Moonlight beamed through the massive hole in the corner of the ceiling in Cullen's room. Part of the roof had begun to cave with age, as well as decay. Although Skyhold was nearly repaired, he left his make-shift skylight alone. It wasn't directly over his bed, plus a tree branch helped shield the interior from the weather. The commander lay on his back in his bed gazing up at the sky. A sharp pain behind his eyes, restlessness, uncontrollable shaking- all were effects of lyrium withdrawal. There would be no sleeping tonight, he knew. THUD! There was a pause. THUD! It sounded again. Sitting up at once, he peered around his chamber. Oddly, the sound was resonating from the roof.
"Anyone there?" Cullen, not expecting a reply, called out weakly. 'The noise probably came from some animal...' he reasoned.
"Oh! Sorry! I slipped," answered a female voice.
"Lady Inquisitor? Are you on the roof?" he called up to her.
"Um... yes. I'll meet you in your office. I can explain," Silvia called back, her footsteps echoing away. Dressing in a hurry, Commander Cullen hastily secured his armor breast plate, furry cloak, breeches, and boots. He climbed down to his office as fast as he could manage, although she had beaten him there. The inquisitor, leaning against his desk, gazed out the small window. The moonlight, the sole light in the room, lit up her face in a pale glow.
"Commander, I'm so sorry to disturb your rest," she apologized earnestly, turning her attention to him.
"It's quite alright. Is anything wrong? Why were you on the roof?" Cullen worried.
"No-no! Nothing is amiss!" Silva stammered, letting out a deep sigh before continuing, "I've gone to the roof a few times. You are aware of the tree nearby, right? I use that to climb down."
"You leave Skyhold? By yourself?" the commander questioned, frowning with worry.
"Yes, but I do not stray far. I can show you, if you like... but you don't have to-"
"I would be more than happy to accompany you. I'd prefer you not go alone," he interrupted, heading toward the door without hesitation. Silvia Lavellan followed him, stunned into silence by his unexpected reply. She was expecting the commander to scold her for being awake at this hour or shoo her away. Outside, she approached the side of the battlements toward the wall of Cullen's office. Swiftly, the elf scaled the stone effortlessly- seemingly all in one motion. Never once did the rogue elf falter in her assent up the tower. A few pieces of mortar trickled down as she climbed, clinking on the stone of the battlements. Cullen stood with his mouth agape.
"Um... I can't..." Cullen uttered, scratching the back of his head. Silvia peeked over the side. "Go to your chambers. I have a rope!" she called down to him.
He made his way to the roof, pulling himself up with the rope Silvia had provided. She did not fail to notice that he had brought his sword. Cullen took a moment to catch his breath. "Follow me carefully," smiling as she spoke, Silvia moved to the nearby tree limb. The branch was strong and held her weight without bending as she, cautiously keeping her body low, slunk across. Giggling, she held out her hand. Cullen took hold, creeping along with one hand on the limb.
"That's... quite a ways down..." the general murmured.
"It's okay, I've got you," she reassured, squeezing his hand as he made his way. I know she can't possibly prevent my fall if I lose my footing... But Cullen relaxed at her reassuring touch. When the ex-templar reached the trunk, Silvia released his hand. "It is easier from here on," the Inquisitor stated as she stepped onto a lower branch.
"Let go! It's not that far," Silvia called up to him from the base of the tree. Hanging, Commander Cullen dangled from the last branch. Maker's breath, Why did I agree to this? The commander questioned as he closed his eyes and loosened his grip. Landing with uneven footing, he stumbled backwards into Lavellan, dragging them both to the ground.
"Lady Inquisitor! Are you-" Cullen began but was cut off.
"Haha! That wasn't so hard, was it?" Silvia laughed. Cullen arose and helped the Inquisitor to her feet. The full moon's light fell over them, bathing them in the white glow. They were in a small clearing that sloped down slightly. In the clearing, a sea of tall grasses waved softly in the night breeze, which smelled faintly of Embrium blossoms.
He followed Silvia through the field to a small creek, dotted with a few pine trees. "Well, this is it," she announced, sitting on a giant boulder that was partially embedded in the earth.
"Do you come to this place frequently?" the commander inquired, leaning against a tree.
