Ch 06

Darkness. Some are scared of it. Some embrace it. Wufei was in neither of these categories. It simply was there surrounding him and he existed in it. Unable to see, unable to be distracted, only to feel in the nothingness.

The first day he raged, slamming his hands against the steel door at the injustice of the situation. Banging echoing in the hall and filling his room. The guards gave up trying to get him to stop by pounding back. How could this have happened? T deserved it. And he was not supposed to be rotting in jail. How could the others not come? How could Quatre blatantly lie the previous week and even withdraw his support through lawyers?

Oh yes, Wufei had been furious the first day and it lasted for the entire first week. Wufei's hands hadn't hurt that much since the first week of his training so long ago. Then at the end of the first week the guards had said that no, Wufei had not had any visitors that week again.

Wufei closed in on himself then. When someone came to deliver food, if they looked inside, they would see him huddled in the corner. No intentions of moving and not really acknowledging the arrival of food or the room or reality or the darkness.

In fact Wufei stopped eating that week from depression and no longer caring what would happen. Because Wufei was crushed mentally. No matter how mad he had been before, there had always been that little hope inside that no the pilots didn't actually turn him in because 'they thought it was right', but because there was a master plan or they needed him on the inside or...something.

But in fact they didn't need him. He was here to rot. And there was no way they were ever coming for him.

By the third week, Wufei had started eating again. More because his body demanded it then anything. Plus it was not very honorable to commit suicide even if it was slowly by hunger strike. It was something that Wufei couldn't stamp out of his personality. His ideas and morals were too far ingrained in him to change. After eating he would return to his corner and stay that way. The guard came once again to let him know he had no visitors. Wufei no longer waited for the guard to give him the news. He knew there would be no one.

He was numb. Through and through. His mind shut down and his body was on autopilot. There was nothing for him to do, but stay limp.

The fourth week not much had changed. He had been in the black cell for a month. No visits had been reported. Wufei stopped thinking about the past entirely. He had decided to disown it, abandon it like life had abandoned him. It was at the end of this week that something changed.

His mind was still blank and his body was still on autopilot, eating when it was hungry. What changed was that to pass the time, he started doing pushups and situps again. Another instinct trained into him. Maintain fitness. Eat sleep. Maintain fitness.

It caused him to reawaken. He had something to focus on, because his past was empty, all he had left was the future.

By week five he was finally starting to think of what he was going to do once he was out of solitary. He needed to get out of jail, but he would settle for short term plans as well. His strategy of being cool and aloof had failed him. It put too much pressure on him to maintain constantly.

Perhaps it was time for him to embrace the inner violence. It felt wonderful to give in; felt it during the fight with T. And undoubtedly he always had it under the surface simmering. Often it would be contained not unleashed. That is what he had been trained to do his entire life. Contain. Do not give up control for a second.

But he was starting to think that was all wrong.

Week six Wufei had decided to react to other prisoners if he had too, possibly even if he didn't. He still wanted to be on good terms with the warden, but that did not necessarily mean he couldn't play by the other inmates games. He would have to put kiddy gloves on of course, but...

Finally he could feel it. Peace of mind. Emptiness that wasn't from numbness or attempting to block his thoughts. He had come to a decision and all he could feel was peace. A peace he had never quite felt before. And the darkness wasn't simply there anymore. The extended time existing in the darkness gave it life gave it compassion and a feeling of home. A feeling that Wufei embraced.

He had decided to give in. Give in to nature and its desire to tear things apart at the seams. He would flow through events like water and if something was to arise that stood in his way, he would destroy it.

No more was he watching out for the weak among them. No longer would he concern himself with the innocent or sinful, moral or immoral, honorable or dishonorable.

Everything would be on his rules. If it benefited him he would do it, regardless of the consequences.

Week seven was simple to traverse. The darkness was his comfort. The fitness kept him focused. His plans gave him conviction. And the waiting fed his rage.

Finally, there was a knock at the door. He shielded his eyes from the light. Looking up slowly he saw the guard, holding his sidearm at the ready looking cautious. They hadn't seen him for two months, only the empty tray of food as a signal that he was still alive.

Wufei stood and approached the door. He was ready to leave the darkness. It had given him clarity, now it was time to instill the principle he was going to live by. Only live for himself.

TBC