Failure. Failure? That single word was skipping like a broken record worse than Naruto when I punched him across a spring that time we traveled to Yugakure, Land of Hot Water. It wouldn't stop replaying throughout my mind. Failure to Kakashi-sensei wasn't an option; Had I ever seen you fail?

The dread that was building in my belly since the moment I was summoned by my Lady was beginning to reach its culmination. Spreading slowly through my veins like a ravenous poison; A poison that had me frozen in place. My throat was clenched so tight that, I can honestly say, I am surprised I didn't pass out from lack of oxygen.

This poison, that was brewed somewhere between my gut and heart, hurt like no other.

I wish, once again, to share with you how I stood there with every fiber of my being composed. My eyes stayed in place, staring out into the light less sky, the stars with their bright, guiding light and sweet smiles, were absent this night; Clouded by fresh tears that had only begun to coat the land. I pretended to watch as lightning once again danced across the sky.

I know why not a word was spoken until some imaginary designated time limit was up; Well I thought I knew. At the moment, my cynical mind conjured up multiple excuses for why Tsunade hadn't continued; One of the first ones was for the melodramatic effect. I did not know that she was giving me time to absorb all of the meanings that accompanied the news of your comrade failing a mission and not being present while said news was being given. For how fast my mind was racing, it was absorbing about as much as an already wet towel.

I am a ninja dammit, I remember thinking to myself and inwardly scolding. My legs still had not stopped trembling since I began my trek to the Hokage's office. My hands still felt numb, but were now clenched, sickened from the feeling of sweat building upon them. I wondered what color the poison growing with fervor would be, if I had to choose, as I felt the dread start to begin its descent. I felt sluggish, but at the same time my senses were on fire.

My heart was hammering in my chest. For sure, the time had come; Either I have a heart attack from the anticipation or the news, this I did not know.

I ripped my eyes away from the window, half expecting it to shatter from how hard my eyes had seemingly been glued to the glass. I couldn't bear to let my eyes rove over Shizune's face; Torn with pain and streaked with wet trails of her feelings.

Locking eyes with my master, honey embraced jade. Finally it started to seep into my being; My brain started to work, gears turning at top speed. My realization came too late to prepare my trembling legs, clenched fists, and booming heart. Honey seemed to reach out to me, trying to wrap me in a cocoon of safety; Trying to shield me from the blow that was inevitably about to come from her.

Hatake Kakashi of the Village Hidden in the Leaves, she rasped out, while trying to desperately not show her emotional involvement in the situation, as empathetic hands continued to crush her desk. Has been eliminated...no body has been found, she finished with eyes desperate to show me how much she didn't wish to share this information with me.

No words. I was strangling on my heart that jumped into my throat. I had the distinct taste of acid, which I identified as shock, upon my tongue; Not the type of shock that I longed to experience upon seeing you standing there, alive. My legs no longer trembled because I'd fallen to the ground, on my knees. The dread finished its descent and plummeted to hell, bringing me with it; Except I stopped when I reached the carpeted floor.

I could no longer hear due to the heart that was malfunctioning in my throat. Thoughts slowed, unlike the poison now racing in my veins, coating every inch of my insides in dread; A dread that weighed more than anything that I could ever describe to you. This poison, if it had a color...would be silver.

My eyes were broken; I could not feel tears leaking out of me akin to how they fell from the sky, and I could not see anything besides silver hair. My throat was broken; I could not scream, because my heart was stuck in my throat. My ears were broken; I couldn't hear Shizune and Tsunade as they called to me...all I could hear was my heart. My body was broken and numb; I could not feel the warm, gentle hands as they picked me up off of the floor.

I slowly came back into myself, only enough to stare past my master. My stare passed their worried faces, and moving mouths; Asking if I could hear them and pleading with me to respond. I stared out into the raging storm, another boom of thunder reached my ears and in an instant I was bolting from the office; The thunder was calling for me.

As soon as I made it outside, a million and one needles pierced my skin. Rain pelted me as I took off, the freezing chill that sank all the way to the bone did not bother me as I ran. I wished for the needles to pierce straight through my pain; Straight through my heart, to stop the pain.

How could I lose you? How many times had I been in battle with you and had never witnessed you fall? My sensei couldn't be dead. My...friend couldn't be dead.

Eliminated. Eliminated? Eliminated? Eliminated! Eliminated. Eliminated. The word resounded through my head over and over, never once stopping; Even when I did not understand what word I was repeating in my mind anymore. No thoughts at all and every thought I'd ever had about you surrounded my mind in a blizzard, my feet knew where they were going but I did not.

I continued to run as I could feel the poison building up; Soon, I knew, it would beg to be let out. My frozen legs carried me all the way to the training grounds. I gazed upon the now muddied land; Broken tree branches lay strewn on the ground like limbs I'd seen that had been severed and lost during battle. My adrenaline pumped legs continued their journey into the training grounds; Only stopping once I reached my destination.

