."

"Get out!"

"Indoor voice, please, Iruka. You'll wake up Naruto."

A pause. "Naruto's here? He's home? He was supposed to be staying over at--"

"Came home last night."

"Huh. Well then. Can you get out please?"

Orochimaru looks back at the dishes, then back at Iruka. "No."

ooo

It is a rare autumn day in the park, and Shikamaru lies on the grass, staring at the blue sky, watching fluffy clouds. There are still some leaves in the air; a few drift by him in the lazy breeze. Peter Frampton is singing out of a cell phone sitting next to his head and Ino is resting her head on his chest.

"This is nice," he says.

"The day?" Ino says.

"No. Just this. Just-- relaxing."

"It's just lying in the park."

"Well, it's nice."

"You don't just go-- lie in the park sometimes?"

"No. I rarely, you know, relax. In general."

"Because of Jugo and them."

"Yeah."

The other night, Shikamaru had taken Ino to a restaurant on the edge of town. He'd ordered the veal, and she had ordered the lamb. He had excused himself, walked into the bathroom and washed his hands. As he did, a frightened and filthy Sasori, Deidara and Kabuto had wrenched themselves out of the mirror and landed in a pile on the ground.

"Really, guys," Shikamaru had said, drying his hands. "I can think of so many ways for you to wreck my date, but pulling yourself out of an alternate universe to do it-- well, that's just malevolent."

"Maybe not just Jugo," he says to Ino, caressing her hands. "I just-- every day I get up and read the newspaper and see all the shit that's happening--"

"And you feel responsible?"

"I feel like I need to fix it, yeah."

"But now?"

"Well, I'm trying. I'm here relaxing with you, right?"

"That's true. You are making an effort."

They hear it before they see it. It's a limo, crashing through the park, skidding over tree roots, and tearing up dirt. Ino leaps to her feet, but Shikamaru just lies there, watching the car sliding up to him. The tire stops inches away from his face.

"Hey!" Ino shouts. "You almost killed us!"

The door opens and a woman steps out, steps lightly and gracefully across the grass. Shikamaru sees her shoes first: elegant red flats. He looks up and can't see her features, the sunlight turning her into a silhouette. But he can see the blonde hair.

"Boss," he says.

"Jugo said you'd be here."

"He likes to ruin my dates."

"Well, I'm sorry." She leans forward and Shikamaru sees her dress open slightly, revealing the curve of preternatural breasts. "I'm here to oversee the collection of Naruto."

Shikamaru gets to his feet, brushes off his clothes and looks at Ino. "Ino, this is my employer, the leader of Atkatsuki." He smiles. "Miss Tsunade."

Miss Tsunade nods to Ino. "Charmed."

ooo

Wake up time.

As he showers, Naruto thinks about calling Sasuke, but decides against it. He had gone to bed angry; he's still angry now and he didn't want to be angry at Sasuke. Things were said that he wants to apologize for but not now, not when his being mad still lurks at the pit of his stomach. After the shower, he pulls on his orange tracksuit. Time for a run.

He heads downstairs and passes by the kitchen on the way to the door. "Going out for a run, Iruka."

"Have you had breakfast yet?" a voice says.

Pause. Naruto turns at the sound of the voice.

The Sex Pistols are playing from the kitchen. Naruto can hear the clink of pots and pans. He backpedals and glances into the kitchen, sees Orochimaru frying bacon and eggs. There are halved grapefruit on the table in front of a defeated-looking Iruka, who is reading a newspaper.

"I feel so domestic!" Orochimaru chirps.

"No, I don't-- Naruto says, backing up. "I-- Huh. I'm heading out."

"Have fun," Iruka says, scowling into his newspaper.

"Don't get into trouble!" Orochimaru calls.

"Er," Naruto says, fumbling with the doorknob. "Right."

This is going to be a weird day, he thinks, and he starts his run up the street.

ooo

Haku is sitting at the school track, drawing a picture in his sketchbook. His little metal spider clatters over his shoulder, stares down at the picture, looks up, then scuttles into the boy's shirt. Haku smiles, looks up, sees Naruto running along the track ahead. He leans back, falling over onto the grass, looking up at the sky. Ah, Zabuza, he thinks; ah, Mizuki, if only you knew how to do it right.

Naruto is running along the track, nearing him. Haku sits up, calls to him, waving. Naruto sees him, recognition flashing in his eyes. He changes course, running off course onto the grass. "Haku!" he says. "Hey."

"Hey you," Haku says. "What you doing up around here? I thought only nerds like me hang around at school."