"Only when I desire to forget my troubles for a while," she responded, laying down on the slab to gaze at the sky. Cullen, realizing the stabbing pain behind his eyes was intensifying, kneel down beside the creek. Cupping his hands, he brought the brisk water to his face. With this, the pain eased, and Cullen regained the ability to focus. Silence fell over them, with the single sound being of the rushing brook water.
"Um... what troubles you, if you don't mind my asking?" he inquired cautiously, not sure if he was intruding. Leisurely, Silvia sat up, meeting Cullen's gaze with a solemn expression.
The elf turned her attention towards a pebble on ground as she spoke, "If I were to say, I fear you may think ill of me."
"I view you in only the highest regards. I doubt anything would change that," the human male earnestly stated, taking a step toward her. Silvia Lavellan glanced up at him, biting her lip.
"The day I spoke about when I left for the conclave, I may not have been entirely truthful. And for that, I am truly sorry. It is a memory that haunts me- hurts me- even now," the female elf's eyes met Cullen's as she spoke, studying his expression for a sign of disdain, but she was only met with sympathy.
"I understand how you must feel. If you do not wish to talk about it, I won't press the matter."
"I wanted nothing more than to hide my pain- to forget all that had transpired. I cannot hide the past forever. You, of all people, deserve the truth," Silvia continued, her voice shaking, "In the forest that day-the day we found the wolf- we ventured further into the woods. We heard fighting in the distance. Kyllen wanted to turn back, but I continued on." Lavellan, taking a deep breath to compose herself, clenched her fists then stretched them out again.
"Kyllen followed me, of course, yelling that the both of us should return home. I disregarded him entirely. When the two of us reached the timberline, we discovered an immense battleground- between countless mages and templars. That's when the lighting struck me and blade ran through him- through Kyllen..." she paused for a moment, trying to hide her face by turning away. "I held him as he died. Kyllen's last words were 'I regret having ever met you, asha'harellan lath'din'-which means traitor woman no one loves," the elf choked out, tears streaming down her face. "I don't know why he thought that... that... maybe Kyllen thought I would lead a templar or mage group to the clan... or maybe he said the most hateful words he could think of before he..." Cullen approached the trembling elf and rested a hand on her shoulder. Silvia stood motionless, trying to quell the shaking, and then turned around slowly.
The commander spoke gravely, his voice a whisper, "Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that happened." Swiftly, and without warning, she took a step forward, burying her head in his fur lining of his cloak. Cullen, out of shock, stiffened for an instant.
"I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean-" the Herald, realizing what she was doing, attempted to pull back, but the commander then gently enveloped her in his arms. She buried her face into Cullen's cloak, gripping the fur between her fingers, and felt the comforting warmth from his body.
"None of it is true- the words Kyllen said, the... thing he called you... you know that, right?" he questioned warmly.
"It upsets me so because, in the back of my mind, I fear it might be," she answered, voice wavering as she continued, "My father and mother were from an alienage. Even though the Dalish took them in, they never were truly accepted. When they passed away, I suppose I inherited their distrust, and I knew it. I dreamed of leaving that life, and that is enough to be branded a traitor. I found out later, at camp, Kyllen was tasked by the keeper to make sure I stayed. He did not care for me."
"I cannot change what happened. I wish I could. What that elf said, I believe, is still not true. Why would the keeper want you to stay if he did not care? And there are people who care for you here- care about you," Cullen insisted, tightening his embrace. After several moments in silence, the trembling subsided. Silvia lifted her head, stepping back slightly to meet his gaze. Silvia's emerald eyes glistened in the pale glow of the moon, and tear-stained face gave way to a faint smile. And, for an instant, there was nothing in the world Cullen wanted more than to bring her soft pink lips to meet his. He promptly turned his attention to a small pebble on the ground and ran one hand through his hair.
"I-" was all he managed to say as she parted, walking to the creek bed. The Inquisitor bent down, washing her face.
The lady Inquisitor stood up, motioning with her hand for him to follow her as they made their way back to Skyhold. "I'm relieved. I've never told anyone what had happened. What you said... means a great deal to me. Thank you," she replied, a smile forming on her reddened face.
"You can talk to me anytime you like," the commander said, catching himself as he said a phrase all too familiar to someone he cared about long ago. The thought stung his memory, but he pushed it to the back of his mind.
Her goodbye was all too brief, and then she made her way to her bedchambers. He lay back down, head swimming with thoughts of her. And with a smirk on his lips, Cullen fell swiftly into a quiet sleep.