There it was, sitting there, always unmoving; Like a lighthouse on a cold, fogged winter's night shining its eternal light to guide wayward vessels home. There it sat, it possessed the color of a black diamond or possibly even the deepest onyx with it's edges being as sharp as the sharpest kunai knives. There it sat, beckoning wayward ninja and civilian alike to its presence, a beacon of remembrance. The memorial stone.

I let out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding. I lost someone close to me, never before had I been impacted like this. I lost someone that penetrated through the wall of just being an acquaintance. I lost someone that penetrated through the wall of just being my teacher. I lost someone who broke down the wall, with a blazing chidori, of just being a friend. I lost someone who I let get close to me; Someone I got close to in return. I lost you. I lost you and realized I cared about you more than I'd known before.

Numb fingers cut through the rain and made their way to the back of my head. My roseate locks felt heavy and sagged in my hands as they snaked and weaved throughout the rat's nest. Finding the maroon colored knot with my slim and nimble digits, I tugged. Ninja were not supposed to do was I was about to, so tonight...I was not a ninja.

I sank to my knees, mud making a sloshing noise that seemed severely insignificant compared to the pouring needles and the calling of the thunder. I allowed myself to do what I could not in the presence of my master. A fog crept over my vision, my eyesight muddled as the poison continued to build. The fog dissipated as I felt hot fire make its way down my ghostly pale cheeks; The telltale sign that distinguished teardrop from raindrop.

Though the poison that was my dread and sadness was seeping out through my eyes, it was not enough. I looked upon the Hidden Leaf emblem and remembered a time when you were such an enigma to me that you frightened me instead of bringing a warming sense of comfort. My eyes burned with anguish and sorrow as I remembered the note you left, your horrible chicken scratch and most importantly...that you said you would miss me.

I was aware of my sullied clothing, but I did not care. I remember the feeling of the cold rain upon my face that was trying so desperately to come up with some sort of flush to accompany my scorching tears. Lightning struck in the distance, barely illuminating the part of the forest where my desolate form resided. I released a pathetic whimper as I punched the ground, no chakra reinforced my fist; I wanted to feel the pain.

I looked up and out into the darkness, my eyes clouded over with unshed tears. Another bolt of lightning flashed much closer this time, an eery glow surrounded the area I was in for a split second, followed by a loud cry of raging thunder. I saw mangled trees, that were obviously struck by wind or some other force, when the light was cast upon the clearing. I saw severed limbs of trees laying motionless in the mud as the light reached where I was mourning. I saw a form when the light encompassed my little section of sorrow.

There, leaning right in front of me, was a form. Braced upon the memorial stone was the battered body of what appeared to be a man, obviously a shinobi. My eyes roved the form which was still covered in blood, an incredible feat considering the amount of rain, this man looked near death. As my eyes lingered on the bloody, gaping hole that was supposed to be the man's torso, I noticed something. I noticed a shock of silver and that was all it took to shoot my eyes up to the, barely, masked face of a man whose silver hair was drenched by the rain, almost unrecognizable due to the staining of blood and sagged over his covered left eye.

Is this real? I could barely spit the words out because, once again, my heart implanted itself to the seemingly raw walls of my throat. Not waiting for an answer, not because I didn't want to, but because I simply would die if I didn't, I flung myself towards the man with half a foot in his grave. A cry of anguish was your only response when you gave me a pained, Yes...i'm also in a lot of real pain, was only croaked due to the amount of force with which I was squeezing your abdomen.

I paid no mind to the fact that this was the first time I had ever been so intimate with you. The only thing I paid attention to was the fact that you were here and not lost. I cried out to you, my soul hoping to reach yours. I cried and told you I didn't know if you were coming back. I screamed in sorrow that I lost you, Kakashi, not with sensei, just Kakashi, and that the Hokage told me you were dead. My hoarse throat cried out about what a stupid man you were to make me think you were dead.

Raising a bloodied hand, you brought it up until it rested at the back of my head; Where it stayed as you finally returned my embrace. Bringing your other hand to one of my fists that moved to clench your demolished jonin shirt, you bestowed upon me, a gift. Staring with wide, still leaking eyes, I tasted shock in my mouth once again as I realized what your gift was. Your romance novel stared back at me, without as much enthusiasm of course, as I told you that I would never give it back and I would probably burn it. Your eyes creased when you replied that you knew, I buried my head in your bleeding chest and cried once more.

It was an unspoken oath, you would always come back to me to retrieve your prized possession. The tears finally stopped when you suggested that we stop by the hospital before I helped you to your apartment; I laughed because you must really have been banged up if you were suggesting the hospital.