"Just doing--" Naruto wipes sweat off his brow. "-- some running."

"It looks like fun."

"What are you doing there? Drawing?"

"Yeah. It's my hobby. I-- Heck, I wouldn't say I'm very good. Just sketching the trees over there."

"Jesus."

"Hm?"

"Those are almost-- those are really good."

"Photorealism's something I've been working on." He shrugs. "I don't know. I've been trying to get a gallery together in the city, but you know, being a student and all-- well, the university was maybe willing... How long you planning on running around?"

"What? Oh, I don't know. A little while longer probably."

Haku smiles. "I've got some shoes in my locker in the school. I'll come out and join you."

ooo

Knock, knock, knock.

I shouldn't be here, Sasuke thinks, looking around; Naruto should've been in my bed when I woke up. We shouldn't have fought last night. Shit. What had gotten into him? It's just a fucking cigarette. Urg--

He feels sick. He frequently feels ill these days, remembering the way he had hated everything. Just standing there as that boiling conduit for all that anger... it made him feel like he was bottling everything up ever since. Even when he shouts or rages now, it is never enough. He hates the way he hates; how much he hates. But there's Naruto. He doesn't hate Naruto.

The door opens.

What. The. Fuck.

"Oh," Orochimaru says, wiping a wet pot. "It's you, you little shithead. Naruto's not here."

"What are you doing here?"

"I get asked that so often. Come on in. If you want to wait for the little fuck, you can help dry the dishes."

And as they dry the dishes, they start talking, Sasuke mainly explaining about the fight.

"So I don't know-- I don't know what to do," Sasuke says.

"About?"

"About Naruto."

"Oh yeah. Narutard. Well, I've had a lot of lovers in my time, kid. A lot of them. Brown, red, yellow, white; sometimes six at a time--"

"This conversation is rapidly getting on the uncomfortable side."

"What I'm trying to say (if you'd let me) is that relationships take work. And sometimes--"

"I know that. I know they take work!"

"So you kids had a fight. What the fuck. You're, what, sixteen? Seventeen? Yeah, you're prime candidates for a responsible, mature, lasting relationship."

"Don't say things like that."

"Things like what?"

"Like that. I just-- I just want this relationship to last as long as possible."

"Yeah. Well. Good luck."

"People marry their high school sweethearts all the time."

"Yeah. But most don't." He sets dishes down into the sink with a clattering racket. "Know why? You guys-- Listen to me, I used to be a scholar--"

"Yeah, what did you study?"

"Snakes. Death. Poison. Martial arts. Snakes. More snakes. Herpetology. The occult. Pederasty."

"Ew."

"Kidding about that last one."

"How academic."

"Still. Scholar here. Listen-- you jerks aren't even into your twenties yet."

"So?"

"So? So that's when people start to change-- really start the change; start to discover themselves. Shit like that."

"And?"

"And that's when relationships are most likely to fail. You court someone for a while, then find out that you're a difference person. So--"

"So why can't someone change in a way so they still want to be together?"

A pause. "Well, they can. But considering all the different ways you can change, it's kind of a shot in the dark, isn't it?"

"You're a pessimist."

"Are you kidding me? Remember how long I sent you dinner invitations? That was nothing but dyed-in-the-wool idealism right there."

"What are we listening to?"

"The music? It's a Serge Gainsbourg album."

"You would listen to Serge Gainsbourg."

"The hell does that mean?"

"Well-- what should I do?"

"You're asking me relationship advice? Sasuke, you're talking to a guy whose last three girlfriends liked to drape asps around their necks and engage in venomplay."

"Venomplay?"

"Yeah, you know, where during sex a snake bites you and your lover has to suck the venom out from the wound--"

"Let's talk about something else please."

"Is it raining outside?"

"No. It's really sunny-- there's a window right there-!"

"Oh well. I love thunderstorms."

"So what is it like?"

"What?"

"What's it like to be dead?"

"Like having your television set to static all the time."

"What?"

"Honestly? It's like perpetually waiting for a bus, but when the bus pulls up, you hide in the bushes until it leaves."

"Oh."

"Wait, even better: it's like being caught in the rain under a train tunnel, and instead of going out in the wet you just stay there waiting for it to stop."

"I'm not sure I understand you."

"You're sixteen. I'm surprised you don't constantly have an expression of completely bafflement on your face."

"Seventeen."

"Ooh, like that extra year makes a difference."

"So, if you had destroyed the world, what would you have done?"

"I dunno. Laughed a lot probably."